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Self Portraits in Utah – Among Goblins
CAPTION FOR THE VIDEO ABOVE:
Hi friends! Welcome to the.. what is it? Third to last week of these weekly posts like this, whaaat? So this week I’m sharing another photoset from my cross country road trip in the summer of 2019 because I have to much to share from that. I’m not even going to be sharing them weekly like this. I have so many that they won’t fit into the last weeks of February so you’ll get most of them when I mass upload them in March. It’s going to be a lot, a whole lot.
So this week, are photos, I think it’s over 100 photos, self portraits that I took in Goblin Valley, very exciting, I really like them, I hope you do too. I have BTS videos for these photos also. First look is getting access to the self portrait photoset that I took at my friend Quinn Sanguine‘s house in Tacoma Washington, also during my cross country road trip in the summer of 2019. These I took in Quinn’s bedroom, they had a cool setup with lights on their wall, it was really cute and I really like the orange tone in their room, so I took advantage and took a bunch of self portraits while I was there. So that’s it for what’s new this week.
To recap the changes that will be happening soon. February is the last month I’ll be doing weekly posts like this. In March I will be mass-uploading everything from my backlog and first look galleries, which is a WHOLE lot, a whole whole lot. So I’m not sure exactly when I’ll be dropping that mass upload, but that will be coming in March hopefully. Also in March start doing at least once a month members-only video hangouts so we can be together live “in person” virtually. I’m starting off with once a month because I don’t want to overwhelm myself with too many things all the time, which is another reason why I am not pressuring myself to do these weekly posts, not pressuring myself to create work constantly because as you know, if you’ve been here for any amount of time, I created like 4 or 5 photosets in the entirety of 2020. I know that my work, it’s not conducive to pressure and the requirement of “oh I have to do this thing right now” that just means I’m going to create something that doesn’t have intention and thought and real creativity behind it if I’m stressed about it and feeling like “oh I have to make something right now” then it’s just going to be something I made because I felt like I needed to. That doesn’t do justice to me as an artist and it doesn’t do justice to you as a member of my website enjoying my art, because if it’s something I feel like I have to do that I rush through then the quality of it is diminished and it’s just not as good. I’m committed to doing things in the timing that works for me, which is not going to necessarily be consistent. So yeah I hope that you also give yourself grace in that way if you’re able to if you’re a creator.
What else is new that I’m forgetting? By the time this comes out the EcoLove Playshop will have already happened, but you still have time to sign up for the Art Share for Going Beyond the Lens which is the 3rd Saturday of every month. I’m very excited to see your art. What else? Yeah so while I’m in this transitionary phase, I’m keeping things to a simplistic, minimalistic, sense thing… just to make sure that I’m not overwhelming myself, because I want to provide yall with quality content and quality time with me. Just because it’s not weekly like it has been in the past, I know that I’m going to be doing my best and still offering yall quality art and time with me. So yeah my archive will be available for all members and will be a lot bigger than it was, very soon in March. Like there’s SO MUCH in first look alone that it’s going to take a while to do the mass upload but I’m excited because yall are going to be in for a huge treat, with all this content. It is really scary to make changes like this and to make a leap of faith with myself and make changes in what I’m doing but I feel much more excited and… what’s the word? Maybe rejuvenated by the potential of what this could be. Right now at this point it feels like I’m talking AT you and just like “here have photos, here have videos” and while I super love all my photos and videos, it doesn’t feel like we’re connecting with each other. It feels like I’m providing content and you’re consuming it, and I would really like to start being in a community space with you instead of like “here you go!” Now it will be more like “lets hang out together and get to know each other and share our art or whatever” so yeah I’m excited for these changes even though it’s scary.
Okay uhm yeah if you have any questions comments concerns ideas whatever, comment on this post or email me or however you feel like contacting me, I would love to hear from you. I wonder if doing a 2-part content drop would be better than doing it all at once. I’ll think about it. Or you can let me know what you think! Ok I love you, thank you for being here, I appreciate that you are going on this journey of change and exploration and figuring shit out with me, it means a lot! I’m excited to go on this exploration with you and to get to know myself better and to get to know you better, and to have fun. I love you! Bye!
