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Self portraits in Utah – Between
CAPTION FOR THE VIDEO ABOVE:
Hey friends, I have been having a rough week and I assume many of you probably have been too with all of the bullshit that’s going on in the world right now, so I’m going to try to keep this short.
This week I’m sharing a self portrait set that I took in Utah summer of 2019. I still have a lot of self portrait sets from that trip to share with you so continue to look for that in the future, I have a lot still. This photoset I took, it was actually basically behind where my camping space was. I had a campsite and behind it was this little mini canyon that was totally private to my campsite, so that was incredible and of course I took advantage of that and took a bunch of self portraits back in that little canyon, so this is one of the self portraits sets from that. I’m also sharing behind the scenes video from this self portrait set.
First look people, I’m sharing some photos that were taken with Tiffany Helms and her partner Jeff Waters. We went to this abandoned place on Bainbridge Island and it was very cool and took some photos there and it was super fun, so that’s going to First Look this week. I think there’s photos and videos.
Uhm.. anybody that’s new, if you haven’t been here very long on my website. If you scroll back to past vlogs, like every Saturday I come out with this. If you scroll back to past ones you’ll see that I have been working towards shifting to something different with my website, and I’m still figuring out exactly what that is but I feel like I’m getting closer. I know I want to focus more on community building and live online virtual hangout type things, and have less of a focus on photography, so yeah still figuring that out. I am open to any requests, questions, comments, things like that, so if you have something to say in regards to that please comment, I would love to hear it.
Yeah, I’m gonna keep this short and sweet, I hope you enjoy these photos, I love you so much, thank you for being here, and I’ll talk to you next week.
All members:
click here to view the 37 image self portrait photoset in Utah
click here to view the 2.5 minute BTS video
Click here for access to my archive of 12,500+ photos & 2,000+ videos
Click here for the passwords, they change the 1st of every monthFirst Look/All Access members:
click here to view the 11 image photoset of me (+ some with Tiffany Helms) taken by Jeff Waters
click here to view 18.5 minutes of BTS video -
Buddy’s Blue Room
CAPTION FOR THE VIDEO ABOVE:
Hello friends! Okay so this week I’m not on my period so I’m more present and not in pain so that’s nice. This week *clears throat* I swear I’ve been awake for several hours. Oooh a squirrel! There’s a fence right outside my window and it’s a normal thing for a squirrel to be scurrying across the top of the fence and I just saw one do that and it’s cute.
This week the photoset I’m sharing with you is a photoset that I took of self portraits in May of 2019 that was taken in a photographer’s house. I went to Nashville TN back in May of 2019, time is weird yall. The photographer hosted me, he had a lot of good references so I felt safe to be hosted there. The room that he had available for me was this blue room with a big really cool painting in it of a big face and there was a real huge mirror in there so I of course took advantage of the cool space and took some self portraits in that room, so that’s the ones I’m sharing with you today. I was going to be shooting with this photographer but he wasn’t feeling well so we ended up not shooting and I just stayed at his house. It’s this cool big old house and he had been renovating rooms a bit at a time. The bathroom was really cool, he had a clawfoot tub and a fancy walk-in tiled shower. I think I took a video of me taking a shower in that shower, and I don’t recall if I’ve share that yet or not. I have so much content it’s hard for me to keep up with what I’ve shared and what I haven’t. I should look and see if I can find that because I know I made that video, of me taking a shower in that cool shower. Yeah I really liked his house it was really cool and it was like, close to a lot of stuff. There’s some fancy restaurants that were basically walking distance, I could have walked to them, but I didn’t know how close they were so I drove and I was like “why didn’t I just walk?” I had a good time staying at his place and I… one of my two favorite colors is blue, my other favorite color is green, and if I had a third favorite color it would be purple. My colors are blue green and purple. I also really like brown but that’s beside the point. So of course this blue room with a big mirror and a cool painting I had to take some self portraits so, here you are!
The videos I’m sharing this week are from several years ago to be honest. Maybe 2017? 2018? 2016? I’m not positive, I could look but I didn’t look before this so.. whoops. From several years ago and these videos are of me doing aerial silks, they’re 3 different videos of me doing ankle hangs. So me just like hanging by my ankles in silks, so that was really fun, I love being upside down. Silks are the best, I love them, they’re so much fun. I miss going to the studio, I haven’t been in quite a while. Probably over a year now because with my budget I was either going to continue doing aerial silks or get a van, so you know which one I did. I got a van so I could do my cross country road trip. So yeah I haven’t done silks in a while, except…. now I have silks at home! It’s not the same though because this is.. the way I have it set up now is a hammock and what I super miss is the full on silk pole. They call it a pole, but it’s when the silk is, the two halves of it are coming down all the way to the ground so you have two separate pieces that are connected at the top that just come all the way to the ground. This, it’s one silk but it’s in a loop so it’s a hammock so its different but still super fun. I love hanging upside down! It’s very different from the classic silk setup, which I really miss, but my ceilings aren’t really high and it’s… the rig that I have is portable, I can move it, and it goes up to 11 feet, but it’s kindof an ordeal to move it. I mean, I can, it’s possible, but it definitely takes 2 people and I would LOVE to set it up outside and do some regular classic silk stuff on it and set it up that way. I have the ability to do that, I just haven’t because I don’t want to have it outside and get rained on and I don’t want to have to move it a lot so I’ve just left it inside because it’s always available for me to play on the hammock. I’m hoping maybe once it warms up again in the spring or summer, I’ll set it up outside for a longer amount of time and do some classic silk things. So the videos I’m sharing this week are me doing ankle hangs in silks from when I was going to the studio so it’s a few years ago. My strength is not quite what it used to be. I used to be way stronger because I was doing silks 2 or 3 times a week every week for a couple of years so I was really fuckin strong. I was doing like 6-8 pull ups at a time, I was really strong. I can barely do one pull up now, that’s how I measure my strength is by how many pull ups I can do. I’m not very strong right now, I still have some muscle, but yeah, I miss silks so I hope you enjoy these videos of me playing in silks and doing ankle hangs.
