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Non monogamous stereotypes + assumptions
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CAPTION FOR THE VIDEOS ABOVE:
Hi, I think this month is just going to be mostly about non-monogamy because it’s kind of a really big topic and I know that a lot of you are really interested in learning about it, and it’s definitely a big part of my life, so let’s go! So there’s a lot of really shitty stereotypes about non-monogamy that I would like to talk about and debunk them because it’s not true.
So obviously, I am one person and I can’t speak for the entire community of non-monogamous people. Like, I can’t, it’s just like, one black person can’t speak for all black people. One, non monogamous person can’t speak for all non monogamous people. So this is all from my perspective and from the reading and communication and like, discussions that I’ve had about non-monogamy. So yeah, I’m not the expert on everything, but I’m talking to you from my own perspective and from the things that I’ve learned over time.
So, one thing that people assume about non-monogamous people is that they are just in it for the sex and obviously that’s not true. I mean, for some people they might be in it just for sex. You know, if that’s what they want and that’s what all the people that they’re with want, like that’s totally cool, power to them. But also, there’s like a lot of asexual people that are non monogamous, you don’t have to have sex in order to be non monogamous. Like, non monogamy doesn’t have to do with sex, it has to do with the relationships that you have and how you structure them.
So, you could be asexual and be non monogamous, you could be straight or queer or bi or gay and be non monogamous. You can be cis or trans and be non-monogamous. Like it’s the way that you structure relationships and not necessarily about the people that are in them, if that makes sense. So non monogamy is not always about sex. Though, sometimes it could be, you know, power to the people. Whoever, like, that’s the beautiful thing about non monogamy is people get to build the relationships the way that they need them to be built, you know, like based on people that are in them. I guess that’s kind of really specifically for relationship anarchy, which is what I consider myself, but….
Another thing is people think about like kind of along this like sex line, a lot of people think about non monogamy, as people that are like getting a lot of STIs. But… or like it’s more likely that you’ll get an STI, if you’re non monogamous because you’re having sex with more people, but really monogamous people get more STIs because non-monogamous people are like super good well, most of them, are super good at communication about STIs and getting tested more frequently. A lot of monogamous people assume that they don’t need to get tested because they’re only having sex with one person, but you can still get an STI. Like a lot of STIs don’t really like… a lot of STIs are asymptomatic and you don’t even know you have it and you could be spreading it and not even know it. So. If you’re non monogamous, it’s actually not very likely to get an STI. I mean STIs… okay. I’m kind of gonna go off topic a little bit. There’s this person. I don’t remember her name, but she did a TED Talk and the Ted talk, you can find it on YouTube. It’s called STIs are not a consequence, they’re an inevitability. I’ll link that video below because it’s really good.
But like STIs are very common in humans. And if you’re having sex, there’s a big chance that you’ll get an STI. So, the fact that non-monogamous people are more willing to get tested and get tested on a regular basis and have all the conversations about safe sex. Like, If you do even get an STI as a non monogamous person, it’s likely that you’re going to catch it sooner and be able to treat us sooner than if you were a monogamous person that doesn’t get tested.
Another assumption about non-monogamy or like stereotype…
Part 2
So I have to do a video part 2 because my alarm went off and it stopped the last video. So non monogamy video for this part two! Sorry. Another assumption about non-monogamy or like stereotype about non-monogamy is Triads, which a Triad is like three people that are in relationship with each other and a lot of them that are like the stereotype one is like a man and two women. And the man is straight and the like the women are bi, and this is like a huge like, I mean, obviously there’s probably a lot of men who like would dream of this because oh, yeah, I get to have sex with two women and maybe at the same time, but like Triads are actually not that common in non-monogamy and they’re actually like expert-level non monogamy, especially a closed triad, which so when I say a closed Triad, when I say a closed triad, like the relationship is closed to anyone other than the people that are in it. So like there’s three people and their relationship and they’re all dating each other and like, that’s it. They’re not dating anyone outside of that. And that’s actually really not common. But it’s probably the most common relationship in non-monogamy that’s like known in like popular culture, which is frustrating because I don’t know anyone that’s in a Triad. And there’s such a huge problem with the Unicorn Hunters. So I’m going to go into what that is to put like. Yeah, like the assumption that all known monogamous relationships are like three people that are dating rach other exclusively is not real, like, those do exist, but they’re more rare and way more fucking like difficult because they have.
So, if there’s three people, there’s person a person, B, and person C. person A has relationship with person B person. A also has a relationship with person C. Person B has a relationship with person A person B has relationship with person C. like you get it right? Person C has a relationship with person A, person C as also as a relationship with person B. And then they have the relationship that’s between all three of them, A B and C. So there’s like several relationships that are within that structure and like you can’t have one person. Like if you’re in a Triad like this, that’s expected. Like, you can’t really, it’s not… They’re rare. Like it’s not how fucking like so we know that it’s hard to find a person that you want to date. Right? How much fucking harder is it to find a person that you want to date that also wants to date your partner? All three of you have to be compatible with each other, like as a Triad and as individual like couples between the three people in the Triad. Expert level about monogamy not easy, very hard and then like most people that are in that kind of structure might also, it might not be a close, tria. They might have like person A might be in a relationship with B and C, but they might also have like a separate person like person Z over here, that they’re also in a relationship with but that’s not a part of the Triad, you know, like so there’s yeah. Triads are like, expert level. They’re not easy. And that’s not the main way that people are in relationships that are non monogamous. That’s an incorrect assumption.
