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Columbia River Gorge with ExhibitphotoPDX
Video members now have access to:
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vlog with the story behind this photoset taken by ExhibitphotoPDX in the Columbia River Gorge outside of Portland Oregon during my cross country road trip last year
- 143 image complete photoset
- 1 short BTS video
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16 minute video – Intro to Ecosexuality (the nude version I shot before doing the clothed Youtube version)
First Look members now have access to:
-
everything above
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144 image complete photoset of me & Eva Luna taken by KH at a nude beach outside of Portland
- 66 BTS photos I took during that shoot
-
16 minutes of BTS video
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Columbia River Gorge with ExhibitphotoPDX
CAPTION FOR VIDEO ABOVE:
Hello! Sorry my neighbors are mowing my lawn so it’s loud but I really wanted to do this, so hopefully it’s not too loud! This week I’m sharing a photoset that was taken last summer of me by ExhibitphotoPDX who I spent most of a day with in the Columbia River Gorge and it was amazing, we drove around, stopped at a bunch of places and took a whole bunch of pictures and it was so much fun. He brought us lunch and snacks and drinks and he had a cooler and we just hung out. We found this really cool waterfall that was right off the road. We found this structure that went over some water kinda… it was sorta like a pier but it was a funky shape. You’ll see it in the photos… that was really cool. It was very much within viewing distance of a major road, the main road that goes through the gorge… so some people probably saw me naked while they were driving. We just shot there really quick and then left so that if people were having problems with it, it didn’t really matter because we were gone by the time anything would have happened anyway. It was a really fun shoot, I really enjoyed it, and just exploring the Columbia River Gorge is amazing. I spent MOST of my time when I was in Portland in the Columbia River Gorge because it’s fucking gorgeous and amazing and all the nature and that’s exactly where I wanna be, of course.
The First Look people are getting a big photoset that was taken by KH, this was also in Portland. I met up with her and Eva Luna, who is earthyeva on IG, I think she’s still on IG, I know she’s kinda not a big fan of it for a little bit so I don’t know if she’s taking a hiatus from it or not. Eva and I posed for Kisa, and then Kisa & Eva posed for me. The photoset that I’m sharing with First Look now are just the photos that Kisa took, and my BTS photos. I have I think it’s 2 photosets to share with you that are the photos I took of them, in the future, that’s not coming yet but it’s coming soon.
Yeah that’s most of what I have to say today. I’m feeling emotionally weird today, and I know there are some astrological things going on today that are difficult so that makes sense. I’ve noticed… there’s been 2 people that I follow over the last 2 days that have said they’re going to be going offline, and they have HUGE followings… and I’m kinda inspired by them. Even with my measly 4000 followers, which is really not that measly, 4000 people is still a lot of people, but compared to the 22,600 followers I used to have before my original account was deleted in October 2018, I feel like 4000 isn’t that big. But compared to most other numbers and new people on IG it’s a decent sized account, even though it’s way smaller than what my old account used to be. I feel like people who decide to go off social media when they have huge followings, like one of these people have I think it’s 40,000 followers, and the other has 95,000 followers and they’re both like, I’m just gonna do something else. I feel like that’s very brave and that’s inspiring. I’m also wondering, what are they going to do to make money? I feel like so much of my job is on social media, and trying to make money that way. Honestly that’s probably why I don’t like social media that much, because it feels like a JOB. Because I feel like the things that I do on there should in some way try to start making me money or direct people towards me but I don’t like the way that feels. I don’t want my presence to be like “I’m here so give me money” that just feels gross to me. I want to actually connect with people, I want to actually help people and like share resources with people, I don’t wanna just be like “hey I’m here, I deserve money, you should pay me” but also I do deserve money and I should get paid. So it’s like, it’s complicated. I’m inspired by these people who are giving up their huge followings to do something different. It’s so loud, I hope you can hear me, I’m sorry it’s a terrible sound. But yeah it’s inspiring to me, and I’m also thinking about, if I’m going to continue being on social media… oh yay they paused for a second! If I’m going to continue being on social media, I’m going to need to do something different, and I don’t know what that is. Social media either sucks away my time and my life and my good feels and it leaves me feeling drained and shitty. OR the days that I can manage my time better, and get on, post something that’s meaningful, respond to comments and messages, and get off, those are the days that I feel a lot better. I know that time management and self control is something that I need to work on in terms of social media. If any of yall are time management gurus, please reach out to me, I would like help. I’m trying to think of ways that I can manage my time better. Maybe I’ll only be online for like x hours of the day, and if it’s after this hour then I won’t be online. I’m thinking about doing that and I’m sortof starting to implement that a little bit.
