-
FREE ARCHIVED BLOG & PHOTOSET
I originally wrote this for Patreon on November 18th 2017. I no longer use Patreon and have replaced it with my website (here) but thought I would share some of my old blogs with you for FREE to show my appreciation for you visiting my website! <3
———-
Roarie Yum is an incredible model and I have been lucky enough to photograph them a few times. The last time they was in town Antisocialdisposition and I hired them for a couple of hours specifically to shoot double exposures over rolls of film I already shot of inspiring landscapes. We did a very similar shoot with Kyotocat last year, you can find it in the October 2016 archive.
I had a roll of film that part of it was shot when we were in Utah summer 2016 and the other part of the roll I shot in the NC mountains. The other roll I used was one I took in Shenandoah National Park this past July. I double exposed these rolls with Roarie and got magic! Some of them lined up in ways that I couldn’t have imagined, and that’s the magic of double exposures. I love the unexpected imperfect perfection that sometimes happens, if that makes any sense at all. Haha.
Our friend Scott let us use his studio and set up the lighting for us. He took the BTS photo below. AD and I took turns photographing Roarie and got a surprising number of rolls of film shot in just a couple of hours.
I really really love double exposures. I haven’t taken as many lately as I used to so it was really nice to finally get back to doing some.
——————————————
I’ve added 3 bts videos from the shoot along with 42 bts photos for video tier patrons.
There’s also a timelapse video of me (nude) painting with my mom in the video gallery. I sent these paintings to 4 of the higher tier patrons, I hope you like them! <3
BTS photo taken by Scott!
All members have access to this complete 14 image photoset doubled with Shenandoah National Park by clicking here, the 10 image Utah & NC landscapes doubles by clicking here, the BTS photo & video by clicking here, and the nude painting with my mom by clicking here.
-
Self Portraits in Utah
CAPTION FOR THE VIDEO ABOVE:
Hiii! This is the last week of these weekly posts, can you believe it? I kindof can’t to be honest, it’s here already. So this week I’m sharing a self portrait set that I took in the summer of 2019 during my cross country road trip, I have so many to share from there. This I took outside of Grand Staircase Escalante in Utah. Most of the self portrait sets that I took on my cross country road trip were in Utah because I spent all of June in Utah basically because I fucking love Utah. So I was outside of Grand Staircase Escalante and I was parked on the side of a dirt road, that I honestly don’t know where it went, I don’t know where the dirt road would have taken me to if I had driven the whole way. I was basically just parked on the side of a dirt road and taking photos behind my van, and don’t be startled please, hopefully, I hope I don’t scare you but HERE’S YOUR WARNING, in the BTS video for this photoset I think at the end of both of them, because I had to do 2 videos for it because cars kept driving by and I kept getting spooked and having to grab my phone and hide behind my van because I really thought I was alone but occasionally I wasn’t so yeah uhm I hope you’re not too startled when I grab the phone and run when I was taking these videos. To me its pretty funny, I hope you think it’s funny too. I have one of those sticker phone protector things on my cell phone and this is the same phone that I had when I was on my trip and I still have Utah dirt under some of the sticker on my phone because of this. When I was taking self portraits I took them with a digital camera because it has an interval timer and I could do self portraits way faster and take way more in a shorter amount of time than I could do with film. So I had my digital camera on a tripod a cute little mini tripod with these movable leg things where I would attach my phone on the top of the camera, so I would have like digital camera, cell phone. When I had to grab the camera, I would grab the whole camera and tripod, and when I grabbed the camera/tripod because I was trying to hide to make sure nobody saw me naked out in the middle of nowhere, my cell phone that was on top of the camera had fallen off of the camera because it wasn’t super securely attached, so I would grab my stuff and run and my phone would drop and I was like “oh shit.” I just think it’s funny, so you get to experience that in video form from the perspective of my cell phone camera, I hope you enjoy.
First look has access now to the self portrait double exposures that I took in June of 2020, this is one of the few photosets that I took. I had a roll of film that I took during my cross country road trip that was from Dead Horse Point State Park which is one of my favorite places in the world that I’ve been to, several times now because it’s incredible. That’s where the landscape part of it is from, the self portrait part was here at my house in June of 2020 in my makeshift studio, which is my black blanket draped over the couch that’s in front of the window in the living room. I had a little bit of trouble with these actually, I didn’t know until I got them developed, you’ll see when you see the photoset, a lot of them the image of me wasn’t exposed enough, it was underexposed, so you can’t really see me and it’s mostly just landscape. I think it’s because I was taking self portraits and I was doing this number where I was back here and reaching to the camera to press the camera to get it to do the self timer and then I would come back, so I think in the moving… it would assume it was taking the picture of me this close and then I would move back and the exposure needed to be different than when I was this close, so yeah so that didn’t work very well. But I still really love the photos that did show up, you’ll see what I mean when you see them. They’re still amazing landscapes so you’ll enjoy them either way hopefully. Then I also have, to make up for some of the only landscape photos, I also have some self portraits that I took in the summer of 2020, some of the very few things that I created in 2020, they’re medium format panoramic pinhole self portraits. The panoramic pinhole camera is one that I made with my dad when I was in college. Actually, if you hold on one second I’m going to get the camera and show you what it looks like because it’s really cool. Okay thank you for your patience.