Unicorn Hunters. This is not a cool thing!! Okay. So unicorn Hunters are basically if you’re on Tinder or like dating apps at all, you probably have seen a whole bunch of unicorn hunters. It’s like the couple that’s usually a straight couple that the woman wants to like experiment with another woman and it’s you know, they’re trying to find a bi woman to date the two of them or to like not maybe not even date. Maybe just have sex with them.
That’s unicorn hunter! So you’re like yeah, but how do people become Triads if the Unicorn Hunters are bad? So the reason unicorn Hunters are bad and that’s like a whole specific category on its own is because it’s like a couple that has couples privilege like they’re already together. The privilege that they have is like the assumption is that if something happens with this like unicorn over here that if the Unicorn causes trouble, the unicorns going to get kicked out and like kicked to the curb because the couple comes first to both of the couple. Another huge problem with it is because a lot of times unicorn Hunters don’t have any experience in non monogamy and they’re really like treating this third person as like a sex toy. Basically. I like a sentient sex toy. Like they don’t treat them as a human. They probably have ultimatums the the couple probably has veto power which okay, you know, power you probably can guess. If say one person of the couple is like I don’t want you to date that person, I’ma veto that you can’t date them. You can see why this could be a problem, especially for the person who’s like, the potential third, because they just get discarded by the couple really easily by the couple because the couple already has the couples privilege and is like “yeah we’re going to put each other over anybody else and you inherently are less important to us because you’re just like this new person that we’re bringing on to like spice up our sex life.”
Yeah, unicorn Hunters are bad news. If you’re new to non-monogamy, it’s kind of easy to accidentally become a unicorn Hunter especially if you’re already partnered. So yeah, don’t do that, please. I think there’s a website unicorn Hunters are us that you can look at but like if you’re new to non monogamy and you do have a relationship already and you want to open it and add another person to it. Please do a lot of research.
There are some people who want to be the unicorn and like want to be the third in a relationship and like are okay with not being primary like they’re okay with being like a secondary like person and they don’t want the commitment and stuff like that does exist. But most of the time unicorn Hunters are basically treating people like glorified sex dolls, and that’s really shitty. So please if you want to like open your relationship and add someone to it, please do a lot of research. Please make sure that like the third person is in a relationship with the individuals and not just the couple. So, like person A like the these, it’s so, this is the couple say, person A has an individual relationship with the third person. Person B also has an individual relationship with the third person and then there’s the relationship of all of them together. Like, if you have to a hundred percent of the time as the third person be with the couple a hundred percent of the time, you can’t deepen your relationship to either of them like individually. That’s bad news. Like that. No, that’s not cool at all. I feel like I’m ranting about unicorn hunters and I haven’t even had personal experience with them. But like I can just… can you imagine though? as a person who’s like, yeah I want to date a couple. That would be fun and then you like try to date a couple and then they treat you like shit. Like Please don’t become that. Unicorn Hunters are not cool. I’m sure there’s a lot of information online about unicorn Hunters, but I’ll see if I can link that unicorn Hunters R Us website in the caption below if you want to, like, look at that.
(CLICK HERE FOR UNICORN HUNTERS R US WEBSITE)
What other non monogamy things that are assumptions or stereotypes should I talk about? Oh, there’s an assumption that non-monogamous people are not jealous.
Non monogamous people are humans too and everyone feels jealousy sometimes. Some people feel jealousy in more like in more extreme or less extreme circumstances, or feelings. Like some people don’t really feel very jealous. And that’s just like an individual person thing. But like just because you’re non monogamous doesn’t mean you’re immune to jealousy. I’m non monogamous and I definitely feel jealous a lot and like insecure a lot and I think it’s because I still have a lot of compulsory monogamy bullshit still in my self. But like, yeah, you’re going to feel jealous. Like, the person that you care about, also cares about other people and it can be uncomfortable sometimes, especially if you’re insecure like, I definitely have felt.
I like I keep having recurring dreams of like a person that I care about connecting with other people and leaving me out and me feeling jealous and insecure. Like this is a reccurring thing for me and I have to like deal with it. It’s not as bad in real life because I don’t tend to like spend time with people when they’re also seeing other people. Like I like to spend one-on-one time together and I don’t put myself in those situations on purpose because I know I would feel really so I don’t do that to myself.
