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Columbia River Gorge with ExhibitphotoPDX
CAPTION FOR VIDEO ABOVE:
Hello! Sorry my neighbors are mowing my lawn so it’s loud but I really wanted to do this, so hopefully it’s not too loud! This week I’m sharing a photoset that was taken last summer of me by ExhibitphotoPDX who I spent most of a day with in the Columbia River Gorge and it was amazing, we drove around, stopped at a bunch of places and took a whole bunch of pictures and it was so much fun. He brought us lunch and snacks and drinks and he had a cooler and we just hung out. We found this really cool waterfall that was right off the road. We found this structure that went over some water kinda… it was sorta like a pier but it was a funky shape. You’ll see it in the photos… that was really cool. It was very much within viewing distance of a major road, the main road that goes through the gorge… so some people probably saw me naked while they were driving. We just shot there really quick and then left so that if people were having problems with it, it didn’t really matter because we were gone by the time anything would have happened anyway. It was a really fun shoot, I really enjoyed it, and just exploring the Columbia River Gorge is amazing. I spent MOST of my time when I was in Portland in the Columbia River Gorge because it’s fucking gorgeous and amazing and all the nature and that’s exactly where I wanna be, of course.
The First Look people are getting a big photoset that was taken by KH, this was also in Portland. I met up with her and Eva Luna, who is earthyeva on IG, I think she’s still on IG, I know she’s kinda not a big fan of it for a little bit so I don’t know if she’s taking a hiatus from it or not. Eva and I posed for Kisa, and then Kisa & Eva posed for me. The photoset that I’m sharing with First Look now are just the photos that Kisa took, and my BTS photos. I have I think it’s 2 photosets to share with you that are the photos I took of them, in the future, that’s not coming yet but it’s coming soon.
Yeah that’s most of what I have to say today. I’m feeling emotionally weird today, and I know there are some astrological things going on today that are difficult so that makes sense. I’ve noticed… there’s been 2 people that I follow over the last 2 days that have said they’re going to be going offline, and they have HUGE followings… and I’m kinda inspired by them. Even with my measly 4000 followers, which is really not that measly, 4000 people is still a lot of people, but compared to the 22,600 followers I used to have before my original account was deleted in October 2018, I feel like 4000 isn’t that big. But compared to most other numbers and new people on IG it’s a decent sized account, even though it’s way smaller than what my old account used to be. I feel like people who decide to go off social media when they have huge followings, like one of these people have I think it’s 40,000 followers, and the other has 95,000 followers and they’re both like, I’m just gonna do something else. I feel like that’s very brave and that’s inspiring. I’m also wondering, what are they going to do to make money? I feel like so much of my job is on social media, and trying to make money that way. Honestly that’s probably why I don’t like social media that much, because it feels like a JOB. Because I feel like the things that I do on there should in some way try to start making me money or direct people towards me but I don’t like the way that feels. I don’t want my presence to be like “I’m here so give me money” that just feels gross to me. I want to actually connect with people, I want to actually help people and like share resources with people, I don’t wanna just be like “hey I’m here, I deserve money, you should pay me” but also I do deserve money and I should get paid. So it’s like, it’s complicated. I’m inspired by these people who are giving up their huge followings to do something different. It’s so loud, I hope you can hear me, I’m sorry it’s a terrible sound. But yeah it’s inspiring to me, and I’m also thinking about, if I’m going to continue being on social media… oh yay they paused for a second! If I’m going to continue being on social media, I’m going to need to do something different, and I don’t know what that is. Social media either sucks away my time and my life and my good feels and it leaves me feeling drained and shitty. OR the days that I can manage my time better, and get on, post something that’s meaningful, respond to comments and messages, and get off, those are the days that I feel a lot better. I know that time management and self control is something that I need to work on in terms of social media. If any of yall are time management gurus, please reach out to me, I would like help. I’m trying to think of ways that I can manage my time better. Maybe I’ll only be online for like x hours of the day, and if it’s after this hour then I won’t be online. I’m thinking about doing that and I’m sortof starting to implement that a little bit.