This is the camera, there’s a pinhole in here, you probably can’t see because it’s really tiny, but that’s essentially the “lens” and this is my shutter, and this is the film advance. It is panoramic because it has the curved film plane, and it takes medium format film. So yeah I think it’s pretty cool. I need to re-glue this thing in here, because last time I shot with it this nut/bolt thing that came out, it’s just glued in there. There’s a photo in one of these self portraits that looks like a double exposure of me against a fence and then the sky and trees. That’s on accident because this fell off the tripod and was exposed to the sky and trees and I was like “fuck it, I’m going to still try to take a picture anyway” and then took a self portrait with that part of the film, so that’s what happened there. Some of these, not all of these, but some of these panoramic pinhole self portraits, I took during a live video chat with a few of you members. We just hung out on video chat while I was taking these photos in the back yard. Sorry I haven’t shown them to you yet, it’s been a while but uhm… here they are. So yeah if you want to know more about this camera I can talk to you more about it. It was pretty fun to make, I don’t know if I’ll ever do it again. You have to open it with a little screwdriver because this is the only way it opens, and also this is how I take the photos. I have this chart, I do a meter reading and find where it matches up. Say if it was f/8 1/60 of a second, then I would go all the way over here… so that means between 6 and 10 seconds I need to have the exposure, beacuse my aperture is tiny as fuck, it’s somewhere between f/150-f/200. So since it was between 6-10 seconds I would probably do an 8 second exposure, so that’s how I did all of those, is with this. And they turned out really well. Also if they were longer exposures, like some of them were probably around the 30 second range, yeah long exposure, you’ll see this because I did it a lot. I would go to one place and then count a third or a half of the time that I was supposed to take, and then move, so that it looked like a double exposure, but it’s really a single exposure, it’s just a long exposure and I moved. Yay photography.
This is a long video already but I want to give you a short recap of what is about to happen. This is the last weekly post like this for the foreseeable future, unless I change my mind. The things that will be happening soon: sometime in March I will be making a mass upload of all of the first look and all of my backlog content, photos and videos, so it’s a fuck ton, I’ll be doing a mass upload sometime in March. I’m also working on overhauling my whole website. I might be starting to do some of that before this comes out, we’ll see. I will be doing at least once a month members-only community gatherings online, virtual hangouts, and right now that’s the plan. I might be changing other things but right now at this point I’ll be doing the members-only events like online hangout topic let’s talk let’s learn let’s do things together. I would really like to experiment with virtual nude gatherings and focus more on creating free resources for people and talking more about queerness and gender and ecosexuality and non monogamy and… what else? I have a whole list, energy healing, movement as medicine, spirituality, plant medicine, all kinds of stuff. So more on that soon. I don’t want to give it all away.
So basically if you’re a member here you’re a sponsor of me creating things that will hopefully help everyone. I don’t want to gatekeep the information that I have that is helpful for a lot of people, whether or not they can afford it, like the queerness and ecosexuality kind of stuff. So yall will be the reason that I’m able to do that if that makes sense. Like, you’re a member to get perks, but also you’re allowing me to create things and share things that help everybody, so that means a lot, a whole lot. So that’s where I’m at right now. I will probably, my guess is I will still make some videos like this because vlogs are fun and I like to let yall know what’s going on so… it just won’t be, I won’t have a set schedule of when I’ll be posting stuff like this. I will probably make a schedule for our monthly video hangouts. Comment below or email me (OR CLICK HERE FOR A QUICK AND EASY SURVEY!) and tell me what days of the week work best for you, what times, I’m assuming nights and weekends, people probably work, let me know… I obviously probably can’t accommodate everyone’s schedule, but I’ll do my best to do the members-only virtual hangouts when the most amount of people are available. So that’s the plan right now, yay.
I can’t believe this is the last week. I love you, thank you for being here, it means so much! You are the reason that I can do any of this in the first place, so I appreciate it greatly. I love you. If you want to know more about my fancy wooden and metal panoramic pinhole camera, let me know, it might be fun to make a youtube video about it or something. Maybe we can do… maybe I can take more self portraits with it and you can be there live with me while I do it, that was pretty fun last time. Let me know if you want to do that again. Okay, I love you, thank you for being here, thank you so much, I’m excited to see where all these changes take all of us. Yeah I’m doing my overhaul of my website, some of it might already be done by the time this comes out. I’m doing some of these videos early so that I can get ahead and make sure I’m not too stressed last minute. I love you, thank you. *blows kiss* Love you! Bye!
All members:
click here to view the 27 image self portrait photoset taken outside of Grand Staircase Escalante during my cross country road trip summer 2019
click here to view the 2.5 minutes of BTS video
Click here for access to my archive of 12,500+ photos & 2,000+ videos
Click here for the passwords, they change the 1st of every monthFirst Look/All Access members:
click here to view the 38 image self portrait photoset double exposed with images from Dead Horse Point State Park in Utah
click here to view 29.5+ minutes of BTS video
click here to view the 14 image self portrait photoset taken on medium format film with the panoramic pinhole camera that my dad and I built when I was in college -
Sept 2019 Road Trip with Lior Allay + getting closer to big changes for bunnyluna.com
CAPTION FOR THE VIDEO ABOVE:
Hey friends! Welcome to another week of… wildness I guess. Today is the 20th, I’m doing this a little early because tomorrow I’m getting more tattoo done and Thursday is usually my day to prep these, so I’m doing it Wednesday since Thursday I’m getting tattooed.
This week I’m sharing a photoset that I created with Lior Allay in New York State when we were there in the fall of 2019. I have the photoset that I took of Lior with their camera, it was just a collaborative fun like… we woke up in the morning and went out to this field and just.. did our thing. I’m also sharing a bunch of photos and videos from that trip, so it’s a bunch of random things from that trip. Some of it is in the same place as the photos that we took and some of it was just from our travels, so enjoy this variety scramble of content from me.