On the other side of that, here’s another term that you may or may not have heard of. There’s something called compersion which is where you feel happy when you see someone that you care about feeling happy. So some people kind of the opposite. I don’t want to say opposite but it’s like the other side of jealousy. So when you’re jealous, you’re like man I wish I could do that. I feel like maybe you know, I’m being left out, that kind of thing compersion is like, oh I see my partner feeling super happy and loved by this other person and I feel really great for them for that. Like it’s yeah, it’s like you’re happy for your partner’s happiness or partner may or might not be the right word, but you’re happy for the person that’s in your life because they’re happy. Not necessarily because you have anything to do with it, but just because like, oh, they’re happy so I’m happy for them. Like the feels good. I personally haven’t experienced much compersion, and that’s not something that is a requirement to be non-monogamous. Like not everyone experiences compersion and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’re like a bad non monogamous person it just means that you haven’t felt that before.
Yeah, I think this is already 10 minutes. So a whole bunch of more rambling about non monogamy. We did it. If you have any questions or yeah, if you like me talking about non-monogamy, let me know and I can maybe make more videos like this. Yeah, if you have questions, comment below, I might either reply to the comment or I might make another video to answer your question.
I love you, thank you for being here and I’ll talk to you soon. Bye.
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Some non monogamy styles + terms
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CAPTION FOR THE VIDEO ABOVE:
Hello, I thought I would do installment umber two on non-monogamy and talk about some of the like terms and like words that are used in non monogamy commonly that you may or may not know about. So, here we go. So non-monogamy os like, obviously is like not monogamy. So let’s start off by saying, what monogamy is… monogamy, is what most of society expects of relationships that are romantic and/or sexual. So, monogamy is like, two people get together and they’re together and they don’t see anybody else, and it’s just them basically, in the relationship. This is like a very watered-down like, basic bones version. So, there’s, a term for the expectation of what monogamous relationships should be in terms of like the trajectory of the relationship. So, there’s this thing called the relationship escalator, which is… you’re probably familiar with it, you should know there’s a term, which is when two people maybe they have a crush on each other, and then they start dating, and then they move in together and get married and have babies and buy a house and live together, forever, and die together forever, you know, so it’s like that’s the relationship escalator. That’s like the Milestone goal post. The things that you’re expected to do in a traditional monogamous relationship, that’s called the relationship escalator.
I took the escalator all the way to the top minus the kids and buying a house and I realized, I don’t like this shit actually at all. So I stepped off of it. So non-monogamy is where your relationships are not necessarily following that script. Non-monogamy has many different ways that people can have relationships. And I’m not going to go over every single one because I have a limited experience with all of them. Like not, I don’t have experience being like in a Triad or something, so I’m not going to… but how do I go over this? Non monogamy is like the broad overall thing. If you think of it as an umbrella, non monogamy is like the top big broad umbrella and then underneath that there’s a lot of different kinds of non monogamy. There’s like swinging which you’ve probably heard of, I don’t have experience with that. There’s polyamory which you’ve probably heard of, which is poly means many and amory is love like amore. So polyamory is Many Loves, so you’re in multiple committed relationships. There’s solo polyamory, which is more along the lines of what I would consider myself which is where your primary, like, your main relationship is with yourself and then you also have relationships with other people, but you don’t put other people above yourself. Obviously, there’s like… if an emergency situations, I’m going to go help somebody but I don’t like prioritize any single person in my life other than myself and the Earth because I’m ecosexual. If you don’t know what that is and you’re like new here. I have a whole series of videos on ecosexuality in my YouTube I’ll put the link below if you’re curious, but that doesn’t really… ecosexuality is not really a part of this video conversation right now. So I’m just going to link to it if you’re curious and want to like dive into that.
(CLICK HERE FOR MY ECOSEXUALITY VIDEO PLAYLIST)
There’s also under the big non-monogamy umbrella, is relationship anarchy, which is the best way to describe the way that I do relationships, which relationship anarchy is where, basically, you tailor all of your relationships to people that are in them. So… and you also don’t like there’s no real hierarchy in terms of like… romantic and sexual relationships are more important than like platonic friendships and that kind of stuff, like there’s no… I don’t I don’t prioritize any relationship over another. They’re all equally important to me, whether I’m having sex or like, romantic with someone or it’s just platonic friends and we hang out like everybody’s equally important. And you just like… you build relationships based on what works for the people that are in them and to me, that’s, that’s perfect!
So relationship anarchy has this beautiful, wonderful, awesome thing called the relationship anarchy smorgasbord. And it’s basically there’s like a little chart thing. I’ll see if I can find it and put it in this caption below because it’s like, you pretend you’re at a buffet and there is like a whole bunch of different dishes that you can like, put on your plate and the plate is like your relationship with the whatever person you’re building the plate with… the relationship and you get to choose. Like, do I want romance? Do I want physical intimacy? Do I want sex? Do I want friendship? Do I want a collaborator? Do I want somebody that’s going to be kinky with me? Do I want to have somebody that I live with? Do I want somebody that I want to help like with caretaking? Like there’s all these different ways we can be in relationships with each other and we get to choose which pieces of the pie we want to put on our plate. So I super love that. I share the smorgasbord with a lot of people to see, like, are we compatible? Do you want the same things that I do? Like, what of these things are you looking for? and let’s build this relationship together.
