• V & baby

    Video members now have access to:

    • vlog with the story behind this photoset of V & her son
    • 24 image complete photoset
    • 36 minutes Scorpio Full Moon life reset video from May 2019 – watch me reorganize my crystals and magickal supplies
    • 14+ minute nude yoga video

    First Look members now have access to:

    • everything above
    • 12 minute vlog at Colorado National Monument (Live Life For You)
    • 6 minute vlog at Colorado National Monument (before I found the cave!)

    Become a member to gain instant access!

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  • V & baby

    CAPTION FOR VIDEO ABOVE:

    Hello! Good morning! I kinda feel like just walking around a little bit today so I’m probably going to walk and do this, I hope it’s not too distracting to yall. So much has been happening, I’m excited that systemic racism is becoming very apparent to most of society because that is important because we can’t fix anything if we don’t know what’s wrong. I just keep getting very angry when I go on social media so today I’m going to focus on work because the last few days I’ve basically gotten stuck on social media for several hours at a time sometimes and that is not good for my mental health. I’m sure it’s not good for anybody’s really.

    This weekend I’m sharing a photoset that I took of my friend V at her house. I’m lucky enough that she lives not too far from me, she lives less than an hour away. I took these sometime last year, it was not super long after she had her baby (there’s a squirrel all over that fence over there) so she had her baby and we took some photos and I think they’re wonderful. Since then she has had another baby and I believe I have already shared photos of her pregnant with that baby, I think? I can’t keep up. These photos are really great, I really enjoyed taking them. It’s always kinda funny to figure out how to take photos when babies are involved because they don’t understand language yet, and even if they did they’re going to be like “well, I’m going to do my own thing” because they’re babies. Wrangling babies isn’t my specialty, I’ve only done a couple of shoots that have involved children or babies, and I think most of them have been with V actually, so they’re a little bit more rare in terms of the quantity of shoots that I create with people that have babies, there aren’t very many. I can’t think of any others right now off the top of my head so I think the only ones I have are of V. (EDIT: I’ve since remembered that I’ve taken newborn photos for my aunt when one of my cousins was born) She’s always wonderful to take photos of, I love her enthusiasm and her willingness to be creative and try new things and just hang out, she’s super sweet.

    What else do I want to talk about? The video that I’m sharing today (technically not today today when I’m making this video bc it’s Thursday but today when you’re seeing this video), the video I’m sharing I took in May of 2019. This was not long before I left for my cross country road trip last summer and it was during the Scorpio Full Moon. It was basically a life reset for me, I was energetically resetting my room, I moved around all of my furniture and I was redoing my altar and where all my crystals were. I have since moved again so everything’s different from where they were, but this video is just me redoing all my crystals and my altar stuff. Symbolically and energetically resetting my life during that full moon. I think it’s like 30 minutes of video or something, it’s a lot of video, but it’s just me doing that, so that’s pretty cool. I believe I was also on my period, which is… ah I am so connected to my period, I love having my period, it’s a really great release, physically energetically emotionally.

    What else do I want to talk to you about today? I think last week I told you about how I had finished my backlog, which I am very excited about! Finally! It’s taken me like a year to finish it. What else… yes I am walking around in circles around the magnolia tree. The light here is really good I think I might just stay here though. Ok so I have some ideas for things that I want to do but I have to actually spend time doing them in order to get them done. I don’t want to say too much about that right now, I’m just thinking out loud. Yesterday I took some really experimental photos, yes I took photos again! Like twice in a month which is something I haven’t done in 6+ months. I got out a panoramic pinhole camera that my dad and I made out of wood and metal when I was in college so that was like 10 fucking years ago holy shit. I graduated from high school 12 years ago, time is weird! Time does not make sense. But my dad and I made this camera, it’s a panoramic pinhole camera and it takes medium format film. I had a roll of color, I think it’s color film, I don’t even know for sure honestly, it was expired, I think it was Konica film, I have no idea how expired it was, probably pretty expired. 220 format, so it’s 120 but twice as long, so it’s twice as many photos. I hope it’s color because I want to see them in color, but I shot this whole roll with my panoramic pinhole camera out here in the back yard yesterday. I have no fucking idea if any of it’s going to come out at all, for multiple reasons. I’m not even sure I loaded the film right! I’m pretty sure I did because I went back in and checked it before I started. I’m not sure I loaded the film right, the film was very expired, I was partially guessing on the exposure. I did check the exposure but this thing isn’t an exact science, it’s a pinhole, I can’t measure the aperture of a pinhole, so I think it’s around f/150 which is fucking tiny. I think it’s between f/150 – f/200. To give you an idea of how tiny that is, a lot of people shoot at an aperture of f/16, f/11, f/8, f/4, or f/2.8 so f/150 and f/200 is fucking tiny. It’s a pinhole, literally a pin hole in a piece of metal, like tiny hole. But I’m really excited, I hope they come out, I have no idea if they will and it’s ok if they don’t, it was a fun adventure if they don’t  come out. I thought about it after the fact that I didn’t take any BTS video, so I don’t have any video, so I don’t have any evidence of it unless the photos come out. It was a fun creative activity anyway whether or not it comes out. I was outside naked in the back yard being creative, that was the fun that I wanted to have and I had it!