The first look people have a self portrait set that I took in Utah in the summer of 2019, I still have a few of those to share with you. So it’s the self portrait set and the BTS video. This one is in southern Utah. I don’t want to say exactly where it is because, most of the places I’ve been I don’t want to say exactly where it is. I feel like if I publicly am like “these are the places that I took photos” there could be not so good consequences to that. I’m aware of when “influencers” I wouldn’t count myself as an influencer, but, when people have semi large or large followings sharing locations where they shoot then suddenly a lot of people show up at those places and trash them, so I’m going to just tell you broadly… southern Utah. You might recognize this place if you’ve been there though, because of where it is. I’m excited to share this with you.
There’s still time if you’d like to join the Erotic Art event that I’m putting on with Lior and Roarie for Going Beyond the Lens. We have a special guest I’m so excited! that is going to be taking Roarie’s spot when 3 of us talk about Erotic Art before we go into the community discussion so I’m very excited for our special guest! So excited! So yeah if you’d like to come to this event, it’s free and it’s on freeconferencecall, so it’s a group video chat. Usually the events last around 3 hours, we’re going to be talking about erotic art the whole time. We have a slideshow that we’ll share with you that will show images and at the end we have an art share which is probably my favorite part, where people who are participating in the event have the ability to share your art with us and we’ll put it in the slideshow so everyone can see your art and we can talk about it. It’s always amazing and I’m always blown away by the art that people share, it’s really cool. I’d say that’s my favorite part of them usually, is the art share at the end. If you’d like to join it’s absolutely free, I’ll put the link in the caption below. Also if you’d like to submit your erotic art to be shared at the event please do so, I’ll put the link below also. Yeah come join us! It’s on Saturday November 21st and it’ll start at 1pm eastern, so yeah, coming up, I’m so excited, it’s going to be awesome.
LINK TO REGISTER FOR FREE EROTIC ART EVENT
LINK TO SUBMIT YOUR EROTIC ART TO SHARE AT THE EVENT
I love you, thanks for being here, yall make my life. I know that I’ve been very up and down in terms of emotion and what I want to do and motivation, but that’s part of life so I appreciate yall hanging with me and being a part of this. Your support means everything, including me being able to have food on my table. It’s not just the monetary part of it. It’s the love and care that yall share with me, the conversations we have together, the feedback that I get from yall, it’s just wonderful. This squirrel is like.. you know how they flick their tail? It’s just sitting on the fence looking at me flicking it’s tail, it’s like *makes wooshing sounds & moves hand pretending to be a squirrel tail* it’s really cute, okay, um yes. I hope you have a wonderful day and I’ll talk to you next week! *blows kiss*
All members:
click here to view the 38 image self portrait photoset of me in Buddy’s blue room in Nashville TN
click here to view the 3 aerial silks videos of me doing ankle hangs (and some photos too!)
Click here for access to my archive of 12,500+ photos & 2,000+ videos
Click here for the passwords, they change the 1st of every monthFirst Look/All Access members:
click here to view the 16 image complete self portrait photoset in Utah (Other Side)
click here to view 2.5 minutes of BTS video -
Self Portraits in Utah
CAPTION FOR THE VIDEO ABOVE:
Good morning friends. I’m trying to not be too distracted. I started my period this morning so I’m in pain but I wanted to continue to, you know, be consistent with yall. *sigh* It’s hard to focus when your uterus is trying to turn itself inside out. So this week I’m sharing another self portrait set that I took in Utah in the summer of 2019 and the behind the scenes video and first look is getting another self portrait set from Utah in 2019 and the BTS video. The first look BTS video makes me laugh because when I was taking these self portraits I was on this really long dirt road outside of Grand Staircase Escalante and I thought I was the only one there but there were like, I think 2 instances where a car drove by and I had to grab my camera and hide behind my van. So you get to see that happening and that’s kinda funny of me rushing “oh shit I gotta hide!” so yeah that’s a thing. That’s for first look people. The BTS this week for everybody isn’t as exciting, I mean it IS exciting because you get to see me taking self portraits, but nobody catches me which is good.