What other kinds of non-monogamy are there? Those, I would say those are the main ones that I want to talk about because there’s a lot of like you can get into like detail things with a lot of this but I personally have only really have experience with relationship anarchy, solo polyamory and just like general non-monogamy.
If you’re curious, I will get personal with you, my current relationships… I have two people that I see on a regular or semi-regular basis and then I have three… three people that I see, like, occasionally, I would call those comets. This is another non monogamy term. A comet person or partner is, you know, how, like a comet you can see it only every once in a while, like it goes past us occasionally. a comet partner or comment like person in your life, a comet relationship is basically like when you see each other you’re together, and it’s… you connect and it’s great, but when you’re not near each other when you’re not together, it’s not necessarily like you’re keeping in touch all the time and all of that.
So it’s like when it’s possible then that’s great, but also there’s no expectation of like texting you everyday or seeing each other every week or things like that. Like I have there’s a comet in Illinois. Like I have a comet in Illinois. I have a comet in another part of North Carolina. Like I don’t really call them that, to them. It’s just the easiest way to describe it in polyamory terms because it’s not like a person that’s regularly in my life. It’s just a person that’s in my life when circumstances allow us to be in each other’s lives if that makes sense.
So, yeah, I have several people that are important to me. And then I have like a whole ton of friends that I super love a whole lot. And yeah, I so I guess, okay, here I am kind of sort of like putting a hierarchy in relationships, but I don’t think it’s hierarchy. I think it’s me trying to describe things to you in a way that you would understand. So the way that I’m talking, saying I have two people that I see on a regular semi-regular basis, and then I have like 3ish people that I see occasionally. I’m talking about like romantically romantically sexually like intimately and I’m not counting like the very many number of friends that I have that are platonic friends and that can be seen as like I’m prioritizing my like sexual romantic relationships, but I don’t see it that way.
I just see it as like, I feel like y’all would be curious about… I imagine most of you are monogamous or like mostly monogamous. So I imagine you would be curious about like the in terms of the depth of relationships that I have. And that’s the way that I can describe it to you because if I was going to like, count all of my friends, it would take a long time and be like. I’m forgetting people and I have like this huge list. So it’s just me the easiest way for me to be like, I have a few people in my life that I see intimately that are more than just friends. And I do also have a whole lot of friends that are like, equally important to me as the people that I see in a more intimate way. But friendships can be so intimate and like, not even require physical anything, or even like being in the same place. I don’t… relationships are hard to describe and name and I am not sure it’s really important to even have a label for everything because some things are just fine to be what they are without needing to label it, if that makes sense. That’s how I feel.
Relationships are great, people are great. I love making new friends, and I love not being monogamous because monogamy, feels like oppressive to me. It feels like as trying to shove me in this tiny box that I don’t fit in and trying to shove my relationships in a tiny box and I don’t fit in like, there’s no way that one singular person can fulfill all of my needs, and I don’t want to put that kind of pressure on another person to be that person. And I also don’t want that pressure to be put on me because I have done that before… putting that pressure on another person and had that pressure put on me when I was married, and it doesn’t work for me. It’s too much pressure and it’s like, yeah to me it’s no, that’s not how my relationships work. When they work for me they’re not like that.
Okay, I think I think that’s good enough. Like that’s that’s a, you know, we talked about photography and non-monogamy and comets and relationship anarchy and solo polyamory, and the relationship escalator. So you have like at least six different terms of things that we talked about today. So I want to make this video too long.
Yeah, non monogamy is great. If you have any questions, comment, and I will try to either reply in a comment, or maybe I’ll make a video to answer your question. Let me know! I love you!
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TODAY! Member’s only webinar: first look at self portraits!
TODAY!!!! JUST FOR MEMBERS!
I have a ton of self portraits that have been sitting in my hard drive that I’ve been too overwhelmed to go through because there’s so many. I thought we could hang out together + you could help me choose the best ones to upload to smugmug, so here’s the information!
Thursday Nov 18, 2021 06:00 PM Eastern Time (US and Canada)
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TOMORROW! Member’s only webinar: first look at self portraits!
COMING UP TOMORROW, JUST FOR MEMBERS!
I have a ton of self portraits that have been sitting in my hard drive that I’ve been too overwhelmed to go through because there’s so many. I thought we could hang out together + you could help me choose the best ones to upload to smugmug, so here’s the information!
Thursday Nov 18, 2021 06:00 PM Eastern Time (US and Canada)
Webinar style, so it’ll be me screen sharing the photos + y’all can use the chat to let me know your thoughts!
I have several photosets to go through so we’ll start with one + see how far we can get in an hour.