I continue to feel weird about my website. Nudity is a big part of my life, photography is a big part of my life, modeling isn’t something I want to continue doing very much unless it’s for specific things. But the way that I have my website set up it’s like “pay me for access to naked photos” and while there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that and it’s been wonderful for me for several years now, it doesn’t really feel quite right to me anymore. It feels really surface level and really… I’m not sure, it just… I continue noticing the need for change and I continue not having the answer to my need yet, and it feels weird to be in this liminal space. I’ve been through so many liminal spaces in the last year and a half. I feel like finding sturdy ground is sometimes a little difficult. But I also really like change, even though it used to terrify me. It’s funny, the things that were my last nightmare or the last thing I ever wanted, ended up being things that I chose for myself a lot over the last few years. It’s weird how things change. Yeah, so uh… I have plans and content that’s going to last me at least through Halloween, and I’ll probably continue with the way things have been just because it’s a few hours a week for me and it’s not like super draining or negative in terms of the use of my time, but I also am noticing that I keep pulling away from a lot of things and trying to make more empty space in my life. So I feel like something’s going to change with my website and I just don’t know what that is yet. I feel like I say this every week, but it’s true! Nothing is forever, and I do need some change, I just don’t know what that is yet and I appreciate you being along for the ride. I love you so much. Have a great day, bye. =]
(Oh, PS…. I just wanted to tell you about one thing I forgot to mention in the video! At the end of my shoot with ExhibitphotoPDX, I was balancing on a rock (the one I’m sitting on in the very last image in the full gallery) and it turned over, causing me to fall into a tree and scrape myself up haha. You can see the scrape in the photo below taken by Jacob Webster at the nude beach gathering. Whoops! In some of these photos with ExhibitphotoPDX you can see the big bruise that was still on the inside of my leg that I got when I was at Lake Tahoe hahaha)
Video members:
click here to view the full photoset taken by ExhibitphotoPDX in the Columbia River Gorge outside of Portland Oregon during my cross country road trip last year
click here to watch the short BTS video
click here to view the video Intro to Ecosexuality (the nude version I shot before doing the clothed Youtube version)First Look members:
click here to view the photoset of me & Eva Luna taken by KH at a nude beach outside of Portland
click here to view the BTS photos I took during that shoot
click here to view the BTS video -
Tiffany Helms in the Ruins
CAPTION FOR VIDEO ABOVE:
Hi friends! So this week the photos that I’m sharing with you are photos that I took with Tiffany Helms, you saw a photoset I think it was 2 weeks ago that I shared with you of her. We took I think it was 3 or 4 different photosets so this is another photoset from that same day. These are the photos that we took in this ruins place that we hiked to that was really cool. I don’t exactly know what it used to be, but it was this cool place on Bainbridge Island. We parked… so we drove like 5-10 mins from her house on Bainbridge Island and parked at a parking lot for a park and walked around and went to this spot and it was awesome! We took a bunch of photos there and I actually also have some photos to share with you on another date, another time, that Tiffany’s partner Jeff Waters took of me and some of them Tiffany is also in. This is when I had really long hair and Tiffany also has long blonde hair so we looked very similar. We also are around the same size and height and stuff so that was pretty cool, I’ll share those with you later. These photos are photos I took of her in this ruins area. I think they’re super awesome and I love them and there’s this huge cool tree and it was just fun exploring this place so I’m excited to share those with you. There’s some BTS video and stuff too.
