I originally wrote this for Patreon on June 24th 2017. I no longer use Patreon and have replaced it with my website (here) but thought I would share some of my old blogs with you for FREE to show my appreciation for you visiting my website! <3
The is today/tomorrow and oh gosh its bringing about a lot of change for me. It’s both scary and exciting, and I’m ready for it. I don’t think I’ve told you much about my “real” life outside of photography and modeling and want to share some of it with you. Since art doesn’t currently pay the bills and is a full time electrical engineering student, it has been essential for me to have a steady income. I’ve been working full time at a major healthcare system for nearly 5 years to support myself and my husband until he finishes his degree.
Well, working in healthcare kinda started killing my soul a little. Slowly.
The first 3 years I was working the front desk at a family practice. I loved my work family, (most of) our patients were so sweet, and the benefits were amazing.
The 4th year I was promoted to the referral coordinator position which was great because it was over a dollar more an hour, but I had to do the work of 2 people. That’s when things started to change for me, I started to not really enjoy coming to work every day like I used to. I was tasked with the job of cleaning up the mess that was made before I was promoted. Trying to condense as much of the story as possible, essentially there was nobody doing referrals for 2 offices for a couple of months before I started, and I had to not only essentially teach myself referrals, I had to catch up with the backlog AND work on the new referrals being added every day. It is so disheartening to know that you’re not doing the best job you could be doing because you have SO MUCH work to do it’s not possible to do it all right. I am not the kind of person that does things half-heartedly. If I do something I want to do it 100%.
I was a referral coordinator for 1 year. In that year I taught myself how to do referrals, I cleaned up the backlog (over 500 referrals between the 2 offices down to about 40 which is doable in a couple of days), and I created cheat sheets for other referral coordinators to use to help them with their work. I felt trapped, underappreciated, and underpaid. That’s why I was fine with moving over an hour away from work. It was a good excuse to look for a job closer to home.
I wanted and got a job in the billing department for the same healthcare system that was about 20 minutes away from our new place. It was NOT the job for me. It’s an extremely monotonous job: printing out EOBs and entering them into the computer. all. day. long. I was there for about 5 months.
Today was my last day working in healthcare. I put my notice in a couple weeks ago after stressing and crying and thinking so much about it. I feel so much better already to not be in a field that I have a lot of problems with. The healthcare system in our country is dismal, and I know first hand how terrible it can be for both patients and those who take care of them. Healthcare needs an overhaul but I wouldn’t even know where to start.
I will be unemployed for 2 weeks, and on July 10th I start my new full time job at the only camera store in town that still develops black and white film in-house. I am so much happier with the direction of my life already and I haven’t even started my new job yet. Obviously photography and modeling are what I’m passionate about and I am so excited for it to be what sustains me monetarily! I am going to learn so much working there and my new knowledge will only enhance the quality of my art. I am so looking forward to it!!! Change can be so so good.
I create as much as I can whenever I can, and your support here on patreon has allowed me to allocate more time to creating than I would be able to otherwise. One day with your help I aspire to support myself full time from my art income. I yearn to travel all over the country to find the most beautiful places and photograph the nude there. My goal for after AD finishes his degree: buy a giant work van, custom build it into a mini home, and create in every national and state park I can find. And you know I’ll be sharing it all here with you. <3
(EDIT 2020: My dreams all came true last year!!! I became full time self employed (via THIS WEBSITE RIGHT HERE, because of the support of members!) in April 2019, and lived out of my minivan for 69 days during a cross country road trip last summer!)
I am so excited to share these sets with you! This is the film from our member-sponsored (thank you!!! <3 ) mountain trip last month! I really love how these came out, the locations were so beautiful.
Go explore the videos folder, I’ve just added 9 bts videos from between shooting these sets. You can really see how beautiful these locations are. There’s a video of me collecting water from the waterfall…. I almost slipped and fell in! Haha
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I originally wrote this for Patreon on May 20th 2017. I no longer use Patreon and have replaced it with my website (here) but thought I would share some of my old blogs with you for FREE to show my appreciation for you visiting my website! <3
Celebrating 1 year since I got wrist drop! Well, technically the official 1 year is May 22nd but… close enough. =] If you’ve been a member for a while you probably remember this time last year when I got wrist drop from too much time and pressure on my radial nerve during a shibari suspension. I didn’t have the use of my (dominant) right hand for about 3 months and wasn’t able to go to aerial silks class for 7-8 months. Watch the video in the archives to see how bad it was… it was pretty bad. I couldn’t lift my hand from my wrist or do a “thumbs up,” it was just constantly limp.
