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Quinn Sanguine & Megan Ayn
CAPTION FOR VIDEO ABOVE:
Hello! So this week I am sharing a photoset that I took of my friends Quinn and Megan when I was in Tacoma Washington. It’s funny because I’ve been friends with Quinn for a long time and I’ve met them a few times prior to my trip out there. Quinn used to live in the Boston area and did a couple of trips along the east coast and I was able to hang out with them during that time. Then they moved across the country, they did a cross country tour at the same time they were moving across the country. They moved to Tacoma a year or two ago, no longer than that, a couple years ago now. Wow, time is wild yall! Quinn moved to Tacoma and offered to host me while I was in the area so I stayed with them for I think it was close to a week, it was like at least 4 or 5 days. I had been talking to Megan about shooting with her because we’ve followed each other on IG for a while. Come to find out, Quinn and Megan lived like 5-10 minutes away from each other and they hadn’t met yet. It was awesome, Quinn and I went to Megan’s house and hung out and took photos of each other, it was a great time. That day when we were shooting I was feeling kinda weird, I think I wasn’t quite as inspired because we were indoors instead of outside, and I didn’t think I had the film that I needed in order to get the proper exposure inside the house. I had a lot of fast film/lower ISO film, and it wasn’t going to be enough light for me to take photos, but then I found ONE roll of film that was 1600 ISO that I had, and that was just enough to take photos. I was really excited that I was actually able to take photos, because I thought I wasn’t going to be able to because I didn’t have the right film for the space that we were in. I found that one roll and that was was very helpful and I’m thankful that I was able to photograph them when I was there. I already shared the photos that Megan took of me and Quinn, and these are the photos that I took of Quinn and Megan.
What’s going on with me this week… today’s Thursday, I usually do my prep for the weekend on Thursdays, and today is the full moon. I’m not feeling as energetically and emotionally effected by this moon as I usually do, and it’s kinda odd to me because I remember having a Scorpio moon, I think it was last year, and that was really intense for me, and this Scorpio moon isn’t really? Which I find pretty interesting. I don’t know, I’m feeling a little bit less stuck, I know I’ve been talking about feeling stuck the last couple of weeks. I’m feeling a little less stuck in terms of creative and goals and life stuff. I’ve started to plan some online opportunities with a couple of other artists and I’m really excited to share that with you coming up soon.
Actually I’ll go ahead and tell you, Lior Allay and Roarie Yum and I are doing live videos on IG next week on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, talking about vulnerability. On Monday the 18th we’ll be hosting an online event/discussion between us and the people who are a part of the event. We’re going to do a live video chat type of thing. We haven’t quite, as of today, come up with a specific name/wording about what we’re going to do but I know that we’re going to go more in depth about vulnerability in art and speak to what that means for us, if nudity is a part of that for us and why, and how to create spaces where we allow other people to be vulnerable. I’m very excited about that, so keep an eye out on mine, Lior’s, and Roarie’s IGs for more info about that coming up soon. I’ll send info to my mailing list when we have more promotional materials ready. I’m pretty excited about it, I’ve been feeling like not really ready or willing to do a lot of creative stuff recently, and I’ve tried really hard to not beat myself up about it because it’s expected of me from myself and my community. I feel thankful that I have the opportunities that I do in order to not have to constantly create in order to make a living. I have a backlog of all of the things I’ve created last summer to get me through this slump time, but now that I’m in collaboration with Roarie and Lior, I’m starting to get more excited about art again. Even if I’m not actively creating right now, which I still haven’t been creating, just having the conversations around art has been really wonderful for me and healing in a way, just thinking about it more and being in a mindset where I’m more receptive to creativity and art has felt really nice. I’m excited to go through these discussions with them over the next couple of weeks and share our knowledge with yall. I’ll link to my instagram, Lior’s instagram, and Roarie’s instagram in the caption of this video to make it easy for you to click and see what kind of things we’re doing online. (Click here for my IG, click here for Roarie’s IG, click here for Lior’s IG)
Do you hear that hawk?! *looking around above me* I think it’s pretty wonderful and magickal that when I’m out here making videos for yall there’s some kind of bird that is talking to me. Last week it was hummingbirds and this week it’s a hawk. Hawks are really magickal and powerful and I connect with them a lot already just because I know that there are some that have nests somewhere around my neighborhood, somewhere near my house. They’re here a lot, I see them a lot and hear them a lot. I think that’s pretty magickal. I’m trying to not be too distracted.