All members:
click here to view the 106 image self portrait photoset Among Goblins in Utah
click here to view the 13.5 minutes of BTS video
Click here for access to my archive of 12,500+ photos & 2,000+ videos
Click here for the passwords, they change the 1st of every monthFirst Look/All Access members:
click here to view the 50 image self portrait photoset I took at Quinn Sanguine‘s in Tacoma Washington -
FREE ARCHIVED BLOG & PHOTOSET
I originally wrote this for Patreon on June 17th 2017. I no longer use Patreon and have replaced it with my website (here) but thought I would share some of my old blogs with you for FREE to show my appreciation for you visiting my website! <3
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This shoot is thanks to you, my lovely members who helped me reach my last goal. Because of you I was able to hire a model and begin donating $25/month to the National Park Foundation! <3 <3 <3 You probably remember a couple months ago when I worked with Quinn Sanguine for the first time. They came back through NC one more time before making a 3 month road trip/tour ending in Tacoma Washington, their new home. I knew I probably wouldn’t see them again for a while since they’re on the road for so long and then will be on the other side of the country. I’m really grateful that they came back through and y’all made it possible for me to hire them for a shoot. Thank you!!
We met in the evening at my parent’s place. What can I say, I shoot there all the time but I love it there and they get such good light through the giant window in their living room onto their beautiful wood floor! I previously prepared a roll of film for doubles and had the nature backgrounds ready to go on some 35mm for this shoot. We took dual self portraits! You can see the cord for my cable release in some of the photos. I’ve only taken film self portraits either by myself or with Antisocialdisposition so it was really wonderful to experiment with another model. I had this other idea using blue thread to represent the connection between everyone but as you can see in the BTS timelapse, it was such a huge tangled mess so we didn’t use it for that many photos. I’ll have to cut some of the knots out of it and experiment with it again. After we shot the dual self portraits we took some Instax and boomerangs out in the back yard.
We went out for dinner afterward and talked for a couple hours at a pizza place a couple minutes from the house. They have great insight, experience, and advice about polyam relationships, which is very much something that has been on my (and AD’s) mind a lot lately. I’m sure sure if I’m ready to share a lot about this here yet but I’ll just say that it feels like everything happens for a reason and I’m really glad we had the time to talk after our shoot because they gave me a lot to think about, in a good way.
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Check out the videos folder for a behind the scenes timelapse of our shoot AND 16 fun boomerangs that we made together!
ALSO! Brand new this month, I’m doing a monthly nude yoga video and have just uploaded June’s nude yoga video (almost 9 minutes long!)!
All members have access to this complete 17 image photoset by clicking here and the videos by clicking here.
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FREE ARCHIVED BLOG & PHOTOSET
I originally wrote this for Patreon on April 22nd 2017. I no longer use Patreon and have replaced it with my website (here) but thought I would share some of my old blogs with you for FREE to show my appreciation for you visiting my website! <3
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*CONTENT WARNING: Health scare*
So for whatever reason I want to share my health journey over the past few years with you. I’ve never had health problems except for the occasional sickness or cold every so often, but then within the past 5 years I’ve had to see several specialists for new health issues I acquired.
It all started when I got a weird rash on my arms, torso, and legs that wouldn’t go away for several days and got worse when I was hot (outside, in a hot shower, etc). I went to a dermatologist who took a sample that he sent to a lab and had me use some creams until he got the results back. The results came back and showed that I had a positive ANA, which could indicate Lupus or something similar, so they referred me to a rheumatologist. The first rheumatologist I went to did some more labs (that were not conclusive of anything) and pretty much just told me to pay attention to my symptoms and call if anything changed. The rash had been long gone by then and I was feeling fine so I didn’t go back.
Fast forward to a year or two later, I had my annual physical and got a call about my lab results: my thyroid levels were all over the place and I was being referred to an endocrinologist. Oh, and I had protein in my urine so they referred me to a nephrologist as well. The nephrology visit was uneventful, he looked over my chart and labs and took some more labs and said I was pretty much fine but to just pay attention to symptoms and call back if anything changed. Familiar, huh? The endocrinologist visit gave me a few more answers. She diagnosed me with hyperthyroidism and had me start taking thyroid medication daily. My hair was falling out, I was tired all the time, my joints hurt, I had no motivation…. so she wanted me to see another rheumatologist. I scheduled an appointment with a different one than the one I had already seen. The new rheumatologist diagnosed me with an “unspecified connective tissue disorder” and put me on another daily medication. This medication was kinda scary because it could mess up my eyes so I had to ALSO see an ophthalmologist to make sure my sight wasn’t being affected by this new medicine.