First look members I’m sharing the photos and videos from the other people who were taking photos and videos during the nude gathering here at my house last… not even last year, in 2019 in the fall. They are photos that were taken by an anonymous person who was a participant and photographer there, and also photos that were taken by Nova Amour who is a model and also a photographer, her photography name is Foremost Imagery. I have their stuff to share with you for first look.
I have plans for what I’m going to share with you through mid-February, I may or may not go with the plan that I have right now which is to just continue doing what I’ve been doing. I’m really considering dropping all of my backlog at once into the galleries so that yall can enjoy that and so that I can maybe take a break for a month or two in the weekly things… so that I can recalibrate and figure out what I want to do to change my website. That option is kinda scary to me at the moment because I know a lot of you really like having consistent weekly updates, and I’ve been… I think it’s been since 2014, or 2015 or maybe 2016… so it’s been like 5 years of me posting every week on whatever my site is because it used to be Patreon and now it’s my website. I’ve been consistently posting every week for like 5 years and if I do this shift, then that means it’ll be the first time in 5 years that I’ll change what I’m doing in a really major way, and that’s scary but also kindof exciting. I continue to notice that I’m not really excited to do computer work things, well I’m never really excited to do computer work things because I get really drained by looking at screens. I always much prefer the act and the experience of creating than like the, organization, categorization, posting, sharing part of art. I much prefer the act of doing it than any of the stuff afterwards. Like the photos are a really great… memory to share and a really great physical or digital representation of the time that I had either with my self or with other people when I was creating. All of the stuff that I do after the actual creation part is my least favorite part, to be honest. It’s a part of it, because if you take photos, it’s probably smart to have them organized on your computer so you know where to find them, but all of the after-creation stuff isn’t my favorite and it’s actually the creation part that I enjoy doing. So I feel like maybe I’ll… take a month or two or three off from consistent posting on here and kindof recalibrate and figure out… what do I want to create now? What am I excited about creating? How can I do it in a way that doesn’t burn me out? How can I do it in a way that benefits the people that are coming here? And also… do it in a way that it’s something that I really enjoy doing. So… yeah I’m still feeling that out, I haven’t made a solid decision yet, but I’m getting closer to deciding, and I’m really leaning towards taking a month or two or three off. Even though that’s scary because I’m afraid of losing support, I feel like if I’m able to be fully embracing of the things that I need and want, and the things that I really want to put out in the world, which is kindof different than what it has been in the past. I really feel like, if I’m being myself and being authentic and honest then the right people will show up for me, and the people who were only here for the things that aren’t as exciting to me will fall away and that’s okay. Like, I have no hard feelings if you’re only here to see nude stuff every week, I understand if you no longer want to do that, because that’s what you’re here for and if I’m not going to be doing that then it makes sense. That being said, I probably will never completely stop doing nude things because nudity is a major part of my life. Yeah I just.. I told you before, I’ve taken, I’ve done… like 3 or 4 shoots in the entirety of 2020. I just haven’t… I haven’t been feeling creative, I haven’t felt motivation or inspiration to create something of my own in a while. I’m kindof much more interested now in celebrating queerness and non monogamy, asexuality, ecosexuality, transness… meditation, healing, energy, all of those kinds of things are what I’d like to share about, which is kindof different but also kindof the same as what I’ve been doing for a long time. The road that I’ve been traveling has mostly been the same, I’m just taking a different way than I used to, if that makes sense.
So yeah I’ll give you a head’s up once I fully decide, hopefully I’ll fully decide soon. I do have a plan for weekly posts through February 13th that’s already planned and ready to go. So maybe that’ll be my last post like this? Then maybe after that I’ll mass upload all of the backlog that I have? So I don’t know, that’s kindof what I’m feeling like, so get ready. If you’re here for the nudes, they’ll still be available. I’m kindof feeling like maybe in the future if I’m changing things after I take a break, when I come back I’ll probably still have my archive and gallery still available, but it won’t be a primary thing that I’m adding to consistently. I want to focus more on community like I mentioned last week, and having online experiences where we can be together “in person” virtually. So I think that would be my focus, is more community and more… free resource kindof things, let’s explore stuff and learn things together kindof…. things. Still figuring it out, but yeah this is your head’s up. Most likely will continue the regular posting posting through mid-February and then after that things will probably change and be different.