Yeah so this morning I’m in pain because I’m menstruating and the last maybe year or so I’ve been having menstrual pain the first day of my period, which didn’t really happen before when I had an IUD, but since I’ve taken that out, around a year ago now, my period has changed a little bit. Getting to know my body without any medical intervention things has been good, but yeah painful. I woke up at like 6:30 this morning in pain and I haven’t really been able to go back to sleep so I figured I might as well do this. The… I don’t really have much else to say about the photosets, I really love them, I hope you do too. I want to go back to Utah. Hopefully later this week I’ll be going to the mountains by myself, depending on how my period goes and if I think it’s safe to be out there sleeping in my van for a couple of days, because I do still want to like, use public restrooms and things because that’s slightly more comfortable when you’re on your period, to use a public restroom than to use a bush.
It’s hard to concentrate. Uhm oh hi squirrely. Oh I realized that I’m shadowbanned on instagram which makes me angry and I just switched to a creator profile because the analytics and stuff are cool but I feel like that’s probably part of why I got shadowbanned, and also because I had a photo that was deleted because it “violates community guidelines” except it DOESN’T, there’s no nipple or anything, you just see a little bit of underboob and it’s not the highlight of the photo, so I just am… I feel like I dislike instagram more every day but sadly that’s where most of the people I want to follow and see what they’re doing and meet with are existing online so it’s complicated. I have a very much love hate relationship with instagram. I just wish instagram was run by like, queer anarchists or something you know, then everything would be better, but sadly IG is run by cis white men that have lots of money so we know how that goes. I really wanted to be slightly more interesting this week but my period is fogging my brain and I don’t have much else to say. I got my haircut, I like having it really short like this because it feels really good to rub it.
I do want to tell you about the next Going Beyond the Lens event that’s coming up that I’m excited about. It’s going to be on Sep… oop September, I’m not going back in time. It’s going to be on November 21st which is a Saturday, at 1pm eastern and we are going to be discussing erotic art! If you’ve read my last few Saturday posts you know that I don’t want sexual attention so this erotic art event is uncomfortable for me and feels vulnerable but I’m basically going to be like the asexual representation at this event, so you’ll get a well-rounded conversation about erotic art. I’m excited and nervous about it, I think it’s going to be a good one. If you’d like to join us we have a special guest that’s going to be a part of it and I’m really excited. So I’ll put the link in the caption of this video so you can join us. It’s a free event, FREE, free free free, you don’t have to pay anything to join, and it’s going to be a live group video call for everybody that comes. I’m really excited, these events usually last around 3 hours. They’re always really fun and I always get a lot out of them, so while I’m kindof nervous talking about erotic art and it feels vulnerable to me, I’m still excited because I think we’re all going to learn some cool things. I’m also really excited to see what people submit for their erotic art, because you know, I always love seeing everybody else’s work. If you have erotic art you’d like to share with us for this event, there’s a link for that too. I’ll put that in the caption so you can submit your art if you want.
CLICK HERE TO REGISTER FOR THE EROTIC ART EVENT
CLICK HERE TO SUBMIT YOUR EROTIC ARTI think that’s all I have to say, I love you so much, thank you for being here with me every week. I will continue to be here with you every week, at whatever capacity is possible, even if it’s like today and I’m kinda out of it because I’m in pain. Y’all are important to me so I want to continue to be consistent and sometimes that means I’m partially present and other times that means I’m very present. Today I’m partially present because my uterus is screaming at me. I love being on my period, once the pain goes away on the first day it’s a great time. I like the cycle of my body and how it usually follows the full moon and how it connects me to myself so I really like that. Also speaking of menstruation and censorship, I have a video on Youtube about why I love menstruating as an agender person and the cover photo I have for it was a photo of me that my friend Portraitmami took. It’s basically me in white underwear with blood on them and blood on my leg. You can’t see any genitalia, it’s just underwear with period blood on it but youtube decided that that was either violent or nude, even though it’s neither of those things, but youtube decided to delete my cover photo for that video because it said youtube doesn’t like seeing menstrual blood even though I think it’s awesome. More annoyance at censorship and bullshit online platforms that I feel like are also necessary because everybody is using them. So this is me ranting about bullshit censorship and bullshit social media things but… I digress. Okay yeah that’s all I have for this week. This is already a longer video than I usually make. Yeah I just wanted to say hi and I love you and I’m so glad that you’re here and literally youre the reason I’m able to pay rent and buy myself food so that means a lot. I also really like speaking to yall and seeing the things you’re interested in that I’m doing and I love hearing feedback so yeah the conversations that I’ve had with yall have been really wonderful and I’d like to continue that. Please comment on this post or send me an email or whatever feels best for you. I’m open to chatting about the things that you like and the things you’re inspired by and any questions you have.
Oh yeah how could I forget?! I was interviewed for Lenscratch which is a big photography magazine kinda thing and I was interviewed and it was amazing so I’m going to put a link here too because I think it’s a really great introduction to my work. The person who did the interview with me, Kat Davis, asked really excellent questions that really helped me articulate my process and the meaning behind my work so that’s great. So if you’d like to check out that interview I’ll put the link to that in the caption also. Yeah okay now I’m just rambling. I love you, thank you for being here, check out all the things, yeah thank you. Hopefully my cramps go away soon. You get to witness me and my crampiness. Ok. I love you! Bye.