I continue to feel weird about my website. Nudity is a big part of my life, photography is a big part of my life, modeling isn’t something I want to continue doing very much unless it’s for specific things. But the way that I have my website set up it’s like “pay me for access to naked photos” and while there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that and it’s been wonderful for me for several years now, it doesn’t really feel quite right to me anymore. It feels really surface level and really… I’m not sure, it just… I continue noticing the need for change and I continue not having the answer to my need yet, and it feels weird to be in this liminal space. I’ve been through so many liminal spaces in the last year and a half. I feel like finding sturdy ground is sometimes a little difficult. But I also really like change, even though it used to terrify me. It’s funny, the things that were my last nightmare or the last thing I ever wanted, ended up being things that I chose for myself a lot over the last few years. It’s weird how things change. Yeah, so uh… I have plans and content that’s going to last me at least through Halloween, and I’ll probably continue with the way things have been just because it’s a few hours a week for me and it’s not like super draining or negative in terms of the use of my time, but I also am noticing that I keep pulling away from a lot of things and trying to make more empty space in my life. So I feel like something’s going to change with my website and I just don’t know what that is yet. I feel like I say this every week, but it’s true! Nothing is forever, and I do need some change, I just don’t know what that is yet and I appreciate you being along for the ride. I love you so much. Have a great day, bye. =]
(Oh, PS…. I just wanted to tell you about one thing I forgot to mention in the video! At the end of my shoot with ExhibitphotoPDX, I was balancing on a rock (the one I’m sitting on in the very last image in the full gallery) and it turned over, causing me to fall into a tree and scrape myself up haha. You can see the scrape in the photo below taken by Jacob Webster at the nude beach gathering. Whoops! In some of these photos with ExhibitphotoPDX you can see the big bruise that was still on the inside of my leg that I got when I was at Lake Tahoe hahaha)
Video members:
click here to view the full photoset taken by ExhibitphotoPDX in the Columbia River Gorge outside of Portland Oregon during my cross country road trip last year
click here to watch the short BTS video
click here to view the video Intro to Ecosexuality (the nude version I shot before doing the clothed Youtube version)First Look members:
click here to view the photoset of me & Eva Luna taken by KH at a nude beach outside of Portland
click here to view the BTS photos I took during that shoot
click here to view the BTS video -
Ravyn Alexa in the greenhouse
CAPTION FOR VIDEO ABOVE:
Hello good morning! It’s like 9:30 this morning right now where I am home here. Let’s see… oh it cut off the top of my head… I guess I’ll just hold it. This week I’m sharing with you a photoset that I took of Ravyn Alexa in Portland Oregon, I took this when I was there last summer. It was very fun, Ravyn at the time was living with Corwin Prescott and Nicole Vaunt. If you’ve been in the art world for any amount of time you’ve probably heard those names before. I super briefly met Vaunt like, basically just saying hello, but they were doing some kind of workshop thing there so they were busy so I didn’t get to officially officially meet either of them, but Ravyn used to live with them so Ravyn and I were roaming around the yard and taking photos and it was really great. I’ve already shared some photos from that day with you and I think this is the last photoset that I have. Pretty sure, I don’t think I have any others that I took of Ravyn when I was there. You’ve probably seen the ones of Ravyn and the hydrangeas, and the flowers, and the waterfall double exposures… I’m pretty sure this is the last set that I haven’t shared with you yet, so this is Ravyn in a greenhouse!
The only other thing I really wanted to talk about today was…. I GOT SILKS! If you’ve been around for any length of time you probably know that I used to do aerial silks on a regular basis for about 3 or 4 years. Obviously since COVID it’s not a real safe thing to go to an aerial studio and be around other people. And even before that I had to stop… actually it was over a year ago when I stopped going to class because (there was a bug that was flying to me), because of my budget. It was either keep going to silks classes or get my van. So obviously you know I got my van for my road trip last year so I was taking my silks money and putting it toward the van instead of silks. After doing a bunch of thinking about it and super missing silks…. over time with all of the classes and training that I did I had already spent thousands of dollars, I think it was over $5k just in all the training that I got, and I couldn’t do anything with it because I didn’t have silks. I could do yoga stuff but it’s not the same. I mean, yoga is still wonderful but it’s not like hanging upside down from a silk. So I finally I saved up money and I bought myself a rig and silks and they are now in my bedroom!! So of course it’s super short and I can’t actually climb it or anything. The rig that I have is an adjustable height and it can go between 5-11ft so at some point I’m going to take it outside and make it real tall so I can climb it and really play on the silks. Right now I have it set up as a silk “pole” but I’m probably going to switch it to a silk hammock while it’s in my room and short, because I can do more with a hammock with it being short than I can with silks. I’m super excited, it came in yesterday, today’s Thursday and you’re going to see this Saturday, but it came in Wednesday and we set it up immediately, my dad helped me. It’s definitely a 2 person job to set up this rig because it’s heavy duty and amazing and I’m so exciteddddd!