I’ll post an official announcement whenever I officially decide what I’m doing, which I’m still figuring that out, but you have at least an idea now of what direction I’m going so that you can decide what works best for you. I would super incredibly much appreciate your continued support, because you’re the reason that I can pay rent, and also it’s really wonderful to know that there are people here who support me even though I’m shifting and changing. And ALSO if it’s best for you to no longer support me, I totally understand and there are no hard feelings. I would just very appreciate if you stay, because I know that even if I do take a break, which I’m very leaning towards, yes I’m going to take a break for 1-3 months, but if I do take a break I’m excited to see what that opens up for me, and see what I’m drawn to creating during that, if anything, and lean further into community and learning, education, resource stuff. So yeah that’s where I’m at! Okay I think that’s all I have to say today. Yeah I’ll give you more precise information when I have it when I’ve figured that out for myself. I think I’m just scared of change because it is scary and I don’t know what will happen. I love you, thank you for being here, you mean so much to me! Yeah I love you, I hope you have a good day, and I’ll talk to you soon, bye! <3
All members:
click here to view the 7 image slide film photoset of Lior Allay
click here to view the 148 BTS photos/videos from our trip
Click here for access to my archive of 12,500+ photos & 2,000+ videos
Click here for the passwords, they change the 1st of every monthFirst Look/All Access members:
click here to view the 42 image photoset taken by Anonymous during the nude gathering I facilitated at my home here in Charlotte (with Leopold model, Canischromatis, Nova Amour, & anonymous)
click here to view the 26 image photoset taken by Nova Amour aka Foremost Imagery
click here to view 42.5 minutes of BTS video -
KH photographs Eva Luna & me at a nude beach
CAPTION FOR THE VIDEO ABOVE:
Hi friends! This week I’m sharing a photoset that was taken by KH of me & Eva Luna when we were all in Portland in the summer of 2019. I also have BTS video and BTS pictures to share with you, so all of that is now in the galleries. This is the same place as the photoset I shared with you of them recently, the nude beach, which is awesome. I highly recommend going to nude beaches as much as possible for anyone, because they’re fun and also I love to be naked outside. It feels really safe to be at a place where they expect you to be nude. So that’s my favorite thing, is being in places where I don’t have to sneak around and be nude and I can just do it because it’s a normal thing. Hence probably why I’m at home a lot because I can be nude in my back yard with no negative repercussions or whatever.
First look people… I’m sharing the photos I took, and I think I have video too, from when I had the last nude gathering that I was able to have before covid hit. This was in.. I think it was August or September of 2019. I didn’t know that this was going to be my last nude gathering, but this one I did at my house, here, in the living room, that way. We had people over and we took a bunch of pictures and these are the things that I created, but I also have photosets to share with you in the future that were taken by the participants. Two… yeah two or three of the people that participated also took some pictures, so I’ll share those with yall at a later week. But yeah so… I hope you enjoy them. You probably, I mean you most likely have already seen *points behind me* this picture, because I love it and it’s all over the place and I’ve posted it in a lot of places and I have a big print of it in my house next to my bed in my room *points behind me*, that’s from the nude gathering here in the summer of 2019. Yeah so… more from where that came from for first look.
I don’t want to make this too long because I have other things I’d like to do today, but I also realize that I kindof haven’t been putting a lot of effort into these weekly posts as of… recently. Probably because I feel like I’m kindof just like… following the template that I created months ago and it’s not really fun and exciting. There isn’t really much of a purpose behind it other than like “here I’m sharing photos with you. Here I’m sharing videos with you.” I think that’s part of why I want to make changes to my website overall because it’s not um…. there’s nothing wrong with paying me money so you can see nude photos, but it doesn’t really feel very fulfilling to me anymore, and also I’m barely creating any nude work anymore. While nude work will probably be in my future forever at some point, it probably will not be as frequent as it was in the past and I want to focus on other things like building community and actually spending time live with people, doing online events. Which I’ve started doing some of those with Going Beyond the Lens. I want to do some more that are just me and whoever wants to join, through my website and also do free ones for people. I’m still figuring out what all that means and how I want to incorporate memberships and what do I want to do for free, what do I want to have behind a paywall…. because I do have bills that I have to pay and I can’t do everything for free. I also really want to have my content, whatever it ends up being, I want it to be accessible to people, and money is definitely a barrier for a lot of people, so I want to find a good balance where I can still live and sustain myself but I’m also able to offer a lot of free or discounted things for people. So yeah I’m still figuring out what I want to do, I’ve been talking about this for months. I think I’m getting a little closer to figuring out what I want to do. I do have a backlog still, there’s still probably still at least maybe 2 or 3, maybe more months of content that I haven’t shared with yall that are still in my backlog that I could continue sharing on a weekly basis. I’m also kinda considering taking all of it and dumping all of it into the galleries and being like “here it is, enjoy” and maybe making some kind of different, like I don’t know, memes, or some kind of different video, not just a vlog but “this is something I’ve learned and maybe you’d like to know about it too” or “here’s a day in the life” or… I don’t know, what do yall wanna see from me?
I’m thinking of maybe doing something along the lines of a weekly video or a monthly online hangout focused on some kind of topic that we can discuss, or like “lets meditate together, let’s do some energy together, let’s move our bodies together”. Also I know the nude gatherings have been something that people have been really drawn to, even though I’ve basically cancelled all of them for the foreseeable future because of covid, but I’m considering maybe doing them online in some fashion? So that might be something that I offer for members? I’m not sure, because I feel like, currently, the way I have my website set up, it’s mostly like cishet dudes that are here to see me naked, and that’s not a bad thing, it’s just not really like, what I want anymore. I’m hoping to make a… build a community, build a space for community for queer folks and trans folks and people who are questioning and people who want to connect to themselves more, people who maybe want to learn some coping skills for like, how to not be depressed all the time. I mean, I might not be the best person to talk about this because I’m definitely depressed. I think part of it is my feeling like I don’t have a purpose. Part of it is probably also feeling like I’ve already met a lot of goals that I used to have and I don’t know what goals I want to have for the future, so I feel like that’s part of my purposelessness feeling? These are just some thoughts, I’m rambling now, but giving you kindof an idea of the things I’m thinking about in terms of changing my website. I want to do a complete overhaul, like I want to redo my whole website, like change the banner, change the menu, change the things I have available for you to look at on my website, change what I’m offering, change the types of things that I’m selling, change the way that I interact on here, because right now it’s just like “pay me money, see my nudes” and I want more than that. I want community, I want queer people, I want a space for me to learn and grow and yall learn and grow with me. I want to not be seen as the expert, I want to be seen as someone who’s on a journey with you, of exploration and curiosity. I don’t want to be like “the boss” or the leader all the time, maybe I can facilitate the space, but I’m not the only person who has interesting things to say. I’m not the only person who has ideas of ways that the world could be better. I’m sure all of you have ideas also and have important interesting things to say. So I’m… maybe getting closer to figuring things out, but I still don’t know what the fuck I’m doing and that’s okay. You gotta be in a place of not knowing before you can be in a place of knowing, right? Yeah okay this has been almost 11 minutes now and I think I’ve said everything. I love you, thank you for being here and I’ll talk to you next week!