CLICK HERE TO READ MY INTERVIEW FOR LENSCRATCH
All members:
click here to view the 28 image self portrait photoset (Sunset on the Edge)
click here to view the 2 minute BTS video
Click here for access to my archive of 12,500+ photos & 2,000+ videos
Click here for the passwords, they change the 1st of every monthFirst Look/All Access members:
click here to view the 27 image self portrait photoset I took near Grand Staircase Escalante in Utah during my cross country trip summer 2019
click here to view 2.5 minutes of BTS video -
Chicago in 2017 + Boundaries
CAPTION FOR THE VIDEO ABOVE:
Hello good morning. It’s not morning here where I am anymore, but it’s probably morning when you’re going to watch this. So good morning, or maybe, I don’t know. Good morning, good afternoon, good night, good day, good life, hello. So this week I’m sharing a really throwback lots of things. The stuff I’m sharing is photos & videos from when I was in Chicago in 2017. I kinda forgot that I had these and I hadn’t shared them yet, so you’re getting some cool throwback things! I think this was the last time I was in Chicago. I used to go every other year to do a family reunion thing with my ex, and naturally I haven’t really been in a while because, well, we’re no longer together. And because coronovirus, and you know, the world is changing forever always. The stuff from the Chicago trip that I’m sharing, it’s been a little bit since I’ve looked at them so I can’t remember if they’re photos from the 1st or the 2nd place that we stayed, because we stayed in 2 different places that last time we were in Chicago because it was my ex partner’s birthday. We stayed at one airbnb for his birthday, then another airbnb for the rest of the trip, just because we could and we wanted to. I think, I usually have all this written down of what I want to share, but I’m pretty sure the photos are from the 2nd airbnb that I’m sharing this time, but I’m not 100%.
So that’s what I’m sharing this week, and for the first look members I have another photoset from Utah from my cross country road trip in summer 2019. I keep wanting to say last summer, but last summer is now the summer of 2020, and it wasn’t last summer, it’s now the summer before. That feels weird because time has already flown by and I feel like I was just on this trip but it’s been over a year which is wild to me.
This month, October, the nude yoga video that I shared will be the last nude yoga video that I share monthly like I was. There’s 3 years of nude yoga videos that you can watch so I don’t think you’ll really miss out on them. Like I said in last week’s blog, I want to shift my time and attention and effort into slightly different things. Not too different, but this is just the beginning of my changes. That’s the last nude yoga video I’ll do for a little while. I mean I might do some more in the future if I feel like it, I just am not going to put pressure on myself to do it every month like I have been. I am still figuring out how I’m going to do my website after I run out of my backlog, which that’s going to be probably another 6 months or longer before I run out of my backlog, so you don’t have anything to worry about soon to be honest. I have a lot of backlog and a lot of stuff yall haven’t seen yet, because for whatever reason I tend to hoard my content, so no worries on that yet. I’ll continue to let you know about the shifts and changes that I go through when the time comes. I am probably going to… I don’t know, I really do want to have my content be less nudity-focused and “hey I’m a naked person” because to me, it’s just my preferred state of being? Like I was helping my mom in the kitchen this morning naked, just cutting veggies and stuff. No big deal. *laughs*
My problem is not with nudity, my problem is when people sexualize me and see nudity as something that’s inherently sexual. To me, depending on what your definition of sex is and what sexual is… just being naked and enjoying being in your own skin could be sexual. For me, as someone who is demisexual, which is on the asexual spectrum, I DO NOT WANT SEXUAL ATTENTION FROM ANYBODY. No. If I do, you will know, because I will tell you. Otherwise, I don’t want sexual attention. Do whatever you want on your own time, but don’t direct it in my direction. Don’t point your sexual feelings in my directions, I don’t want it, it makes me extremely uncomfortable, I don’t want to be sexualized. Do whatever you want while you’re looking at my photos, just don’t tell me about it. What you do on your own time is for you, that’s cool. I’ve just… over the last 10+ years of doing this, I’ve received so much unwanted attention in a sexual way that has always made me extremely uncomfortable. That kind of attention is what I’m trying to get rid of, trying to curb, trying to encourage other things instead. Nudity is not the problem for me, but sometimes when people can’t separate nudity and sexualizing me, that’s when the problem is. So I’m probably lecturing you now, that’s not what I’m trying to do. I want it to be very clear to everyone. Don’t send sexual attention in my direction because I don’t want it, it makes me very uncomfortable. Just don’t. Be my friend, ask me questions, talk to me about my art, all of that. Just don’t tell me I’m beautiful and gorgeous, and don’t tell me the things you’d want to do to me, because I don’t want to hear any of that.
Compliment my ideas, my creativity… compliment things that are not physical and not sexual. For me… other people might have totally different boundaries. My boundary is do not come at me in a sexual way at all. No, I don’t want it. I don’t, at all, I don’t. If I did, you would know, simple as that.