So… that’s pretty much the only thing that’s new with me, the vulnerability in art talks that I’ll be doing with Lior and Roarie. Keep an eye out if you want to participate, we’re going to do a really affordable online discussion through video chat. I also just heard an owl! But it’s like… noon! Anyway! The discussion we’ll be hosting, the instagram lives will be free. There’s that owl again! So those will be Monday Wednesday Friday next week for free, and then the online video discussion group video thing we’re doing will be on Monday the 18th and that will be donation based with a $5 minimum. Donate whatever you’re able based on the value you get out of our talk. We’re going to be splitting the funds from that between the 3 of us. I’m really excited, I think it’ll be a really great discussion. I think vulnerability is something that most people skirt around or avoid when they’re creating art. They focus on making things that are beautiful or aesthetically pleasing, but not necessarily have any emotion or vulnerability behind them. I think it’s going to be a really wonderful discussion to bring vulnerability to light and emphasize the importance of it in art. I mean, I personally get the most out of art when there’s some kind of message behind it, or I can tell that someone has a lot of emotion and is sharing that with us through their art, that’s really vulnerable to me, being your true self and not thinking or worrying about what other people think about you or what their expectations are. I invite you to join us for that. I’ll share links whenever I have them, we’re still gathering info and working together to figure out how to make it the best event possible. I’m really excited, I love working with them, they’re amazing humans. I look up to them both, and I’ve been lucky enough to create with both of them more than once and I love it!
Thank you so much for following my journey of… whatever this is. I just want to be the person that past me needed, and hopefully that person is someone that you need too, or someone that you at least get some kind of value out of. I don’t want to just have empty, pretty things. I want to share with yall deeply and in meaningful ways, and I want to help educate people and I want to help heal people and I can’t do that without being vulnerable myself. I appreciate yall being a part of this with me. I love you so much, thank you for loving me!
Video members:
click here to view the full photoset of Quinn Sanguine and Megan Ayn in Tacoma Washington
click here to view the BTS videoFirst Look members:
click here to view the photoset of me in a Nashville TN park taken by Bashing Bagpipes -
FREE ARCHIVED BLOG & PHOTOSET
I originally wrote this for Patreon on January 28 2017. I no longer use Patreon and have replaced it with my website (here) but thought I would share some of my old blogs with you for FREE to show my appreciation for you visiting my website! <3
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Let’s talk about mantras and positive affirmations this week! As a recap, here are the definitions:
Merriam-Webster’s definition of mantra: a sound, word, or phrase that is repeated by someone who is praying or meditating // a word or phrase that is repeated often or that expresses someone’s basic beliefs
Merriam-Webster’s definition of affirmation: a solemn and often public declaration of the truth or existence of something
I’ll start with mantras, which have been around for thousands of years (since the Vedic period, 1500-500 BC). There are many ancient mantras in Sanskrit, some of which call upon Hindu deities, and all of which assist in awareness, mindfulness, intention, and raising your level of consciousness. Chanting mantras over and over allows your mind to become quiet and focus solely on the sounds and vibrations of the mantra. Once your mind isn’t thinking you’re able to feel the space where the mind is silent, allowing you to connect to your true inner self.
The most well-known mantra is “Om” (said like aum or ohm), which represents everything, the entire universe. It is believed to be the first sound the universe made when it was created, the original vibration. Chanting Om while meditating alters your consciousness and allows you to transcend to a higher state.