I think… I think this week the first look stuff that I’m sharing is a photoset that was taken by Kara Perry of Embodoe (on instagram) with a roll of my images from my trip last summer, double exposures, so I took this roll of landscapes and Kara double exposed over it with her friend Embodoe, I think her name is Emily? But her IG name is Embodoe so that’s the name I’m going to be using especially since I’m going to be tagging her in this so you can go to her page and look at all the things. I think these photos are super awesome. Embodoe was wearing lingerie that was handmade here in NC by WhiskeyDog Wares so if you need some handmade underwear things or lingerie, totally check WhiskeyDog Wares out, her stuff is amazing. There’s also a couple other photosets that Kara took with my landscape film, double exposures that she took of other models wearing WhiskeyDog Wares that I’ll be sharing with you in the future also. They’re super awesome. I love Kara, I love WhiskeyDog Wares, I’m really excited that they were using some of my film for that.
What else do I want to share with you? I’ve had a weird couple of days, the full moon on Monday… I don’t know, has me feeling kinda weird. I’ve felt very stuck this week and like I want to just sit around and not do anything. I’m going to sit down. Yeah I’ve felt stuck this week, I’ve felt like I don’t know what direction I want to go in, I don’t know what my goals are. It’s been great to slow down on the live things online so I can recalibrate and figure out where I want my time to go. Yeah I’m still figuring that out. I don’t know where I want my time to go. I’ve been working on a special secret project with Lior and Roarie this week. I don’t want to talk to much about it in case things… you know… but, enough about that. Conscious Creativity was INCREDIBLE and exceeded my expectations. That was last weekend on Saturday. If you joined us I am so thankful that you did, and I would love to hear from you on how it went for you and what your thoughts are on it, what you liked, what you didn’t like, what you’d like to see more of, anything you’d like to change. I had an incredible time, we planned it for 2 hours and it ended up being 3. I was blown away with all of the vulnerable sharing that everyone did and the discussion that we had and the valuable conversation and empathy that we had with each other. The way that we… everyone was so respectful of each other and valued each other as humans and it was so wonderful and I super loved all of the movement things we did together. I think that was a really fun way to connect online even though we’re not in person, still being in our bodies is great and it’s something that I want to continue doing.
I’m not sure what’s coming up for the future still, I probably will never know, but I’m glad that I have the time and space now to really feel into what works for me. At this point I don’t know what that is yet, but I have the time and space to figure that out. I’m thankful for yall for being here with me. If you have anything that you’d like to contribute in terms of ideas or recommendations or comments about how I run this website, about how I show up online. I’m definitely really open to that. I value your input and I value your thoughts and preferences and I definitely want to consider that in the things that I do. I really appreciate all of you for being here with me and for continuing to show up every week and for supporting me and for enjoying the work that I put out. I really don’t know what’s next, I really don’t. I definitely want to do more events, more workshops, more group things. Obviously online is accessible and offline in person is a little out of reach at the moment with the state of the world, but I would really like to in the future open it back up to in person events again, because those are so transformative and incredible and I get so much out of those and I know that the people who participate in in person events really get a lot out of them too. So yeah, if you have anything to share with me about your experience here on my website as a member, your experience as a participant in any of the events I’ve put on, I’d love to hear what you have to say. If you have any ideas that you’d love to see from me, let me know. I do plan on doing more video content, I don’t know exactly what that means yet. I think I’d really like to make some mediation and relaxation kindof videos. I have a lot of nature video content that I could use for relaxing ASMR nature meditation chill video things, which is what I’m kinda thinking about recently. Yeah I’d love to have your feedback. I love you, thank you for being on this journey with me, and I’ll talk to you next week. =]
Video members:
click here to view the full photoset of Tiffany Helms at an abandoned location on Bainbridge Island during my cross country road trip last summer
