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Tattoo Project with Doug Pierce!
Doug Pierce and I got together via zoom recently so that he could interview me about my tattoos! We had a great conversation and got into a lot of the nuances about my most recent tattoo project, so if you’re curious we have a bunch of videos for you to watch! I also took self portraits to document where I am with my tattoo so far so I’ve shared some of those below! Click through to the galleries to see all of the images. The interview was about an hour long and I’ve separated it into 14 shorter clips. It would be too many to embed in this blog post, so I’m gonna link to them instead! CLICK HERE TO WATCH ALL THE INTERVIEW CLIPS
Or if you’re looking for answers to certain questions (individual clips):
– Info about my original back piece tattoo
– How Doug’s use of tattoos (si’gilyn) in his stories impacts how I feel about tattoos
– What was the first tattoo I received and how did I know I wanted it?
– Are most tattoos painful?
– Is there something about the pain that enhances the experience? How do I manage the pain?
– Is getting tattooed a spiritual experience for me?
– What’s the general inspiration for this massive tattoo project?
– Were my ecosexual and/or agender identities a factor in the overall design of this tattoo?
– How does this tattoo incorporate or cover up prior tattoos and why?
– Why is the Poplar Tree in particular so important to me?
– Who are the individual creatures in the tattoo and what is their significance?
– What have I learned about myself in going through this process so far?
– What’s my tattoo healing process?
– Closing information + shout out to my tattoo artistClick here to view the 20 image digital self portrait set
Click here to view the 22 image cell phone self portrait set
Click here to watch the BTS self portrait timelapse video in another window
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New Self Portrait Set Experimenting with LEDs!
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CAPTION FOR THE VIDEO ABOVE:
Hey friends! Today I actually have a photoshoot to share with you! I haven’t taken any self-portraits I think since the summer of last year. So summer of 2021, I think was the last time I took self-portraits, like, with my actual camera, on purpose that’s more than just like a whim of like, let me take a couple selfies with my cell phone. I’m not really counting those for what I’m talking about. Sorry. I’m itching, my tattoo. Well, the saniderm that’s on it right now.
Okay, so have a photo shoot to share with you. I’m pretty excited it was the first time I played with these new lights that I got. They’re super fancy. They’re actually not but I think they’re fancy and I’m very excited about them. So I’ll tell you about the photoshoot that I did. I was feeling spicy and It was like 11:30 at night. So it was dark. Right now I’m using sunlight because my room is like, mostly windows. So it was much darker than this. It was dark outside. Because it was night time, like 11:30 at night and I have these new lights that I wanted to experiment with. So I was like, I feel like taking self portraits so why not use my new fancy lights?
So I took these photos just a couple days ago, but I think I’ve actually going to share this video in a couple weeks. So by the time you see this I took them a couple weeks ago, but here we are. I’m really excited. I had fun taking them. I’m trying to think if there’s any other, like, backstory information I should tell you. I took them right here, as you will see, very soon, but I was just like on my bed for these. I redid my photo wall so there’s more space. I don’t have to worry about accidentally knocking one, because this one was lower before and I was always like accidentally touching it and like, making it like off balance. So I don’t have to worry about that as much now because I redid my photo wall. It’s nice and curved like this. I really like it.
So I took the photos here and when I did, it was dark outside and I just used these two tiny LED lights. They’re tiny, aren’t they? They’re so cute. So these are called Litratorches. These are two different like generations of them. I think this one’s the newer one, but they’re super cool. I got them at a discounted price because they were used, at my favorite camera store, Biggs Camera in Charlotte. They’ve been locally owned since… it’s been over 60 years now, 60 or 65 years. I love them. I help out, like I used to work there full-time and I just kind of go in to help occasionally.
But back to the story of these photos, before I get too distracted. These Litratorches are really cool. They’re LED they’re super bright. They have a little button on the top to turn them on. This one has a little like silicone protector case thing on it. I don’t know if you can see but yeah, so there’s a little button on top turn it on, that’s the only button on it. On the back of it there’s a place for you can turn like I think it’s a quarter twenty tripod screw on the back of both of them.
