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Why I Don’t Model Much Anymore
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CAPTION FOR THE VIDEO ABOVE:
Hi, friends! Today I am excited to talk about why I don’t really model much anymore.
I have not officially retired, but I am super extra incredibly picky about who I will pose for and honestly, it’s not very many people. So I don’t really model much anymore for a few reasons, but some of them are… I feel like I have kind of…
Posing for other people has kind of run its course for me. I used to super enjoy it, it was a really fun adventure. I really liked meeting new people and helping them create art in whatever way that they were excited to create and posing for them. But now, it doesn’t feel as exciting for me anymore to make art for other people. I’m much more interested in making art for myself, which is why I prefer self-portraiture.
Another reason is, I’ve had my gender realization and I’m agender. I’m like, I’m a trans person. I’m non-binary, agender. I’m not a woman, and I feel like most photographers that want to hire me see me as a woman and are not really capable or willing to see the full spectrum of who I am. And kind of want to push a feminine idea and feminine imagery on me, which I’m no longer willing to participate in. It was okay before, I was never really comfortable with it, and then, when I had my gender understanding it became a lot more clear that, yeah, I’m just really not willing to feminize myself for other people’s art.
So that’s probably one of the main reasons why I basically only model for women and trans people now because I feel like they see me more as who I am instead of who they want me to be. It’s not that there are men who can’t like… there are men who can see me as me, but I feel like the majority of them are just kind of guys with cameras who just want to take photos of a naked woman and that’s not me. I am naked but I’m not a woman. Posing for other people is not as exciting and fun for me as it used to be. And that’s the primary reason why I don’t really model much anymore. I’d rather take self portraits.
If you would like an opportunity to take self-portraits with me, we… me and Lior Allay and Roarie Yum are hosting Conscious Creativity in Ypsilanti Michigan, in person on a permaculture farm. I’m so excited, August 27th and 28th. It’s a two-day workshop. I have a lot of information about it in other vlogs and on the Eventbrite that I’ll link below. But if you are curious about self portraiture, and if you would like to take self portraits and have all of my tips and tricks for those, and also the opportunity to take self portraits in a group with me and Lior and Roarie, join us! Buy a ticket, come to Ypsilanti and pose with us, take self portraits with us! I’m very excited. I’ll put all the information below, but I don’t want to ramble on about Conscious Creativity because I have more information about that in other places, but if you’d like to join us, I’ll link it below.
More info about Conscious Creativity
I hope you enjoyed this video. And if you’re a cis male photographer who would like to hire me as a model, I hope this helps you understand why I probably said no. Not that I have anything against cis males, like cis men, but I just feel like women and trans people can see me as who I am. And yeah, it just feels more fulfilling to create art with people who can understand me, than people who want to like, push something onto me. I love you so much and I will talk to you soon! Bye!
Join me, Lior, and Roarie for Conscious Creativity on August 27 + 28! All the details are here 💖
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Day 2 filming for Nudism.TV
Today I did a segment about gender + sexuality with my mom. I’m glad she was there to ask some questions and give her perspective. After that segment, I did a quick how-to on self portraiture including a demonstration. 😊
My sister Gemini filmed a segment on floral design for bouquets and a segment on creating flower crowns, with me + mommy there to ask questions. Afterward Gemini and I did a segment on consent + negotiations for a rope bondage session.
It was a full day and lots of fun! Now I’m ready to relaxxxxx and do nothing.
Watch our livestreamed interviews from yesterday on Nudism.TV‘s YouTube channel by clicking here!
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My Queer/Coming Out Story!
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CAPTION FOR THE VIDEO ABOVE:
Hi friends! So, recently, I think it was the 10th or 11th it was National Coming Out day, so I thought I would share my queer story with you! So if you’re new here and don’t know much about me, I am queer, I’m trans, I’m agender, I’m ecosexual, I’m, I guess I would also say bisexual… labels don’t quite fit me properly, so I’ve found that queer and ecosexual fit me the best. So usually it’s just easier for me to be like, I’m queer. I’m trans. I’m non-binary. I’m queer. Yeah, so like, I like labels to help people understand me better, but also I find labels to be limiting sometimes because as soon as you put a label on something, then there’s usually a lot of assumptions that come along with that. So yeah, that’s like a short synopsis of my thoughts on labels, but for coming out day, which was recently… this month. Yeah. I want to share my like queer story with you!