    I think that’s all I have to share today. I just wanted to say that I love you, and I hope you’re having a wonderful day. I personally am feeling better today even though today is the start of Mercury Retrograde, I think it’s Retrograde through the 12th of July, so hopefully I don’t have any electronic problems. Maybe that’s why I’m feeling like I can’t come up with any words for this because communication is weird during Mercury Retrograde, so I’m just like… I don’t know. I hope you’re having a wonderful day. I love you, thank you so much for being here with me, and I’m excited to keep sharing… whatever I share with you. Bye!

    Video members:
    click here to view the full photoset of V & her son
    click here to view the Scorpio Full Moon life reset video from May 2019 – watch me reorganize my crystals and magickal supplies
    click here to view the nude yoga video for this month

    First Look members:
    click here to view the vlog at Colorado National Monument (Live Life For You)
    click here to view the vlog at Colorado National Monument (before I found the cave!)

    Click here for the gallery passwords

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  • Nude Beach Gathering!

    Captions for the video above:

    Hey friends! So this week I’m sharing a couple different photosets from the nude beach gathering that I hosted/facilitated last summer outside of Portland Oregon at a nude beach there. There were I think 8 or 9 of us and it was really fun, it was an experience like no other. We all met up at the nude beach and we brought blankets and whatever snacks we wanted, there was a bunch of fruit there, some people brought flowers, so people brought things that we wanted. We hung out and got to know each other for a while. Once everybody got there I started off with a mini meditation and we talked about what part we wanted to play in the photo-making and what we wanted to do and what ideas we had and it was really great. It’s funny because we hung out for so long that it was starting to get to sunset so we were like “okay we should shoot now!” We started off in the big group in the sunset light next to the water and did some group photos together there, then we split off into mini groups, and then at the end we all got back together to do the big cuddle pile. Those photos I’ll be sharing with you in a few weeks because that is going to be a post of it’s own, there’s a bunch of photos from that set and they’re amazing. These are pretty much all of the other photos. I took 1 roll of film. It was kinda overwhelming trying to do all of the things, like facilitating the gathering, being a photographer, being a model… so I ended up just taking 1 roll of film of the group. I’m sharing some photos that other people took, like my friend Ambivalent Ann who I posted photos of her last week, she took a bunch of really awesome photos, and Shawnna Lee took several really cool behind the scenes photos. It was an amazing time, a really wonderful gathering of people. There were only one or two people that I had ever met before that, most of them were new to me, they were friends of friends, or that were recommended to me, or people that I had followed for a while. It was great to meet with a bunch of people that I didn’t really know but we all connected pretty deeply. It was really wonderful getting to know all of these creative people and spending time with them and relaxing on the beach. It was a really beautiful day and I’m so thankful that I was able to do that. It’s times like these in the middle of a pandemic that I super miss those kinds of interactions with people and I am really super thankful that I was able to do all of these kinds of things before this happened. So that’s the photoset that I’m sharing with you this week!