This is going to be a short video this week because I want to spend more time on my silks! Yay! So… look for silks videos in the future because that’s a thing again now. Yay I’m so excited I’ve missed it so much. I think that’s all I have to say today. I did a lot of computer work yesterday and I know I have more computer work on my plate today but I’m hoping it wont take as long so I can spend more time playing with silks!
I love you so much, thank you for being here. I know that all of my changing is not done yet and it probably honestly will never be done, I’ll probably always be changing and growing and shifting, and I just appreciate yall being here with me through all of it and… I love you so much!
Video members:
click here to view the full photoset of Ravyn Alexa in a greenhouse in Portland Oregon during my cross country road trip last summer
click here to view the BTS videoFirst Look members:
click here to view the video of me talking about ecosexuality and attraction (nude)
click here to view the video of me talking about ecosexuality and sex (nude) -
Ravyn Alexa in the greenhouse
Video members now have access to:
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vlog with the story behind this photoset of Ravyn Alexa in a greenhouse in Portland Oregon during my cross country road trip last summer
- 23 image complete photoset
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7+ minutes of BTS video
First Look members now have access to:
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everything above
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5.5 minute video of me talking about ecosexuality and attraction (nude)
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13 minute video of me talking about ecosexuality and sex (nude)
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Nude Beach Gathering – images from Jake & Kayla
Video members now have access to:
- vlog with the story behind this photoset taken by Jacob Webster and edited by Kayla Webster during the nude beach gathering I facilitated outside of Portland Oregon during my cross country road trip last summer
- 81 image complete photoset
- 21 minutes of BTS video
- 16.5+ minute nude yoga video
First Look members now have access to:
-
everything above
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56 image complete self portrait photoset during desert dusk in Utah
- 4+ minutes of BTS video
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Nude Beach Gathering – images from Jake & Kayla
CAPTION FOR VIDEO ABOVE:
Hi friends! This week I’m sharing a photoset with you that was taken by Jacob Webster and edited by his now wife Kayla Webster during the nude beach gathering I facilitated outside of Portland Oregon during my cross country road trip last summer. I think this is the last photoset that I have from that event that I’m sharing with you so, yeah I think this is the end of that. I really love the photos that they took, these include the photos that were taken by the drone. Jake had the drone and used it at the end of the shoot for the big cuddle pile that was really wonderful and super fun. These are some of my favorites from that day, I love all of them but these are probably some of my favorites. A giant cuddle pile and you could see all of us from above? Yeah definitely.
I… I keep going back and forth in terms of how I feel about the things that I’m doing and I’m kinda concerned about how I probably only have a month or two left of content backlog to share with you and after that I don’t really know because I haven’t really been making anything other than videos. In the future, after the next couple months once I get through the backlog, I might not be sharing as much as frequently in terms of photosets, because I just have not been inspired to take photos since like, last fall basically. I kinda totally burnt myself out doing a LOT last summer. Then with my realization that I’m trans, and the realization that like… I don’t know. This isn’t the only thing I want to do with my life and I still am kinda struggling to figure out what the rest of that is. I don’t know… I feel like I need to have an answer about who I am and what I’m about and the message that I want to spread but the overall thing that I have is like “lets love each other and make everyone equal.” The light here is really bright, let’s see if I can get… that’s better. I think it’s important to point out the injustices that exist in our society because we can’t make any positive change unless we acknowledge that there’s a problem. I feel…. I feel like I should have it figured out and I totally don’t and I’m trying to be gentle with myself in the process. It’s kinda scary because my website is basically my only source of income and if I don’t continue what I’ve always been doing is anyone going to be interested in what I’m doing? If I change too much is everybody gonna bail and I’m going to be without an income? I don’t know. I really want to be true to myself and I really don’t want to force myself to do things that don’t feel right, which is taking photos right now. I do at some point in the future want to start taking self portraits again, but that’s not anything that I’m going to but a day or time commitment on because that’s a surefire way to get me to not want to do it is if I feel like I have to. I’m such a Sagittarius! I don’t want to be nailed down to anything, I don’t want to commit! So.. I don’t know, everything is weird. Maybe part of it is that I’m still not bleeding and I’m supposed to start my period sometime and I always get weird emotionally before my period so maybe that’s part of it.