If I knew more about queerness, and if I had more queer friends that were out when I was younger, even though I did have some out queer friends when I was in high school. If I had more education before the time that I did, I probably would have come out sooner or like actually realize things about myself sooner, because the hardest part of coming out is coming out to yourself and like realizing that you’re queer in the first place, so I didn’t really realize or come out until I was 29 years old, which was two years ago in 2019.
I could have maybe connected the dots way years before, but I think my being married to a man a cis man for over five years and a relationship with him for over 10 years kind of, I don’t want to say prevented me from realizing my queerness, but I think it I think it encouraged my…. How do I put this? I think it encouraged my not knowing for a while, like it was easy to just be like yeah, I’m straight and I’m a woman because I married the man and I’m happy in this relationship. If you’re new here, also, I’m divorced. Officially divorced in 2020. We’re still friends. But it took really, it took me being on my cross country road trip by myself in 2019 to really have the time and space to be with myself and really start to understand myself on a deeper level before I realized that I was queer. Looking back… looking back there were a lot of signs that I was queer way before then.
I just didn’t put it together and I was like, I’m a tomboy. So before I realized I was queer, I always wanted a penis. Ideally a retractable one so it was there when I wanted, but I would like disappear when I didn’t want it. Still dreaming! Still hoping maybe one day I’ll have it. Yeah, even as a kid, I would like pretend I had a penis. And like put spoons in my pants to like make them poke out so it seemed like I had a penis. My sister reminded me of this because I totally had forgotten. I always really loved shopping in the boys section of stores. I definitely had, queer friends. I was a very opinionated and loud ally to queer people for like forever. I had a Love Is Love shirt in like high school that I made myself. So, I mean there were signs and of course like everyone’s… everyone’s life is different. So maybe you have done the same things and you’re like straight and cis, and that’s totally cool too, like everyone is different. Only you can know if you’re queer or not, but for me, those were signs.
So, okay, in March of 2019, we had, me and my now ex-husband had the, let’s get a divorce conversation and he moved out of state in May, mid-May of 2019, and at the end of May of 2019 I started my two month solo cross country road trip and then mid-August after I came home it was like maybe a week after I got home. No mosquito not here for you. I at that point, my hair was to my elbows and I was fucking sick of it. For my whole life I had long or long ish hair, and I kind of overly identified with it. But by the time, like I was living in a van and being in the desert mostly for two months.
Squirrel! Did you see? I just got fucking sick of my hair. So I came home and I asked my mom to shave my head. And she didn’t really want to because she was scared that I wouldn’t like it, but she did it anyway because I wanted it and I asked her to and she was like, okay, who am I to say that you can’t have a shaved head? And so she shaved it for me. There’s a video of that whole… the whole thing. The whole experience of me getting my head shaved for the first time ever. I have that video, I’ll have to find it and link it for y’all, but there’s a whole video, it’s like 20 minutes long. I have a short version too that’s like two minutes, but it’s really special. That was like, I’m very big moment in my queer awakening. So my mom shaved my head here in the backyard. We were naked and it was wonderful. And at the end, I was like, oh shit. I look like a little boy. And I was super happy.
(CLICK HERE FOR THE 20 MINUTE HAIRCUT VIDEO)
(CLICK HERE FOR THE 2 MINUTE SHORT VERSION OF THE HAIRCUT VIDEO)
And then within like, a couple of days of that, I was walking at the park with my sister and I like confessed to her my gender feelings and she totally affirmed that for me and reminded me of some of the signs of my queerness when I was a kid that I didn’t even remember, and she’s like, yeah that I mean, it totally makes sense that you’re not binary because like you kind of have always been like that and she’s like, of course. So that was really amazing and I’m so thankful for her for being immediately supportive of me. So that evening, I texted a bunch of my family, like, hey, I realized I’m non binary. Can you please use they/them pronouns for me? And after that, I came out on social media and Yeah, been like that ever since. Yeah, so that’s the shortish version of my Queer Journey.