On a lighter note, I am feeling a little bit better recently, just because I’m giving myself space to figure things out and do my own thing. Which… I’ve kinda been doing that for a long time but, life and healing is a spiral. You think you figure something out and then you come back around to it in a different way. I’m just trying to be gentle with myself and learn more about myself and do things in the way that feels good to me, that feels nourishing to me. That’s something I’ve been working on, it’s not always easy. Especially when you learn new things about yourself that are confusing. (I think I got a mosquito bite)
I feel like most of this video is me just telling you don’t sexualize me, so I apologize if you’re someone who’s heard a lot about this already because I’ve talked about it before. It’s a hard boundary for me, and I want it to be clear to everyone. I love sharing nude stuff, just appreciate it for what it is, and don’t come at me with anything like expectations or anything like that. That’s it, enjoy it, that’s what it’s here for. My nude art is here to enjoy on your own time. Tell me what you like about it that’s not sexual or appearance based, and we’re cool. We can talk about composition, the landscape, the place we’re in, the props, all the stuff, pose, whatever. Just… don’t sexualize me. It’s not why I’m here. I’m much more than that. Sex is awesome, it is a part of my life in some capacity, but that’s none of your business. I don’t have that kind of relationship with any of you. Here I go lecturing again and it’s already after 10 minutes so, maybe I’ll just make another video. I don’t know… this is what I’m feeling and it’s what came up. Maybe I’ll just post it anyway, I might make another video, I might not. We’ll see *laughing*.
I love you all so much and it means the world to me that you’re here every week supporting me, watching my stuff, looking at my photos, reading my blogs… I haven’t posted anything to youtube recently but that’s something I want to do more of. If there’s anything you want me to make a youtube video about, let me know! I’m open to requests and suggestions. I do have plans… I’m brainstorming and figuring out how I want to do this video, but my next video that I’ll be sharing on my youtube and instagram will be about energy healing. It’ll be energy healing 101, you know basics. This is what it is, this is how you do it. And then after that I think I’ll do a embodiment and self connection video. I already have a list of like 25 different ways you can connect to yourself… so yeah. Those are my plans for a couple of videos for youtube. I’m open to hearing what you’re curious about and what you’d like to learn from me. Comment below or send me an email or.. whatever. I’d love to hear from you if you have requests.
I just appreciate you for being here, it means a lot. I know sometimes I come on here and ramble like today. *laughs* It means the world that you care at all, and that you care enough to financially support me because literally, yall, here, the members of my website are the reason that I have a roof over my head and food in my belly. That means a lot, and I love you so much, and I’m so excited to continue this journey of life with you. I love you. Thank you, and I’ll talk to you next week. Bye!
All members:
click here to view the 14 image self portrait photoset with plants in Chicago
click here to view the 27 image self portrait photoset in a fancy airbnb bathroom in Chicago
click here to view 20 Instax from Chicago
click here to view 24 videos from my Chicago travels in 2017
Click here for access to my archive of 12,500+ photos & 2,000+ videos
Click here for the passwords, they change the 1st of every monthFirst Look/All Access members:
click here to view a 32 image complete self portrait photoset at Fairyland Canyon from my cross country road trip last summer
click here to view 3 minutes of BTS video -
Self Portraits in Utah
CAPTION FOR THE VIDEO ABOVE:
*sigh* Hello friends! I was just outside to make this video but then a bunch of my neighbors decided to have big loud machines so it kinda made more sense to do it in here. This week I have a bunch more self portrait sets and BTS videos from my cross country road trip last summer, well its not even last summer anymore, summer 2019, that I’m sharing with you for both the photo/video/PWYC members and for first look members. First look gets more access to more things, as usual, but I’m excited to share these with you. I really love all the self portraits that I took last…. summer 2019. It’s kinda weird watching them and looking at them because I know it’s me, but it’s a version of me that’s no longer with us, it’s kinda like looking at a ghost in a way. It’s me but it’s not me. It’s me then, it’s not me now. It’s hard to describe. But I have those photos that I’m sharing with you.
I want to talk about the nude yoga video, bc I’m technically sharing what I’d call a nude yoga video with you this month. I’ve been doing nude yoga videos, I think every month since 2017. They’ve increasingly become less like traditional what people would think of as yoga and more of… like energy releasing more than yoga, especially this month. I’ve felt a resistance to “traditional yoga” over the last few months and I’m not exactly sure why. I guess what I’m really trying to say is, I may not do a monthly nude yoga video in the future. I might discontinue those and change it to something else. I would like to focus more on self care and community care and healing and energy healing and energy releasing and energy in general. I think over the last couple of months I’ve stressed more about the nude yoga video like “oh when am I going to make it” and all of that stuff. It’s started to become something that I’m not really enjoying as much anymore so I thought that since there are like… over 30 that you can watch from the past that you might not necessarily miss them in the future if I don’t continue them. So I’m considering discontinuing the nude yoga video and doing something different instead, like energy healing stuff so I’d love to hear your feedback if you have any. That’s something I’ll probably start next month or December or maybe 2021. I haven’t decided yet, but I wanted to give you a heads up that’s something thats going to be changing soon.