click here to view the BTS video + photosFirst Look members:
click here to view the photoset of Embodoe wearing WhiskeyDog Wares taken by Kara Perry double exposed over images I took of Wyoming and NC waterfalls
click here to view the videos from a walk through the woods -
Washington Forest Riverside with Pure Rebel
CAPTION FOR VIDEO ABOVE:
Hello! We had a really big storm last night and it rained over 3 inches overnight, so a lot of the plants have been having a hard time and they’re all falling over. Poor plants. I think everything is still kinda moist. Okay, so this weekend I’m sharing with you a photoset, actually it’s 2 photosets from when I was creating with Kristy Jessica aka Pure Rebel last summer outside of Seattle we went to a waterfall in Washington and it was gorgeous! We hiked around to the actual waterfall part and there were too many people around and we just couldn’t find a good spot to shoot so we went back and down the river/creek area a little bit, down the path, and found a spot next to the water with these huge rocks and trees and it was gorgeous so we shot there. We didn’t even shoot at the official waterfall. I shot some photos of her and she shot some photos of me and it was awesome! I was also frustrated with myself because I didn’t realize it until we were at the place ready to shoot and had already hiked up the little mountain trail… that I left my film in my van. So instead of trekking back to my van and then back to the spot, I just shot digitals of her. This was well over a month into my trip and I was starting to… I don’t know be… I guess a little more tired and out of it or something. I was frustrated with myself that I forgot my film so… I think this is actually, with the exception of the photos I took of Ravyn that were digital just because she wanted some content to be able to share sooner than the film… this was the only photoset I took that was digital that I don’t have any film photos of her. Yeah, so I was frustrated and disappointed in myself that I forgot my film, but the digitals still came out really amazing and Kristy is an incredible model so I’m really excited that we got to do that.
I have some BTS video of her shooting me, I don’t have BTS of me shooting her because I was using my digital camera to shoot her and I can’t do both things with my camera at once. The first look people, I’m sharing some photos from Chris Widick in Nashville that he took of me with strawberries last summer before my trip. They’re awesome, I love these photos. I have a lot of cool new things to share with you.
I don’t have a lot of new things to share right now, by the time you watch this video it’ll be Saturday, and it’ll be very close to the event that Lior and Doug and Crossing Hedgerows are going to be co-hosting with me, Conscious Creativity 2020. We did CC last year outside of Detroit Michigan in person at Crossing Hedgerows Sanctuary which is a permaculture farm, but of course because of covid we aren’t able to do an in person event this year so we’re taking it online and I’m very excited. This usually posts at about 8am, there’s still time to sign up and join us because the event is at 1pm eastern, so if you see this video and you’re like “oh I didn’t know, let’s do this” you can still sign up, it’s at the link in my bio on IG, I think I posted about it last week too, I’ll put a link in the comments (CLICK HERE TO JOIN US FOR FREE). You won’t have a whole lot of time to sign up because it’s at 1pm but it’s FREE so please join us, we would love it! Also I’ve been doing some IG lives with Lior and Doug, I did an IG live with Lior on Wednesday and I’ll be doing one on Friday with Doug, and those are just to give you a little bit more of a preview of what to expect during the event so If you want more info you can go to IG and look at those.
What else do I want to share today? I’m doing this early again this week because tomorrow, which is Thursday for me right now, is usually the day that I do these but I will be helping my friend move, so I’m doing this a day early. Also I don’t know if you’ve noticed, my face is real mad at me. All the skin around my lips is real chapped, that’s because I’ve been making out a lot and my face is like “what are you doing?” Yeah my skin is so sensitive when I make out a lot it freaks out and gets real dry. But it also doesn’t help that I’m making out with somebody with a beard. Does this happen to you? Do you get like… really chapped around your face around your mouth when you make out with somebody? Because I do. If you do you’re not alone because look at my face. I feel like it looks ridiculous but I’m just.. you know, there’s nothing I can do about it I can just keep putting stuff on it to help it heal. And also I do not regret making out, because making out is fun.