Yeah. I’m just happy thinking about it because I feel so much more myself and I have the vocabulary and the knowledge to be able to be like, okay, I know myself better than I ever did at this point and that feels really good. My parents are really wonderful. My mom, like she came up with this word that I love because she was like, if I can’t call you my daughter anymore, how do I… How do I introduce you to friends and stuff? Like, I don’t want to say my child because you’re an adult. She like what? How do I describe you? I was like, I donno, you’re heir? Child of your womb? Your adult child? I don’t know. And she came up with the word sproutling, which I love and my sister also likes it too. So we’re just, we’re their Sproutlings. So, that makes me super happy. Like even if there isn’t a word for what you’re trying to say, you can make one up!
So if you’re in the closet or if you’re out of the closet, or if you’re questioning your gender or your sexuality or your identity in any way, I’m proud of you and I hope that you do it in your own time. There’s no rush and you can always change. People change their labels all the time. Like we’re not static, like human beings are always changing and we’re always growing and learning and to expect someone to always be the same is to not fully know them. And it’s to not like hold them in their complexity and their wholeness. So yeah, you are worthy, whether you have a label for yourself or not. You are amazing and wonderful and you are loved. Okay. Thank you for being here. I just want to share that story with you. I know some of you who’ve been here for a while, probably have already heard it, but I figured I’d share because National Coming Out day was recently and it was fitting. I love you!
Photos my sister Gemini took during the life changing haircut:
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Nature is Queer!
Click here if you’re having trouble watching the video.
Hi friends!
So I have recently finished a book that I am obsessed about, obsessed with, and super excited about. It has totally affirmed all of my queerness in general, but sometimes, I somehow still feel like I need to be affirmed in my queerness even though I’m super queer and like, that’s awesome but we all need some affirmation sometimes, right?
So I would love to share with you this book Evolution’s Rainbow from Joan Roughgarden who is a trans woman biologist. An amazing person who wrote this amazing book. So, it’s Evolution’s Rainbow: Diversity, Gender, and Sexuality in Nature and People.
I love everything that I read in this book, I do feel like there were some kind of outdated terms in this book which kind of makes sense because it’s from 10 years ago. It’s been out for over 10 years. So, whatever potentially incorrect language is used in the book, I highly doubt like there was any kind of malice in using those terms. I would like to give Joan and the amount of time it’s been since Joan wrote his book, the benefit of the doubt that some of the like outdated language that was used wasn’t really on purpose. Language from 10 years ago, even if it’s not totally the way things would go today, but it’s nothing like super… what’s the word I’m looking for? Negative, I guess?
Distracted me! Yay. But anyway, this book is amazing. I wanted to go over this little section called Gender Defined, because it’s real great and it’s probably one of my favorite parts of the book and it’s pretty close to the beginning.
If you’re curious about like gender or, not gender, about nature being super fucking queer this is your book. This is all the science behind how queer nature is, nature is super fucking queer. So queer! Like, of course, humans are queer, because queerness is all throughout the animal kingdom! I don’t even like that term, okay, let’s find another term… all throughout life on this planet!
So I’m gonna read a little bit from this and let’s affirm your queerness too.
All right, Gender Defined.
“Up to now, we’ve come up with two generalizations. One: most species reproduce sexually, and two: among the species that do reproduce sexually, gamete size obeys a near universal binary between very small: sperm, and large: egg. So that male and female can be defined biologically as the production of small and large gametes, respectively. Beyond these two generalizations, the generalizing stops and diversity begins!
The binary in gamete size doesn’t extend outward. The biggest error of biology today is uncritically assuming that gamete size binary implies a corresponding binary in body type, behavior, and life history.”
(I’m going to read that sentence again because I think it is so important to really get in our brain. Here we go, reading a second time.)
“The biggest error of biology today is uncritically assuming that gamete size binary implies a corresponding binary in body type, behavior, and life history.
No binary governs the whole individuals who make gametes, who bring them to one another for fertilization and who interact with one another to survive in a native social context. In fact, the very sexual process that maintains the rainbow of a species and facilitates long-term survival automatically brings a cornucopia of colorful, sexual behaviors.
Gender, unlike gamete size, is not limited to two. Gender usually refers to the way a person expresses sexual identity in a cultural context. Gender reflects both the individual reaching out to cultural norms and society imposing expectations on the individual. Gender is usually thought to be uniquely human. Any species has sexes, but only people have genders.
With your permission though, I’d like to widen the meaning of gender to refer to non-human species as well. As a definition, I suggest gender is the appearance, behavior, and life history of a sexed body. A body becomes sexed when classified with respect to the size of the gametes produced. Thus gender is appearance plus action, how an organism uses morphology, including color and shape, plus behavior to carry out a sexual role. Now we’re free to explore the zoological and botanical counterpart of human gender studies.