But something I’m looking forward to, is tomorrow, so today is Thursday, I always do these early, so by the time you watch this it’ll be yesterday, but TOMORROW is Friday and I am doing a livestream on IG with Lior and we’re going to be giving a little preview of the vulnerability talk that we’re doing jointly with Roarie on Monday as a full discussion, and that’s something I’m excited about. It’s been really wonderful to connect with the two of them and spend time brainstorming and creating this discussion that we have planned out for yall. We’ve really loved getting feedback from other people. All 3 of us asked questions about vulnerability on our IG stories and the feedback we’ve gotten from people has been really amazing. And also the place that we have everyone signing up for the vulnerability discussion, which is FREE you should totally sign up! If you’re available, join us on Monday for free! 7pm eastern, the 3 of us are doing a whole discussion on this. And I’ve already lost my train of thought, but… yeah if you want to join us we would totally love to have you. OH! The place you sign up for it is a google form and it has questions about vulnerability, they’re not required for you to sign up, the only thing that’s absolutely required in order to sign up is your email address, but so far the responses that we’ve gotten from people in that too have been really amazing. I love the different perspectives that people are bringing to the table and some of the things that people are saying about vulnerability and how it shows up in their lives are things I haven’t thought about at all yet and it’s really wonderful that there’s so much to say about it. So if you’re interested, its free! I think when I made this video last week we were still in the planning stages and were thinking about having it be a paid event, but we’re like “you know what? lets just provide this for free for people” because it’s stuff that we want more people to have access to and we don’t want the barrier of money to be there. I’m excited, I think it’s going to be really wonderful. I’ve already really enjoyed spending time with Lior and Roarie talking about this so I know that the discussion on Monday will go even more in depth and we will be able to have conversations with the people that come to the talk. I think it’ll be eye opening and connective and just really wonderful, so I’m looking forward to that.
Hello little bird! It’s a little Carolina Wren right over there. I don’t know if you can see it. It’s over there. That kinda bird, we have a covered area over by the house and it has little troughs inside of it that have lights in them and these little, it’s usually 2 little Carolina Wrens will nestle up in the corners and sleep at night. They don’t have a nest or anything they just come and sit in the corner and sleep and it’s so cute! I haven’t seen them in a few days but they come and go randomly, it’s really adorable.
Okay, now that my neighbor is mowing their grass. I don’t have much else to share with you at the moment, but I just wanted to say thank you and I love you and I appreciate you going on this weird journey with me! I don’t know where I’m going so how could I expect yall to know where I’m going?! I appreciate that yall support me and that you’re along for the ride, because I don’t even know where this is going. I know that it’s going somewhere cool, and somewhere that fits me, even though I don’t know what that is, but I appreciate that you’re here and doing this with me. I love you!
Video members:
click here to view the full photoset taken by Jacob Webster and edited by Kayla Webster during the nude beach gathering I facilitated outside of Portland Oregon during my cross country road trip last summer
click here to view the BTS video
click here to view the nude yoga videoFirst Look members:
click here to view the self portrait photoset during desert dusk in Utah
click here to view the BTS video -
Doubles with Ravyn Alexa & Ambivalent Ann
CAPTION FOR VIDEO ABOVE:
Hey friends! So this week I’m releasing two small photosets, I took them on the same roll of film, they’re all double exposures. All of the background images are from a waterfall here in NC, and the photos of the models, I took all of those outside of Portland Oregon last summer. I have photos of Ravyn Alexa and Ambivalent Ann that are doubles and I super love them. I didn’t realize how… I totally forgot when I loaded the film, how many exposures were on the roll, and I thought I had shot half of the roll of Ravyn so I’d have the other half of the roll for Ambivalent Ann… but it was not a 36 exposure roll, it was a 24 exposure roll, I thought it was 36, so there’s more photos of Ravyn than there are of Ambivalent Ann. I wish I had gotten more of her but, it is what it is.
So this week, what’s going on with me… I, yesterday, which was Wednesday, today is Thursday, I pretty much always get these videos and stuff ready on Thursdays for the Saturday post. Wednesday, which was the 29th, a really massive account on instagram (@girlgaze) posted one of my menstruation memes, and it’s about menstruation and gender. Girlgaze has over 300k followers, so a whole bunch of people saw this, and I’m super excited about it because it’s a really great opportunity because more people are seeing my work which I think is amazing because I want to share the love. But also, it kinda brought out a lot of nasty comments from people, a lot of transphobic comments and period shaming comments so that was disappointing. But with an account that large I can’t expect everyone to be super positive about a post about menstruation and gender. I did for a little bit interact with people in the comments of that post yesterday, but it didn’t take very long before I was feeling really activated and didn’t have the emotional capacity to handle the comments anymore, so I’ve disengaged from that. I mean there are a lot of great comments on there about people appreciating the post and stuff, but I just don’t want to argue about my humanity and worthiness of my gender expression with people who are super transphobic and don’t give a fuck about me or my feelings or my identity or anything and they’re very stuck in their binary thinking of male and female, which… fuck all that. So that was an interesting thing yesterday!