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Non monogamy + why marriage doesn’t work for me
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CAPTION FOR THE VIDEO ABOVE:
Hey friends!! So I once again have a lot of things going on this month, so I want to get some of these videos done early. So here I am doing that because I love you and I want you to still get things from me. So I thought today I would talk about non-monogamy. Seems like it’s something that a lot of you are interested in. I’ve put the link to a survey out a few times. And most people are saying when they answer the survey that they’re interested in learning about non monogamy and like relationship anarchy, so, I thought I’d talk a little bit about that today. I don’t have time to do you like a whole, like, class on it, but I thought I would tell you about my personal experience with it and like what it means to me and why it’s best for me in terms of my relationship structure, so here we go!
So as many of you know, I used to be married to a person who has been in a lot of photos that are on this website. You probably know him as AD or antisocialdisposition, which is like his Instagram name. So I don’t want to talk to you badly about him because we’re still really close, and our relationship has changed a lot over the years, but we’re still both like important people in each other’s lives. So I’m going to tell you the story of how I became non monogamous and he could have done things a lot better and I could have done things a lot better, but that’s just that’s just this is my story.
So, we were already married for a few years. We got married in 2013 and I think it was maybe 2016 or 2017? Probably wither late 2016, early 2017 when he first brought up non monogamy/ polyamory and I was deep into compulsory monogamy at that point which, compulsory monogamy is like society and everyone expects everyone to be monogamous. So like most people don’t even know that there’s options other than monogamy. So I was like deep into that shit and I didn’t even know that there was such a thing as… things that were not the relationship structure that I had seen throughout my whole life. Like, my parents, my family, like every fucking TV show ever, all of the songs and movies and stories, everything is monogamous. I didn’t even know that there was a way to have relationships that was not monogamous and when he first brought it up I was really freaked out and scared and I was like, wow, so, you know, like do you not love me anymore? Am I not important to you anymore? Like am I not enough for you? Am I not good enough? That kind of shit was a big part of that beginning stages of learning about non-monogamy is like all the insecurities and like jealous kind of things. So I definitely went through that for a while.
I felt like… the way that he told me about how he needed to be non-monogamous it made me feel like I either had to become non-monogamous or like, let him have that relationship style, or I was going to lose him. Ideally that’s not the situation that people would be in when they’re starting non-monogamy, because that’s a really shitty way to do it. But neither of us knew any better about how to do things at the time, like, we were still learning and still non monogamy babies basically.
So, like, he didn’t know what he was doing, I didn’t know what I was doing and we were stumbling our way through it, and I loved him. I still love him. And I didn’t want to lose him and I still don’t want to lose him. So we I was like, okay, I guess we can do this, but let’s kind of start slow and figure it out and it was a lot of struggle. He started dating a friend of ours who lived across the country, so that was long distance for them. That was really rough because I was very insecure and still like shaking off all of the monogamous bullshit. I still have a lot of that, even though I’ve been non monogamous for several years now, but I like I feel really glad that we did this because now I know that non-monogamy is actually the relationship style that works best for me.
It was a rocky shitty start because it could have been done much better from the beginning, but I’m here where I am now and I’m really happy with the way that my relationships are structured. So it works… like it worked out, but I know it might not for everybody like some people might try non-monogamy and learn that it really doesn’t work for them. Like there’s no way to structure relationships that’s better than another like, monogamy is not inherently better than non monogamy. And the same in Reverse. Like, non-monogamy is not inherently better than monogamy. They’re just different people need different relationship structures. And that’s cool. And finding out what works for you is what’s important.
So, I guess long story short, it took awhile and lots of feelings and after several years… So we were married from 2013 to 2019. We started the divorce conversation in early 2019. That was a rough year, our divorce became official in 2020. We didn’t have much contact for about two and a half years. We had like minimal contact for two and a half years. and just in the last like six months actually less than six months. We started to reconnect and it’s been a really good actually.
It wasn’t non-monogamy that made us end our marriage. It was the fact that we were codependent and didn’t have any boundaries with each other and we’re like enmeshed in an unhealthy way. And we both needed the space to be able to figure out our own shit and like, become our own individual people before we could be in a healthy relationship with each other. So, I’m very glad that we’re not married anymore. I’ve learned that marriage is not for me! No way. It’s not for me.
We lived together for several years before we even got married. And it’s funny because like, I didn’t think that getting married would really change any thing because we already lived together and like, it would just be a piece of paper that says we’re married. But things did change when we got married, I think both internally and externally. For example, I felt like we had to spend all of our time together. I felt like we had to do everything together, like I also felt like the marriage made it feel like we owned each other. Like, we were the property of each other and like, we had this weird control over each other’s lives.
And I know that this doesn’t apply to all marriages, but that’s what happened for me personally is like, I felt like I had I don’t know, some weird like ownership control over him and he had over me. It was like, that’s the way it felt to me. Not into that. Yeah, and I also had a bunch of like, internalized bullshit that I put on myself. Like I felt like I had to cook and clean all the time and he had to go work like the whole like bullshit like, expectation of what a marriage is supposed to be between a man and a “woman”, and I’m not even a fucking woman, so like I didn’t know that at the time. Honestly, I needed… so I don’t think I would have been able to realize that I was non-binary unless we separated and got divorced and I had time to be by myself because I don’t think I would have realized it if I had stayed with him in the way that our relationship was structured. because it was like a man and a woman, and they get married and I lived together and are happy forever. And like, in that structure, there is no space for me to like, explore things that were not what was expected of me.