All members:
click here to view the 144 image photoset of me & Eva Luna taken by KH at a nude beach
click here to view the 66 BTS photos I took that day
click here to view the 16 minutes of BTS video
Click here for access to my archive of 12,500+ photos & 2,000+ videos
Click here for the passwords, they change the 1st of every monthFirst Look/All Access members:
click here to view the 56 image digital photoset I took during the nude gathering I facilitated at my home here in Charlotte (with Leopold model, Canischromatis, Nova Amour, & 2 anonymous models)
click here to view the 37 image double exposure photoset
click here to view 45 minutes of BTS video -
Columbus OH with Chip Willis & Lior Allay
CAPTION FOR THE VIDEO ABOVE:
Hi friends! Welcome to another week of things on my website! I am recording this the same time as last week’s vlog because this week I am out of town and probably won’t have time to do computer things because I’m helping my Granny out again, so that’s why this video is similar to last week’s video.
This week I’m sharing some photos that Chip Willis took of me… Lior Allay is in a couple of them, but it’s mostly photos of me from when Lior and I traveled to Columbus Ohio in fall 2019. We met up with Chip and he got us this motel that was nearby and it was a cool funky spot and we just created a bunch of stuff in the motel room and it was actually really fun. I had never met Chip before but I have a lot of friends who have worked with Chip and I’ve heard a lot of really amazing things about him, and they were all true because he was really awesome. He was a cool dude, so it was fun actually meeting him after seeing his work for years and years and a lot of my friends having already met him, so that was cool. Yeah we just hung out at this motel and took photos and um… Lior took some behind the scenes photos while we were shooting so I have those to share with you also. There is no video this week, well other than this one I’m making right now. The photos and BTS photos from the shoot with Chip… there’s a lot there, so I know you can spend a bunch of time looking through all of that. So I figured it would be ok to not have a video this week.
First look people… I have… so that same trip to Columbus when Lior and Jacs Fishburne and I were creating together, we all shot each other. This week I’m sharing Lior’s photos that they took of me and Jacs from when we were visiting Jacs, also in Columbus. That includes behind the scenes video.
Uhm yeah I don’t think I have very much else to say because that’s all I’m sharing this week and like nothing has changed since I made the last video because I literally am making this one like 2 minutes after I made the last one. But.. I just wanted to say yall are awesome and I appreciate yall being here and you are the reason that I’m able to do any of this at all. I am continuously feeling into what I want to do next, because as I’ve told you before, I haven’t really created much this year. I haven’t felt motivated or inspired to do so. To be honest, I probably very much need therapy and help with… how can I say… processing the traumas that I have experienced. Because I’m very good at avoiding my feelings and distracting myself from all of the things. I think part of why I haven’t really wanted to create this year is because I’ve been feeling a lot of difficult things and that’s been pushing my breaks in terms of wanting to create anything. I think another part of it is white guilt. You know, with all of the systemic oppression and inequalities that have been made painfully obvious through everything that’s happened this year in 2020. I’ve kindof really felt like I need to take a step back and let a lot of other people have the spotlight. As a white person I don’t want to take up too much space because I’ve taken up a lot of space for my whole life, and white people have taken up a lot of space for centuries. I would like to uplift people that are not white and while I do know that my work is important and valuable and worthy of people knowing about it, with the way that I’ve been feeling and with everything else going on in the world, I just haven’t felt like it was important to create for me personally, for a little bit. I mean it is important to create. The things I have created this year, I haven’t shown yall any of it. I haven’t created much, but I have created a couple of things, I haven’t really shared much of it. And that’s okay.
For a long time I have let having a website like this make me feel like I have to constantly be creating and sharing and doing… because if there are people that are paying for access to my stuff, then I need to have stuff to give you access to. I have over 12,000 photos and over 2,000 videos that are already accessible to you here. Even if you’ve been a member for a really long time, you might not have seen everything. There’s a lot to see. I don’t want to push myself too hard to the point of burnout, because I think that’s already where I am. When I went on my cross country road trip I took so many photos and videos and I definitely did burn myself out. I haven’t recovered from my burnout still and it’s been a year. I don’t know what this means for my creative future or the future of this website, but I do know that I want to continue having a place where I can have uncensored content that people can access because I think that’s really important, especially considering how shitty social media is now. But I no longer feel the urgent need to create constantly and be putting out new stuff constantly, because that’s basically just another symptom of white supremacy and patriarchy and capitalism that I don’t want to buy into anymore. It’s okay to take a break. It’s okay to not do work. It’s okay to freakin rest and take a nap and slow down. So I’m trying to really… be gentle with myself and not pressure myself to do anything if I’m not feeling like it. Basically this whole year I’ve not felt like creating so I’m not going to be hard on myself for that. Like I’ve said in the past, I do still have a lot of content that yall haven’t seen that is from my backlog so I’ll continue putting that out. I don’t know how long that is going to last, it’ll probably last at least another couple of months. For now, I’m still feeling into what comes next for me and I don’t know what that means, and that very potentially means lots of changes, like big shifts in the future, I just don’t know what that is. I’ll continue giving you a head’s up about it I guess. I feel like I’ve said that so many times, but I still haven’t figured it out, and that’s okay, so I’m just gonna keep letting you know.