Another well-known mantra is “Om Gam Ganapataye Namaha” which translates roughly to “Invocation to Ganesh, who is the remover of obstacles, who guards the doorway to the enlightened realms. His blessings are essential for good beginnings.” or more simply “The devotee bows/offers salutations to Ganesh/the Lord of the World.” This mantra calls upon Lord Ganesh, who is best known as the “breaker of obstacles.” This mantra assists in releasing blocked energy in your physical, mental, and emotional bodies.
“Om Namah Shivaya” is another Sanskrit mantra which is interpreted as bowing or honoring your true highest self.
Positive affirmations are very similar to mantras but are actually quite different. They were developed by neuroscientists in the 1970’s as a type of neuro-linguistic programming. People repeat positive affirmations in order to change their perception of their circumstances and the way they feel about themselves. Increasing positive thoughts and decreasing negative ones allows you to achieve success and happiness. For instance, someone who is very anxious and timid can say positive affirmations such as “I am brave, I am strong, and confidence comes naturally to me” to re-wire their brain to allow them to become brave, strong, and confident. Have you heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy or the law of attraction? Our beliefs influence our actions, so if you repeat to yourself every day that you are happy, creative, and loved, then you will become happy, creative, and loved!
Some of the positive affirmations I say every day are:
I am joyous in all that I do
I laugh every day
I am motivated and work toward my goals every day
I spend quality time with quality people
I spend quality time with myself
I am strong of mind, body, and spirit
I make time for yoga every day
I am a money magnet and I attract wealth and abundance
I am a world traveler
I nourish my body with healthy food
I let go of that which no longer serves me
I make room for growth and change
I am receptive to messages from the universe
I learn something new every dayPositive affirmations can be whatever you want or need in your life, just make sure it is positive and in the current tense. For instance, if you hate your job, don’t say “I hate my job so I’m finding a new one,” say “I’m attracting the perfect job for me.”
Do you use mantras and/or positive affirmations? Do you want to? I’d love to hear about it!
I saw these sunflowers at the store the other day and HAD to get them, sunflowers are my absolute favorite! The cats were interested in them too, look for a bunch cat-photobombed photos. I have a couple of sets by myself with the sunflowers that I’ll post soon. First I want to show you the self portraits that I took with Marianna Lane!
Antisocialdisposition is wonderful and sometimes takes the time to model with me even when he’s swamped with electrical engineering schoolwork. There are totally butt grabs, giggles, and kisses happening in this set.
All members have access to this complete 45 image photoset with Marianna Lane by clicking here.
All members have access to this complete 58 image photoset with Antisocialdisposition by clicking here.
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Doubles with Ravyn Alexa & Ambivalent Ann
CAPTION FOR VIDEO ABOVE:
Hey friends! So this week I’m releasing two small photosets, I took them on the same roll of film, they’re all double exposures. All of the background images are from a waterfall here in NC, and the photos of the models, I took all of those outside of Portland Oregon last summer. I have photos of Ravyn Alexa and Ambivalent Ann that are doubles and I super love them. I didn’t realize how… I totally forgot when I loaded the film, how many exposures were on the roll, and I thought I had shot half of the roll of Ravyn so I’d have the other half of the roll for Ambivalent Ann… but it was not a 36 exposure roll, it was a 24 exposure roll, I thought it was 36, so there’s more photos of Ravyn than there are of Ambivalent Ann. I wish I had gotten more of her but, it is what it is.
So this week, what’s going on with me… I, yesterday, which was Wednesday, today is Thursday, I pretty much always get these videos and stuff ready on Thursdays for the Saturday post. Wednesday, which was the 29th, a really massive account on instagram (@girlgaze) posted one of my menstruation memes, and it’s about menstruation and gender. Girlgaze has over 300k followers, so a whole bunch of people saw this, and I’m super excited about it because it’s a really great opportunity because more people are seeing my work which I think is amazing because I want to share the love. But also, it kinda brought out a lot of nasty comments from people, a lot of transphobic comments and period shaming comments so that was disappointing. But with an account that large I can’t expect everyone to be super positive about a post about menstruation and gender. I did for a little bit interact with people in the comments of that post yesterday, but it didn’t take very long before I was feeling really activated and didn’t have the emotional capacity to handle the comments anymore, so I’ve disengaged from that. I mean there are a lot of great comments on there about people appreciating the post and stuff, but I just don’t want to argue about my humanity and worthiness of my gender expression with people who are super transphobic and don’t give a fuck about me or my feelings or my identity or anything and they’re very stuck in their binary thinking of male and female, which… fuck all that. So that was an interesting thing yesterday!