Honestly, I’m really thankful that it happened. It taught me a lot about myself & made me appreciate what I have. I learned that I really need physical activity in my life & that I can really lean on Antisocialdisposition. I already knew that he will do just about anything for me but for the first week or two he helped me do things that you really take for granted when you have two hands to do it with and suddenly you only have 1: wash my hair, get dressed, open jars, carry lots of things, etc. I became more ambidextrous because of this and I even became more confident in myself over time because I learned that I could still do pretty much everything for myself with just my left hand. I did definitely have several days after it happened that I freaked out about it because I wasn’t seeing ANY improvement and I was so scared that it would never get better. It did, very slowly, but it did start to get better. As soon as possible I started doing yoga at home (only simple stuff I knew wouldn’t aggravate the injury). I honestly think it would have taken much longer to heal if I wasn’t staying active, exercising it as much as possible, saying positive affirmations, and visualizing it getting and being better. I am SO SO thankful that it got better. I am also thankful that it happened. It was a challenge and a lesson. It happened for a reason: for me to learn to appreciate what I have and to learn how important being active is to me because I really didn’t know that before. It strengthened me and it strengthened my relationship with AD.
What is something “bad” that’s happened to you that you now realize was actually beneficial in the long run?
To celebrate being able to do silks again, check out the 2 new silks videos I added! In one of them I somersault in the air to a single ankle hang, I mean how badass does that description sound?! It’s really fun. The other video is a crazy difficult core strengthening exercise: spinal roll down from straddle. You’re supposed to take as long as possible on the way down which is what makes it difficult and REALLY works your core.
OVERALL ROAD TRIP STATS-69 days on the road (ALL of June & July)-9 states visited
-29 National Parks, National Monuments, and State Parks visited (+ many other natural areas)-10,000+ miles driven-41 nights spent in my van-20 nights spent with friends
-7 nights spent in airbnbs
-16 photoshoots as either the photographer or model
-18 rolls of film taken of other people
-20 rolls taken of landscapes for double exposures
-29 self portrait sets taken
-140 video blogs taken (I only missed 2 or 3 days the entire trip!)
I wrote weekly trip updates for my mailing list while I was on the road this summer. I’m going to share with you what I’ve already shared with them, that way you’ll have more details from when it all was fresh on my mind!Click here, scroll down, and enter your email to join my free mailing list! I periodically share free stuff, blogs, upcoming events, travel notices, casting calls, and other awesome stuff!
UPDATE 1I’m currently at Ignite! A small burn (think Burning Man but a LOT smaller – like 600 people) in the Virginia mountains. This is my second year in a row coming here. Last year was transformative and I’m excited to see what kind of experiences I have this time around!I get home from Ignite on Monday and I’ll have 3 days to unpack, do laundry, repack, say goodbye (for now) to loved ones, then I’m leaving on the 31st for my first solo cross country road trip!!!!I’ve been dreaming of visiting ALL of the National Parks for so long, and this summer I’m going to visit a BUNCH of them! First I’m heading straight over to Denver Colorado. I’ll be there for a day or two, then I’ll be off to Utah for a week or so before I make my way through California, Oregon, and Washington.I’ll be sending out regular updates so you can follow along on my journey!Here’s a list of the places I’m hoping to visit throughout June & July:McInnis CanyonsArchesCanyonlandsDead Horse PointCapitol ReefBryce CanyonZionCastle MountainsJoshua TreeSequoiaKings CanyonDeath ValleyYosemiteLassen VolcanicRedwoodCrater LakeNorth CascadesMt RainierOlympicI’ll be spending most of my time in June by myself in the desert. I’ll be taking a lot of self portraits, video blogs (vlogs), and creating courses (more on that soon!). I’ve never spent more than a week or so by myself so I’m really looking forward to getting to know myself better, and spending a LOT of time outdoors.In July I’ll be meeting up with creatives in Seattle and Portland, I’m so excited!Colorado National Mounument
UPDATE 2My 2 month solo cross country road trip has officially begun! I left NC Friday the 31st and drove to southern Illinois, stayed with Tiffany Nacke for the night, photographed each other and hung out the next day, then I continued west and made it to Topeka Kansas late Saturday night. Sunday I drove all day and made it to Denver before sunset! I’m really proud of myself for making the trip from Charlotte NC to Denver CO in only 3 days. WHEW!Monday I stayed with my new friend Singingsiren44 and on Tuesday we drove into the Rockies and took photos in the mountain wilderness. On Wednesday I drove to Colorado National Monument, stayed the night, and explored more on Thursday (and almost got in big trouble with a park ranger but I am privileged and LUCKY AS FUCK and didn’t). After the ranger incident I decided to go ahead and head to MY FAVORITE PLACE ON EARTH Moab Utah. I’ve been here since Thursday evening and I’m SOOOO happy to be here again. I’ve taken 11 self portrait sets (10 of them in 1 day), visited Canyonlands, Arches, Dead Horse Point, Castle Valley, and the La Sal Mountains.Yesterday and today I’m relaxing because I’ve been going non-stop and need a break!I’m making daily vlogs about my travels, click here to watch them! (And find out more about the park ranger situation haha)