So yeah, that’s my story. I hope I told it well enough that you understand. There’s a lot of nuance and a lot of detail in there that like, I didn’t go through, obviously, because I don’t want to make this video like super long but yeah, I think I think non monogamy is wonderful. I’m glad that I had those experiences even though they were really fucking rough. And I still feel jealous and insecure a lot, but I have people in my life that are really important to me that I wouldn’t be able to be connected with all of them in the ways that I am if I was still monogamous. Yeah, I think non monogamy has enriched my life in a major way, and I’m thankful for it, even though it was rough road getting here. And we could have done things way better than we did. But I guess everyone has their like origin story and it’s not always pretty.
So yeah, it is possible to stay friends with and be in a relationship with an ex partner because that’s my life. Yeah, AD and I are reconnecting and it’s really great and we have way more boundaries now and we live in different states and that probably helps us have boundaries. And yeah, we’re able to have a much more healthy relationship now because we’re like intentionally… We’re doing things intentionally. We’re not just like assuming all of these things because we’re “married”. We’re like going step by step. How do you feel about this thing? How do you feel about that thing? How do you feel about this? What about this other thing? And we’re like building our relationship from the ground up in a way that works for both of us. So, yeah.
Okay, this is long enough. I hope that’s enough story for you to have a little bit of an understanding of non-monogamy from my perspective. Comment if you have questions. Yeah, I love you!
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NEXT WEEK! Member’s only webinar: first look at self portraits!
COMING UP NEXT WEEK, JUST FOR MEMBERS!
I posted a vlog recently about why self portraits are important to me + are a big part of my art.
This is the members only event I spoke about in that vlog!I have a ton of self portraits that have been sitting in my hard drive that I’ve been too overwhelmed to go through because there’s so many. I thought we could hang out together + you could help me choose the best ones to upload to smugmug, so here’s the information!
Thursday Nov 18, 2021 06:00 PM Eastern Time (US and Canada)
Webinar style, so it’ll be me screen sharing the photos + y’all can use the chat to let me know your thoughts!
I have several photosets to go through so we’ll start with one + see how far we can get in an hour.
Passcode: 534771
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Vlog about my experience filming for Nudism.TV!
Click here to watch video in another window.
CAPTION FOR THE VIDEO ABOVE:
Good morning! Well, it’s morning for me, I don’t know if it’s morning for you. I was just walking in my backyard and it’s chilly. I don’t have shoes on and I stopped just in time because there’s a big spider right over here and a spider web, but I almost walked straight into and I didn’t. I’m glad that I didn’t. Hi spider!
I wanted to talk to y’all about my trip I just came home from. Let’s see if I can get this to stay where it is. Yeah, I just came home yesterday. We drove all day home from Cleveland or filming for Nudism.TV with my family. Me, my mom, my dad, my sister. We shot for four days. Yeah, it was four straight days of filming, and it was really super fun. I had a great time. We filmed a whole lot of different segments. I did self-portraiture, I did one like gender and sexuality 101, my dad’s a segment on Bourbon. My sister did two segments on floral arrangements. My mom did a segment on cooking and energy healing, and several of them we like, some or all of us are part of each other segments for a lot of them. We did as a whole family, we did our family haircut, we did a segment on that. And I mean, I’ve already like talked to y’all about all the segments, because I did a little blog post on here already, but just wanted to speak it to you and talk about it. It was so fun.
The people there were super nice. Pasha is the person who’s like kind of the head of all of it. He actually, his wife had a baby while we were there, so that was cool. Cool for him. We didn’t get to spend much time with him because obviously he was like spending time with his wife and the new baby. Marisa is one of the people who helps get everything set up and she’s super sweet. She was there the whole time. She also helps like behind the camera with getting all the production stuff completed and she’s really nice. There’s Todd there, Todd was the like main camera person and getting everything like setup for all of the segments of shoots and everything.
They have a whole like a whole team of people working on this and it’s a whole big production and they’re shooting almost 5 days a week. Right now, today’s Halloween when I’m filming this… right now they have people booked through the end of December. So they’re like booked out through the rest of the year. They’re going to have quite a library once they actually release everything to, you know, on the website. Right now, the website is like, come visit us. Come be a part of it.
The official like… what do they call it? I will think of it but all the official stuff will go live sometime in 2022. So they’re building up their library right now. They’re gonna have quite a lot because even just with my family over four days, we filmed a fuck ton of different segments. The interview we did, it was broadcast live on their YouTube channel. I linked to it before but I’ll link it again in case you missed it. I’ll link it in the caption below if you want to watch our interviews from the first day.
(CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE INTERVIEWS ON YOUTUBE)
Yeah, it was super fun, I had a really great time. I did not realize how much shooting and like filming would exhaust me. It was so much fun, but it is very tiring to be in front of a camera like basically from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. four days a week.Yeah, it’s been a while since I’ve been in front of a camera naked if it’s not my camera. But it’s a different kind of camera instead of a photo camera it’s a video camera. So I felt super awkward a lot. Like I sometimes struggle with my words in the first place and then being in front of a camera and feeling like I have to get it right, makes me feel even more awkward. So I hope that everything turned out well. I feel like I said “um” a lot, which I probably did and I did like, kinda struggle with figuring out what to say. And how to articulate things. Yeah, I hear myself saying “um” a lot in this too. I think it’s just if I’m going to be on camera and talking “um” is gonna happen. It was really super fun.
It’s kind of early morning. I just woke up maybe an hour ago. I just wanted to be outside even though it’s cold. So here I am outside my kigurumi, me naked underneath it kinda just staying warm. Maybe it’ll help if I got in the sunshine. But yeah, it’s I had a really great week. I am thankful for the opportunity to be a part of that. I’m really excited to see where it goes and how everyone else likes it once everything’s live. I think it was a really great opportunity and I’m really glad that there are people that are doing this because I think it’s really important to bring nudity to the world at a non-sexual way and to like destigmatize it because a lot of people think nudity and then automatically assume sex and that’s not the case. And also like you can have sex with a whole thing of clothes on. So nudity and sex are not like interrelated all the time. They can sometimes, but that’s not the whole thing. Like, nudity is just the state of dress or undress and has nothing to do with whether you’re having sex or not. So, yeah, I think it’s really important what they’re doing and I’m really glad that they’re doing it, and I got to be part of it.
So if you like to be naked and have hobbies and interests that you would like to share with Nudism.TV get in touch with me, send me an email. I can get you in touch with them. They’re super wonderful and I love what they’re doing. And I highly recommend. It was a great opportunity, a great experience for me, and my family, they all said that they had a great week and really enjoyed it and Nudism.TV, takes care of us. They covered our expenses. They got us a really nice airbnb. They paid us for our time. They fed us really well. It was a really great experience. They respect the people that they have working for them. So that’s really good. It’s not like they’re expecting people to do this for free. Yeah, it’s they’re… it’s great. It was a wonderful experience all around and I highly recommend it. So if you want to be a part of it, also, let me know. I can get you in touch with them. It will probably be some time in 2022 if you get to film because they’re already booked through the end of the year, but they do have plans of expanding their space, which is also really exciting because that means, maybe more people can be there at one time. And that means more like group naked things, which is like my favorite obviously because I love doing the nude gatherings. I’m hoping maybe one day I can do a nude gathering there like problem film like on camera filming like video. It would be really fun. I kind of talked to them a little bit about that and I’d like to talk to them more about that. Right now I just need to rest. I’m tired and I have some computer stuff to catch up on. So I didn’t even take my laptop. Yeah.
Thank you for being here. I love you so much. I’m really excited to continue being naked and doing all kinds of fun, creative, nude things. I’m sad that it’s getting cold. So that means I can’t be outside naked as much because it’s obviously not comfortable, it’s too cold. But yeah, I am so thankful that I have the life that I do and I’m doing what I’m doing and that you’re a part of it. So, thank you so much! I love you! MWAH
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I grew up around nudity / How AWESOME my family is
Click here to watch this video in another window.
CAPTION FOR THE VIDEO ABOVE:
Hi friends! I’m making this video immediately after the video I made for last week because I’m going to be out of town a lot this month and I wanted to make sure that I still had lots of things to share with you. So I’m preparing early. In this video I’m going to share the story of like how my family is cool with nudity. So, all the way back to the beginning, when I was I think it was before Elementary School even, me and my sister and my mom and my dad, we used to all have like family showers because everybody has a body and everybody needs to shower sometimes and like, why not do it together? And then once my sister and I got old enough to start going to school my dad stopped doing nude things with us because he was concerned of Child Protective Services being called on them or something, even though nothing like nefarious was going on. If me or my sister mentioned that we’ve seen our dads penis, somebody would have had like red flags and be like, what? So he didn’t want to risk it, which is understandable, but also sad, I guess that’s the world we live in. Rape culture is real. So even though it was totally innocent in our family, my dad just he didn’t want to risk it.
So growing up, my mom would like use the bathroom and not close the door. I knew early what periods were because she had a period And I like, me and my sister learned what that was early on before we even started our periods. Yeah, like nudity has never been that big of a deal in my house, in my family. We have always had really open discussions with my parents. They’ve always been of the mind of like, if you want to know something, then ask us and make sure you actually want to know the answer because we are going to answer. And if we don’t know the answer, we’re going to do our best to find the answer for you. But if it’s something you don’t really want to know the answer to, then don’t ask the question because we will answer it honestly.