I’ve been spending a lot of my time in the woods this week. I’ve been going to the woods back there. There’s a decent amount of woods between the back part of my neighborhood and the main road that’s over there. So it’s neighborhood, woods, a few houses, and the main road. So I’ve just been spending a bunch of time in the woods and immersing myself in the solitude of nature which is really nice and healing for me. It feels really good to just be in nature. I’m thinking a lot about ancestors and connection and where do we go from here and how I want to connect with myself more and how I want to connect with the Earth more, and how connecting to the Earth is inherently like connecting with other people because we’re all a part of the Earth, so if I can connect with myself and connect with the Earth then I can connect with other people as well in a way, energetically. I just tune in to my feelings and my love for nature and that feels really good, and that also extends to my love for everyone else and all living beings. So that’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently, and enjoying the connection part. Being alone, but never actually being alone.
I’m excited about, well, once this is posted it’ll technically be yesterday, but I’m excited for the 1st, because all of the photo members get to have video access now, and I’m excited to simplify my website a little more. Anybody that’s a photo member gets upgraded for free which is exciting, it’s my little present to you. I know I have more changes coming, I don’t know what that is, and that’s okay, I’m living into that liminal space of not knowing and I’m feeling more comfortable with figuring it out, not knowing, being okay with it, living my life, doing what feels best. I really want to cater myself and my work more toward ecosexuality and gender and sexuality spectrum, because I really feel like that’s kinda where my whole life is heading toward, and I think it’s really important stuff for everyone to talk about and consider. I want to be an advocate for ecosexuality and the gender and sexuality spectrum. I want to maybe.. I don’t know if I’ll post less nude content but, I want to be accessible to people, but at the same time I don’t want to censor myself just to be accessible to more people, because if they’re MY people, then they’re going to be cool with nudity, to be honest. I don’t think that there’s going to be a time in my life that I’m going to be pulling away from nudity. I want to find a way to really emphasize that nudity isn’t sexual, and have less cishetero dudes following me just because I’m a nude person on the internet with boobs and a vulva, and have more people follow me that are like ME, who aren’t adhering to gender and sexuality “norms” whatever the fuck that is.
*Looking overhead* I’m sorry I just got super distracted, there are hummingbirds! I heard them and I saw them! OMG they’re so cute! Such tiny little babies! Do you know what a hummingbird sounds like? They’re little chirps, it’s so cute. I must have scared them away with my talking, but I totally saw at least 2 hummingbirds, they were so cute, and I heard them a couple times, they were flying around between the trees here. What a great way to end this video!
Thank you for being here with me, I appreciate you so much! I’m totally open to any comments or questions or suggestions that you have. I want to be here for yall and create the kind of content that you’re interested in, while also staying true to myself and my wants and needs. I want to find that middle ground for all of us, whatever that is. I think anybody that is here purely for sexual reasons has probably weeded themselves out by now based on the stuff I’ve been posting, but I mean if you’re here just for sexual gratification by looking at naked people that’s fine, as long as you don’t bring me into that, or bring the models into that, keep it to yourself unless someone is asking you to bring your sexual desire to them, then just… don’t. Becuase that’s to me, the main thing that makes me hesitate with nudity is people nonconsensually forcing me to be a part of their sexualization of me, which I really don’t appreciate. I’m sure most of you probably don’t either, but that’s just an experience I have from being a naked person on the internet. It’s weird, I don’t really know how I got to this, but yeah I’m not here for sexual things. I mean, I am, but I’m not. It’s weird, because I’m demisexual and ecosexual, so I’m extremely picky about who I would even consider doing anything sexual with or having really intimate sexual conversations with, but in terms of broad general educational stuff about sexuality, I’m totally up for. But once it becomes an individual sexual thing, then I’m not up for it at all. So if you ever had any question about that, there’s my answer. I’m up for general questions that aren’t specific to me for the most part, or your own sexual things that involve me, I don’t want to be a part of that, but if you have general questions about like “what does this term mean?” or “how does your sexuality inform your decisions for your art?” or stuff like that, I’m totally cool with talking about that. As soon as it’s in the direction of objectifying me or bringing me into your sexuality without my consent, that’s where I draw the line. Not cool. Not for me. No thanks.