I want to focus more of my time creating content that I share for free with everyone. Of course the more extensive content will be for members. I think part of what I have been missing has been having things to share with people that weren’t behind a paywall, and I think that while I’m not a fan of capitalism, I still have to live within it so I do at some point need to be paid for my experience and my art and my time. At the same time, that makes my content less accessible to those who can’t afford it, even though I do have a pay what you can membership, I realize that $5 a month isn’t accessible to EVERYONE. I want to make more content that’s for everyone, and I’m considering a change of… the weekly posts that I make for yall that comes out on Saturdays, that has a handful of the images from the whole set that yall have access to. I’m considering making that blog post accessible to everyone, and, like currently, only members have access to the FULL set and the FULL video. That’s something I’ve been thinking about. I already do have a free post, I think it’s every Tueday. I have them scheduled through the end of the year… I think it’s Tuesdays. I’m feeling like I want to benefit more people and I can do that if I have more stuff that’s free.
I’m also continuously pulling further away from doing nude art. Not because I don’t love it. I definitely extremely very much DO LOVE nude art so much. The attention that it gets me from people is not the attention that I want, so I want to make it more understood by my audience, members and non members/just people that follow me. I want to make it more understood that my nudity is not consent for you to sexualize me. What you do on your own time by yourself that I’m not involved in is up to you, that’s none of my business, but as soon as sexual comments come in my direction… like I’ve been harassed this week through people commenting in another language that I had to translate but it’s still rude as fuck, also very much sexualizing me. That further reminds me how much I am extremely uncomfortable with that and that is violating my consent. I love nude art, but it, based on people’s perception of it, that I have no control over, that brings a certain kind of attention in my direction that I don’t want. I’m going to be backing away some from making nude things and sharing nude things potentially, so that I don’t get the attention that I don’t want, and making things that are “fb & ig safe” in order to share my knowledge and experience with people without getting the kind of attention that I don’t want which is sexualization.
I will forever have a very special place in my heart for nude art and I will probably never fully stop making it or sharing it, but it is not my focus any longer. I am much more than a naked body and I think it’s time for me to show that through the things that I’m putting out there. Just wanted to let yall know that. If you’re only here for the nudity, that’s cool, but I’m much more than a naked body, way more than that. That’s a cool thing about me, I have a body, so do you! But yeah, I have a spirit and a heart and a mind that is within that body that needs to be respected, and I believe that I will have more respect and less violation of my consent through sexualization of me if I don’t share as much nudity as I have been. So I’m going to figure out some kind of balance for that. I don’t know exactly what that means yet.
Be prepared for potential changes such as what I’ve already mentioned: discontinuing nude videos every month and doing something different, potentially sharing these weekly vlog posts for everyone, not just members, and making it so that it’s continuing to be members that have access to the galleries and archives of my work, and posting and making less nude content in general. So head’s up there.
I appreciate yall so much, you’re the reason I’m able to do any of this at all. Literally this is my full time job is my website and doing things for yall and making art that is constantly changing I suppose. Art that I haven’t really made this year. Yeah…. I am so grateful for yall for allowing me to have this as my full time job. I dreamed of having this as my job, for years, and that dream happened and it exists in real life now! Now I’m ready to dream of new things. I don’t exactly know what that is yet, but I’m working on it and making little steps in that direction, and we’re gonna see where that goes. Thank you for being what is making me able to do that at all. I appreciate you, I love you, I hope you have a wonderful day and a wonderful weekend. I’ll talk to you next week. Bye!
Video/PWYC members:
click here to view the full 61 image self portrait photoset near Canyonlands at sunset
click here to view the 8.5 minute energy release and body connection videoFirst Look members:
click here to view the self portrait photoset I took in Utah (Edge of Sunset)
click here to view the 2.5 minute BTS video -
Self Portraits in Utah
Pay What You Can & Video members now have access to:
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vlog with the story behind these self portrait photosets I took in Utah during my cross country road trip last summer
- 61 image complete self portrait photoset near Canyonlands at sunset
- 8.5 minute energy release and body connection video
First Look members now have access to:
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everything above
- 29 image complete self portrait photoset I took in Utah (Edge of Sunset)
- 2.5 minutes of BTS video
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Self Portraits at the entrance of a Colorado cave
CAPTION FOR THE VIDEO ABOVE:
Hi friends! So this week is a little bit different. You might not really notice much different, but I usually use my cell phone for these videos but this week my cell phone is locked away in a drawer for at least the next few days because I don’t want to be on social media so I’m making myself not even touch my phone so I don’t accidentally be like “oh I wonder what’s happening?” get on social media and then be on there for like 4 hours. So yeah, it’s in a drawer and the drawer is taped shut and I’m not going to touch my phone until Friday at the earliest, yay me! I’m taking this video on my fancy digital camera which I haven’t used in a while so it’s probably good that I’m using it.
This week I’m sharing a… I think it’s the last photoset that I took in the cave in Colorado. I’m not going to say too much about it because I already told you about it last week and there’s also videos from when I was actually there that you can watch. I feel like I don’t have to go over the cave in Colorado anymore, but you’re going to have some awesome photos and BTS video from that to look at. The first look members… I believe it’s another 1 or 2 sets from Goblin Valley, so I’m excited to share those too. I don’t have my computer open and my list of all the things but I’m pretty sure that’s what it is, I’m pretty sure it’s content from Goblin Valley. Hopefully I’m right, I think I’m right. I don’t want to have to go search and find what it is but I’m pretty sure it’s from Goblin Valley.