I’ve been spending a lot of my time in the woods this week. I’ve been going to the woods back there. There’s a decent amount of woods between the back part of my neighborhood and the main road that’s over there. So it’s neighborhood, woods, a few houses, and the main road. So I’ve just been spending a bunch of time in the woods and immersing myself in the solitude of nature which is really nice and healing for me. It feels really good to just be in nature. I’m thinking a lot about ancestors and connection and where do we go from here and how I want to connect with myself more and how I want to connect with the Earth more, and how connecting to the Earth is inherently like connecting with other people because we’re all a part of the Earth, so if I can connect with myself and connect with the Earth then I can connect with other people as well in a way, energetically. I just tune in to my feelings and my love for nature and that feels really good, and that also extends to my love for everyone else and all living beings. So that’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently, and enjoying the connection part. Being alone, but never actually being alone.
I’m excited about, well, once this is posted it’ll technically be yesterday, but I’m excited for the 1st, because all of the photo members get to have video access now, and I’m excited to simplify my website a little more. Anybody that’s a photo member gets upgraded for free which is exciting, it’s my little present to you. I know I have more changes coming, I don’t know what that is, and that’s okay, I’m living into that liminal space of not knowing and I’m feeling more comfortable with figuring it out, not knowing, being okay with it, living my life, doing what feels best. I really want to cater myself and my work more toward ecosexuality and gender and sexuality spectrum, because I really feel like that’s kinda where my whole life is heading toward, and I think it’s really important stuff for everyone to talk about and consider. I want to be an advocate for ecosexuality and the gender and sexuality spectrum. I want to maybe.. I don’t know if I’ll post less nude content but, I want to be accessible to people, but at the same time I don’t want to censor myself just to be accessible to more people, because if they’re MY people, then they’re going to be cool with nudity, to be honest. I don’t think that there’s going to be a time in my life that I’m going to be pulling away from nudity. I want to find a way to really emphasize that nudity isn’t sexual, and have less cishetero dudes following me just because I’m a nude person on the internet with boobs and a vulva, and have more people follow me that are like ME, who aren’t adhering to gender and sexuality “norms” whatever the fuck that is.
*Looking overhead* I’m sorry I just got super distracted, there are hummingbirds! I heard them and I saw them! OMG they’re so cute! Such tiny little babies! Do you know what a hummingbird sounds like? They’re little chirps, it’s so cute. I must have scared them away with my talking, but I totally saw at least 2 hummingbirds, they were so cute, and I heard them a couple times, they were flying around between the trees here. What a great way to end this video!
Thank you for being here with me, I appreciate you so much! I’m totally open to any comments or questions or suggestions that you have. I want to be here for yall and create the kind of content that you’re interested in, while also staying true to myself and my wants and needs. I want to find that middle ground for all of us, whatever that is. I think anybody that is here purely for sexual reasons has probably weeded themselves out by now based on the stuff I’ve been posting, but I mean if you’re here just for sexual gratification by looking at naked people that’s fine, as long as you don’t bring me into that, or bring the models into that, keep it to yourself unless someone is asking you to bring your sexual desire to them, then just… don’t. Becuase that’s to me, the main thing that makes me hesitate with nudity is people nonconsensually forcing me to be a part of their sexualization of me, which I really don’t appreciate. I’m sure most of you probably don’t either, but that’s just an experience I have from being a naked person on the internet. It’s weird, I don’t really know how I got to this, but yeah I’m not here for sexual things. I mean, I am, but I’m not. It’s weird, because I’m demisexual and ecosexual, so I’m extremely picky about who I would even consider doing anything sexual with or having really intimate sexual conversations with, but in terms of broad general educational stuff about sexuality, I’m totally up for. But once it becomes an individual sexual thing, then I’m not up for it at all. So if you ever had any question about that, there’s my answer. I’m up for general questions that aren’t specific to me for the most part, or your own sexual things that involve me, I don’t want to be a part of that, but if you have general questions about like “what does this term mean?” or “how does your sexuality inform your decisions for your art?” or stuff like that, I’m totally cool with talking about that. As soon as it’s in the direction of objectifying me or bringing me into your sexuality without my consent, that’s where I draw the line. Not cool. Not for me. No thanks.
This video has gotten so long, I got distracted by hummingbirds, but that’s just my ecosexual heart expanding even more, and that’s nature showing me that it loves me back. Thank you for being here, I appreciate you being a part of this wild journey that is my life and my website. I appreciate all of you so much. I am able to pay rent because of you, I’m able to put food on my table because of you, I am able to continue creating because of you so I super appreciate it and you are an integral part of my life, my creative life, my educational learning and helping and sharing of information. I appreciate you! You mean a lot to me and I love hearing from you! I hope you have a wonderful day and I’ll talk to you next week!
