CAPTION FOR VIDEO ABOVE:

Hello! Sorry my neighbors are mowing my lawn so it’s loud but I really wanted to do this, so hopefully it’s not too loud! This week I’m sharing a photoset that was taken last summer of me by ExhibitphotoPDX who I spent most of a day with in the Columbia River Gorge and it was amazing, we drove around, stopped at a bunch of places and took a whole bunch of pictures and it was so much fun. He brought us lunch and snacks and drinks and he had a cooler and we just hung out. We found this really cool waterfall that was right off the road. We found this structure that went over some water kinda… it was sorta like a pier but it was a funky shape. You’ll see it in the photos… that was really cool. It was very much within viewing distance of a major road, the main road that goes through the gorge… so some people probably saw me naked while they were driving. We just shot there really quick and then left so that if people were having problems with it, it didn’t really matter because we were gone by the time anything would have happened anyway. It was a really fun shoot, I really enjoyed it, and just exploring the Columbia River Gorge is amazing. I spent MOST of my time when I was in Portland in the Columbia River Gorge because it’s fucking gorgeous and amazing and all the nature and that’s exactly where I wanna be, of course.

The First Look people are getting a big photoset that was taken by KH, this was also in Portland. I met up with her and Eva Luna, who is earthyeva on IG, I think she’s still on IG, I know she’s kinda not a big fan of it for a little bit so I don’t know if she’s taking a hiatus from it or not. Eva and I posed for Kisa, and then Kisa & Eva posed for me. The photoset that I’m sharing with First Look now are just the photos that Kisa took, and my BTS photos. I have I think it’s 2 photosets to share with you that are the photos I took of them, in the future, that’s not coming yet but it’s coming soon.

Yeah that’s most of what I have to say today. I’m feeling emotionally weird today, and I know there are some astrological things going on today that are difficult so that makes sense. I’ve noticed… there’s been 2 people that I follow over the last 2 days that have said they’re going to be going offline, and they have HUGE followings… and I’m kinda inspired by them. Even with my measly 4000 followers, which is really not that measly, 4000 people is still a lot of people, but compared to the 22,600 followers I used to have before my original account was deleted in October 2018, I feel like 4000 isn’t that big. But compared to most other numbers and new people on IG it’s a decent sized account, even though it’s way smaller than what my old account used to be. I feel like people who decide to go off social media when they have huge followings, like one of these people have I think it’s 40,000 followers, and the other has 95,000 followers and they’re both like, I’m just gonna do something else. I feel like that’s very brave and that’s inspiring. I’m also wondering, what are they going to do to make money? I feel like so much of my job is on social media, and trying to make money that way. Honestly that’s probably why I don’t like social media that much, because it feels like a JOB. Because I feel like the things that I do on there should in some way try to start making me money or direct people towards me but I don’t like the way that feels. I don’t want my presence to be like “I’m here so give me money” that just feels gross to me. I want to actually connect with people, I want to actually help people and like share resources with people, I don’t wanna just be like “hey I’m here, I deserve money, you should pay me” but also I do deserve money and I should get paid. So it’s like, it’s complicated. I’m inspired by these people who are giving up their huge followings to do something different. It’s so loud, I hope you can hear me, I’m sorry it’s a terrible sound. But yeah it’s inspiring to me, and I’m also thinking about, if I’m going to continue being on social media… oh yay they paused for a second! If I’m going to continue being on social media, I’m going to need to do something different, and I don’t know what that is. Social media either sucks away my time and my life and my good feels and it leaves me feeling drained and shitty. OR the days that I can manage my time better, and get on, post something that’s meaningful, respond to comments and messages, and get off, those are the days that I feel a lot better. I know that  time management and self control is something that I need to work on in terms of social media. If any of yall are time management gurus, please reach out to me, I would like help. I’m trying to think of ways that I can manage my time better. Maybe I’ll only be online for like x hours of the day, and if it’s after this hour then I won’t be online. I’m thinking about doing that and I’m sortof starting to implement that a little bit.

I continue to feel weird about my website. Nudity is a big part of my life, photography is a big part of my life, modeling isn’t something I want to continue doing very much unless it’s for specific things. But the way that I have my website set up it’s like “pay me for access to naked photos” and while there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that and it’s been wonderful for me for several years now, it doesn’t really feel quite right to me anymore. It feels really surface level and really… I’m not sure, it just… I continue noticing the need for change and I continue not having the answer to my need yet, and it feels weird to be in this liminal space. I’ve been through so many liminal spaces in the last year and a half. I feel like finding sturdy ground is sometimes a little difficult. But I also really like change, even though it used to terrify me. It’s funny, the things that were my last nightmare or the last thing I ever wanted, ended up being things that I chose for myself a lot over the last few years. It’s weird how things change. Yeah, so uh… I have plans and content that’s going to last me at least through Halloween, and I’ll probably continue with the way things have been just because it’s a few hours a week for me and it’s not like super draining or negative in terms of the use of my time, but I also am noticing that I keep pulling away from a lot of things and trying to make more empty space in my life. So I feel like something’s going to change with my website and I just don’t know what that is yet. I feel like I say this every week, but it’s true! Nothing is forever, and I do need some change, I just don’t know what that is yet and I appreciate you being along for the ride. I love you so much. Have a great day, bye. =]

(Oh, PS…. I just wanted to tell you about one thing I forgot to mention in the video! At the end of my shoot with ExhibitphotoPDX, I was balancing on a rock (the one I’m sitting on in the very last image in the full gallery) and it turned over, causing me to fall into a tree and scrape myself up haha. You can see the scrape in the photo below taken by Jacob Webster at the nude beach gathering. Whoops! In some of these photos with ExhibitphotoPDX you can see the big bruise that was still on the inside of my leg that I got when I was at Lake Tahoe hahaha)

Video members:
click here to view the full photoset taken by ExhibitphotoPDX in the Columbia River Gorge outside of Portland Oregon during my cross country road trip last year
click here to watch the short BTS video
click here to view the video Intro to Ecosexuality (the nude version I shot before doing the clothed Youtube version)

First Look members:
click here to view the photoset of me & Eva Luna taken by KH at a nude beach outside of Portland
click here to view the BTS photos I took during that shoot
click here to view the BTS video

Click here for the gallery passwords