    In terms of my life right now… to be honest I’m kinda in this weird place emotionally, I’ve cried basically every day for the last week. I don’t know, I’m still figuring things out. I feel like I’m in transition still and there’s a lot of changes that I know will be coming up but I don’t know what those are. I feel like I’m not as excited about modeling anymore, it’s been like that for a while. I do want to be like… the representative model for non binary people because most models are cis women, and they’re usually skinny and white, and I know I fit into some of that category, but I don’t know, I’m kinda torn between wanting to just not pressure myself at all about modeling because it’s not been something I’ve been excited about, but then also I want to be that representation in the world because there’s not a lot of non binary representation. So I might continue modeling, but only for self portraits. Which, I mean, I haven’t taken any photos since September or November. The last time I was taking photos on a semi regular basis was September, and I did one photoshoot in November, and other than that I haven’t shot anything, and it’s mid April. I haven’t really been creative in months! It kinda feels weird but it’s also kinda relieving because I feel like I’m not pressuring myself to do these things that I’m not super excited about, but it’s something that I worry about because I want to still have content for yall! But I don’t want to force myself because if I do then the content isn’t going to be as good, I want to be inspired and for it to come from my heart and at this point I’m not and it wouldn’t be coming from my heart if I just made myself take photos. It’s easier for me lately to make videos than anything, which is why I’ve just continued to do that and why I’m going in the direction of video instead of just photos here on my website. Life is weird yall, I don’t know if I’m just kinda going into a depressive state during quarantine, or maybe it would’ve been happening anyway, I kinda think that it was, it’s just kinda being highlighted and more obvious during quarantine because I’m just sitting here with my emotions. I don’t want to let yall down, but I also am not going to force myself to make things if I’m not inspired and I’m not excited about it and it’s not something that’s coming from my heart. I’m being gentle with myself, I’m acknowledging that I’m feeling this way, and not pressuring myself to do things that I’m not really wanting to do.

    I’m super thankful for all of yall for being here through all of these transitions and changes and fluctuations. I feel like I’m still constantly figuring myself out. I mean, I’m 30 years old and I still don’t know what I want to do with my life. That feels kinda weird, but I mean, I’m not going to force it, because that would be worse. I’m glad that yall are allowing me to figure it out as I go. I really appreciate yalls understanding and patience with me. I know that I will continue to have things to share with you, it just may not always be nude art. And that’s okay, because I can’t force that, I don’t want to force that, it would be disingenuous and the quality wouldn’t be there if I was forcing it. I’ll continue to share all of these things that I’ve been holding onto, especially from last year, I made sooo much on my cross country road trip that I haven’t shared with you yet. I randomly keep finding self portraits that I took years ago that I forgot about. I have a lot of stuff that’s just like sitting on the back burner, ready for me to share with you, so I’ll continue to do that until I have none of it left. I’m continuing to make videos, and you’ll always at least have something new every week. Like I said last week, I have photosets to share with you at least through early to mid June, maybe even longer than that. I still have a bunch of photosets to edit from my cross country road trip that are self portraits.

    Yeah, I’m in transition, it’s weird, I don’t know what the end goal is. I feel like I’m kinda floating in space. I don’t really know what I’m doing or where I’m going, and I’m just trusting that the process will take me where I’m supposed to be. That’s weird and scary. I keep getting these messages that I just need to trust, and do my process, and let things happen, and that’s the way that they should happen. So even though it’s weird and scary, I’m trusting that. I hope that quarantine and self isolation has been gentler with you than it has with me! I know that we all have things that we’re all struggling with, and this pandemic and self quarantine is bringing out a lot of things and a lot of emotions from all of us.

    I really appreciate those of you who joined us, me and my mom, for the Holding Space on Monday and Thursday. I’m actually recording this Thursday morning so I’m just going to assume that some of yall will be joining us this evening, since I know yall won’t be seeing this til Saturday. Monday’s was really good and I’m working on holding space for myself and holding space for the future that I don’t know what it will be like, and just trusting that things will turn out the way they should. Whether or not I will continue to take photos is part of that process. I don’t think that I’ll ever truly stop taking photos altogether, but right now it just doesn’t feel super great to do it for my job I guess, I don’t know, it feels like I’m separating myself from you somehow if I’m just doing photos and sharing them. Which is why I’m focusing on the video aspect of this because I feel like I can connect with you so much better. Yeah, life is weird, I’m just trying to embrace all of the feelings, go with the flow, and follow my heart, and do what I feel is best for me and for you.