Fast forward another 6 months to a year or so, I wasn’t feeling bad at all and I really don’t like having to take medication, especially something that could mess me up more than heal me, so I started talking to the rheumatologist to see if I could either decrease or stop taking the scary eye-messing-up medicine. He was fine with it after I told him I didn’t really feel any different on it anyway so he tapered me off. I also wanted to go off of my thyroid medication if possible so I talked to my endocrinologist who said it would depend on my labs.
Fast forward to about a year or year and a half ago, it was time for me to have my IUD replaced with a new one. The night before my appointment I saw an article online about reasons people’s hair falls out. This was the symptom that bothered me the most because my hair was already thin and it freaked me out that it was falling out so much so of course I clicked through to read the article. There were several reasons listed but the very last one jumped out at me the most: hormonal IUDs can cause your hair to fall out. My appointment to replace mine was THE NEXT DAY. I researched the IUD I currently had because it had been 3 years since I got it so I didn’t remember some of the details. It was a hormonal IUD, Skyla, the smaller version of Mirena which is for people who haven’t had children. I did more research to see if there were IUDs that are non-hormonal. There is! It’s called ParaGard and it’s made of copper. At my OBGYN appointment I had them replace my hormonal IUD with the non-hormonal ParaGard.
OH MY GOSH what a difference it made! After my body worked out all the hormones from Skyla ALL of my symptoms subsided. My hair stopped falling out, I had more energy, I didn’t hurt all the time… yay! And guess what? My thyroid labs started evening out and my endocrinologist lowered my medication dosage each time I did labwork until finally I was taken COMPLETELY off of medication and told to call her if I had any issues.
Such a simple thing that seems harmless can really wreck your body. My body does NOT like hormones and did NOT do well on a hormonal IUD. One “harmless” thing caused me to have to see a dermatologist, rheumatologist, nephrologist, and endocrinologist. That’s FOUR specialists who didn’t know that something so simple as an IUD caused all my problems.
I could go on a long rant about conventional/Western medicine but y’all probably don’t want to hear it. Haha.
I’ll share photos instead!
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These photos are from my time with Quinn Sanguine, a model from Boston who is traveling over the next several months all across the country before they move to Washington state. I had a great time hanging out and creating with them, and of course I had to incorporate some of my crystals in our photos!
All members have access to the complete 25 image film photoset by clicking here & the complete 21 image Instax photoset by clicking here.
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Quinn Sanguine & Megan Ayn
Video members now have access to:
- vlog with the story behind this photoset of Quinn Sanguine and Megan Ayn in Tacoma Washington
- 34 image complete photoset
- 16.5 minutes of BTS video
First Look members now have access to:
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everything above
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58 image complete photoset of me in a Nashville TN park taken by Bashing Bagpipes
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Quinn Sanguine & Megan Ayn
CAPTION FOR VIDEO ABOVE:
Hello! So this week I am sharing a photoset that I took of my friends Quinn and Megan when I was in Tacoma Washington. It’s funny because I’ve been friends with Quinn for a long time and I’ve met them a few times prior to my trip out there. Quinn used to live in the Boston area and did a couple of trips along the east coast and I was able to hang out with them during that time. Then they moved across the country, they did a cross country tour at the same time they were moving across the country. They moved to Tacoma a year or two ago, no longer than that, a couple years ago now. Wow, time is wild yall! Quinn moved to Tacoma and offered to host me while I was in the area so I stayed with them for I think it was close to a week, it was like at least 4 or 5 days. I had been talking to Megan about shooting with her because we’ve followed each other on IG for a while. Come to find out, Quinn and Megan lived like 5-10 minutes away from each other and they hadn’t met yet. It was awesome, Quinn and I went to Megan’s house and hung out and took photos of each other, it was a great time. That day when we were shooting I was feeling kinda weird, I think I wasn’t quite as inspired because we were indoors instead of outside, and I didn’t think I had the film that I needed in order to get the proper exposure inside the house. I had a lot of fast film/lower ISO film, and it wasn’t going to be enough light for me to take photos, but then I found ONE roll of film that was 1600 ISO that I had, and that was just enough to take photos. I was really excited that I was actually able to take photos, because I thought I wasn’t going to be able to because I didn’t have the right film for the space that we were in. I found that one roll and that was was very helpful and I’m thankful that I was able to photograph them when I was there. I already shared the photos that Megan took of me and Quinn, and these are the photos that I took of Quinn and Megan.