Yeah I don’t have much else to share today and I want to get a lot of stuff done so this is your video for this week. I love you! Thank you for being here, I appreciate you so much! One day I’ll figure out other things that I want to do with all of this but for now I’m just taking it one step at a time. I love you, thank you, I’ll talk to you next week, bye!
Video members:
click here to view the full photoset of Pure Rebel taken in Washington state during my cross country road trip last summer
click here to view the full photoset she took of me
click here to view the BTS videoFirst Look members:
click here to view the photoset taken by Chris Widick in Nashville TN
click here to view the video interview with my parents about our unique relationship
click here to view the video interview with my parents & my aunt about their parents and how they grew up -
Washington Forest Riverside with Pure Rebel
Video members now have access to:
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vlog with the story behind these photosets with Pure Rebel taken in Washington state during my cross country road trip last summer
- 29 image complete photoset of me taken by Pure Rebel
- 75 image complete photoset I took of Pure Rebel
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18 minutes of BTS video
First Look members now have access to:
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everything above
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23 image complete photoset taken by Chris Widick in Nashville TN
- 17 minute video interview with my parents about our unique relationship
- 18 minute video interview with my parents & my aunt about their parents and how they grew up
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Tiffany Helms on Bainbridge Island
Video members now have access to:
-
vlog with the story behind this photoset of Tiffany Helms on Bainbridge Island from my cross country road trip last summer
- 23 image complete photoset
-
5.5 minutes of BTS video
First Look members now have access to:
-
everything above
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3 nude videos at Hidden Lake in Glacier National Park
- 3 nature videos at Moonstone Beach in California
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Tiffany Helms on Bainbridge Island
CAPTION FOR VIDEO ABOVE:
Hello friends! I’m here again early. I’m doing this video early because later this week I’ll be out of town and probably without access to the internet, I don’t know. So today’s going to be short because I don’t have a whole lot of new things, just a couple updates.
This weekend I’m sharing photos from my trip across the country, this time it’s photos that I took of Tiffany Helms when I was visiting her on Bainbridge Island where she lives outside of Seattle. It was amazing and awesome! I think I have maybe 3 or 4 photosets to share with you from that day so this is one of the photosets. I am not going to talk too much about it because there’s a lot of behind the scenes stuff that’s awesome and you’ll get a better picture of how the shoot went by watching the BTS stuff and looking at the photos because they’re incredible. So I’m just going to leave it at that.
My update for this is I have officially decided to have the member video chats through the end of July, so that’s this week and next week. By the time you get this it will be just next week. So there’s the one that’s this Thursday the… 24th? 23rd? Time/dates are weird, coronavirus everyone’s at home, does time even matter? So this Thursday which will be before you see this video, and then the one next week which is the last week of July, those will be the last weekly member’s only video chats that I’ve been doing. I have been feeling the need to make a change and I think this is one way that I can free up my time for other endeavors that I want to invest my time and effort into in terms of the community that I want to serve and the people that I want to surround myself with. I have super enjoyed doing these video chats with yall, but I think I kinda rushed into it and didn’t really have a plan and was just like “okay lets hang out”. So in the future I’ll be doing more video hangouts, I just probably won’t have them at this frequency and this regular of a schedule like this. I do want to focus my time on teaching and healing and creating and bringing queer and trans communities together. So that’s what I’m going to be focusing my time on so I’m excited about that. That’s my main announcement thing. If you haven’t made it to any of the members video calls yet and you wanted to before it ends, after this video is released you’ll have one more chance! I think it’s the 26th or 27th, whatever the last Thursday in July is is the last one. So yeah, last chance to get in on the members only hangout before it disappears. I’ll definitely let yall know when I have more opportunities to hang out online.
