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Art Nuance & Evyenia Karapolous
Video members now have access to:
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vlog with the story behind these photosets with Nuance Artistry and Evyenia Karapolous
- 16 image complete photoset in the studio
- 6 image complete photoset with Evyenia
- 22 image complete photoset at the abandoned Mill
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6 BTS videos
- 20 minute nude yoga video
First Look members now have access to:
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everything above
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15 BTS photos from Roarie Yum‘s shoot with PhotoWyse
- 9 BTS videos from Roarie & PhotoWyse’s shoot
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Art Nuance & Evyenia Karapolous
CAPTION FOR VIDEO ABOVE:
Hello! So… gosh weeks go by so fast now. This week I’m sharing I think it’s 3 photosets actually, that I have modeled for, for my friend Nuance Artistry. One of the sets is in a studio, one of the sets is in an abandoned mill, and the other set is with another model. I always say her name wrong. I can spell it really well, but I don’t know if I’m going to say it right so I’m sorry. Evyenia Karapolous, she goes by a different name in real life, that’s her modeling name so I just call her the name that she goes by in real life but that’s not her modeling name. I think these are really great, these are older sets taken probably… 2 more more years ago now. Which feels weird, because time is really really weird.
I think the stuff that’s going into first look is the last time I saw Roarie Yum in person. They modeled for a photographer friend of mine PhotoWyse and I took some behind the scenes stuff and that’s what I’m sharing in First Look is the behind the scenes stuff that I took of Roarie during their shoot with Terry. I’m also sharing to video people the nude yoga video for this month! So yay.
I dont have a lot to say today, I feel like…. so I think I might switch up my schedule again in terms of what I’m doing during the week. I don’t know. Because after July I don’t have very much planned. On Mondays on youtube I’m doing that ecosexual series, and that’ll be finished in 2 weeks I think. I don’t really have anything planned for after that so I might take a break on that. I’ve really been enjoying the Thursday group hangout member gathering things, the video hangouts, but I also feel like maybe I should have more structure around it or change it up for something else. I haven’t decided. I feel like I’m perpetually switching up what I want to do. So I appreciate that yall want to hang around! I for sure am going to do the members hangout this week, which by the time you get this will have already happened because it’s tonight, Thursday night, not Saturday when this is going to be uploaded. Part of me wants to pause those for a little bit and recalibrate. I started doing them kindof at the beginning of quarantine as a way to stay connected, and they’ve been really fun, but at the same time… it’s just hanging out. And I feel like I want more than that, but I also don’t know exactly what I want that to be. But I also know that I want to have time for expanding things in the future like maybe teaching courses, queer hangouts, trans support group… I don’t know! I might switch stuff up, I might slow down or have more structure to or cancel or change the schedule for the group chats. I just know that something isn’t quite how I want it to be yet and I just don’t know where I want to go yet. I change so much! I’m glad that I’m not stagnant and stuck in the same thing over and over again, but I am noticing the need for change, I’m just not quite in the place where I know what that is yet.
I probably will no longer model for photographers, at least for a while, unless they’re like queer and/or trans people. I haven’t really wanted to model in a while and it just feels like another way for people to consume me in a way that is not really me. Because my naked body most people think (some flying thing just came into my space)… my naked body gets attention from people that I don’t necessarily want attention from, and I definitely don’t want sexual attention from like anybody. I feel like if I’m less naked (AHH what’s with the bugs today! there was a bug that was crawling on my foot!) I feel like if I’m less naked on the internet I’ll get less attention in the ways that I don’t want. I also feel like me being naked on the internet is a good chunk of the reason why people give me money and how I can pay my rent so that’s complicated. I definitely want to switch to a more queer trans ecosexual healing kindof platform, but I don’t know how to do that in a way that I’m still sustaining my self financially. I just know that I have way too many cis straight men who follow me and want to work with me, and that’s not really the like… I mean I love all of you people who are here of course… but in terms of new people finding me I’d much rather them be queer or trans or women or you know… not cis straight men. Sorry. Queer people are my people! Trans people are my people! Ecosexual people are my people! Cis straight men are not really my people. I have some wonderful cis straight men in my life that I super appreciate and love a whole lot, but in terms of the audience that I want to gather around myself and the community I want to create around myself and my business is not going to be catered to cis straight men and they are not the people I want to gather around me in large quantities. Because most of them probably see me as a woman and probably see me as somebody they want to have sex with and I do not want either of those things from them. Maybe that’s me not having enough faith in cis straight men to understand my queerness and to not objectify me and sexualize me, but based on my 30 years of life experience, I don’t have a lot of faith in cis straight men doing those things, unfortunately.