I love you so much, thank you for being here, it means the world that you support me even when I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I mean who really actually knows what they’re doing, to be honest. I love you. Thank you. I’ll talk to you next week. Bye!
All members:
click here to view the 100 image photoset of me (& some with Lior Allay) taken by Chip Willis
click here to view the 34 BTS photos Lior took during the shoot
Click here for access to my archive of 12,500+ photos & 2,000+ videos
Click here for the passwords, they change the 1st of every monthFirst Look/All Access members:
click here to view the 9 image photoset that Lior Allay took of me & Jacs Fishburne in Columbus OH fall 2019
click here to view 11 minutes of BTS video -
Red Studio Couch
*CONTENT WARNING*: I am walking around outside during the first part of the video. If this is disorienting for you, skip to 1:07.
CAPTION FOR THE VIDEO ABOVE:
Hello friends! Ooh the ground is kinda wet. I wanted to lay down in these beautiful red maple leaves, but the ground is wet and cold so maybe I won’t. But here I will squat so you can see. Yeah it’s just a whole… let me walk over here. Just a big circle where all the leaves have fallen, it’s so pretty. Oh my gosh my toes are frozen though I’m going inside it’s too cold. I wanted to share what I am sharing this week and I will do that as soon as my feet are not numb anymore. It’s cold! I thought it wasn’t going to be too cold but it’s totally too cold. *aagh cold noises*
This week I have a self portrait set that I took… maybe 2016, 2017, 2018, not really sure what year. A self portrait set that I took a couple years ago, not in 2019 it was before that so probably 2017, 2018? that I took in my friend’s studio on this cool red couch that they had in there. I’m sharing BTS video from that same studio but a different time. The BTS that I’m sharing are BTS that I took when I was assisting my photographer friend Terry Wyse with his photoshoot with Roarie Yum! So it’s BTS of Terry shooting Roarie, and I think that was 2019.
First Look people are getting… what am I sharing with First Look? Oh the photos that I took with Lior Allay when we were in Pittsburgh in the fall of 2019 and BTS from that and other video things. Yeah so that’s what I’m sharing this week.
What do I have to talk about other than that? Other than my feet finally warming up? Tomorrow, which is Friday, so by the time you see this it will already have happened, but tomorrow I’m getting more of my tattoo done. The one on my leg with the Poplar tree, I’m very excited. So I’ll probably be tired and not as much up for physical things for a while after that because tattoos wear me out, especially because I tend to do several hours at a time. Yeah I’m really excited because I’m ready to be covered with plants.
Uhm yeah I don’t have much else to say at the moment, nothing much new is going on. I’m obviously back home for a couple weeks and then I’m going back to Granny’s for a couple weeks. Er, for a week IN a couple weeks, to continue helping her out. Yeah that’s kindof all that’s new with me right now. Love you, thank you for being here. <3
PS- I looked it up and these self portraits were taken in 2017.
All members:
click here to view the 25 image self portrait photoset I took on a red couch in my friend’s studio
click here to view the 9 BTS videos & 15 BTS photos in that same studio but years later when I was assisting Terry Wyse while he was photographing Roarie Yum
Click here for access to my archive of 12,500+ photos & 2,000+ videos
Click here for the passwords, they change the 1st of every monthFirst Look/All Access members:
click here to view the 32 image photoset of me & Lior Allay when we traveled to Pittsburgh together in 2019
click here to view 12 BTS videos -
Columbia River Gorge with ExhibitphotoPDX
Video members now have access to:
-
vlog with the story behind this photoset taken by ExhibitphotoPDX in the Columbia River Gorge outside of Portland Oregon during my cross country road trip last year
- 143 image complete photoset
- 1 short BTS video
-
16 minute video – Intro to Ecosexuality (the nude version I shot before doing the clothed Youtube version)
First Look members now have access to:
-
everything above
-
144 image complete photoset of me & Eva Luna taken by KH at a nude beach outside of Portland
- 66 BTS photos I took during that shoot
-
16 minutes of BTS video
-
-
Columbia River Gorge with ExhibitphotoPDX
CAPTION FOR VIDEO ABOVE:
Hello! Sorry my neighbors are mowing my lawn so it’s loud but I really wanted to do this, so hopefully it’s not too loud! This week I’m sharing a photoset that was taken last summer of me by ExhibitphotoPDX who I spent most of a day with in the Columbia River Gorge and it was amazing, we drove around, stopped at a bunch of places and took a whole bunch of pictures and it was so much fun. He brought us lunch and snacks and drinks and he had a cooler and we just hung out. We found this really cool waterfall that was right off the road. We found this structure that went over some water kinda… it was sorta like a pier but it was a funky shape. You’ll see it in the photos… that was really cool. It was very much within viewing distance of a major road, the main road that goes through the gorge… so some people probably saw me naked while they were driving. We just shot there really quick and then left so that if people were having problems with it, it didn’t really matter because we were gone by the time anything would have happened anyway. It was a really fun shoot, I really enjoyed it, and just exploring the Columbia River Gorge is amazing. I spent MOST of my time when I was in Portland in the Columbia River Gorge because it’s fucking gorgeous and amazing and all the nature and that’s exactly where I wanna be, of course.