    Thank you for being here with me. I love you so much! I appreciate you sticking with me through all of these transitions. I know I have a lot to share with you, I just don’t know what all it is right now, and that’s okay, I trust that everything will turn out the way it’s supposed to. I love you. Thank you.

    Photos by Ambivalent Ann:

    Photos by Shawnna Lee:

    Photo membersclick here to view the full photoset that I took, click here for the photoset taken by Ambivalent Ann, click here for the BTS photoset taken by Shawnna Lee
    Video membersclick here to view the BTS video
    First Look membersclick here to view the self portrait photoset during sunrise on the canyon rim at Colorado National Monument

    Click here for the gallery passwords

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  • Nude Beach Gathering!

    Photo members now have access to:

    • vlog with the story behind this nude beach gathering I facilitated outside of Portland Oregon & my current thoughts/feelings
    • 35 image complete lomo purple photoset that I took
    • 8 image photoset taken by Ambivalent Ann
    • 5 image BTS photoset taken by Shawnna Lee

    Video members now have access to:

    • everything above
    • 21 minutes of BTS video

    First Look members now have access to:

    • everything above
    • 51 image complete self portrait photoset during sunrise on the canyon rim at Colorado National Monument

    Become a member to gain instant access!

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  • Magnolia with Celeste Call

    All of the images I created with Celeste Call were taken in the span of a few hours, and this is the last set I have left to share with you from that wonderfully fun and creative day. Click here to see the other photoset she took of me, and click here to see the photoset I took of her!

    CURRENTLY: I’ve been feeling off lately. One day I’ll feel totally fine, and another I’ll feel sad, purposeless, anxious, and irritable. Right now I think I’m in a weird in-between space, where I’m still doing most of the work-type things that I’ve been doing for years, but it doesn’t feel quite the same, or hold the same weight that it once did. I feel like there’s something more, something different that I’m supposed to be doing but I don’t quite know what that something is.

    I’ve been making videos a bit more recently, but so far I’ve just saved them to my hard drive and then not touched them. The thought of editing hours of videos is overwhelming to me right now, and I still have some self portrait sets from last summer to go through and upload, though that doesn’t feel as scary as it did a few months ago. I tend to put off the computer work/organizing/editing part of my job more than anything else, because it stresses me out and it feels so big and is my least favorite part of being a photographer and content creator. The problem with putting it off, is that it gets bigger and there’s more to do the longer I put it off. I go through spurts of inspired and determined action, where I’ll spend an entire day editing photos or videos, and then not touch anything again for weeks. I get a LOT done on those days, but I don’t want to make myself feel like anytime I edit etc I have to spend an entire day on it. I can allow myself to just do one thing at a time, one day at a time. Things still get done, whether I do 15 photosets in a day or just 1. Just doing 1 is probably kinder to myself, and my eyes after staring at a screen so long.

    I really enjoy creating, I just want to be able to hire someone to help me with the admin side of things. That would be so incredibly nice, and also give me more time to create instead of stare at a computer screen. That day will come, I know it will.

    For now, I’ll keep doing what I’m doing and let myself figure it all out along the way.

    Photo membersclick here to view the full photoset of me taken by Celeste Call
    Video membersclick here to view the BTS video & click here to view the February nude yoga video
    First Look membersclick here to view the self portrait set from Colorado National Monument during my cross country road trip last summer & click here to view another self portrait set also from CNM

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  • Magnolia with Celeste Call

    Photo members now have access to:

    • blog post with the story behind this photoset of me taken by Celeste Call
    • 63 image complete photoset

    Video members now have access to:

    • everything above
    • 6 minutes of BTS video
    • 15.5+ minute nude yoga video

    First Look members now have access to:

    • everything above
    • 59 image complete self portrait set from Colorado National Monument during my cross country road trip last summer
    • 32 image complete self portrait set also from CNM

    Become a member to gain instant access!

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