So, we may ask how much variety occurs in gender expression among other species? Let’s take some favorite stereotypes and see. We will look mostly at vertebrae, but even more variety occurs with invertebrates and plants.”
(All right, this is going to be a list and it’s really great. I want to make this into a like, infographic post because it’s so good.)
“An organism is solely male or female for life.
No. The most common body form among plants and in perhaps half of the animal kingdom is for an individual to be both and female at the same time or at different times during its life. These individuals make both small and large gametes during their lives.
Males are bigger than females, on the average.
No, in lots of species, especially fish, the female is bigger than the male.
Females, not males, give birth.
No, in many species the female deposits the eggs in the pouch of the male, who incubates them until birth. In many species males, not females, tend the nest.
Males have XY chromosomes and females, XX chromosomes.
No, in birds including domesticated poultry like chickens the reverse is true. In many other species, males and females showed no difference in chromosomes. In all alligators and crocodiles, some turtles and lizards, and the occasional fish, sex is determined by the temperature at which the eggs are raised. A female can control the sex ratio among her offspring by laying eggs in a shady or sunny spot.
Only two genders occur, corresponding to the two sexes.
No, many species have three or more genders with individuals of each sex occurring in two or more forms.
Males and females look different from one another.
No, in some species males and females are almost indistinguishable. In other species males occur in two or more forms, one of which resembles a female while the others are different from the female.
The male has a penis and the female lactates. (This is probably my favorite one!)
No, in the spotted hyena, females have a penis-like structure externally identical to that of males, and in the fruit bat of Malaysia and Borneo, the males have milk producing mammary glands.
Males control females.
(Obviously hell no.) In some species, females control males, and in many, mating is a dynamic interaction between female and male choice. Females may or may not prefer a dominant male. Period. (I added the period.)
Females prefer monogamy and males want to play around.
No, depending on the species, either or both sexes may play around. Lifelong monogamy is rare, and even within monogamous species, females may initiate divorce to acquire a higher ranking male.”
Resources:
Book:
Evolution’s Rainbow: Diversity, Gender, and Sexuality in Nature and People by Joan Roughgarden
Internet Articles:
11 Animals That Can Change Their Sex by Sidney Stevens
These are the only 3 animals on Earth who produce offspring this way by Molly Sequin
Sex Redefined: The Idea of 2 Sexes is Overly Simplistic by Claire Ainsworth
How Birds Become Male or Female, and Occasionally Both by Jenny Graves
We Have the Wrong Idea About Males, Females, and Sex by David Robson
Female Animals with Pseudo Penises by Katie Mach
And this is in the animal kingdom, or in the life that is non-human on the world… okay!? Yeah so nature is queer as fuck. There’s like transgender hummingbirds. There are plants that are male in the morning and female in the evening, and others of those plants are the opposite, female in the morning and male in the afternoon. Even different genders throughout like one day.
There’s like fish that like are very, like queer, gender weird. At all the things I’m just… *makes excited face*
Spotted hyena, all of them have penises. Also, it doesn’t say it in that section that I read to you, but in another section about those spotted hyenas, it’s probably, it’s one of my favorite things! Now I’m just like “haaa” …build expectation.
Female hyenas have penises too, they all have penises. The spotted hyena all have penises, and an erection is a sign of submission!!!!!!! In spotted hyena world!!!!
Okay, I’m done. So nature’s queer, end of story. I love you. Let’s go. Let’s check out more queer nature things.
Do you like this video? If you like this video, comment and let me know and I’ll make more queer nature videos. I love you!
If you’d like to read this book yourself, the Bookshop link is below!
(OR CLICK HERE)Bookshop allows us to support independent bookstores instead of putting more money into billionaire’s pockets. As an affiliate with Bookshop, I receive 10% as a commission (at no cost to you!), which I redistribute to the local Black Indigenous, + People of Color creative community here in Charlotte NC.
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MEMES! Gender, labels, + consent, oh my!
I was sharing memes on instagram that included nude images but deleted them all when ig did their most recent update to the terms of service because I was scared of getting my account deleted AGAIN. My original account with 22.6k followers got deleted in October 2018 and I never got it back, so I really would like that to NOT happen again.