And then they have a magnet inside of them, so there’s something metal you can just like, like stick it onto a metal thing and it’ll stay there because it’s magnetic. I don’t have anything metal here to show you, but it works. That’s pretty cool. They’re really bright. They actually have two quarter twenty threads. So there’s one on the back and one on the bottom. So there’s two of them depending on how you want to mount it and what kind of like tripod or thing that you have to mount them on. If you want to mount them, I was lazy. I just have to. I just laid them on the bed, so you can’t see it in the screen right now, but I had one laid down on the bed over here and the other laid down on the bed over here. And one cool thing that I really like about these is you can get little tiny gels to go with them. So there are these things that come with it. It’s just like a little plastic Square. I love this tiny case. Look how tiny and cute! So tiny, so these are the gels. Some of them are not ones that originally came with it. Since this was used somebody had these other ones that are like really thin and not actually the ones that are supposed to be with it. But I kind of like the color of them because they’re like a really warm kind of orangey color and you can stack them to make them darker, but I can tell that they’re not the best material because some of them are a little melty from being like somebody using them on the Litratorch for too long, but these are the thicker ones. They’re like green, yellow, blue and red. I used a red one. And I think I used one of these like orangey ones for my colors. So it’s really easy. You have this little square thing and the light. And you put this in the little square and then you put this in front of the light, snap it on. Oh it’s not fitting hold on. And then you have a colored light, so I’m gonna turn it on. I’m gonna not point it at you.
That’s the lowest setting and it has a color filter on the front. So they’re pretty bright. I’m gonna make it brighter, brighter. And then as a flashing one, but I’m not going to do that in case somebody has a problem with flashing but you press and hold to turn it off and that’s it. It’s super easy. And super awesome. And you can put different colors on them and they’re really great and I love them. And I’m really excited and they’re really tiny so they’re easy to travel with, and you just like charge it with little like a little, like tiny USB cord kind of thing and it’s super great. I love them and I’m excited. They also like, if you can buy them with a little, a little diffuser to put on it, to diffuse the light if you wanted to like to make it real soft. I just I’m happy. This is a really good buy in my opinion.
So this is the first time I was experimenting with these little lights and since I didn’t have them on like a tripod or anything and I just put them on the bed with me. The light was coming from below and pointing up towards me because I was like here and the lights were here and here, and in some of the images that looked cool. And in other images, I wish the light was higher up like this height like maybe my face height or maybe like chest height and I think the lighting would have been better if they were a little bit higher, but it was like midnight and I don’t want to figure out how to get a bunch of tripods and stuff over here to put the lights in a better place and I still really like the way the photos turned out. So, I think it was, I think it turned out really great. Even if I wasn’t 100% happy with the light for the whole set, I still think they look really cool. And I had fun making them. So that’s all that really matters. Right? I hope you like the photos. I hope you enjoy my little behind the scenes of what I did to make them. If you liked those that might do something like this again because this was kinda fun.
I used to take behind the scenes video of my shoots and maybe I’m thinking, I might take some behind the scenes video next time because I kind of miss having that, and that’s a kind of nice thing to have to be able to look back at and actually watch a photoshoot happen. Yeah, that’s kind of fun. So I’m gonna try to remember to do that next time. It’s not always easy because I’ll need like my phone and my camera to do it. If I’m going to take photos and video same time.
Yeah, I hope you like these photos. I had fun making them. I felt spicy, can you tell? I was listening to good music too, and that helped me like get into the groove. So also I’m really proud of myself. I usually don’t even look at my photos for like a month after I take them. And then it takes me even longer to actually put them on SmugMug for y’all to see them. But in this case, I looked at them and uploaded them within like a week of taking them so I’m pretty proud of myself that I’m actually like staying ahead of the curve so don’t get behind. Yeah. I hope you like these photos and enjoy my little behind the scenes how I made them. I hope you have a wonderful day and I’ll see you soon! Bye!
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Click here to view the entire 30 image photoset!
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Official Poplar Tree Tattoo Tour!
Click here to watch video in another window
CAPTION FOR THE VIDEO ABOVE:
Hey, so I haven’t officially done a tattoo tour yet for y’all and I know I’ve been talking about my tattoos a lot and you’ve seen them and I’ve showed photos and stuff, but I wanted to do like an official tour for y’all today. So, here we go. I might need to move the camera some or like have some weird angles or something, to show you everything or probably just stand on my bed. I don’t know. So I know you’ve seen some of it. And I’m currently like I think I’m getting my next session is next week. So by the time you see this, I’ll already have my next session and it’ll look a little different, but this is where we are. I’m recording this mid-January, but this is going to be shared, I think early February, probably.