I just don’t know what to do to change things to be more of what I want them to be. I guess I just need to show up in the way that is authentic to myself and that will draw the right people around me because if I’m myself then more people like me will find me. I just feel like, I don’t want my work to be centered around…. okay so I love nudity and I DO want my work to be centered around nudity, but I want it to be centered around nudity in a non-sexual way that is healing and affirming and inclusive and NOT in a sexual or exploitative or objectifying in any way. I don’t know, I just know things need to change and I’m not exactly sure what that is yet or what that means. I just appreciate yall being here along for the ride. I’m always changing so my website is always changing and the things I’m doing are always changing. So I appreciate you being here in whatever capacity you’re here, if you’re a cis straight man I hope I didn’t make you too upset. Maybe go through my youtube and look at all my ecosexual stuff and in my resources here on my website I have a video on gender and sexuality that’s over an hour long. So if some of the queerness things are intriguing to you, I have resources already that I would love for you to check out, that’s more of my face talking to you!
I think it’s kinda interesting that… I was looking at some of the videos that I made last summer during my cross country road trip and I was thinking about how different I am from the person that I was last year and it’s made me a little bit sad because I was so much happier last summer when I was in all the nature. Here now is like, quarantine and stress and isolation and stuckness and a lot of numbness so I don’t quite know how to reconcile that and I realize that the whole entire planet is going through a lot right now with all of the oppression and fear and all the bullshit. It makes sense that I’m not the same happy person that I was last year. I also miss that person! I miss being completely overjoyed by rounding a corner and finding some vast amazing landscape, I miss being able to get in my van and just GO and stop anywhere and hang out and not worry about germs and play naked in a pile with other naked people and hang out and cuddle. I just… you probably feel it too. Everything’s harder this year. Thanks 2020!
I just want to find a way that I can share and affirm and honor queerness and transness and uplift that, and heal through that. I’m not quite sure what that means yet, but I’m working in that direction. Thank you for exploring existence with me. I love you, thank you for being here, I appreciate you so much. Bye!
Video members:
click here to view the full studio photoset with Nuance Artistry
click here for the abandoned mill photoset
click here for the photoset with Evyenia Karapolous
click here to view the BTS videos
click here to view the nude yoga video for JulyFirst Look members:
click here to view the BTS photos & videos from Roarie Yum‘s shoot with PhotoWyse -
Quinn Sanguine & Megan Ayn
CAPTION FOR VIDEO ABOVE:
Hello! So this week I am sharing a photoset that I took of my friends Quinn and Megan when I was in Tacoma Washington. It’s funny because I’ve been friends with Quinn for a long time and I’ve met them a few times prior to my trip out there. Quinn used to live in the Boston area and did a couple of trips along the east coast and I was able to hang out with them during that time. Then they moved across the country, they did a cross country tour at the same time they were moving across the country. They moved to Tacoma a year or two ago, no longer than that, a couple years ago now. Wow, time is wild yall! Quinn moved to Tacoma and offered to host me while I was in the area so I stayed with them for I think it was close to a week, it was like at least 4 or 5 days. I had been talking to Megan about shooting with her because we’ve followed each other on IG for a while. Come to find out, Quinn and Megan lived like 5-10 minutes away from each other and they hadn’t met yet. It was awesome, Quinn and I went to Megan’s house and hung out and took photos of each other, it was a great time. That day when we were shooting I was feeling kinda weird, I think I wasn’t quite as inspired because we were indoors instead of outside, and I didn’t think I had the film that I needed in order to get the proper exposure inside the house. I had a lot of fast film/lower ISO film, and it wasn’t going to be enough light for me to take photos, but then I found ONE roll of film that was 1600 ISO that I had, and that was just enough to take photos. I was really excited that I was actually able to take photos, because I thought I wasn’t going to be able to because I didn’t have the right film for the space that we were in. I found that one roll and that was was very helpful and I’m thankful that I was able to photograph them when I was there. I already shared the photos that Megan took of me and Quinn, and these are the photos that I took of Quinn and Megan.