The First Look people are getting a big photoset that was taken by KH, this was also in Portland. I met up with her and Eva Luna, who is earthyeva on IG, I think she’s still on IG, I know she’s kinda not a big fan of it for a little bit so I don’t know if she’s taking a hiatus from it or not. Eva and I posed for Kisa, and then Kisa & Eva posed for me. The photoset that I’m sharing with First Look now are just the photos that Kisa took, and my BTS photos. I have I think it’s 2 photosets to share with you that are the photos I took of them, in the future, that’s not coming yet but it’s coming soon.
Yeah that’s most of what I have to say today. I’m feeling emotionally weird today, and I know there are some astrological things going on today that are difficult so that makes sense. I’ve noticed… there’s been 2 people that I follow over the last 2 days that have said they’re going to be going offline, and they have HUGE followings… and I’m kinda inspired by them. Even with my measly 4000 followers, which is really not that measly, 4000 people is still a lot of people, but compared to the 22,600 followers I used to have before my original account was deleted in October 2018, I feel like 4000 isn’t that big. But compared to most other numbers and new people on IG it’s a decent sized account, even though it’s way smaller than what my old account used to be. I feel like people who decide to go off social media when they have huge followings, like one of these people have I think it’s 40,000 followers, and the other has 95,000 followers and they’re both like, I’m just gonna do something else. I feel like that’s very brave and that’s inspiring. I’m also wondering, what are they going to do to make money? I feel like so much of my job is on social media, and trying to make money that way. Honestly that’s probably why I don’t like social media that much, because it feels like a JOB. Because I feel like the things that I do on there should in some way try to start making me money or direct people towards me but I don’t like the way that feels. I don’t want my presence to be like “I’m here so give me money” that just feels gross to me. I want to actually connect with people, I want to actually help people and like share resources with people, I don’t wanna just be like “hey I’m here, I deserve money, you should pay me” but also I do deserve money and I should get paid. So it’s like, it’s complicated. I’m inspired by these people who are giving up their huge followings to do something different. It’s so loud, I hope you can hear me, I’m sorry it’s a terrible sound. But yeah it’s inspiring to me, and I’m also thinking about, if I’m going to continue being on social media… oh yay they paused for a second! If I’m going to continue being on social media, I’m going to need to do something different, and I don’t know what that is. Social media either sucks away my time and my life and my good feels and it leaves me feeling drained and shitty. OR the days that I can manage my time better, and get on, post something that’s meaningful, respond to comments and messages, and get off, those are the days that I feel a lot better. I know that time management and self control is something that I need to work on in terms of social media. If any of yall are time management gurus, please reach out to me, I would like help. I’m trying to think of ways that I can manage my time better. Maybe I’ll only be online for like x hours of the day, and if it’s after this hour then I won’t be online. I’m thinking about doing that and I’m sortof starting to implement that a little bit.
I continue to feel weird about my website. Nudity is a big part of my life, photography is a big part of my life, modeling isn’t something I want to continue doing very much unless it’s for specific things. But the way that I have my website set up it’s like “pay me for access to naked photos” and while there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that and it’s been wonderful for me for several years now, it doesn’t really feel quite right to me anymore. It feels really surface level and really… I’m not sure, it just… I continue noticing the need for change and I continue not having the answer to my need yet, and it feels weird to be in this liminal space. I’ve been through so many liminal spaces in the last year and a half. I feel like finding sturdy ground is sometimes a little difficult. But I also really like change, even though it used to terrify me. It’s funny, the things that were my last nightmare or the last thing I ever wanted, ended up being things that I chose for myself a lot over the last few years. It’s weird how things change. Yeah, so uh… I have plans and content that’s going to last me at least through Halloween, and I’ll probably continue with the way things have been just because it’s a few hours a week for me and it’s not like super draining or negative in terms of the use of my time, but I also am noticing that I keep pulling away from a lot of things and trying to make more empty space in my life. So I feel like something’s going to change with my website and I just don’t know what that is yet. I feel like I say this every week, but it’s true! Nothing is forever, and I do need some change, I just don’t know what that is yet and I appreciate you being along for the ride. I love you so much. Have a great day, bye. =]
(Oh, PS…. I just wanted to tell you about one thing I forgot to mention in the video! At the end of my shoot with ExhibitphotoPDX, I was balancing on a rock (the one I’m sitting on in the very last image in the full gallery) and it turned over, causing me to fall into a tree and scrape myself up haha. You can see the scrape in the photo below taken by Jacob Webster at the nude beach gathering. Whoops! In some of these photos with ExhibitphotoPDX you can see the big bruise that was still on the inside of my leg that I got when I was at Lake Tahoe hahaha)
Video members:
click here to view the full photoset taken by ExhibitphotoPDX in the Columbia River Gorge outside of Portland Oregon during my cross country road trip last year
click here to watch the short BTS video
click here to view the video Intro to Ecosexuality (the nude version I shot before doing the clothed Youtube version)First Look members:
click here to view the photoset of me & Eva Luna taken by KH at a nude beach outside of Portland
click here to view the BTS photos I took during that shoot
click here to view the BTS video -
Tiffany Helms in the Ruins
Video members now have access to:
-
vlog with the story behind this photoset of Tiffany Helms at an abandoned location on Bainbridge Island during my cross country road trip last summer
- 37 image complete photoset
-
4 BTS videos
- 7 BTS photos
First Look members now have access to:
-
everything above
-
34 image complete photoset of Embodoe wearing WhiskeyDog Wares taken by Kara Perry double exposed over images I took of Wyoming and NC waterfalls
- 8 videos (49.5+ minutes total) from a walk through the woods
-
-
Tiffany Helms in the Ruins
CAPTION FOR VIDEO ABOVE:
Hi friends! So this week the photos that I’m sharing with you are photos that I took with Tiffany Helms, you saw a photoset I think it was 2 weeks ago that I shared with you of her. We took I think it was 3 or 4 different photosets so this is another photoset from that same day. These are the photos that we took in this ruins place that we hiked to that was really cool. I don’t exactly know what it used to be, but it was this cool place on Bainbridge Island. We parked… so we drove like 5-10 mins from her house on Bainbridge Island and parked at a parking lot for a park and walked around and went to this spot and it was awesome! We took a bunch of photos there and I actually also have some photos to share with you on another date, another time, that Tiffany’s partner Jeff Waters took of me and some of them Tiffany is also in. This is when I had really long hair and Tiffany also has long blonde hair so we looked very similar. We also are around the same size and height and stuff so that was pretty cool, I’ll share those with you later. These photos are photos I took of her in this ruins area. I think they’re super awesome and I love them and there’s this huge cool tree and it was just fun exploring this place so I’m excited to share those with you. There’s some BTS video and stuff too.