Video members:
click here to view the full photoset of Ravyn Alexa & click here to view the fill photoset of Ambivalent Ann
click here to view the BTS video with Ravyn Alexa & click here to view the BTS video with Ambivalent Ann
First Look members:
click here to view the photoset of Tatyana Elizabeth wearing Whiskey Dog Wares taken by Kara Perry double exposed over my images of Yellowstone National Park & click here to view the video of me nude cooking and dancing -
Doubles with Ravyn Alexa & Ambivalent Ann
Video members now have access to:
- vlog with the story behind these double exposure photosets & what’s going on with me this week
- 17 image complete photoset of Ravyn Alexa
- 6 image complete photoset of Ambivalent Ann
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3.5 minutes of BTS video with Ravyn Alexa
- 3 minutes of BTS video with Ambivalent Ann
First Look members now have access to:
-
everything above
-
33 image complete photoset of Tatyana Elizabeth wearing Whiskey Dog Wares taken by Kara Perry double exposed over my images of Yellowstone National Park
-
20 minute video of me nude cooking and dancing
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Sura & Shawnna Lee
CAPTION FOR ABOVE VIDEO:
Hi friends! I actually have my camera set up on a surface so I have my hands! And it’s not gonna be jiggly, so yay! This week I’m sharing with you a photoset that I took of Sura & Shawnna Lee at a nude beach outside of Portland Oregon, during the nude beach gathering that I shared with you last weekend. We took these next to/inside of this structure that we found on the beach, it was really beautiful. It was such a fun time! This was after the group stuff we did at the beginning, we split off into our own little groups, and me and one or two other photographers photographed Sura & Shawnna at this wooden structure that was already on the beach, so it was a beautiful wonderful fun time! I’m also playing ball with Pax. I’ve already talked about the nude beach gathering so I don’t feel like I have much to talk about it, plus I have one or two photosets from that day to still share with you, the big group one where we had the cuddle pile so I’m excited about that one. That one’s coming very soon.My time right now, so today is Thursday, and I’m sharing all of this stuff on Saturday like usual, so I’m feeling MUCH better than last week. I tend to forget how awful I feel emotionally right before I start my period, so I’m in a deep dark hole of my mind for a while, then I start bleeding and I feel a thousand times better. So here I am feeling a thousand times better. I started bleeding a day or two after I made the last video and immediately started feeling so much better. I should remember this, it happens every month, so I shouldn’t have that hard of a time remembering, but I’m so in my feels that I forget that it’s a monthly thing and it’s going to pass, I just feel like shit because I’m going to start my period. Hehe Pax loves to play ball, I’ll show you. Are you gonna drop it? There you go! So that’s what I’m doing today, is playing ball with Pax and getting all of your content ready for this weekend.
So… yeah I feel way better. I’m actually planning some online interviews with model friends of mine, actually modelographers, so far everyone’s a model and photographer. Right now I have something coming up on Sunday, so the day after this is posted it’ll be tomorrow. We haven’t completely ironed out a time yet, but I’ll post it on my IG. It’ll be an IG live, where we’re together in the IG live, not in person, but split screen I think. I haven’t actually done a 2 person live before so I’m excited about that, we’ll see how that works. We’re going to be interviewing each other and talking about our art and our feelings probably, so I’m excited about that. I have another friend model/photographer that we just started talking about it today, so hopefully we’ll be doing an interview in the coming weeks, don’t know when yet. (Okay I’ll throw the ball…. ready? ready? He’s so cute!) So I’m excited for that, I have more things online for yall. I don’t know where I’ll do the second one yet, but I know the first one with my friend Babexland, aka Bette Machete, you’ve seen lots of photos of her on my website, because I’ve taken a bunch of photos with her which is super great because she’s local to Charlotte so we’ve been able to get together several times. I’m excited to talk about all kinds of art things with her and hopefully schedule other interviews with other creators. (What do you see Pax? Is it a squirrel? There’s a squirrel in the tree.) Yeah, so that’s kinda all I have going on right now, just planning things to do online to share with people.