I’m about to tell you about the next one I’m planning right now! August 1st is going to be an event that Lior Allay & I will be putting on together. This is a little bit separate from Going Beyond the Lens, it’s just me and Lior, we’re extending our Conscious Creativity event from last year that was in person in Detroit. Obviously we can’t really do it in person this year so we’re going to be doing it online. We’re still nailing down the time but it’s most likely going to be 1pm. I have an eventbrite page up for it already in the link in my bio on instagram, CLICK HERE to sign up for free! I just wanted to give you a heads up. We’re waiting on a couple of okays on the time from the last couple of people that are going to be participating with us before we officially start to promote it, but we’re hopefully going to have the time approved in the next day or two. By the time this video comes out it’ll probably be figured out. Today is technically Tuesday which is earlier than my usual Thursday for doing this and the Saturday that this is released. I’m excited, come join me & Lior & Crossing Hedgerows Sanctuary for Conscious Creativity 2020 online. I’m excited, it’s going to be awesome! An immersive online experience, we’re going to talk about gender and sexuality and we’re going to do embodied practices to connect to each other and ourselves. Please join, we would love to have you, it’s FREE! There is an option to donate if you would like to donate to us for future events to happen more frequently or… you know. If you want to donate to the little community we’re creating, that’s an option but for everyone, you can join for free!
That’s all the major info I have to share with you today. I love you so much! Have a great day! Bye!
Video members:
click here to view the full photoset of Tiffany Helms on Bainbridge Island from my cross country road trip last summer
click here to view the BTS videoFirst Look members:
click here to view the nude videos at Hidden Lake in Glacier National Park
click here to view the nature videos at Moonstone Beach in California -
Art Nuance & Evyenia Karapolous
CAPTION FOR VIDEO ABOVE:
Hello! So… gosh weeks go by so fast now. This week I’m sharing I think it’s 3 photosets actually, that I have modeled for, for my friend Nuance Artistry. One of the sets is in a studio, one of the sets is in an abandoned mill, and the other set is with another model. I always say her name wrong. I can spell it really well, but I don’t know if I’m going to say it right so I’m sorry. Evyenia Karapolous, she goes by a different name in real life, that’s her modeling name so I just call her the name that she goes by in real life but that’s not her modeling name. I think these are really great, these are older sets taken probably… 2 more more years ago now. Which feels weird, because time is really really weird.
I think the stuff that’s going into first look is the last time I saw Roarie Yum in person. They modeled for a photographer friend of mine PhotoWyse and I took some behind the scenes stuff and that’s what I’m sharing in First Look is the behind the scenes stuff that I took of Roarie during their shoot with Terry. I’m also sharing to video people the nude yoga video for this month! So yay.
I dont have a lot to say today, I feel like…. so I think I might switch up my schedule again in terms of what I’m doing during the week. I don’t know. Because after July I don’t have very much planned. On Mondays on youtube I’m doing that ecosexual series, and that’ll be finished in 2 weeks I think. I don’t really have anything planned for after that so I might take a break on that. I’ve really been enjoying the Thursday group hangout member gathering things, the video hangouts, but I also feel like maybe I should have more structure around it or change it up for something else. I haven’t decided. I feel like I’m perpetually switching up what I want to do. So I appreciate that yall want to hang around! I for sure am going to do the members hangout this week, which by the time you get this will have already happened because it’s tonight, Thursday night, not Saturday when this is going to be uploaded. Part of me wants to pause those for a little bit and recalibrate. I started doing them kindof at the beginning of quarantine as a way to stay connected, and they’ve been really fun, but at the same time… it’s just hanging out. And I feel like I want more than that, but I also don’t know exactly what I want that to be. But I also know that I want to have time for expanding things in the future like maybe teaching courses, queer hangouts, trans support group… I don’t know! I might switch stuff up, I might slow down or have more structure to or cancel or change the schedule for the group chats. I just know that something isn’t quite how I want it to be yet and I just don’t know where I want to go yet. I change so much! I’m glad that I’m not stagnant and stuck in the same thing over and over again, but I am noticing the need for change, I’m just not quite in the place where I know what that is yet.