I think that was a really big part of why nudity is really not a big deal for me and also why I find communication to be so important in relationships, which, I mean, even if I didn’t have that experience growing up, I still probably would think communication is very important, but I think that laid a foundation… I think I just saw a frog hop off of a leaf and onto another one! So cute! Okay, I’m gonna try not to be too distracted. I think that that foundation of communication and honesty in my family really set the foundation for my ability to communicate openly and honestly with people even about things that are difficult and complicated, I’m kind of the mind, I would rather over-communicate than under-communicate. I’d rather talk about something like five times than not talk about it at all. I want to be on the same page, or at least as at least in the same book, close to the same page.
So I started taking nude self portraits, probably before I was 18. I don’t have… I don’t have I have not shared any self portraits from before I was 18 on here. Don’t worry. You have not seen underage Bunny. The youngest I was in any of the photos that I’ve shared here I think, was either 18 or 20, so not to worry about that. I would not share those… actually I don’t, I would have to search to find the stuff from when I was younger. Yeah. I just started taking nude self portraits really early on when I got a camera. I was like taking photos of my friends nude. I’ve taken photos of my parents nude. I’ve taken photos of my sister nude. What else…
Once my sister and I got older like over 18, there was no more worry of child protective services, so my dad kind of stopped being super cautious about his nudity around us. So a regular occurrence here in this household is we will have haircut day. It’s usually on Sundays where we’ll get naked because who wants like tiny hairs all over their clothes? So we’ll get naked and we’ll, my mom will cut our hair. That’s where I get my nice haircut. My mom does it, I get the same hair cut my dad, he just gets more because he gets like his beard trimmed and stuff. So have haircut days and we’ll just like hang out naked in the kitchen and talk and chat and get out hair cut and then of course, like rinse off after because tiny little hairs, all over are very itchy and tickly.
And, Yeah, it’s no big deal to like…. I’m naked around the house all the time, like most days I either don’t get dressed at all or I will put clothes on like halfway through the day when I’ll have to go outside or something. Yeah, nudity is just not been a big deal. Like nudity for me is not attached necessarily to sexuality. You can be nude and not sexual and you can be sexual and clothed, so nudity and sexuality are not the same thing!!! And that was made clear to me through my upbringing. I’ve had a lot of experiences being naked around other people that were not sexual. And I think that, I think that that a lot of people have only been nude in sexual experiences and that’s why a lot of people associate nudity and sexuality the way that they do, but I don’t. They’re very different things and I hope that more people start to learn and believe that too.
Because, yeah, like I want nudity to not be this taboo, weird thing. It doesn’t need to be. Everybody has a body, like we’re all born naked. We all like, we all exist in these bodies that don’t have clothes on them until you put clothes on. So, yeah, I think nudity is wonderful. For me, It’s such a wonderful way to be in my body. I feel like I’m more connected to myself when I’m nude. I feel like I’m more able to connect to my surroundings and the earth when I nude. I’m more able to realize that I have a body when I’m nude because a lot of times I’m like in my head and don’t even… like I’m just like a floating brain and sometimes I need to be reminded that like, oh, hey, I also have a body and I also can feel things with this body, and I also need to take care of this body and it’s easier for me to realize that I have a body when I’m nude. It’s like moving around…. Oh, I feel my arms on my torso or like, wow. Okay. I feel my thighs rubbing together. I have a body! Remember? So yeah, I feel like I take better care of myself when I’m nude. I feel like I’m able to enjoy my body more when I’m nude.
So, yeah, that’s my nude story. Also, the week that I’m sharing this video, I will be in Cleveland, Ohio with my parents and my sister shooting for Nudism.TV, which I think is going to come out next year. So we’re going to be on TV naked as a family and I’m so excited!!! It’s gonna be so fun! I’m really excited to see how it turns out and have this experience with my family. I feel like there probably aren’t very many people that can say that they are naked with their family in general, and then I feel like of the people that can say that there might be even less that can say that they are going to be on TV naked with their family. So I feel really special and honored that we have this opportunity. I’m so excited! I think it’s gonna be really fun. Okay, I think that’s all I have to say to share right now.
So, I think that was probably also why it was pretty easy for me to get into the nude photography and modeling world, because nudity was already not this, like, scary thing for me, it was just like another part of life. So, I hope that if you have considered being naked around other people, I hope this encourages you to be able to do that. And if that’s too scary, don’t force yourself to do something that you’re not ready for. If you do want to have more nude existence in your life, it’s totally cool to start doing that just by yourself like in your room, sleep naked, dance naked, hang out, and do normal things, like eat breakfast, naked. It doesn’t have to be this big deal. It can just be a part of your life. If you want it to be. Also, if you prefer having clothes on, that’s super awesome too, everybody’s different. Everybody has different wants and needs and I hope that you do what is best for you. Yeah, okay. I love you! Have a great day! Thanks for being here! I’ll see you later. Bye!
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Day 4 filming for Nudism.TV
Last day on set for Nudism.TV! Today Mama, Gemini and I did a cooking segment, then we did a segment where Mama cut my hair and Daddy’s hair. The last segment we did was a charades type game 😊