If you haven’t watched it yet, I last week, no at the beginning of this week, I did a livestream on my youtube channel about ecosexuality so if you’ve been curious about what that is, if you scroll back through my posts, I posted that video, it’s over an hour long, I just talked about ecosexuality because I have so much to say! So if you’re curious about what ecosexuality is and how I embody that, you can scroll back a bit to watch that video. (CLICK HERE TO WATCH)
Today is Thursday so I have our members only live video gathering coming up tonight, which I’m excited about. I have some ideas for some other videos I want to make, but right now I’m gonna just be winging it for the youtube livestreams. I have more of a plan for the member live chats, I might have them be similar to each other, the Monday and Thursday ones, I haven’t completely decided. I’m just kinda going with how I feel on that day to be honest. I do have the schedule on bunnyluna.com/schedule with a basic overview of what the topics could be, but those are up for change and based on what everybody’s interested in. The video tonight, Thursday, which will have already happened by the time this posts, I’ll be talking about topics and what yall are interested in doing and talking about for the Thursday video gatherings together. I’m excited about that.
I think that’s most of what I have to say. I’m still figuring out what I want to do and how I want to do it. I appreciate yall being here and going on this journey with me. I want to go more in the metaphysical direction, and the healing direction, and the feelings direction. I don’t want to just focus on photography. I love photography, but I feel like I have a lot more to say than just “hey here are my photos” so I’m excited to share all of that with you. I appreciate yall being here and I love you so much and I look forward to spending all of these Thursday evenings with you! I think that’s all for today! I love you! Thank you for being here with me! I literally could not do this without you, I appreciate you so much! MWAH!
Photo members: click here to view the full photoset of Sura & Shawnna Lee at a nude beach outside of Portland Oregon
Video members: click here to view the BTS video & click here to watch this month’s nude yoga video
First Look members: click here to view the self portrait photoset at the edge of the world in Colorado National Monument & click here to view the 4 short inspirational videos -
Sura & Shawnna Lee
Photo members now have access to:
- vlog with the story behind this photoset I took of Sura & Shawnna Lee at a nude beach outside of Portland Oregon + updates on my current life stuff =]
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34 image complete photoset
Video members now have access to:
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everything above
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10 minutes of BTS video
- 12+ minute nude yoga video
First Look members now have access to:
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everything above
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36 image complete self portrait photoset at the edge of the world in Colorado National Monument
- 4 short inspirational videos
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Nude Beach Gathering!
Captions for the video above:
Hey friends! So this week I’m sharing a couple different photosets from the nude beach gathering that I hosted/facilitated last summer outside of Portland Oregon at a nude beach there. There were I think 8 or 9 of us and it was really fun, it was an experience like no other. We all met up at the nude beach and we brought blankets and whatever snacks we wanted, there was a bunch of fruit there, some people brought flowers, so people brought things that we wanted. We hung out and got to know each other for a while. Once everybody got there I started off with a mini meditation and we talked about what part we wanted to play in the photo-making and what we wanted to do and what ideas we had and it was really great. It’s funny because we hung out for so long that it was starting to get to sunset so we were like “okay we should shoot now!” We started off in the big group in the sunset light next to the water and did some group photos together there, then we split off into mini groups, and then at the end we all got back together to do the big cuddle pile. Those photos I’ll be sharing with you in a few weeks because that is going to be a post of it’s own, there’s a bunch of photos from that set and they’re amazing. These are pretty much all of the other photos. I took 1 roll of film. It was kinda overwhelming trying to do all of the things, like facilitating the gathering, being a photographer, being a model… so I ended up just taking 1 roll of film of the group. I’m sharing some photos that other people took, like my friend Ambivalent Ann who I posted photos of her last week, she took a bunch of really awesome photos, and Shawnna Lee took several really cool behind the scenes photos. It was an amazing time, a really wonderful gathering of people. There were only one or two people that I had ever met before that, most of them were new to me, they were friends of friends, or that were recommended to me, or people that I had followed for a while. It was great to meet with a bunch of people that I didn’t really know but we all connected pretty deeply. It was really wonderful getting to know all of these creative people and spending time with them and relaxing on the beach. It was a really beautiful day and I’m so thankful that I was able to do that. It’s times like these in the middle of a pandemic that I super miss those kinds of interactions with people and I am really super thankful that I was able to do all of these kinds of things before this happened. So that’s the photoset that I’m sharing with you this week!