I probably will no longer model for photographers, at least for a while, unless they’re like queer and/or trans people. I haven’t really wanted to model in a while and it just feels like another way for people to consume me in a way that is not really me. Because my naked body most people think (some flying thing just came into my space)… my naked body gets attention from people that I don’t necessarily want attention from, and I definitely don’t want sexual attention from like anybody. I feel like if I’m less naked (AHH what’s with the bugs today! there was a bug that was crawling on my foot!) I feel like if I’m less naked on the internet I’ll get less attention in the ways that I don’t want. I also feel like me being naked on the internet is a good chunk of the reason why people give me money and how I can pay my rent so that’s complicated. I definitely want to switch to a more queer trans ecosexual healing kindof platform, but I don’t know how to do that in a way that I’m still sustaining my self financially. I just know that I have way too many cis straight men who follow me and want to work with me, and that’s not really the like… I mean I love all of you people who are here of course… but in terms of new people finding me I’d much rather them be queer or trans or women or you know… not cis straight men. Sorry. Queer people are my people! Trans people are my people! Ecosexual people are my people! Cis straight men are not really my people. I have some wonderful cis straight men in my life that I super appreciate and love a whole lot, but in terms of the audience that I want to gather around myself and the community I want to create around myself and my business is not going to be catered to cis straight men and they are not the people I want to gather around me in large quantities. Because most of them probably see me as a woman and probably see me as somebody they want to have sex with and I do not want either of those things from them. Maybe that’s me not having enough faith in cis straight men to understand my queerness and to not objectify me and sexualize me, but based on my 30 years of life experience, I don’t have a lot of faith in cis straight men doing those things, unfortunately.
I just don’t know what to do to change things to be more of what I want them to be. I guess I just need to show up in the way that is authentic to myself and that will draw the right people around me because if I’m myself then more people like me will find me. I just feel like, I don’t want my work to be centered around…. okay so I love nudity and I DO want my work to be centered around nudity, but I want it to be centered around nudity in a non-sexual way that is healing and affirming and inclusive and NOT in a sexual or exploitative or objectifying in any way. I don’t know, I just know things need to change and I’m not exactly sure what that is yet or what that means. I just appreciate yall being here along for the ride. I’m always changing so my website is always changing and the things I’m doing are always changing. So I appreciate you being here in whatever capacity you’re here, if you’re a cis straight man I hope I didn’t make you too upset. Maybe go through my youtube and look at all my ecosexual stuff and in my resources here on my website I have a video on gender and sexuality that’s over an hour long. So if some of the queerness things are intriguing to you, I have resources already that I would love for you to check out, that’s more of my face talking to you!
I think it’s kinda interesting that… I was looking at some of the videos that I made last summer during my cross country road trip and I was thinking about how different I am from the person that I was last year and it’s made me a little bit sad because I was so much happier last summer when I was in all the nature. Here now is like, quarantine and stress and isolation and stuckness and a lot of numbness so I don’t quite know how to reconcile that and I realize that the whole entire planet is going through a lot right now with all of the oppression and fear and all the bullshit. It makes sense that I’m not the same happy person that I was last year. I also miss that person! I miss being completely overjoyed by rounding a corner and finding some vast amazing landscape, I miss being able to get in my van and just GO and stop anywhere and hang out and not worry about germs and play naked in a pile with other naked people and hang out and cuddle. I just… you probably feel it too. Everything’s harder this year. Thanks 2020!
I just want to find a way that I can share and affirm and honor queerness and transness and uplift that, and heal through that. I’m not quite sure what that means yet, but I’m working in that direction. Thank you for exploring existence with me. I love you, thank you for being here, I appreciate you so much. Bye!
