Chicago in 2017 + Boundaries
CAPTION FOR THE VIDEO ABOVE:
Hello good morning. It’s not morning here where I am anymore, but it’s probably morning when you’re going to watch this. So good morning, or maybe, I don’t know. Good morning, good afternoon, good night, good day, good life, hello. So this week I’m sharing a really throwback lots of things. The stuff I’m sharing is photos & videos from when I was in Chicago in 2017. I kinda forgot that I had these and I hadn’t shared them yet, so you’re getting some cool throwback things! I think this was the last time I was in Chicago. I used to go every other year to do a family reunion thing with my ex, and naturally I haven’t really been in a while because, well, we’re no longer together. And because coronovirus, and you know, the world is changing forever always. The stuff from the Chicago trip that I’m sharing, it’s been a little bit since I’ve looked at them so I can’t remember if they’re photos from the 1st or the 2nd place that we stayed, because we stayed in 2 different places that last time we were in Chicago because it was my ex partner’s birthday. We stayed at one airbnb for his birthday, then another airbnb for the rest of the trip, just because we could and we wanted to. I think, I usually have all this written down of what I want to share, but I’m pretty sure the photos are from the 2nd airbnb that I’m sharing this time, but I’m not 100%.
So that’s what I’m sharing this week, and for the first look members I have another photoset from Utah from my cross country road trip in summer 2019. I keep wanting to say last summer, but last summer is now the summer of 2020, and it wasn’t last summer, it’s now the summer before. That feels weird because time has already flown by and I feel like I was just on this trip but it’s been over a year which is wild to me.
This month, October, the nude yoga video that I shared will be the last nude yoga video that I share monthly like I was. There’s 3 years of nude yoga videos that you can watch so I don’t think you’ll really miss out on them. Like I said in last week’s blog, I want to shift my time and attention and effort into slightly different things. Not too different, but this is just the beginning of my changes. That’s the last nude yoga video I’ll do for a little while. I mean I might do some more in the future if I feel like it, I just am not going to put pressure on myself to do it every month like I have been. I am still figuring out how I’m going to do my website after I run out of my backlog, which that’s going to be probably another 6 months or longer before I run out of my backlog, so you don’t have anything to worry about soon to be honest. I have a lot of backlog and a lot of stuff yall haven’t seen yet, because for whatever reason I tend to hoard my content, so no worries on that yet. I’ll continue to let you know about the shifts and changes that I go through when the time comes. I am probably going to… I don’t know, I really do want to have my content be less nudity-focused and “hey I’m a naked person” because to me, it’s just my preferred state of being? Like I was helping my mom in the kitchen this morning naked, just cutting veggies and stuff. No big deal. *laughs*
My problem is not with nudity, my problem is when people sexualize me and see nudity as something that’s inherently sexual. To me, depending on what your definition of sex is and what sexual is… just being naked and enjoying being in your own skin could be sexual. For me, as someone who is demisexual, which is on the asexual spectrum, I DO NOT WANT SEXUAL ATTENTION FROM ANYBODY. No. If I do, you will know, because I will tell you. Otherwise, I don’t want sexual attention. Do whatever you want on your own time, but don’t direct it in my direction. Don’t point your sexual feelings in my directions, I don’t want it, it makes me extremely uncomfortable, I don’t want to be sexualized. Do whatever you want while you’re looking at my photos, just don’t tell me about it. What you do on your own time is for you, that’s cool. I’ve just… over the last 10+ years of doing this, I’ve received so much unwanted attention in a sexual way that has always made me extremely uncomfortable. That kind of attention is what I’m trying to get rid of, trying to curb, trying to encourage other things instead. Nudity is not the problem for me, but sometimes when people can’t separate nudity and sexualizing me, that’s when the problem is. So I’m probably lecturing you now, that’s not what I’m trying to do. I want it to be very clear to everyone. Don’t send sexual attention in my direction because I don’t want it, it makes me very uncomfortable. Just don’t. Be my friend, ask me questions, talk to me about my art, all of that. Just don’t tell me I’m beautiful and gorgeous, and don’t tell me the things you’d want to do to me, because I don’t want to hear any of that.
Compliment my ideas, my creativity… compliment things that are not physical and not sexual. For me… other people might have totally different boundaries. My boundary is do not come at me in a sexual way at all. No, I don’t want it. I don’t, at all, I don’t. If I did, you would know, simple as that.
On a lighter note, I am feeling a little bit better recently, just because I’m giving myself space to figure things out and do my own thing. Which… I’ve kinda been doing that for a long time but, life and healing is a spiral. You think you figure something out and then you come back around to it in a different way. I’m just trying to be gentle with myself and learn more about myself and do things in the way that feels good to me, that feels nourishing to me. That’s something I’ve been working on, it’s not always easy. Especially when you learn new things about yourself that are confusing. (I think I got a mosquito bite)
I feel like most of this video is me just telling you don’t sexualize me, so I apologize if you’re someone who’s heard a lot about this already because I’ve talked about it before. It’s a hard boundary for me, and I want it to be clear to everyone. I love sharing nude stuff, just appreciate it for what it is, and don’t come at me with anything like expectations or anything like that. That’s it, enjoy it, that’s what it’s here for. My nude art is here to enjoy on your own time. Tell me what you like about it that’s not sexual or appearance based, and we’re cool. We can talk about composition, the landscape, the place we’re in, the props, all the stuff, pose, whatever. Just… don’t sexualize me. It’s not why I’m here. I’m much more than that. Sex is awesome, it is a part of my life in some capacity, but that’s none of your business. I don’t have that kind of relationship with any of you. Here I go lecturing again and it’s already after 10 minutes so, maybe I’ll just make another video. I don’t know… this is what I’m feeling and it’s what came up. Maybe I’ll just post it anyway, I might make another video, I might not. We’ll see *laughing*.
I love you all so much and it means the world to me that you’re here every week supporting me, watching my stuff, looking at my photos, reading my blogs… I haven’t posted anything to youtube recently but that’s something I want to do more of. If there’s anything you want me to make a youtube video about, let me know! I’m open to requests and suggestions. I do have plans… I’m brainstorming and figuring out how I want to do this video, but my next video that I’ll be sharing on my youtube and instagram will be about energy healing. It’ll be energy healing 101, you know basics. This is what it is, this is how you do it. And then after that I think I’ll do a embodiment and self connection video. I already have a list of like 25 different ways you can connect to yourself… so yeah. Those are my plans for a couple of videos for youtube. I’m open to hearing what you’re curious about and what you’d like to learn from me. Comment below or send me an email or.. whatever. I’d love to hear from you if you have requests.
I just appreciate you for being here, it means a lot. I know sometimes I come on here and ramble like today. *laughs* It means the world that you care at all, and that you care enough to financially support me because literally, yall, here, the members of my website are the reason that I have a roof over my head and food in my belly. That means a lot, and I love you so much, and I’m so excited to continue this journey of life with you. I love you. Thank you, and I’ll talk to you next week. Bye!
All members:
click here to view the 14 image self portrait photoset with plants in Chicago
click here to view the 27 image self portrait photoset in a fancy airbnb bathroom in Chicago
click here to view 20 Instax from Chicago
click here to view 24 videos from my Chicago travels in 2017
Click here for access to my archive of 12,500+ photos & 2,000+ videos
Click here for the passwords, they change the 1st of every month
First Look/All Access members:
click here to view a 32 image complete self portrait photoset at Fairyland Canyon from my cross country road trip last summer
click here to view 3 minutes of BTS video