This video has gotten so long, I got distracted by hummingbirds, but that’s just my ecosexual heart expanding even more, and that’s nature showing me that it loves me back. Thank you for being here, I appreciate you being a part of this wild journey that is my life and my website. I appreciate all of you so much. I am able to pay rent because of you, I’m able to put food on my table because of you, I am able to continue creating because of you so I super appreciate it and you are an integral part of my life, my creative life, my educational learning and helping and sharing of information. I appreciate you! You mean a lot to me and I love hearing from you! I hope you have a wonderful day and I’ll talk to you next week!
Video members:
click here to view the full photoset of Ravyn Alexa & click here to view the fill photoset of Ambivalent Ann
click here to view the BTS video with Ravyn Alexa & click here to view the BTS video with Ambivalent Ann
First Look members:
click here to view the photoset of Tatyana Elizabeth wearing Whiskey Dog Wares taken by Kara Perry double exposed over my images of Yellowstone National Park & click here to view the video of me nude cooking and dancing -
FREE ARCHIVED BLOG & PHOTOSET
I originally wrote this for Patreon on January 22nd 2017. I no longer use Patreon and have replaced it with my website (here) but thought I would share some of my old blogs with you for FREE to show my appreciation for you visiting my website! <3
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Happy weekend! From last weekend’s poll it looks like y’all are most interested in meditation, mantras, and positive affirmations. That’s exciting for me because these are some of the things I already know a lot about! Other topics (like Reiki and numerology) I am very interested in and will have to do more research and reading to learn it so that you can learn with me!
I lumped together meditation, mantras, and positive affirmations in the poll because they can all go hand-in-hand (but don’t necessarily have to). As an introduction I’ll give you the dictionary definitions:
Merriam-Webster’s definition of meditation:
-to engage in contemplation or reflection
-to engage in mental exercise (as concentration on one’s breathing or repetition of a mantra) for the purpose of reaching a heightened level of spiritual awareness
-to focus one’s thoughts on : reflect on or ponder over
-to plan or project in the mindMerriam-Webster’s definition of mantra: a sound, word, or phrase that is repeated by someone who is praying or meditating / a word or phrase that is repeated often or that expresses someone’s basic beliefs
Merriam-Webster’s definition of affirmation: a solemn and often public declaration of the truth or existence of something.
You can tell that they work well together already, can’t you? Mantras and positive affirmations can easily be integrated into meditation but can be used on their own as well. I’ll share some of my mantras and positive affirmations with you later on in another post. But first! I want to talk about meditation.
I’ve taken meditation classes, my mom teaches meditation, and I do a type of meditation daily while I’m driving to and from work (yes, while driving safely!). I want to spend more time in deeper meditation than what I currently do but it’s hard to make the time to do it. I need to remind myself that I don’t need 30 minutes or an hour set aside every day for meditation, 5 or 10 minutes is also just as good, and is certainly better than nothing. My mom says that if you can’t find 5 minutes in a day to meditate, then you really need an hour. Meditation is cumulative, every time you do it adds to your total time in meditation and the more you do it, even if it’s just 5 minutes a day, the easier it is to get into a meditative state.