Video members:
click here to view the full studio photoset with Nuance Artistry
click here for the abandoned mill photoset
click here for the photoset with Evyenia Karapolous
click here to view the BTS videos
click here to view the nude yoga video for JulyFirst Look members:
click here to view the BTS photos & videos from Roarie Yum‘s shoot with PhotoWyse -
Ravyn Alexa in the greenhouse
CAPTION FOR VIDEO ABOVE:
Hello good morning! It’s like 9:30 this morning right now where I am home here. Let’s see… oh it cut off the top of my head… I guess I’ll just hold it. This week I’m sharing with you a photoset that I took of Ravyn Alexa in Portland Oregon, I took this when I was there last summer. It was very fun, Ravyn at the time was living with Corwin Prescott and Nicole Vaunt. If you’ve been in the art world for any amount of time you’ve probably heard those names before. I super briefly met Vaunt like, basically just saying hello, but they were doing some kind of workshop thing there so they were busy so I didn’t get to officially officially meet either of them, but Ravyn used to live with them so Ravyn and I were roaming around the yard and taking photos and it was really great. I’ve already shared some photos from that day with you and I think this is the last photoset that I have. Pretty sure, I don’t think I have any others that I took of Ravyn when I was there. You’ve probably seen the ones of Ravyn and the hydrangeas, and the flowers, and the waterfall double exposures… I’m pretty sure this is the last set that I haven’t shared with you yet, so this is Ravyn in a greenhouse!
The only other thing I really wanted to talk about today was…. I GOT SILKS! If you’ve been around for any length of time you probably know that I used to do aerial silks on a regular basis for about 3 or 4 years. Obviously since COVID it’s not a real safe thing to go to an aerial studio and be around other people. And even before that I had to stop… actually it was over a year ago when I stopped going to class because (there was a bug that was flying to me), because of my budget. It was either keep going to silks classes or get my van. So obviously you know I got my van for my road trip last year so I was taking my silks money and putting it toward the van instead of silks. After doing a bunch of thinking about it and super missing silks…. over time with all of the classes and training that I did I had already spent thousands of dollars, I think it was over $5k just in all the training that I got, and I couldn’t do anything with it because I didn’t have silks. I could do yoga stuff but it’s not the same. I mean, yoga is still wonderful but it’s not like hanging upside down from a silk. So I finally I saved up money and I bought myself a rig and silks and they are now in my bedroom!! So of course it’s super short and I can’t actually climb it or anything. The rig that I have is an adjustable height and it can go between 5-11ft so at some point I’m going to take it outside and make it real tall so I can climb it and really play on the silks. Right now I have it set up as a silk “pole” but I’m probably going to switch it to a silk hammock while it’s in my room and short, because I can do more with a hammock with it being short than I can with silks. I’m super excited, it came in yesterday, today’s Thursday and you’re going to see this Saturday, but it came in Wednesday and we set it up immediately, my dad helped me. It’s definitely a 2 person job to set up this rig because it’s heavy duty and amazing and I’m so exciteddddd!
This is going to be a short video this week because I want to spend more time on my silks! Yay! So… look for silks videos in the future because that’s a thing again now. Yay I’m so excited I’ve missed it so much. I think that’s all I have to say today. I did a lot of computer work yesterday and I know I have more computer work on my plate today but I’m hoping it wont take as long so I can spend more time playing with silks!
I love you so much, thank you for being here. I know that all of my changing is not done yet and it probably honestly will never be done, I’ll probably always be changing and growing and shifting, and I just appreciate yall being here with me through all of it and… I love you so much!
Video members:
click here to view the full photoset of Ravyn Alexa in a greenhouse in Portland Oregon during my cross country road trip last summer
click here to view the BTS videoFirst Look members:
click here to view the video of me talking about ecosexuality and attraction (nude)
click here to view the video of me talking about ecosexuality and sex (nude) -
Ravyn Alexa in the greenhouse
Video members now have access to:
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vlog with the story behind this photoset of Ravyn Alexa in a greenhouse in Portland Oregon during my cross country road trip last summer
- 23 image complete photoset
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7+ minutes of BTS video
First Look members now have access to:
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everything above
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5.5 minute video of me talking about ecosexuality and attraction (nude)
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13 minute video of me talking about ecosexuality and sex (nude)
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