Dead Horse Point State Park
UPDATE 3I’m on day 22 of my road trip and whoa… out in Southern Utah amongst several National Parks it’s pretty difficult to find reliable internet and facilities. It’s been nice being semi off the grid (sometimes I get 4G on my phone so I can post to IG, answer emails etc), but now I have a BUNCH of computer work to do and there aren’t a ton of places to do it. I’ve been able to find showers and laundry easier than I’ve been able to find places with free wifi. Small town coffee shops so far have worked best for me, but they’re not in every town.I’ve been having a wonderful time exploring so many bucket list places since my last update: Goblin Valley, Capitol Reef, Grand Staircase – Escalante, Bryce Canyon, Zion, Valley of Fire, and Red Rock Canyon. I took a bunch of self portraits at Goblin Valley, Bryce Canyon, and Valley of Fire and I’m so excited to look through them!I’m currently in Vegas, even though I originally planned to skip it entirely. I’d rather be in nature than in big cities, but my body and mind needed a BREAK and I found a great airbnb for pretty cheap, so I’m here for 2 nights and it’s WONDERFUL. I took a SHOWER for the first time in a week, I did LAUNDRY, I’m sleeping in a bed that’s not in the back of my van for the first time in 2 weeks. It feels so gooooooooooood to be in a climate controlled house, in a big bed, on my computer getting stuff done. Also relaxing. Bigtime relaxing. Doing heavy emotional work on myself. Celebrating the fact that I still have over a month of road trip adventure left on this trip and I’ve listened to myself and my BODY when I needed a break from the constant go go go.If I can find a place to work for like, one day a week, I feel wayyyyy less stressed. I have a lot of stuff I can do on my phone with 4G, but there’s a LOT of stuff that I need my laptop and wifi to do, like this newsletter and uploading videos etc and if I wait for over a week to do anything I start to get really stressed out because I see the work piling up on me. I am here and being productive and also RESTING and RELAXING at the same time and ohhhhhh it feels great. <3
I’ve continued to make at least one vlog every day so you can follow along on my journey, click here for the entire gallery of videos! There’s a LOT.
Valley of Fire State Park
UPDATE 4Officially one month on the road and I’m exhausted, but very happy.Since my last update I…-Spent a few days at an amazing Airbnb in Joshua Tree with some friends and made some AWESOME art (coming soon to my website!)-Got a stick n poke tattoo-Spent an afternoon in Joshua Tree National Park-Spent 2 days driving through and exploring Sequoia and Kings Canyon National Parks (holy shit Sequoias are huge and old, wow such energy)-Spent 3.5 days driving north through the Eastern Sierras, visiting Alabama Hills, Sabrina Lake, Mammoth Lakes, June Lake, Silver Lake, Mono Lake, and Lake Tahoe-Had a few days of freaking out because I took the saniderm off of my tattoo too early (late night bad decision that I REGRET), and was scared that I got it infected which turned into me feeling like I’m not taking care of myself and like I’m a failure (it’s healing better now but I’ll probably need to get it touched up)-Learned that I should probably not get tattoos while on the road-Had my first experience since being on the road of having trouble finding a place to sleep… a couple nights ago I went to FIVE different places before finally settling down at the SIXTH place. Drove around for an hour and a half trying to find a place I felt safe to sleep. Whew. Glad that’s only happened once so far.-Spent a lot of time next to rivers, lakes, and waterfalls. If you’re ever at Lake Tahoe I HIGHLY recommend Eagle Falls! It gets busy really fast so go early morning!-Decided to skip Yosemite because the main road into the park doesn’t open until after the timeframe I’ve planned to be in that area. Plus, I believe Yosemite deserves more of my time than just 2 days. I want to come back next year for at least a week. Apparently there’s a Vipassana center there?! I REALLY want to do a Vipassana and OMG how amazing would it be to do one in YOSEMITE?!-Am FINALLY spotting on day 45 of my cycle!!!! Last time I went on a road trip my body did this… waited a LONG time before bleeding. I guess it’s the extra stress on my body from all the traveling.July is when ALL THE THINGS happen! I spent pretty much all of June completely by myself, but July is when I’m being hosted by model friends, having a bunch of photoshoots, and hopefully doing even more hiking!I serendipitously scheduled myself to be in Portland on the same weekend as the Oregon County Fair and I’ve heard about how amazing it is so I plan to go at some point during that weekend. =]
I’m currently at an airbnb outside of Reno for the weekend so I can do a TON of computer work, shower, and DO LAUNDRYYYYYYY! Clean sheets and wifi are such a luxury.