So yeah, I don’t want to… I’m doing it now because I don’t want to do like a tour when I still have a tattoo that’s healing. I want it to already be mostly healed before I do this. Because if it’s really fresh, it’s like bleedy and irritated and frustrated, and it like sometimes looks a little scary. So, I’m doing this since I’m healed from my last session and it’s before my most current session that’s going to happen next week.
So, here we go. I started this tattoo in September of 2020. We have been doing it about once a month since then. I’ve had a bunch of sessions, we’re over 28 hours into this tattoo. It took 12 hours just to get all the outlining done and we’re getting closer to getting more of the color done. We started color a few months ago and my leg and butt are finished. We’re working up my hip now. So right now, we’re mostly just that we’re working up from the bottom. So the last thing to be done will probably be my arm.
So all the outlining has been done, but we’re working on coloring it all in. So I’m going to stand up to show you the base of my tattoo, and then we’re going to move up from there. So my tattoo starts down here at my ankle with the… see if I can get closer… with a little frog. And it’s the base of the tree. This is a Poplar tree, some Poplar flowers, lemme move again. So from the front, this is what you see. Here’s the side, my leg. And the back… got my butt done! So excite!
So on my hip, I have a red tailed hawk. All of these creatures in my tattoo I have a personal relationship with, and I mean, obviously the tree too like, I grew up in North Carolina and a lot of these are around my house or I’ve seen a lot. So here’s my butt I’m gonna go over here so you can see more. I have a little snail on my butt. Isn’t it cute? I love the snail! So this is where we finished off last time. So my butt and leg are done. We’re working up. I’m guessing we’ll probably do this Cardinal next. You might be able to see. Let’s see. Nope, too far.
You might be able to see the couple of red lines here. We did a color test last time, sometimes people are allergic to ink and tattoos. And that as you can imagine causes a big problem. The most common color to be problematic for people, in terms of being allergic to ink is red. That is like, if somebody is allergic to the ink it’s most likely going to be red ink. So those little red lines. Right there on the, on the Cardinal. Those are a color test to make sure that my skin will heal with that color, and thankfully it did. So I probably won’t have problems with red. So that’s going to be all red. So, Cardinal, we got, the tree comes up my whole side. So this front, this cat was already here.
I can see in the back. Let’s see if I can point to things, so the cat was already there. Here’s all my branches. Have a dragonfly. It’s going to be painted or not painted, it’s going to be colored in blue dragonfly. On the back here, in the center, this bird, that’s a bilateral gynandromorph rose-breasted grosbeak. And I know you probably are like what the fuck is that? The rose-breasted grosbeak is a bird that I think is more North like Northeast. I haven’t actually seen any in person. This is the only bird that I don’t have a personal relationship with, but in I think it was 2020 scientists and researchers found a bilateral gynandromorph rose-breasted grosbeak and what that means is, it’s the bird, but since it’s bilateral gynandromorph, that means it’s half male and half female, which is really fucking cool. I’ll put a link below with the like an article with information about that. But I was like, I need a half male and half female bird on me. So that’s why that one’s there. It’ll be colored in really cool. So that guy.
LINK FOR MORE INFO ABOUT BILATERAL GYNANDROMORPH ROSE-BREASTED GROSBEAK
I have a hummingbird up here. It’ll be a ruby-throated hummingbird. So there’s my back. For now. And front goes across here, this is a Carolina Wren. I’m going to this is going to be one of those black and blue butterflies. More tree. This is a tufted titmouse. They’re so cute. We had one when I was a kid. Well, there’s a baby one that fell into our truck when I was a kid and it was too young to be on its own yet, but it was old enough that it didn’t really need a parent. So we fed it like dry cat food that we had soaked in water to let it get really soft. We fed it that for a little bit and then once I started flying and seemed ready to go. We let it outside and there was like a couple of other tufted titmouse, that seemed to adopt it in our backyard. So so cute. So that’s this.
And then I’ve got a chickadee on the back here. See if I can show you this way. Little chickadee. They’re so cute. My elbow… my elbow is empty right now, but it will have a little spider and spider web in there. Elbow tattoos are painful as fuuuuck. They’re not fun at all. So that’s why I don’t want anything really to cover up the whole space. Like a spider web will be a way less painful, because they have a lot of open space and it’s not all colored in, but I… because I wanted it to not be blank, but I also didn’t want to kill myself with a lot of pain in my elbow because it’s not fun. Even just the stuff like around here was really not fun at all. So spiderwebs going to hurt. That’s gonna be okay. Lower arm. I already had this but I have a, let’s turn this way. This is a Luna Moth that will be colored in eventually. So yeah, that’s my tattoo.