What’s going on with me this week… today’s Thursday, I usually do my prep for the weekend on Thursdays, and today is the full moon. I’m not feeling as energetically and emotionally effected by this moon as I usually do, and it’s kinda odd to me because I remember having a Scorpio moon, I think it was last year, and that was really intense for me, and this Scorpio moon isn’t really? Which I find pretty interesting. I don’t know, I’m feeling a little bit less stuck, I know I’ve been talking about feeling stuck the last couple of weeks. I’m feeling a little less stuck in terms of creative and goals and life stuff. I’ve started to plan some online opportunities with a couple of other artists and I’m really excited to share that with you coming up soon.
Actually I’ll go ahead and tell you, Lior Allay and Roarie Yum and I are doing live videos on IG next week on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, talking about vulnerability. On Monday the 18th we’ll be hosting an online event/discussion between us and the people who are a part of the event. We’re going to do a live video chat type of thing. We haven’t quite, as of today, come up with a specific name/wording about what we’re going to do but I know that we’re going to go more in depth about vulnerability in art and speak to what that means for us, if nudity is a part of that for us and why, and how to create spaces where we allow other people to be vulnerable. I’m very excited about that, so keep an eye out on mine, Lior’s, and Roarie’s IGs for more info about that coming up soon. I’ll send info to my mailing list when we have more promotional materials ready. I’m pretty excited about it, I’ve been feeling like not really ready or willing to do a lot of creative stuff recently, and I’ve tried really hard to not beat myself up about it because it’s expected of me from myself and my community. I feel thankful that I have the opportunities that I do in order to not have to constantly create in order to make a living. I have a backlog of all of the things I’ve created last summer to get me through this slump time, but now that I’m in collaboration with Roarie and Lior, I’m starting to get more excited about art again. Even if I’m not actively creating right now, which I still haven’t been creating, just having the conversations around art has been really wonderful for me and healing in a way, just thinking about it more and being in a mindset where I’m more receptive to creativity and art has felt really nice. I’m excited to go through these discussions with them over the next couple of weeks and share our knowledge with yall. I’ll link to my instagram, Lior’s instagram, and Roarie’s instagram in the caption of this video to make it easy for you to click and see what kind of things we’re doing online. (Click here for my IG, click here for Roarie’s IG, click here for Lior’s IG)
Do you hear that hawk?! *looking around above me* I think it’s pretty wonderful and magickal that when I’m out here making videos for yall there’s some kind of bird that is talking to me. Last week it was hummingbirds and this week it’s a hawk. Hawks are really magickal and powerful and I connect with them a lot already just because I know that there are some that have nests somewhere around my neighborhood, somewhere near my house. They’re here a lot, I see them a lot and hear them a lot. I think that’s pretty magickal. I’m trying to not be too distracted.
So… that’s pretty much the only thing that’s new with me, the vulnerability in art talks that I’ll be doing with Lior and Roarie. Keep an eye out if you want to participate, we’re going to do a really affordable online discussion through video chat. I also just heard an owl! But it’s like… noon! Anyway! The discussion we’ll be hosting, the instagram lives will be free. There’s that owl again! So those will be Monday Wednesday Friday next week for free, and then the online video discussion group video thing we’re doing will be on Monday the 18th and that will be donation based with a $5 minimum. Donate whatever you’re able based on the value you get out of our talk. We’re going to be splitting the funds from that between the 3 of us. I’m really excited, I think it’ll be a really great discussion. I think vulnerability is something that most people skirt around or avoid when they’re creating art. They focus on making things that are beautiful or aesthetically pleasing, but not necessarily have any emotion or vulnerability behind them. I think it’s going to be a really wonderful discussion to bring vulnerability to light and emphasize the importance of it in art. I mean, I personally get the most out of art when there’s some kind of message behind it, or I can tell that someone has a lot of emotion and is sharing that with us through their art, that’s really vulnerable to me, being your true self and not thinking or worrying about what other people think about you or what their expectations are. I invite you to join us for that. I’ll share links whenever I have them, we’re still gathering info and working together to figure out how to make it the best event possible. I’m really excited, I love working with them, they’re amazing humans. I look up to them both, and I’ve been lucky enough to create with both of them more than once and I love it!