I still love the memes that I made and want to share them, so here are some of the ones that I used to have on my ig before I deleted them!
Original caption:
Photo: Chip Willis
Model + meme: me, Bunny LunaI am angry today so I am channeling that anger into making my first ever meme. Hah, it’s funny that I’m choosing this as my first post since my hibernation. (TW: breach of consent) This meme is dedicated to the TWO middle aged white men who assumed it was okay to touch me without consent yesterday.
They obviously felt entitled to my body because I have a vulva and am younger than them? One rubbed my freshly cut hair on the top of my head, without asking or commenting or anything, just touched me out of nowhere. The other literally pulled me by the arm so I could pose for him in front of some photos of mine, and then proceeded to move my arm to get me to pose in a certain way. He didn’t even ASK if I wanted to take a photo. I told him my rates, and he laughed.
Original caption:
Labels are complicated, and have the potential to be both positive AND negative. As someone who has learned a lot about themself over the last year, and changed quite a bit, labels have been something I’ve honestly struggled with. It’s easy to say that labels are not important, and they don’t have to be if you don’t want them to, but for some people they’re incredibly important, especially when you’re trying to figure out who you are.
Labels are positive in that they help us figure out what space we occupy in the world, they help us describe ourselves to others, and they help us find community and people who are similar to us. Labels can be negative when people assume incorrect things about us, put is in boxes that don’t fit us, or when they refuse to see us for who we really are.
It feels awful to be labeled as something you’re not, and it feels amazing and is so affirming when someone uses the correct label(s) to describe you. No matter what, only YOU can choose what labels are right for you. There is nobody who knows you better than yourself.
Some labels that I personally use because they feel right and true for me: non binary, queer, ecosexual, non monogamous, artist, witch, demisexual, creative, sproutling (my mom came up with this to describe me to others instead of saying that I’m her adult child and I love it!)
What labels do you use that feel authentic to you?
Self portrait taken in Utah during my 69 day cross country road trip in 2019 (before I cut my hair obviously).
Original caption:
Never touch anyone without their explicit consent. Yes, this includes hugs with friends and family, asking or talking about someone’s tattoos/clothes/hair, directing a model for a photoshoot, posing with another model, kissing your crush…
The ONLY exception to this that I can think of is if that person is in immediate danger and there is literally no time to ask for consent.
Keep in mind, consent is not only for physical touch. You should also get consent when flirting with someone, commenting on someone’s body, sharing difficult or potentially triggering information, sharing a story someone told you with someone else, posting photos of people… basically if it involves someone else, you probably need their consent.
Have something to share about consent? I’d love to read your thoughts/stories in the comments!
Words: Douglas Pierce
Photo + meme: me, Bunny Luna (self portrait in Utah)
I didn’t save the caption for this one, but it’s pretty self explanatory. =]
Original caption:
I am not the person I was a year ago, or last week, or yesterday. You probably aren’t either. We are all on perpetual journeys of growth and expansion. Every day we learn something about ourselves, every day we become a newer version of who we know ourselves to be.
Without change there is no innovation, no deeper understanding, no growth. You are a bottomless ocean filled with gifts unknown, until you dive in and explore your depths.
Photo + meme: me, Bunny Luna (self portrait in Colorado)
Original caption:
I recently had a really difficult conversation about my gender with a family member who is unwilling to do the work to understand and accept me for who I am. Their response to my being non binary was that I’ going through an “identity crisis” and it’s something that I’ll “grow out of” once I figure myself out.
It’s especially frustrating to me that they feel that way, because I know myself better now that I ever have. I know that I can’t make them see me for who I truly am, and that’s their work to do, not mine. It still hurts that someone I love doesn’t actually know me and instead chooses to only see me as the person they thought I was when I was younger and didn’t know myself.
I will continue to correct them when they misgender me (which is something I am constantly struggling with and tend to just stay quiet about it), because I want them to know that this is ME, not an “identity crisis” that I’ll “grow out of”
Sending lots of love to all of my trans siblings who have to deal with this every day. It’s really hard, and you deserve to be honored and acknowledged in your gender. I see you. I honor you. You are valid and important and I love you for WHO YOU ARE.