There are hundreds and thousands and probably millions of different ways to meditate. I know that when most people think of meditation they think of the classic sitting cross-legged with your eyes closed and holding your hands just right type of meditation. Yes, that is one way to meditate, but what if you’re someone who has bad hips or knees or a bad back? That would not be comfortable at all, and if you’re in pain or uncomfortable then you’re not meditating, you’re thinking “when do I get to move so that this doesn’t hurt anymore?” Meditation can be done sitting on the floor, sitting on a chair, laying down, standing up, walking, driving, doing dishes, whatever you can do while clearing your mind or focusing your mind on only one thing. Obviously if you’re going to be meditating while driving (like I do on the way to and from work) it won’t be as deep of a meditation because you still have to pay attention to the road and all of your surroundings. There is a way to drive safely while “auto-piloting” and focusing your mind and thoughts. I want you to know that if one meditation doesn’t work for you, don’t worry, that doesn’t mean that you can’t meditate, that just means you should just try something else next time.
Basics of meditation:
-get comfortable (but not TOO comfortable, you don’t want to fall asleep, unless you really need sleep then go ahead and take a nap and meditate later)
-focus on your breathing
-clear your mind, focus on one thing
-if a thought comes, acknowledge it and let it goYou may have to experiment to see what works best for you. Do you like having incense? Background music? Candles? Do you like creating a crystal grid and sitting in the middle of it? Do you like meditating sitting on a cushion on the floor, sitting on a chair, or laying down? Do you meditate better in the morning, afternoon or evening? Do you like setting a timer so you don’t have to worry about what time it is or how long you’ve been meditating? Do you like movement in your meditation, such as lightly swaying back and forth, toe-tapping, or walking? Do you like the simplest meditation where you just focus on your breath, or do you prefer using a mantra, or do you do best with a guided meditation? What works well for one person might not work at all for someone else. Experiment to find what works best for YOU.
There are some great meditation apps that have soothing music, timers, and even guided meditations. One I’ve tried and liked is “Insight Timer.”
I will share more meditations with you in another blog post, but let’s start out with a basic meditation where you focus on your breath. Read the following paragraph and then hold the questions and suggestions in your mind while you meditate for at least five minutes. Maybe set a timer so that you don’t have to look at the clock.
Find a comfortable seat. Close your eyes and take a deep breath in through your nose and let it all out through your mouth with a sigh. Continue breathing deeply through your nose. Feel your breath in your lungs, your belly, your nostrils. Feel that the air is cool when you breathe it in and how it’s warmer when you breathe it out. Listen to how your breath sounds. Can you hear/feel your heartbeat? Can you make your inhales the same length as your exhales? Can you make each breath longer? Imagine the air as a color coming into your nostrils, swirling as it reaches your lungs, and imagine it dissipating as you breathe it out. If a thought comes to you, acknowledge it and let it go. Your thoughts will still be there waiting for you when you’re finished. Do you feel more calm and relaxed?
Let me know if you’re able to try this breathing meditation, I’d love to hear how you feel about it! Have you meditated before now? Did you like it? Why or why not?
Would you like it if I made some guided meditation videos?
And now for some self portraits! There are also 2 new aerial silks videos! I’m honestly a little embarrassed at how weak I’ve become since I got wrist drop at the end of May (not from doing silks) and haven’t been able to go back regularly until now. BUT! I’m sure my muscle memory will help a lot and since I’ve built the muscle and strength before I know I can do it again. I’ll just not look as cool doing silks for a little while until I get back into shape. It shouldn’t take way too long though because I’m going at least twice a week again! Yay! <3
All members have access to this complete 80 image self portrait photoset by clicking here.
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Singingsiren44 in the Rocky Mountains
CAPTION FOR VIDEO ABOVE:
Hi hello! Earth Day was yesterday, and I spent a lot of my day outside and also looking at and watching videos and photos that I took on my big road trip last summer, so it was nice to connect with different parts of the earth in that way.
This week I’m sharing a photoset that I took of my friend Singingsiren44 (you can find them on instagram). ((In the video I said their pronouns are both her and them, I should have double checked first because they now only use they/them pronouns!))