Thank you so much for following my journey of… whatever this is. I just want to be the person that past me needed, and hopefully that person is someone that you need too, or someone that you at least get some kind of value out of. I don’t want to just have empty, pretty things. I want to share with yall deeply and in meaningful ways, and I want to help educate people and I want to help heal people and I can’t do that without being vulnerable myself. I appreciate yall being a part of this with me. I love you so much, thank you for loving me!
Video members:
click here to view the full photoset of Quinn Sanguine and Megan Ayn in Tacoma Washington
click here to view the BTS videoFirst Look members:
click here to view the photoset of me in a Nashville TN park taken by Bashing Bagpipes -
Roarie
Click here to view this photoset of Roarie Yum at Durham Fruit.
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Wildling
Click here to view this photoset of Roarie Yum double exposed with NC mountain landscapes.
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Durham Fruit Basement
Click here to view this BTS photoset from a day of creation at Durham Fruit with Roarie Yum and Antisocialdisposition (Mikki Marvel is in some of the other photos too!)
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Roarie
Click here to view this photoset of Roarie Yum at Durham Fruit.
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FREE ARCHIVED BLOG & PHOTOSET
I originally wrote this for Patreon on June 30 2016. I no longer use Patreon and have replaced it with my website (here) but thought I would share some of my old blogs with you for FREE to show my appreciation for you visiting my website! <3
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We’re leaving super early on Saturday morning! Probably something like 5 am. We’ll be driving for two days straight to get to our friend’s place in Denver. I’m so ready to be in the mountains exploring, hiking, creating. My wanderlust has just gotten more intense, pulling me toward unfamiliar landscapes. I am so ready to hit the road.
The only thing is… we still have to pack! I’m working until 1 pm so I’ll only have half of the day to finish getting ready to leave. We’re also making time at some point tomorrow to visit friends, one of which is about to move all the way across the country to Portland. Now we really have no reason to NOT visit the west coast, hopefully in the next year or so. I’ve been wanting to visit that side of the country for so long, it’s about time I finally made the trip out there. I’m gonna make it happen. Wanderlust. I has it.
The above are all self portraits from a weekend in the NC mountains.
The above images are double exposures I took of Roarie Yum on medium format film.
All members have access to these complete photosets by clicking here and here.
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Dream Room with Antisocialdisposition
If you’ve been a member for a while you probably remember all the photosets I’ve shared from the creative day at Durham Fruit with Antisocialdisposition, Roarie Yum, and Mikki Marvel. This is the LAST PHOTOSET from that day! Whew! We created so much and it was such a fun day!CURRENTLY: I still am thinking about making vlogs to share but I’m realizing it’s a LOT of work and I don’t know if I can feasibly make it happen every week. Maybe I will just create extra videos for All Access members? I haven’t decided! For now, I’ll keep typing up blog posts until I figure it out. Oh, did I mention I finally started a youtube channel?!I’ve been feeling like I’m in a really transitional phase (still haha, it’s been going on for over a year now) and I don’t know when things will feel “normal” again. What even is normal?! I used to be very scheduled and plan things months ahead and it would stress me out to change plans… and now I’m purposefully NOT scheduling things far out because now I know how much can change within the span of a month (or a week to be honest) and I don’t want to commit to something that I potentially might have to back out of later. It feels really good to be more intuitive, flexible, and protective of my schedule. How do you use your schedule in a way that feels good for you?
Photo members: click here to view the full photoset, click here to view the Instax, and click here to view the BTS photos!
Video members: click here to view the BTS video & click here to view the 20 minute video of my mom shaving off my long hair while we’re both nude outdoors (and the 118 photos of it too!)
First Look members: click here to view the photoset I took of Sura & Shawnna Lee & click here to view the BTS video -
Dream Room with Antisocialdisposition
Photo members now have access to:
- blog post with the story behind this photoset of me taken by Antisocialdisposition at Durham Fruit
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12 image complete photoset
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20 image complete Instax set (includes Roarie Yum & Mikki Marvel!)
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68 BTS images
Video members now have access to:
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everything above
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2 short BTS videos
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20 minute video of my mom shaving off my long hair while we’re both nude outdoors (you can purchase this video to download and keep forever HERE! Sale ends Nov 30th!)
- 118 photos of my mom shaving off my long hair
First Look members now have access to:
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everything above
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10 minute BTS video