Yesterday at the end of the day I decided that I’m not going to be on social media or my phone at least until Friday at the earliest. So I taped my phone away in a drawer and now I cleaned the whole house today and I did all of my laundry and now I’m like… what am I going to do? It’s funny how much I realize now I’m on my phone, because when I’m not on it I’m like “wow suddenly I have so much more time!” It’s wild! Yeah I’m really glad I’m not on my phone. I don’t know about you but I sometimes struggle with having boundaries with my phone. That’s something I’m working on. Also I’m taking this video early, this is.. I think today is Tuesday. I usually make the video on Thursdays. I’m taking a technology break but I’m still going to obviously be doing my weekly content for yall, so I’m not 100% off of technology because this camera is technology and my computer that I’ll be on probably Thursday is technology. I’m just not going to be on social media and I’m not going to touch my phone. I don’t have a lot to say this week because not much has changed. I’m probably not going to be leaving my house for the next 2 weeks, which will be interesting, especially while I’m not using my phone I’m going to be like, finding things to do. Which is kinda funny because I remember before back in the day I used to be like “wow I do all these things and I don’t have time for all the things I want to do!” and now today I’m like… “hmmmm what am I going to do? I don’t want to watch tv, what do I want to do?” I can’t go on a walk because it’s raining, except I’m probably going to still go on a walk, I have a rain jacket. It’s amazing how much more time you have when you’re not on your phone.
I don’t have much to say this week so I’m going to stop this video so I don’t keep rambling but I just wanted to say that I love and appreciate every single one of you so much! You are literally what keeps me fed, literally what keeps me with a roof over my head, literally what makes it so that I’m able to do any of this at all, so thank you, you mean the world to me. It’s been so awesome getting to know some of you more personally. Some of you, especially some of the newer people who have joined, I haven’t.. I don’t think we’ve ever had a conversation, so if you want to talk, you can comment on this post or send me an email. Yeah I think yall are awesome and I’m glad you’re my friends and I’m glad you’re here. I’m always open to hear what kinds of things you’re interested in, because I continually know that I’m going to be changing and shifting things with my website. I still don’t know exactly what that is yet, and I’m going to continue to mention it so nobody’s surprised when something changes. I’m of course going to let you know what the change is before I do it, and I don’t know what the change is yet because I haven’t decided!
I don’t have an infinite supply of nude art, and I’ve had a total of 2 photoshoots this entire year and I’ve taken like 2 or 3 self portrait sets this entire year and it’s like the end of September. My backlog won’t last forever. I feel like I’ll have started some kind of content before I actually run out of content to share. I’ve stopped modeling completely, and like I said I’ve done 2 photoshoots this year. I’ve been slowing down a lot, and reevaluating what’s important to me and yall are the reason I’m able to do that. That’s amazing, thank you so much. I think that bigger better things are coming. Maybe not even bigger, just different. Maybe not even better, just different, I don’t know. I keep thinking about meditation and energy healing and I keep taking videos of nature and I know I’m going to do something with them, I don’t know exactly what that is yet. Probably videos of meditation and energy healing haha. I feel kindof… I don’t want to say stuck… I’m in the liminal space between who I was a little over a year ago, who I was in the photos I’ve shared this weekend with yall. I’m in the liminal space between that and who I’m becoming, who I’m growing into. I’m figuring it out, day by day. I don’t actually know what I’m doing. Does anyone actually know what they’re doing? I don’t think so. I’m just glad yall are here with me. I appreciate you all. I love you, and I’ll talk to you next week! Bye!
Video members:
click here to view the full self portrait photoset of me at the entrance of a cave in Colorado during my cross country road trip last summer
click here to view the BTS video (+2 vlogs from before I found the cave)First Look members:
click here to view the complete self portrait photoset in Utah (Going In)
click here to view the BTS video
click here to view the complete self portrait photoset in Utah (My Own Canyon)
click here to view the BTS video -
Self Portraits at the entrance of a Colorado cave
Pay What You Can & Video members now have access to:
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vlog with the story behind this self portrait photoset of me at the entrance of a cave in Colorado during my cross country road trip last summer
- 59 image complete photoset
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21+ minutes of BTS video (+2 vlogs before I found the cave)
First Look members now have access to:
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everything above
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22 image complete self portrait photoset in Utah (Going In)
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2.5 minutes of BTS video
- 53 image complete self portrait photoset in Utah (My Own Canyon)
- 5 minutes of BTS video
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Self Portraits IN A CAVE!
Pay What You Can & Video members now have access to:
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vlog with the story behind this self portrait photoset I took inside a cave in Colorado during my cross country road trip last summer
- 32 image complete photoset
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8 minutes of BTS video
First Look members now have access to:
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everything above
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106 image complete self portrait photoset Among Goblins (also from my cross country road trip last summer)
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14 minutes of BTS video
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Self Portraits IN A CAVE!