Joshua Tree National Park
UPDATE 5Since my last email I’ve visited Lassen Volcanic National Park, Arcata CA, Redwoods National & State Parks, and (briefly) Eugene OR. I had an overnight camping and half day shoot adventure with a photographer in Lassen, which was a trip! I was NOT expecting it to be as cold or for THAT MUCH SNOW to still be on the ground! There were sections of the park that were still under about 6 feet of snow… IN JULY! A couple of lakes were still ice and snow covered, with just the tiniest bit of BRIGHT BLUE water peeking out underneath. The campground we stayed at was not in the snowy area (thank goodness) but there was definitely a fair amount of snow still on the ground in the forest nearby. Lassen was definitely on the more extreme side of landscapes to model in. I scraped my body up posing on sharp pine needles, rough tree bark, and even inside of a burnt-out tree!I spent a couple days with friends in Arcata CA, and I fell in LOVE! <3 They live NEXT TO A REDWOOD FOREST so of course I took a walk in the forest every day I was there. It was incredible, I wish I lived close to a space like that. Ferns as tall as I am, clovers as big as my palm, and Redwoods towering above. It’s magickal in there. Not only is Arcata beautiful forest-wise, but it’s also only a few minutes away from the Pacific Coast. They took me to Moonstone beach and my first time seeing/touching the Pacific ocean did NOT disappoint. There were huge rocks, lush green caves, and TIDE POOLS! My first time seeing tide pools, too… such a beautiful mini-ecosystem.After I left Arcata I went through Redwoods National & State Parks, Prairie Creek Redwoods State Park, and Jedidiah Smith Redwoods State Park. I spent most of the day driving through groves of enormous trees and happened to park at the trailhead for Big Tree which is 286 feet tall, over 23 feet in diameter, and estimated to be about 1500 years old. All of the parks were wonderful, but I think my favorite was Howland Hill Road through Jedidiah Smith. It’s a really narrow 2 way dirt road that’s 10 miles long and takes you through a big chunk of the park and has lots of places to stop along the road. There are a few places where the massive trees are growing so close together that only one vehicle can get through at a time. I did part of the Boy Scout Tree trail which was GORGEOUS, but it was almost sunset and I ran out of time to walk the whole trail. I definitely want to go back and spend more time there in the future.I just got to Portland (after a very brief stop in Eugene for food and sleep), and I’m in a coffee shop getting some computer work done until I can meet my friend at his place after he gets off work. I have an exciting few days coming up! I have a half day shoot with a photographer outdoors somewhere, and the next day I have a modelographer group shoot at a nude beach! AHHHH so excited!
As always, I have lots of new daily travel vlogs for you to watch! click here
Columbia River Gorge
UPDATE 6Oregon is GORGEOUS, y’all!I’ve spent the last several days here in Portland and I’m LOVING IT! I’ve had a shoot every day, including the nude beach gathering group shoot a few days ago which was SUPER FUN! By the end we had a naked cuddle pile of 8 people on the beach while a photographer photographed us with their drone! AHHH! I am SO EXCITED to see all of the images from that day, I got a sneak peek of the drone shots and OMGGGG <3If you’re ever in Portland and want to see lots of gorgeous nature stuff, go to the Columbia River Gorge area. Just… wow. I’ve spent 2 days there this week and I’m in LOVE. Beaches, waterfalls, forests, mountains… it’s all there.
I’m heading to Seattle soon for another week full of photoshoots. I’m meeting up with some friends I’ve shot with before and also meeting several new people I’ve followed for a long time, so I’m looking forward to creating lots of art. As always. =]
Mt Rainier National Park
UPDATE 7I’ve been spending the last 2 weeks with a shoot just about every day, and they’ve all been wonderful! The shoot that I’m most excited to tell you about is the nude beach group shoot I organized outside of Portland.None of us knew everyone, most of us knew one or two people, and some of us had never even met anyone… and we all came together with creativity and love. We spent a decent amount of time just hanging out at first, then once most of us were there we all got in a circle and introduced ourselves and said what we could contribute to the group (photographer, model, assistant, BTS etc). I led us through a really short group meditation, then we talked about what we all wanted to do first, made some vague plans, then started shooting! The group morphed and changed, smaller groups broke off from the whole, people moved from group to group, and by the end of the day we had an 8 person nude cuddle pile while Jake took drone shots of us from above!