Yay! Tattoo tour! if you have any questions about my tattoo, or how it’s going so far, or wanting updates, whatever, comment, let me know. I’d love to hear from you. Yeah. I hope you like the tattoo tour, it was fun. By the time I do another one I’ll have more color. I don’t know how often I’ll do these, but I’m for sure gonna do a tattoo tour when it’s finished, which will probably be another year from now. Thank you for being here! Thanks for watching! I love you so much, and I’ll talk to you soon! Bye!
PS- My tattoo artist is Alex Santaloci at Iron Ghost Tattoo in Charlotte NC!
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2021 Recap!
I enjoy looking back + seeing all the progress I’ve made over the year. It helps me realize that I did in fact actually do things + work toward my goals.
Sometimes my brain likes to tell me that I’ve done NOTHING + gotten NOTHING accomplished, that I’ve wasted the whole year.
Does your brain do that to you too?
Maybe looking back through your year to see all that you’ve done will benefit you too!
This post contains affiliate links. This means I may earn a commission should you choose to make a purchase using my link (at no extra cost to you!). I only recommend things I have personally used + love!
- Took lots of walks at parks
- Hiked in the mountains as much as possible
- Helped my sister Gemini move
- Reconnected with AD
- Went to a wedding
- Made new friends
- Cried a lot
- Had some of the most painful menstrual cramps of my life
- Visited/traveled to:
- Durham/Raleigh NC
- NC mountains
- DC
- PA
- Cleveland OH
- Microdosed mushrooms a few times
- Took a voice lesson
- Saw the Van Gogh immersive exhibit
- Learned about my ancestry
- Got tested for STIs
- Learned about my HSV1+ status
- Helped out at the local camera store
- Went to the mountains with my dads side of the family
- Got vaccinated
- Finalized my name change!!! I am SO excited about this!
- Tattoo appointment almost every month (finished outlining + started color… vlog post about all this coming soon!)
- Went camping with a friend
- Journaled every day
- Did energy practices almost every day
Let me know what you’d like to see from me in 2022 by responding to my survey!
- Redid/updated my website
- Created a welcome automation for my newsletter
- Taught Self Portraits for Self Discovery + Connection workshop for The Light Factory
- Created Self Portraiture for Self Discovery + Connection ebook + Inspiration + Planning workbook
- Created + shared Queer Nature slideshow
- Applied for a residency + didn’t get it (practice failing to get closer to accomplishing!)
- Facilitated peer support sessions
- Quit social media!!! Thank you Leonie Dawson for helping me feel like this was even possible!
- Filmed for Nudism.TV (with my family!) for 4 days
- Worked on meditations with Jenna + Lior
- Photoshoots:
- Facilitated virtual nude gatherings: March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October (total of 8 gatherings)
- Facilitated a first look at self portraits members only event
I was only able to accomplish these things because of the support from members of my website, thank you so much!
- Became an LLC
- Got a business bank account
- GBTL events: Jan, Feb x2, March x2, April x2, May x3, June x2, July, August, September (total of 15 events!!!)
- GBTL met up in person to create + facilitate backstage pass
- Many many meetings + video chats + text messages behind the scenes
Click here to learn more about Going Beyond the Lens
- Explore More Summit 2020
- Sales Star with Leonie Dawson
- Marketing Without Social Media with Leonie Dawson
- Black Friday Training with Elizabeth Goddard
- Intersex Period Pandel Discussion with Crystal Hendricks, Mari Wrobi, Nick Manchester, Yezenia León Mezu, + Sean Saifa Wall
- Identity + Representation Panel Discussion with Roarie Yum, Jade Wilson, Paige Wilson, Deitric Robsinon-Miller, Kiah Glenn, + John Robinson-Miller IV
- Breathwork For Aliveness with Jennifer Patterson
- Emotion Mapping with Dawn Serra
- Boundaries Class with Luna Dietrich
- Live Your F*ck Yes Life Summit (non monogamy + polyamory) with Amanda Katherine Loy, Chad Spangler/polyamfam, Leanne Yau/polyphiliablog, Ebony/Marjani Lane, + Jess Levity/remodeledlove
- Women Race + Class by Angela Davis
- The Language of Emotions by Karla McLaren
- We Will Not Cancel Us by adrienne maree brown
- Thief of Time by Terry Pratchett
- My Grandmothers Hands by Resmaa Menakem
- I Hope We Choose Love by Kai Cheng Thom
- Evolution’s Rainbow by Joan Roughgarden
- Rebloom by Rachael Maddox
- Seven Thousand Ways to Listen by Mark Nepo
- Written on the Body by Jeanette Winterson
Check out the organized list of HUNDREDS of books I want to read!