Photo/meme: me, Bunny Luna (self portrait in Colorado)
Original caption:
I moved through the first 28ish years of my life carrying the layers of expectations and assumptions of society that were thrown on top of me as a child before I knew I had any other option. Now that I know more about how the world works, I realize that I’ve been holding on to many things that are not truly mine. Parts of me buckled under that oppressive weight of binary gender, compulsory cis hetero monogamy, religion, racism, and capitalism (among others).
I am choosing to let go of the layers of anything that is not for the benefit of myself and the earth. It is a constant shedding, and it is not easy, but it is worth it. I wake every day with less of what isn’t mine so that I can understand what truly IS for me. I learn who I am by questioning.
Self portrait in Colorado
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Desert Rock Self Portraits
CAPTION FOR THE VIDEO ABOVE:
Hello! *sigh* So if you’re into astrology you probably know that Mars Retrograde started on the 9th. It’s gonna be for 2 whole months and I’ve already been feeling it a lot. A lot of extra anxiety and my body has felt weird and weak and restless and harder to be grounded for me personally. I’ve been losing myself dissociating on social media and not being present, which I have recognized and it’s kindof an ongoing recurring thing for me. It’s not just during certain astrological transits. If I have any uncomfortable feelings at all it’s like “okay let’s distract myself from this and pretend it’s not real and ignore all my feelings” and I realize that this is not a good coping strategy. I mean it’s okay in the moment for me sometimes but usually it ends with me feeling even worse. So, I guess I’m starting this video by letting you know that I’m feeling a lot of weird complicated uncomfortable things recently, so you probably have too. I just wanted to let you know that all of our feelings are valid. This is also a reminder for me, because honestly I think that a lot of the things that I create, I really create them for myself. I have an understanding that as living beings we’re all connected, so anything I create for myself is really also for everyone else, and anything that I create for someone else is really also for me. Maybe that’s why I haven’t wanted to create hardly at all this year, I’ve felt really… disconnected from all of it. And myself. With the pandemic and being at home so much more and having so few social engagements, well basically none, except for online things. It’s really brought up a lot of past trauma things for me which hasn’t been easy. Hence, dissociating and avoiding my feelings. I just wanted to be open here with yall and let you know… not always gonna be happy, not always gonna be uplifting and creative and inspirational, you know sometimes I just need to sit in my shit, even though that’s hard to do.
*sigh* Okay, I didn’t just come here to tell you about things that are uncomfortable. I also am here to tell you about thephotosets that I’m sharing this weekend. I have a photoset, another one that I took outside of Moab in Utah that I’m sharing with everybody, including the BTS stuff, BTS video. That’ll be for everyone. I also have the first photoset that I’ll be sharing from Goblin Valley, which is also in Utah, it’s just another part of Utah, a couple hours from Moab. The first photoset that I’m sharing from Goblin Valley will be available this weekend for First Look members, and the BTS video of that too.
Yeah, so it’s kinda weird when I look back on all these self portraits from last summer. I remember experiencing them, and doing all of that, and it also feels like someone else. Because I did all of that before I really knew, uh… more of my gender identity. So it’s like, looking at a ghost almost. And I’m feeling emotional and probably gonna cry and that’s okay. I think part of why I haven’t wanted to create this year is because I have a better understanding of who I am and I have a fear of people misunderstanding my nudity as consent to be sexualized, because that’s the most uncomfortable thing for me and brings up trauma responses. And while I feel comfortable in my skin, obviously, when other people sexualize me and bring it to my attention, that’s when I have a really big problem. And for some reason when people see somebody nude on the internet it makes them think that they can send them a dick pic or expect sex from them or expect attention of any kind. No that is not the reason I exist on the internet. I’m basically here for the opposite of that, I’m here to affirm that nudity is not sexual. It could be, but that should not be the assumption. My trans identity is valid and sacred. I’m just tired of being perceived, as something that I’m not. I’m kinda just tired of being perceived in general, like please don’t perceive me. Most people’s assumptions of who I am are… wrong. And I mean it’s not my job to correct everyone and make sure that everyone knows who I am, because I value privacy and having things that are just for me. At the same time I want to be that voice and that image out in the world that affirms people like me. Cisheteromonogamy culture is so huge and their voices are so loud, that I almost feel like it’s my responsibility as someone that’s outside of that, to say that that’s not the only option, and that’s not the only valid and reasonable way to live. Also I feel like I put too much responsibility on myself, I’m just one person and I can’t open up the perspectives of everyone in the world by simply existing and sharing myself on the internet, but….. *sigh*
I want yall to know that I value and appreciate all of you so much. The fact that I continuously every week come back to make videos and share content with you is… simply because I appreciate you and I couldn’t do any of this without you. So I greatly appreciate your contribution to me being able to know more about myself, and to support myself, and to hopefully make a positive difference in the world, even if it’s not huge, as long as it’s something. Yeah things are just hard right now. I hope that you’re not taking this Mars retrograde as difficult as I’m taking it. I know that I’m just doing my best so you probably are too.