In terms of my life right now… to be honest I’m kinda in this weird place emotionally, I’ve cried basically every day for the last week. I don’t know, I’m still figuring things out. I feel like I’m in transition still and there’s a lot of changes that I know will be coming up but I don’t know what those are. I feel like I’m not as excited about modeling anymore, it’s been like that for a while. I do want to be like… the representative model for non binary people because most models are cis women, and they’re usually skinny and white, and I know I fit into some of that category, but I don’t know, I’m kinda torn between wanting to just not pressure myself at all about modeling because it’s not been something I’ve been excited about, but then also I want to be that representation in the world because there’s not a lot of non binary representation. So I might continue modeling, but only for self portraits. Which, I mean, I haven’t taken any photos since September or November. The last time I was taking photos on a semi regular basis was September, and I did one photoshoot in November, and other than that I haven’t shot anything, and it’s mid April. I haven’t really been creative in months! It kinda feels weird but it’s also kinda relieving because I feel like I’m not pressuring myself to do these things that I’m not super excited about, but it’s something that I worry about because I want to still have content for yall! But I don’t want to force myself because if I do then the content isn’t going to be as good, I want to be inspired and for it to come from my heart and at this point I’m not and it wouldn’t be coming from my heart if I just made myself take photos. It’s easier for me lately to make videos than anything, which is why I’ve just continued to do that and why I’m going in the direction of video instead of just photos here on my website. Life is weird yall, I don’t know if I’m just kinda going into a depressive state during quarantine, or maybe it would’ve been happening anyway, I kinda think that it was, it’s just kinda being highlighted and more obvious during quarantine because I’m just sitting here with my emotions. I don’t want to let yall down, but I also am not going to force myself to make things if I’m not inspired and I’m not excited about it and it’s not something that’s coming from my heart. I’m being gentle with myself, I’m acknowledging that I’m feeling this way, and not pressuring myself to do things that I’m not really wanting to do.
I’m super thankful for all of yall for being here through all of these transitions and changes and fluctuations. I feel like I’m still constantly figuring myself out. I mean, I’m 30 years old and I still don’t know what I want to do with my life. That feels kinda weird, but I mean, I’m not going to force it, because that would be worse. I’m glad that yall are allowing me to figure it out as I go. I really appreciate yalls understanding and patience with me. I know that I will continue to have things to share with you, it just may not always be nude art. And that’s okay, because I can’t force that, I don’t want to force that, it would be disingenuous and the quality wouldn’t be there if I was forcing it. I’ll continue to share all of these things that I’ve been holding onto, especially from last year, I made sooo much on my cross country road trip that I haven’t shared with you yet. I randomly keep finding self portraits that I took years ago that I forgot about. I have a lot of stuff that’s just like sitting on the back burner, ready for me to share with you, so I’ll continue to do that until I have none of it left. I’m continuing to make videos, and you’ll always at least have something new every week. Like I said last week, I have photosets to share with you at least through early to mid June, maybe even longer than that. I still have a bunch of photosets to edit from my cross country road trip that are self portraits.
Yeah, I’m in transition, it’s weird, I don’t know what the end goal is. I feel like I’m kinda floating in space. I don’t really know what I’m doing or where I’m going, and I’m just trusting that the process will take me where I’m supposed to be. That’s weird and scary. I keep getting these messages that I just need to trust, and do my process, and let things happen, and that’s the way that they should happen. So even though it’s weird and scary, I’m trusting that. I hope that quarantine and self isolation has been gentler with you than it has with me! I know that we all have things that we’re all struggling with, and this pandemic and self quarantine is bringing out a lot of things and a lot of emotions from all of us.
I really appreciate those of you who joined us, me and my mom, for the Holding Space on Monday and Thursday. I’m actually recording this Thursday morning so I’m just going to assume that some of yall will be joining us this evening, since I know yall won’t be seeing this til Saturday. Monday’s was really good and I’m working on holding space for myself and holding space for the future that I don’t know what it will be like, and just trusting that things will turn out the way they should. Whether or not I will continue to take photos is part of that process. I don’t think that I’ll ever truly stop taking photos altogether, but right now it just doesn’t feel super great to do it for my job I guess, I don’t know, it feels like I’m separating myself from you somehow if I’m just doing photos and sharing them. Which is why I’m focusing on the video aspect of this because I feel like I can connect with you so much better. Yeah, life is weird, I’m just trying to embrace all of the feelings, go with the flow, and follow my heart, and do what I feel is best for me and for you.
Thank you for being here with me. I love you so much! I appreciate you sticking with me through all of these transitions. I know I have a lot to share with you, I just don’t know what all it is right now, and that’s okay, I trust that everything will turn out the way it’s supposed to. I love you. Thank you.
Photos by Ambivalent Ann:
Photos by Shawnna Lee:
Photo members: click here to view the full photoset that I took, click here for the photoset taken by Ambivalent Ann, click here for the BTS photoset taken by Shawnna Lee
Video members: click here to view the BTS video
First Look members: click here to view the self portrait photoset during sunrise on the canyon rim at Colorado National Monument