show your support for free:
💌 share this with your friends
💻 sign up for my email list + get 2 free ebooks
🔞 join my uncensored art + resource sharing discord server
📹 subscribe to my youtube channel
💖 share my resources page far + wide
❓respond to my survey + help me create what you want to seeshow your support financially (sliding scale!):
✨ become a member for ALL THE PERKS!✨
📆 participate in my online + in person events
🤝 book a one on one session with me
💲 buy me a smoothie via cashapp
💰 buy me lunch via venmo✨ THANK YOU MEMBERS FOR MAKING THIS POSSIBLE!!! ✨
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Holding Space for Difficult Emotions with Self Portraiture
(Click here to watch video in another window)
CAPTION FOR THE VIDEO ABOVE:
Good morning! Well, it might not be morning for you, but it’s morning for me, so I’m saying good morning. Today I wanted to just say hi and thank you for being here and I’m kind of struggling to figure out what I want to say. I think it’s because I put a lot of pressure on myself to do things in a way that makes sense, and I don’t always make sense, so the things I do don’t always make sense, and it’s okay. I’m a human. I don’t want to repeat myself on here, but I do also want to share cool things with you.
So, I thought that I would just share a little bit of information… I think I already did. But about these photos that I’m about to share with you, that are down below. I already said some of it when I was talking about self portraits, was it last month, maybe October? Recently, I was talking about self portraits and on November, I think it was the 18th. I did a kind of like a co-working session, sort of like a, it was a sneak-peek preview of the self portraits that I had taken that I haven’t shared anywhere yet, which are these photos that are about to be shared with y’all!! Thank you. For those of you who came and joined me on Zoom live to go through the photos. That was really fun. I’ll probably do that again.
So, the backstory for these photos, if you missed the blog previously, whatever that was. I don’t have dates in my brain.
CLICK HERE FOR THE VLOG ABOUT WHY SELF PORTRAITS ARE IMPORTANT TO ME
If you missed the vlog these photos, I took, I believe it was in May of 2020…. 2021? No, 2021 for sure it was this year? Maybe this year? I’m pretty sure. It was in May, I think it was this year. I took them in my sister’s house, she had just sold her house. So I think that was this year. She had just sold her house and we had already like moved everything out of the house so it was empty.
I used to live with her in that house for maybe a year and a half or two years and I had some pretty tough times when I was living there… for several reasons. Gemini is awesome, she’s a great sister. I love like, she’s easy to live with honestly. But yeah, like so the tough times didn’t necessarily have to do with her, it was just like circumstances. I had some tough times when I was living in the house, and since it was empty and I was there by myself, I took self-portraits.
I had a lot of feelings. A lot of feelings!!! and I just allowed myself to feel the feelings, because feelings are not always easy to feel. And sometimes I need like, to hold that space for myself. And sometimes the easiest way to do that is with photos, by taking self portraits and whether or not I ever share them with anyone. Like, it doesn’t matter as much, because to me what matters is the way that I feel and like allowing myself to have those feelings and like holding space for that.
Usually I’m able to like kind of focus and get in that zone when I’m taking self portraits, so I did that. I released a lot of the feelings, like, frustrations and sadness and upsets that I experienced in the house, in that house while I was taking the self-portraits before I could no longer go in the house. Like it’s already sold to someone. So that was actually the last time I was ever in that house. And as you can see in the photos, I was quite emotional.
And then after I like cried and released all my feelings, I just like danced around and got sweaty and was silly. And that also felt really good. Like it’s nice to kind of swing from one thing to another sometimes instead of like “oh I have to be really sad this whole day and let my feelings take over me for the entire day and focus on those.”
I don’t have to do that. I enjoy like, “okay, let me feel it to my feelings and like release them and see how long that feels. And then after that, if I feel up to it, the maybe I’ll do something else that feels better. That can bring me back to my more normal okay self.” So I cried, was really upset and let myself feel all that and like, hold space for that. And then after that, I was like, all right, let’s put some music on and then I danced and felt more and was able to have a range of emotions in the house.