What’s going on with me this week… today’s Thursday, I usually do my prep for the weekend on Thursdays, and today is the full moon. I’m not feeling as energetically and emotionally effected by this moon as I usually do, and it’s kinda odd to me because I remember having a Scorpio moon, I think it was last year, and that was really intense for me, and this Scorpio moon isn’t really? Which I find pretty interesting. I don’t know, I’m feeling a little bit less stuck, I know I’ve been talking about feeling stuck the last couple of weeks. I’m feeling a little less stuck in terms of creative and goals and life stuff. I’ve started to plan some online opportunities with a couple of other artists and I’m really excited to share that with you coming up soon.
Actually I’ll go ahead and tell you, Lior Allay and Roarie Yum and I are doing live videos on IG next week on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, talking about vulnerability. On Monday the 18th we’ll be hosting an online event/discussion between us and the people who are a part of the event. We’re going to do a live video chat type of thing. We haven’t quite, as of today, come up with a specific name/wording about what we’re going to do but I know that we’re going to go more in depth about vulnerability in art and speak to what that means for us, if nudity is a part of that for us and why, and how to create spaces where we allow other people to be vulnerable. I’m very excited about that, so keep an eye out on mine, Lior’s, and Roarie’s IGs for more info about that coming up soon. I’ll send info to my mailing list when we have more promotional materials ready. I’m pretty excited about it, I’ve been feeling like not really ready or willing to do a lot of creative stuff recently, and I’ve tried really hard to not beat myself up about it because it’s expected of me from myself and my community. I feel thankful that I have the opportunities that I do in order to not have to constantly create in order to make a living. I have a backlog of all of the things I’ve created last summer to get me through this slump time, but now that I’m in collaboration with Roarie and Lior, I’m starting to get more excited about art again. Even if I’m not actively creating right now, which I still haven’t been creating, just having the conversations around art has been really wonderful for me and healing in a way, just thinking about it more and being in a mindset where I’m more receptive to creativity and art has felt really nice. I’m excited to go through these discussions with them over the next couple of weeks and share our knowledge with yall. I’ll link to my instagram, Lior’s instagram, and Roarie’s instagram in the caption of this video to make it easy for you to click and see what kind of things we’re doing online. (Click here for my IG, click here for Roarie’s IG, click here for Lior’s IG)
Do you hear that hawk?! *looking around above me* I think it’s pretty wonderful and magickal that when I’m out here making videos for yall there’s some kind of bird that is talking to me. Last week it was hummingbirds and this week it’s a hawk. Hawks are really magickal and powerful and I connect with them a lot already just because I know that there are some that have nests somewhere around my neighborhood, somewhere near my house. They’re here a lot, I see them a lot and hear them a lot. I think that’s pretty magickal. I’m trying to not be too distracted.