We had only been following each other online and had never met in person, and when I was announcing where I was going on my trip they offered for me to stay with them so that was super wonderful and generous, and I really enjoyed spending time with them and I spent a few days there. One of the days we drove out to the Rocky Mountains and just found a place to park off the side of the road and ran into the woods and climbed down this hill and found a river and hung out next to it for a while and took photos all around in the woods and the rocks and the river. It was a really great day, and I took a bunch of photos of them doing self care out there. It was a really good time, I really enjoyed it, I made a new friend. We had never met and I thought it was pretty magickal that we got along so well and it was very generous for them to let me stay there, so I really appreciated that.
This week I have felt very slow and quiet and not very motivated to do very much. I think part of that is this new life that we’re living under quarantine, and part of it is probably also because I’m realizing that I need to give myself the space to do nothing. I have felt for a really long time that I have to constantly be doing things in order to be “productive” and “valuable” as a person. And that’s not true, I’m valuable as a person because I exist. So I’m trying to release as much of the internalized capitalism that’s within me as much as I can, and recognize that my value is not based on my productivity and that I don’t have to always be doing things, or know what the next thing is. At this point I’m kinda so in between where I was and where I want to be, and I don’t even know where I want to be yet, so I’m in this liminal space of knowing that I don’t want to stay where I was and moving toward something different, but I don’t know what my goals are, I don’t know where I’m heading toward or what the next step is. So, really the only thing for me to do is sit in it and feel it, and let whatever is supposed to come up, come up. Let my dreams make themselves known to me. That’s kinda hard because I’m a fire sign, I’m as Sagittarius (with a Virgo rising) so I feel like I need to do stuff, and be productive, and go on with my life and have a plan and work towards that goal and plan.
I’m in a place where I don’t have very many goals other than keeping up with my weekly computer stuff for yall and my twice a week live videos. I’m glad that I have those recurring obligations that I’ve created for myself to create something, and I’m just letting that be what I do right now. Since I’m not really sure what direction I want to go in, I feel like moving in any direction right now is kinda fruitless because it’s not with my whole heart, it’s just like I’m doing a thing because I feel like I have to do it. That’s not a heart centered, inspired thing to do. So life is complicated. I feel like I need to figure things out and I know that I can’t necessarily figure them all out at once.
I’m occupying my time with the Explore More Summit that’s going on right now. I’m watching at least one of those videos… almost every day. It’s a 10 day summit with therapists and educators, and so many people that I really value their thoughts and opinions on things. It’s been really nice to see what comes up in me when I watch these videos from other people. Maybe that will spark some inspiration for me. I’m trying to not be too frustrated with myself, allowing myself to get out of bed at noon, read a book, have breakfast, spend some time outside, not be “productive”. It’s hard, but I’m working on it, and I’m still getting my weekly necessary things done, so that’s nice. Balance is kinda hard for me to find, because I feel like, up until this point, and maybe even still, I haven’t really had that much balance, I’ve overworked myself for years and years, and maybe my frustration with slowing down and not being productive is a remnant of my internalized capitalistic bullshit that’s not really mine.
I appreciate yall being here, and spending this time with me every week, and caring about what I have to say, and supporting me through all the changes. I’m really excited for May 1st when I discontinue the photo membership and everybody that’s currently in photo memberships are going to be upgraded for video. Pretty excited about that, I’m excited to make memberships less complicated for everyone involved. Also, photo people are getting an upgrade so that’s cool. Upgrade for free, or the price you already pay for photo. That’s a super great deal and I’m really happy to be able to do that for yall. Especially since yall have been instrumental in me being able to live my life and still have a job during all of this. So I appreciate you so much. I look forward to spending time with you twice a week, Mondays and Thursdays. I don’t have a whole lot to say today, so I just wanted to say I love you!
Photo members: click here to view the full photoset of Singingsiren44 in the Rocky Mountains during my cross country road trip
Video members: click here to view the BTS video
First Look members: click here to view the photoset of Tiffany Helms in abandoned ruins on Bainbridge Island & click here to view the BTS videos -
FREE ARCHIVED BLOG & PHOTOSET
I originally wrote this for Patreon on January 13th 2017. I no longer use Patreon and have replaced it with my website (here) but thought I would share some of my old blogs with you for FREE to show my appreciation for you visiting my website! <3
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Happy Friday the 13th! Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events is live on Netflix today, aren’t you excited! I know what I’m doing after I finish this blog post…. hehe.