I love you and I’m thankful for you and I still feel like there’s major changes coming in terms of my website and what I offer here, but I’m still not sure what that is, but I’ll keep reminding you because change is inevitable. I’ve already changed and shifted things about my website a bunch of times already, I just don’t want to surprise you too much when things change again. But we have time because I don’t know what that is yet! Okay this video is getting long, and I don’t really have anything else to say, but I love you, thank you. <3
Video members:
click here to view the full self portrait photoset of me in the rocky desert in Utah during my cross country road trip last summer
click here to view the BTS videoFirst Look members:
click here to view the self portrait photoset of me in Goblin Valley (Between)
click here to view the BTS video -
Art Nuance & Evyenia Karapolous
CAPTION FOR VIDEO ABOVE:
Hello! So… gosh weeks go by so fast now. This week I’m sharing I think it’s 3 photosets actually, that I have modeled for, for my friend Nuance Artistry. One of the sets is in a studio, one of the sets is in an abandoned mill, and the other set is with another model. I always say her name wrong. I can spell it really well, but I don’t know if I’m going to say it right so I’m sorry. Evyenia Karapolous, she goes by a different name in real life, that’s her modeling name so I just call her the name that she goes by in real life but that’s not her modeling name. I think these are really great, these are older sets taken probably… 2 more more years ago now. Which feels weird, because time is really really weird.
I think the stuff that’s going into first look is the last time I saw Roarie Yum in person. They modeled for a photographer friend of mine PhotoWyse and I took some behind the scenes stuff and that’s what I’m sharing in First Look is the behind the scenes stuff that I took of Roarie during their shoot with Terry. I’m also sharing to video people the nude yoga video for this month! So yay.
I dont have a lot to say today, I feel like…. so I think I might switch up my schedule again in terms of what I’m doing during the week. I don’t know. Because after July I don’t have very much planned. On Mondays on youtube I’m doing that ecosexual series, and that’ll be finished in 2 weeks I think. I don’t really have anything planned for after that so I might take a break on that. I’ve really been enjoying the Thursday group hangout member gathering things, the video hangouts, but I also feel like maybe I should have more structure around it or change it up for something else. I haven’t decided. I feel like I’m perpetually switching up what I want to do. So I appreciate that yall want to hang around! I for sure am going to do the members hangout this week, which by the time you get this will have already happened because it’s tonight, Thursday night, not Saturday when this is going to be uploaded. Part of me wants to pause those for a little bit and recalibrate. I started doing them kindof at the beginning of quarantine as a way to stay connected, and they’ve been really fun, but at the same time… it’s just hanging out. And I feel like I want more than that, but I also don’t know exactly what I want that to be. But I also know that I want to have time for expanding things in the future like maybe teaching courses, queer hangouts, trans support group… I don’t know! I might switch stuff up, I might slow down or have more structure to or cancel or change the schedule for the group chats. I just know that something isn’t quite how I want it to be yet and I just don’t know where I want to go yet. I change so much! I’m glad that I’m not stagnant and stuck in the same thing over and over again, but I am noticing the need for change, I’m just not quite in the place where I know what that is yet.