CAPTION FOR THE VIDEO ABOVE:
Hello friends! It’s raining again which is why I’m not outside. This week I have some really awesome photos to share with you. I have the first photoset that I’m sharing from my time in the cave on my cross country road trip last summer. I was… if you followed all the videos I made every day last summer when I was on my cross country road trip, then you know what happened before I took these, and after, because I talked about it in the vlog. If you’re new to my website I’ll do a quick recap. I had just gotten to Colorado National Mounument and I came in through some back way somehow and didn’t realize that I was actually in Colorado National Monument. I was trying to find McInnis Canyons, and while I did find the parking lot for it, I didn’t trust my van to drive where I really wanted to be, so I gave up on McInnis Canyons and I drove around the park, which is Colorado National Monument, that I didn’t actually realize was the monument because I never went through a gate. You know how at the entrances to most national parks and monuments and stuff, they have a little house thing that has a person that works there that answers your questions and takes your fee to get in and stuff, there’s usually a gate. Apparently I went in through some back way and I never saw a gate so I didn’t realize I was actually in the park.
I ended up sleeping at a trailhead in my van, I just parked at a trailhead and slept there overnight, which I was not supposed to do. The next morning I got up and as I was driving I noticed across the canyon that there was a cave on the side of the canyon, and I wanted to see if I could find it. I parked where I assumed was close-ish to the cave, on the side of the road, there wasn’t actually a parking spot. I’m still not completely aware that I’m actually in Colorado National Monument, I just thought I found some cool ass road. Looking back I should have known, but I never saw any official signs and I didn’t know. I was just real happy about where I was so I didn’t question it. I traipsed around for a little while and I took some videos on the side of the canyon, I hadn’t really found anything yet and I was about to give up, but I was like “you know what, I’m gonna continue walking over here and see what I can find” and I FOUND THE CAVE! I found the fucking cave! So I of course completely celebrated and was super fucking happy and really excited about it. I took a couple of self portrait sets in the cave and some more videos and I’m sharing one of those self portrait sets with you today. There’s like 8 minutes of video that I’m sharing from that cave also, so you get to see me really excited about it. After I was in the cave I went back to my van and I hung out there and had lunch in the van in that space that I parked that wasn’t actually a parking spot. A park ranger parked behind me and started interrogating me and thought that I had alcohol, and thought that I had all these drugs with me and thought that I was like… since I had a mason jar of water which they assumed was moonshine which… why does liquid in a mason jar automatically equate to moonshine in most people’s minds? I don’t get it, I just drink water out of them constantly. So he saw the “moonshine” and thought that… he had seen me parked at the trailhead and he thought that I was like… trying to like (TRIGGER WARNING) commit suicide. He thought I was gonna like drink my ass off and then walk off a cliff or something. Why do all of these “safety official people” people who are cops, why do they always go to the worst possible outcome? I just don’t get it. Anyway. I lied a bunch, a lot, pretending that I didn’t sleep there overnight, because I didn’t want to get in trouble, also fuck cops.
So I was super lucky and I recognize that as a white person that’s probably why I was able to get away with it. If I had darker skin, I probably, who knows what would have happened to me. Definitely not getting away with it and not having any kind of repercussion. If I was Black that would definitely be different. I just want to say I acknowledge my EXTREME privilege and I appreciate that I didn’t get in trouble for this. But yeah that was part of that adventure. If you want to see more of my daily videos that I made when I was on my cross country road trip, I’ll put a link in the caption below (CLICK HERE TO SEE) so you can go look at all of them. Anybody can see them, I posted all over 100 videos that I made for free for anyone who wants to see. So go enjoy that, there’s a bunch of nature things there. Also good luck finding which video it is because there’s a fuck ton of videos, but enjoy your searching! Yeah so that’s what I’m sharing this week with everybody.
First look members I’m sharing a photoset that’s over 100 photos from my time in Goblin Valley. I took several different sets when I was down among the goblins. The parking lot is up above the actual Goblin Valley, then there’s a big hill and down below is this huge valley of all the goblins. It’s really cool, unique interesting rock formations that they call goblins, and it’s a whole valley full of them and it’s wild and awesome. I took all of those different sets and bunched them into one really big set, so that’s available along with BTS video for first look members. It’ll eventually be coming for everyone else. I think that’s most of what I want to share today.
Also I just wanna say my tattoo is healing very well. I’m in the itchy flaky stage, so that’s fun. I’m still washing it 2-3x/day, putting lotion on a bunch. I love it so much and I’m so happy with it! I’m excited to continue, I have 2 more appointments, I have an appt in November and an appt in December to continue. It’s gonna come up here and go here and across my back and down my arm, I’m excited!
Okay this video is getting long and I’ve already told you some stories and also there’s nothing really new in my life right now because… what’s changed since last week? Not really anything. So! Yeah just wanted to say hi and I love you, and YOU YOU are the reason I’m able to do any of this at all. I appreciate you so much. It means the world to me that you support me financially and spiritually and artistically, and friendship-ly haha. Yeah it means a lot. I’m so thankful that you’re here and that I get to continue sharing with you and… yeah. Okay. I love you! MWAH! Bye!
Video members:
click here to view the full self portrait photoset I took inside a cave in Colorado during my cross country road trip last summer
click here to view the BTS videoFirst Look members:
click here to view the self portrait photoset Among Goblins (also from my cross country road trip last summer)
click here to view the BTS video