So, yeah, that’s that’s the story behind these photos. The ones where really emotional and like crying and stuff are in what used to be my bedroom. Empty, of course, and I actually I took a bunch that were really like dark and moody and then I also took some that were lighter and I really actually like the dark ones the best. I haven’t fully decided if I’m going to edit these photos yet, so whether or not I edit them, you’ll see whatever I did. Because I haven’t decided, I’m probably going to decide about editing before I share this. And I haven’t decided yet as of making this video, so we’ll see. They’re all digital. I usually don’t edit film but sometimes I do edit video er digital because film just looks better and doesn’t need an edit. The digital like looks like digital and usually need a little bit of more like punchiness. So yeah, I haven’t decided about editing yet. We’ll see.
These are the photos… after I took the photos in the bedroom, I moved to the living room, which is the purple room that you see. Gemini’s house is so colorful, I loved it. Her living room was purple, and her kitchen was like bright green color, and the bathroom was like, teal kind of turquoise-y kinda blue. Yeah, she had a really colorful house and I loved it. I don’t know if the people who bought it kept the colors or not, but I thought it was fun to live in a very colorful house.
So yeah, that’s the story behind these photos, I hope you like them. I do have some more photos to go through that I have taken in the last year that I haven’t done anything with yet. So I might do another one of those like let’s look at them together live things. Yeah, so keep an eye out for that. I’ll probably do that again. Just not sure when I don’t have any dates yet, but I’ll of course let you know when that’s going to happen.
Yeah that’s all I have to say. Thank you! I love you so much! I appreciate so much that you’re here. I’m going to put my survey below. If you haven’t answered my survey, please, I would love to hear your feedback on what kind of content you would like to receive from me, because I want to make things that you’re interested in and that will benefit you.
I hope you liked my non-monogamy stuff for November. I had fun talking about it and I probably could talk more about it. So, yeah, reply to the survey below if you haven’t yet and let me know what kinds of things you’re interested in, and I will do my best to do more of that! Okay. Byeee!
Click here to respond to my survey + help me create content you want to see!
CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ENTIRE 65 IMAGE PHOTOSET
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Why Self Portraits Are Important To Me
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CAPTION FOR THE VIDEO ABOVE:
Hi friends! I thought that since I have the self portrait workshop coming up at The Light Factory on October 23rd here in Charlotte, in person. So this will be my first in-person Workshop in a few years, I’m very excited! But since I have that coming up, I wanted to talk about self portraits and why I take them and why they’re important to me.
So to give you a little back story, if you’re new. Wow, these mosquitoes are coming after me right now. If you’re new here, I’ve been taking self-portraits since 2010, maybe a little bit before. Actually, definitely before since I got a camera when I was 16, so that was in what? 2006? 2007? 2006… 2006. So even though I was probably taking naked self portraits before I was 18 that I will not share because I was underage and that’s really creepy for other people to see.
Self portraits have been really important to me. At first, when I was younger, when I first started taking photos at first, it was just, I was the easiest subject to find for my photos. I didn’t have to have another person with me to take photos of them. I could just take photos of me to practice and learn my camera. But as time went on, I learned that I somehow felt more connected to myself when I took self portraits. I feel like I could learn more about myself and experience my emotions in a deeper way through self portraiture.
And I think that’s because a lot of times when I’m feeling something and experiencing something I don’t have a mirror or camera in front of me, so it’s all kind of abstract like in my head and in my mind and in my body with like the way that I was feeling… but once I started taking self-portraits, the way that I felt became something that I could see and seeing it helped me experience it more.
I don’t know if you have heard of aphantasia, but I have aphantasia, which is where you don’t have a Mind’s Eye. So I can imagine things, but I can’t see anything when I’m thinking about it. Like I can’t see anything in my head, I can’t visualize. I can like, remember what things are like, because I’ve seen them before and I like, remember it, but I don’t actually see anything in my head. I can’t like, oh, I’m going to imagine a unicorn with rainbow hair and sparkles and it’s going to be prancing across on a rainbow.
Like, I can think about those things, but I can’t see them in my head. And it took me a while to realize that that’s not a normal thing… or well, okay, maybe I don’t want to say that. It took me a while to realize that people could actually see things in their head and I couldn’t. Self portraiture, since I don’t visualize self portraiture helps me actually like make the things that I think about or the ways that I feel more tangible and more real, because I can see them because a lot of times things don’t quite feel real if I’m just thinking about them. But once it’s something that’s visible and tangible than it becomes a lot more real to me.