I think… I think this week the first look stuff that I’m sharing is a photoset that was taken by Kara Perry of Embodoe (on instagram) with a roll of my images from my trip last summer, double exposures, so I took this roll of landscapes and Kara double exposed over it with her friend Embodoe, I think her name is Emily? But her IG name is Embodoe so that’s the name I’m going to be using especially since I’m going to be tagging her in this so you can go to her page and look at all the things. I think these photos are super awesome. Embodoe was wearing lingerie that was handmade here in NC by WhiskeyDog Wares so if you need some handmade underwear things or lingerie, totally check WhiskeyDog Wares out, her stuff is amazing. There’s also a couple other photosets that Kara took with my landscape film, double exposures that she took of other models wearing WhiskeyDog Wares that I’ll be sharing with you in the future also. They’re super awesome. I love Kara, I love WhiskeyDog Wares, I’m really excited that they were using some of my film for that.
What else do I want to share with you? I’ve had a weird couple of days, the full moon on Monday… I don’t know, has me feeling kinda weird. I’ve felt very stuck this week and like I want to just sit around and not do anything. I’m going to sit down. Yeah I’ve felt stuck this week, I’ve felt like I don’t know what direction I want to go in, I don’t know what my goals are. It’s been great to slow down on the live things online so I can recalibrate and figure out where I want my time to go. Yeah I’m still figuring that out. I don’t know where I want my time to go. I’ve been working on a special secret project with Lior and Roarie this week. I don’t want to talk to much about it in case things… you know… but, enough about that. Conscious Creativity was INCREDIBLE and exceeded my expectations. That was last weekend on Saturday. If you joined us I am so thankful that you did, and I would love to hear from you on how it went for you and what your thoughts are on it, what you liked, what you didn’t like, what you’d like to see more of, anything you’d like to change. I had an incredible time, we planned it for 2 hours and it ended up being 3. I was blown away with all of the vulnerable sharing that everyone did and the discussion that we had and the valuable conversation and empathy that we had with each other. The way that we… everyone was so respectful of each other and valued each other as humans and it was so wonderful and I super loved all of the movement things we did together. I think that was a really fun way to connect online even though we’re not in person, still being in our bodies is great and it’s something that I want to continue doing.
I’m not sure what’s coming up for the future still, I probably will never know, but I’m glad that I have the time and space now to really feel into what works for me. At this point I don’t know what that is yet, but I have the time and space to figure that out. I’m thankful for yall for being here with me. If you have anything that you’d like to contribute in terms of ideas or recommendations or comments about how I run this website, about how I show up online. I’m definitely really open to that. I value your input and I value your thoughts and preferences and I definitely want to consider that in the things that I do. I really appreciate all of you for being here with me and for continuing to show up every week and for supporting me and for enjoying the work that I put out. I really don’t know what’s next, I really don’t. I definitely want to do more events, more workshops, more group things. Obviously online is accessible and offline in person is a little out of reach at the moment with the state of the world, but I would really like to in the future open it back up to in person events again, because those are so transformative and incredible and I get so much out of those and I know that the people who participate in in person events really get a lot out of them too. So yeah, if you have anything to share with me about your experience here on my website as a member, your experience as a participant in any of the events I’ve put on, I’d love to hear what you have to say. If you have any ideas that you’d love to see from me, let me know. I do plan on doing more video content, I don’t know exactly what that means yet. I think I’d really like to make some mediation and relaxation kindof videos. I have a lot of nature video content that I could use for relaxing ASMR nature meditation chill video things, which is what I’m kinda thinking about recently. Yeah I’d love to have your feedback. I love you, thank you for being on this journey with me, and I’ll talk to you next week. =]
Video members:
click here to view the full photoset of Tiffany Helms at an abandoned location on Bainbridge Island during my cross country road trip last summer
click here to view the BTS video + photosFirst Look members:
click here to view the photoset of Embodoe wearing WhiskeyDog Wares taken by Kara Perry double exposed over images I took of Wyoming and NC waterfalls
click here to view the videos from a walk through the woods