So… that’s pretty much the only thing that’s new with me, the vulnerability in art talks that I’ll be doing with Lior and Roarie. Keep an eye out if you want to participate, we’re going to do a really affordable online discussion through video chat. I also just heard an owl! But it’s like… noon! Anyway! The discussion we’ll be hosting, the instagram lives will be free. There’s that owl again! So those will be Monday Wednesday Friday next week for free, and then the online video discussion group video thing we’re doing will be on Monday the 18th and that will be donation based with a $5 minimum. Donate whatever you’re able based on the value you get out of our talk. We’re going to be splitting the funds from that between the 3 of us. I’m really excited, I think it’ll be a really great discussion. I think vulnerability is something that most people skirt around or avoid when they’re creating art. They focus on making things that are beautiful or aesthetically pleasing, but not necessarily have any emotion or vulnerability behind them. I think it’s going to be a really wonderful discussion to bring vulnerability to light and emphasize the importance of it in art. I mean, I personally get the most out of art when there’s some kind of message behind it, or I can tell that someone has a lot of emotion and is sharing that with us through their art, that’s really vulnerable to me, being your true self and not thinking or worrying about what other people think about you or what their expectations are. I invite you to join us for that. I’ll share links whenever I have them, we’re still gathering info and working together to figure out how to make it the best event possible. I’m really excited, I love working with them, they’re amazing humans. I look up to them both, and I’ve been lucky enough to create with both of them more than once and I love it!
Thank you so much for following my journey of… whatever this is. I just want to be the person that past me needed, and hopefully that person is someone that you need too, or someone that you at least get some kind of value out of. I don’t want to just have empty, pretty things. I want to share with yall deeply and in meaningful ways, and I want to help educate people and I want to help heal people and I can’t do that without being vulnerable myself. I appreciate yall being a part of this with me. I love you so much, thank you for loving me!
Video members:
click here to view the full photoset of Quinn Sanguine and Megan Ayn in Tacoma Washington
click here to view the BTS videoFirst Look members:
click here to view the photoset of me in a Nashville TN park taken by Bashing Bagpipes -
With Quinn Sanguine by Megan Ayn
Photo members now have access to:
- blog post with the story behind this photoset with Quinn Sanguine by Megan Ayn in Tacoma Washington
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50 image complete photoset
Video members now have access to:
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everything above
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24 minutes of BTS video
First Look members now have access to:
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everything above
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69 image complete photoset of me taken by Mandy Darling in Olympia Washington
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With Quinn Sanguine by Megan Ayn
This week’s photoset and BTS video release is from my time with Quinn Sanguine (they/them pronouns) and Megan Ayn (she/her pronouns) in Tacoma Washington during my cross country road trip last summer. I have another set on the way that I took of Quinn and Megan! I stayed with Quinn for almost a week while I was out there, and it was so wonderful to catch up with them again. We originally met a few years ago when they were traveling up and down the east coast before their move to the PNW. You might remember them from previous photosets when they were using a different name (here here here and here if you wanna check those out!). We kept in touch online while they did their own cross country road trip which was also their move from the east coast to the west coast. It was so wonderful to spend time with them again, I consider them a really close friend even if we spend weeks without contacting each other… as soon as we are together it’s as if no time has passed.
I had been wanting to meet Megan for a long time, I knew of her through social media and it was wonderful to finally meet in person! She lives just minutes away from Quinn, and before we were setting up the shoot they had no idea they were so close to each other! Megan is such a kind person and has a great upbeat personality, it was a treat to be able to spend the day with both her and Quinn. I was exhausted and low on energy that day… I almost didn’t shoot any film because there was almost not enough light, but I’m glad I found the one roll of 1600 ISO film that I brought with me. Those photos are coming soon!
CURRENTLY: I’ve been reading a lot over the last few weeks, probably more than I have in the last few years combined. As a kid I used to read allllll the time, but then once I became an adult and was working full time and married… I just didn’t take time to myself to read anymore. I didn’t really realize how much I missed it until I started reading consistently again over the winter.
I recently bought FOUR books by Charles Eisenstein, who has opened up my world and mind to so much more than I ever thought possible. He is the reason I consider myself an ecosexual. Before reading his essay The Ecosexual Awakening I had never even heard of ecosexuality, and now it’s a major part of my life. The label ecosexual gave me the space to be able to fill in and understand a lot of aspects of myself that I didn’t have words for before.
I just finished his book The More Beautiful World Our Hearts Know is Possible and I just started Climate – A New Story and wow he basically speaks directly to my heart, and it’s everything I’ve been looking for. Have you ever read a book that shifted your perspective so much that something changed inside you? That after reading it, you’re a different person than you were before? That’s Charles Eisenstein’s work for me. After being in despair looking for something to hold on to, something that didn’t crush my heart, something that felt TRUE and REAL and TANGIBLE, his words are giving me hope for humanity and the future of the planet.