And I, I got into a much deeper relationship with myself through self portraiture when I was on my cross country road trip in 2019. I was going through a lot like, personally, emotionally, romantically. Yeah, mentally, like life things were pretty wild. That was during my Saturn return. If you’re into astrology, at all, you know that a Saturn Return usually like turns your life upside down, or it can.. and it definitely turned mine upside down. So, I was processing a lot of feelings and a lot of like, Unknown. And I was able to process in a much deeper way because I took so many self portraits on that road trip.
And I learned so much about myself. I mean, if you’ve been around since then, you know that I realized I was non binary like right after I came home from that trip. It really helped me get to know myself and understand myself on a deeper level, through actually being in my body and allowing myself to feel all my feelings while I was taking self portraits and then looking through them later, realizing oh wow, I’m a real person, I have real feelings, and I can see that, and I can like experience that all over again when I look at the photos. So self portraits mean a lot to me. They have allowed me to connect to myself in a deeper way than I ever have been able to before.
And I took a bunch of self-portraits either at the end of 2020 or early 2021 that I haven’t gone through yet, that I’ve talked about already, that I have a members only like webinar hangout thing where we’re gonna go through them together. I’ve already scheduled it, you’ll get a post about it when it’s coming up, I have like notifications that I’ll come onto the website to remind you like hey, this is happening soon! So that’ll be in like mid-November (the 18th at 6pm EST!).
But those self portraits took that we’ll be looking through are really emotional and really personal to me and I’m feeling emotional thinking about them. Yeah, I really let myself feel all of my feelings when I was taking those photos and it was kind of scary and it was definitely vulnerable and I’m kind of nervous to share them with you, especially in their raw form where I haven’t done anything to them and can see all of them. But I’m also kind of excited, because I don’t really want to hide myself from y’all, like you’re supporting me so much by being here, so the least I can do is not hide myself from you.
So, I hope you join me in November (the 18th at 6pm EST!) when we go through those photos together because it’s going to be scary, but it’s gonna be awesome! They’re pretty dark, and I definitely cried when I was taking them, and yeah, it’s gonna be a lot but it’s going to be great.
To give you a little tiny bit more information about them before I end this video. I took them in my sister’s house after she moved out, and it was empty, before she sold it. And that’s where I was living when a lot of not-so-great things happened to me, and I had some not so great experiences there, so it was like my Releasing that house and the feelings that I felt in that house through feeling my feelings and taking self portraits in the house once it was empty. So it was a great release for me. And yeah, I’m laughing because I’m like trying to hold back tears.
Yeah, so I feel like self portraits are really important for me personally, in order to more fully embody how I feel and to more fully experience my life through creating them. So I hope you have enjoyed this video of me being kind of emotional and talking about self portraits. Yeah.
I think that’s all I have to say right now. I really appreciate that you’re here. It means the world to me. I couldn’t do any of this without you, so I appreciate you and I hope you enjoy what I share. I love you!
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Ecosexual Time Capsule ❤ self portrait edition
2016 in North Carolina, some of the first photos I took for my site back in the day
2017 in Tampa Florida, the back yard of my airbnb, I was in Florida to take maternity photos for a friend
2018 in North Carolina, during my first ever solo road trip! All I did was hike + take self portraits
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Ecosexual Time Capsule ❤ part 4
In my back yard with Celeste Call, NC 2019
At a nude beach in Portland OR with Ambivalent Ann during my 69 day cross country road trip, 2019
The same nude beach, this time with KH, 2019
Lassen Volcanic in California with From the Edge Photography, 2019
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Ecosexual Time Capsule ❤ part 3
I went kayaking with my college art teacher Jonathan Church (I graduated in 2010) NC 2018
In my neighborhood with Taylor Rafaleowski, NC 2018
The most majestic waterfall I’ve found so far in NC, with Antisocialdisposition 2018
Kara Perry, NC 2018
Hiked a mountain in NC with Kyotocat, 2018
Van camped in central NC with Drake Avenue in 2018
Visited Asheville NC to hike + create with Mikael Photo, 2018
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Ecosexual Time Capsule ❤ part 2
2017 in the NC mountains with Antisocialdisposition
With DWL Photo in Philly in 2017
SC with Darius Ollison, 2017. I slept in my little hatchback the night before this early morning shoot!
My sister took these! NC 2017