It was an incredible experience and now I’m more excited than ever to start planning more in-person creative gatherings.
Glacier National Park
UPDATE 8Holy moly why have I never made a trip to Montana or Wyoming before?! It’s GORGEOUS here!!!Since my last newsletter, I’ve spent a decent amount of time in Glacier National Park, Yellowstone National Park, and Grand Tetons National Park! After I was in Tacoma for about a week, I went back to Portland for another last minute shoot, then I headed East for the first time in about 2 months. I drove from Portland to Glacier, spent a couple nights there, then a couple nights in Yellowstone, drove through some of Grand Teton, and now I’m in Thermopolis WY staying with friends of the family for a couple nights. I’m doing as much computer stuff as I can today while I have wifi, and this evening I’ll probably go check out the hot springs in town! I’ve been near a lot of hot springs on this trip but I have yet to get in one… hopefully I’ll have experienced a natural hot spring for myself before my next newsletter!I probably won’t be doing these newsletters every week (like I have been) once I’m back home because I won’t have as much to talk about. I plan on locking myself in the house and going through the THOUSANDS of photos I’ve taken on this cross country adventure and getting them ready to share with members of my website. I’ll probably do newsletters every 2 weeks or once a month in the future.*If you follow my instagram and watch my stories regularly, you’ve probably seen that I’ve been going through a lot of emotional stuff lately. I made a really vulnerable vlog about what’s going on with me personally that’s in there with my other daily vlogs. If you’re curious what’s been going on with me, that video explains it really well.*
click here for the daily travel vlogs I’ve been making for this trip!
Yellowstone National Park
UPDATE 9I got home on August 7th after 69 days on the road. This is by far the longest trip I have ever been on, and the longest time I’ve been on my own in my entire life. It changed my life, honestly. I now enjoy spending time by myself, and look forward to it! I never wanted to be alone before. I care even LESS what people think of me, which is really awesome because now I have a lot more room in my brain for much better things like what I want to eat and where I want to explore next! hahaI have complete faith in myself that no matter what life throws at me, I can handle it. It might be hard and uncomfortable, but I am capable. I have a large support system of wonderful family and friends and if I should falter, I know they will help pick me back up. I am so grateful.Since July 1st….I’ve visited: Lake Tahoe, Lassen Volcanic, Arcata, Redwood, Portland, Tacoma, Mt Rainier, Bainbridge Island, Olympia, Glacier, Yellowstone, Grand Teton, Thermopolis, and Bloomington! (California, Oregon, Washington, Montana, Wyoming, Illinois)I had 13 photoshoots. I organized a nude beach gathering with 8 other people. I went to 2 different nude beaches. I drove over 5000 miles. I stayed with friends for 20 nights and slept in my van 17 nights.I saw the Pacific ocean for the first time, saw tidepools for the first time, and had my first natural hot spring experience!I became single, by choice, for basically the first time in my life. I’ve learned that solo polyamory and relationship anarchy feel the best for me in terms of relationship at this point in my life.
Now I have 18 rolls of film to get developed… OH MY GOSH I’ll have SO MUCH to share with members of my website once I get all of my photos back and in order! I so look forward to sharing all of this wonderful nude art!!!
Arches National Park
I originally wrote this for Patreon on April 4 2016. I’m planning on switching everything over from Patreon to my website (here) over the next few months and thought I would share some of my old blogs with you for FREE to show my appreciation for you visiting my website! <3
Okay, so I hardly ever post anything personal on tumblr or instagram (or any social media for that matter) but I thought I would share more here with you guys. If this is something you’ve been wanting, yay! If not… I guess let me know? Hopefully you’d like to know more about me since you support my photography & modeling & whatnot.
Anyway, on to personal stuff… I had my IUD removed today and replaced it with a different kind. I’ve been at home ever since with cramps and just generally not feeling great or motivated. Thankfully I’m not working today so that’s helped. I had a Skyla IUD which slowly releases small amounts of a progestin hormone into my uterus. Sadly (and embarrassingly) it took me 2 years to realize that this has to be the source of some of the health issues that started in June/July 2014. I got Skyla in March 2014. Coincidence? I don’t think so. Why didn’t I make the correlation sooner?! My body suddenly had more hormones in it than ever, of course it freaked out.
As of today I’ve switched to ParaGuard, which is a non-hormonal IUD that is just as effective in preventing pregnancy. I expect to start seeing an improvement in my health in the next few months. It was really nice not having a period for 2 years but I’ll take menstruation over health issues any day.
I took this self portrait set in November 2014!