If nothing else, I highly recommend watching some of his videos on youtube.
I’m not affiliated with him in any way (though if I was that would be amazing), I just love everything of his that I’ve come into contact with and I hope that his message reaches as many people as possible.
Thank you so much for reading this far, for your continuous support of me, and for your love. I appreciate each and every one of you so much. I literally could not do this without you. Thank you. <3
Photo members: click here to view the full photoset with Quinn Sanguine by Megan Ayn in Tacoma Washington
Video members: click here to view the BTS video
First Look members: click here to view the photoset of me taken by Mandy Darling in Olympia Washington -
Portraitmami & Rhivnnun on a Stormy Hillside
When Rhivnnun visited Charlotte last year they stayed with Portraitmami and the three of us met up for a creative day of photographing each other! We are all primarily photographers but we all model occasionally so we took turns shooting each other at Portraitmami’s apartment and ventured out to this grassy hillside off of a main road to take these photos. The sky was brilliantly stormy and we even got rained on at the end of the shoot but it was so worth it because of the fantastic light and dramatic sky! We even saw a wild turkey in the field nearby! haha
CURRENTLY: I’ve been taking aerial yoga classes, not to be confused with aerial silks because they’re totally different things, but I LOVE any chance to be in silks! I absolutely live for swinging, being upside down, and playing in silks, and aerial yoga has been a great alternative to aerial silks, which I miss a lot but it’s more expensive and further away from home. Now I REALLY want to convince my dad to let me rig up some silks in our living room or something. He’s not super into the idea but of course I’m super into it… hopefully I can convince him that it’s a worthwhile thing to do and it shouldn’t be in the way because we can just drape them into the upstairs hallway when I’m not using them! I have this somewhat thought out already, if you couldn’t already tell haha =]
I’ve been working really hard on finally going through my self portraits from this past summer. I took over 20 different sets and I didn’t touch them at all for so long because it was more important to me to get photos back to other models first. Plus I was kinda overwhelmed and needed to get to a place where I was mentally and emotionally ready to go through them all instead of just forcing myself to do it when it wasn’t the time yet. Well, I’ve officially organized ALL of them and I’m in the process of editing them! YAY! Most of them I won’t even edit because even though they’re digital (WHAT?! WEIRD, I KNOW RIGHT?!) I’m really happy with how they came out without needing to edit them. Some of them really do need edits though, such as the Cave Entrance set I took at Colorado National Monument because the light kept changing. In case you’re wondering, I shot all digital self portraits this past summer because of time and where I was. In National Parks and other public places, as you could imagine, I needed to be really quick with the amount of time I spent nude (sadly). It takes me about 2 minutes to take 50 digital self portraits. It takes at LEAST a half an hour to shoot a 36 exposure roll of film. This is why I shot digital self portraits this summer: time/speed/ease. I’m really excited to start sharing them with you soon!
Video editing is next on my list of backlogged content to go through. I’m really looking forward to being fully caught up! I’m getting closer all the time!
Photo members: click here to view the full photoset of Portraitmami & Rhivnnun on a grassy hillside before a thunderstorm
Video members: click here to view the BTS videos
First Look members: click here to view the photoset of Quinn Sanguine & Megan Ayn & click here to view the BTS video -
Portraitmami & Rhivnnun on a Stormy Hillside
Photo members now have access to:
- blog post with the story behind this photoset of Portraitmami & Rhivnnun on a grassy hillside before a thunderstorm
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25 image complete photoset
Video members now have access to:
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everything above
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9+ minutes of BTS video
- 21 cell phone videos
- 9 BTS photos
First Look members now have access to:
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everything above
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34 image complete photoset of Quinn Sanguine & Megan Ayn
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16.5 minutes of BTS video
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Doubles with Singingsiren44
Photo members now have access to:
- blog post with the story behind this film double exposure photoset of Singingsiren44 in the Rocky Mountains
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37 image complete photoset
Video members now have access to:
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everything above
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8+ minutes of BTS video
- 30 minute nude yoga video for this month
First Look members now have access to:
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everything above
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50 image complete photoset with Quinn Sanguine by Megan Ayn in Tacoma Washington
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24 minutes of BTS video