I probably will no longer model for photographers, at least for a while, unless they’re like queer and/or trans people. I haven’t really wanted to model in a while and it just feels like another way for people to consume me in a way that is not really me. Because my naked body most people think (some flying thing just came into my space)… my naked body gets attention from people that I don’t necessarily want attention from, and I definitely don’t want sexual attention from like anybody. I feel like if I’m less naked (AHH what’s with the bugs today! there was a bug that was crawling on my foot!) I feel like if I’m less naked on the internet I’ll get less attention in the ways that I don’t want. I also feel like me being naked on the internet is a good chunk of the reason why people give me money and how I can pay my rent so that’s complicated. I definitely want to switch to a more queer trans ecosexual healing kindof platform, but I don’t know how to do that in a way that I’m still sustaining my self financially. I just know that I have way too many cis straight men who follow me and want to work with me, and that’s not really the like… I mean I love all of you people who are here of course… but in terms of new people finding me I’d much rather them be queer or trans or women or you know… not cis straight men. Sorry. Queer people are my people! Trans people are my people! Ecosexual people are my people! Cis straight men are not really my people. I have some wonderful cis straight men in my life that I super appreciate and love a whole lot, but in terms of the audience that I want to gather around myself and the community I want to create around myself and my business is not going to be catered to cis straight men and they are not the people I want to gather around me in large quantities. Because most of them probably see me as a woman and probably see me as somebody they want to have sex with and I do not want either of those things from them. Maybe that’s me not having enough faith in cis straight men to understand my queerness and to not objectify me and sexualize me, but based on my 30 years of life experience, I don’t have a lot of faith in cis straight men doing those things, unfortunately.
I just don’t know what to do to change things to be more of what I want them to be. I guess I just need to show up in the way that is authentic to myself and that will draw the right people around me because if I’m myself then more people like me will find me. I just feel like, I don’t want my work to be centered around…. okay so I love nudity and I DO want my work to be centered around nudity, but I want it to be centered around nudity in a non-sexual way that is healing and affirming and inclusive and NOT in a sexual or exploitative or objectifying in any way. I don’t know, I just know things need to change and I’m not exactly sure what that is yet or what that means. I just appreciate yall being here along for the ride. I’m always changing so my website is always changing and the things I’m doing are always changing. So I appreciate you being here in whatever capacity you’re here, if you’re a cis straight man I hope I didn’t make you too upset. Maybe go through my youtube and look at all my ecosexual stuff and in my resources here on my website I have a video on gender and sexuality that’s over an hour long. So if some of the queerness things are intriguing to you, I have resources already that I would love for you to check out, that’s more of my face talking to you!
I think it’s kinda interesting that… I was looking at some of the videos that I made last summer during my cross country road trip and I was thinking about how different I am from the person that I was last year and it’s made me a little bit sad because I was so much happier last summer when I was in all the nature. Here now is like, quarantine and stress and isolation and stuckness and a lot of numbness so I don’t quite know how to reconcile that and I realize that the whole entire planet is going through a lot right now with all of the oppression and fear and all the bullshit. It makes sense that I’m not the same happy person that I was last year. I also miss that person! I miss being completely overjoyed by rounding a corner and finding some vast amazing landscape, I miss being able to get in my van and just GO and stop anywhere and hang out and not worry about germs and play naked in a pile with other naked people and hang out and cuddle. I just… you probably feel it too. Everything’s harder this year. Thanks 2020!
I just want to find a way that I can share and affirm and honor queerness and transness and uplift that, and heal through that. I’m not quite sure what that means yet, but I’m working in that direction. Thank you for exploring existence with me. I love you, thank you for being here, I appreciate you so much. Bye!
Video members:
click here to view the full studio photoset with Nuance Artistry
click here for the abandoned mill photoset
click here for the photoset with Evyenia Karapolous
click here to view the BTS videos
click here to view the nude yoga video for JulyFirst Look members:
click here to view the BTS photos & videos from Roarie Yum‘s shoot with PhotoWyse -
For Anyone Questioning Their Identity
You are valid. You are worthy of love and acceptance. You are important. You are special. I love you.
Schedule a one on one video chat with me at bunnyluna.com/peer-support
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New video: Ecosexuality & Gender
The first of my 9 part ecosexual exploration series that I will be doing via youtube livestream every Monday throughout June and July! I describe why the ecosexual label fits me better than any other label, and how nature shows us that gender is a social construct created by humxns.
Schedule for livestreams: bunnyluna.com/schedule
Book a one on one video chat with me: bunnyluna.com/offerings
Become a member to receive instant access to my massive photo & video archives: bunnyluna.com/memberships -
Why I Love Menstruating as an Agender Person
I discuss 5+ reasons why I love menstruating as an agender person. Periods don’t have to center womanhood! I’m here to make room for conversations about menstruation across the gender spectrum.
Video thumbnail image of me during my period with my actual menstrual blood taken by Portraitmami.