I had an epiphany today that I should have had a long time ago BUT at least I had it, right? I plan on looking at social media in a different way, through a different lens, from a new perspective. I will start using it as a tool for learning instead of it being a giant time waster. I’m totally guilty of scrolling, but I want my scrolling to lead me to more knowledge instead of just more photos of the same thing and more people complaining about stuff. I am going to take the time to sift through all of the people I follow and only follow those who share knowledge about things I’m interested in and who post content that inspires me. I want quality, not quantity. I plan on making a calendar of topics that I want to research for a week or two (or more, depending on the topic), and have that topic be “in the spotlight” for that timeframe. When I’m on social media I will only look for and at information about whatever the current topic is. Once I feel like I know enough about it I will share my knowledge with you! Then I’ll start on the next topic. =]
I just posted a poll to see what y’all think is more interesting, please go check it out and answer! I would love to know what you think. I will use the results of the poll to decide what to learn about first!
Here are two new self portrait sets for you! Hope you enjoy them! <3
All members have access to this complete 21 image self portrait photoset by clicking here.
All members have access to this complete 73 image self portrait photoset on a NOLA balcony by clicking here.
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Sura & Shawnna Lee
CAPTION FOR ABOVE VIDEO:
Hi friends! I actually have my camera set up on a surface so I have my hands! And it’s not gonna be jiggly, so yay! This week I’m sharing with you a photoset that I took of Sura & Shawnna Lee at a nude beach outside of Portland Oregon, during the nude beach gathering that I shared with you last weekend. We took these next to/inside of this structure that we found on the beach, it was really beautiful. It was such a fun time! This was after the group stuff we did at the beginning, we split off into our own little groups, and me and one or two other photographers photographed Sura & Shawnna at this wooden structure that was already on the beach, so it was a beautiful wonderful fun time! I’m also playing ball with Pax. I’ve already talked about the nude beach gathering so I don’t feel like I have much to talk about it, plus I have one or two photosets from that day to still share with you, the big group one where we had the cuddle pile so I’m excited about that one. That one’s coming very soon.My time right now, so today is Thursday, and I’m sharing all of this stuff on Saturday like usual, so I’m feeling MUCH better than last week. I tend to forget how awful I feel emotionally right before I start my period, so I’m in a deep dark hole of my mind for a while, then I start bleeding and I feel a thousand times better. So here I am feeling a thousand times better. I started bleeding a day or two after I made the last video and immediately started feeling so much better. I should remember this, it happens every month, so I shouldn’t have that hard of a time remembering, but I’m so in my feels that I forget that it’s a monthly thing and it’s going to pass, I just feel like shit because I’m going to start my period. Hehe Pax loves to play ball, I’ll show you. Are you gonna drop it? There you go! So that’s what I’m doing today, is playing ball with Pax and getting all of your content ready for this weekend.
So… yeah I feel way better. I’m actually planning some online interviews with model friends of mine, actually modelographers, so far everyone’s a model and photographer. Right now I have something coming up on Sunday, so the day after this is posted it’ll be tomorrow. We haven’t completely ironed out a time yet, but I’ll post it on my IG. It’ll be an IG live, where we’re together in the IG live, not in person, but split screen I think. I haven’t actually done a 2 person live before so I’m excited about that, we’ll see how that works. We’re going to be interviewing each other and talking about our art and our feelings probably, so I’m excited about that. I have another friend model/photographer that we just started talking about it today, so hopefully we’ll be doing an interview in the coming weeks, don’t know when yet. (Okay I’ll throw the ball…. ready? ready? He’s so cute!) So I’m excited for that, I have more things online for yall. I don’t know where I’ll do the second one yet, but I know the first one with my friend Babexland, aka Bette Machete, you’ve seen lots of photos of her on my website, because I’ve taken a bunch of photos with her which is super great because she’s local to Charlotte so we’ve been able to get together several times. I’m excited to talk about all kinds of art things with her and hopefully schedule other interviews with other creators. (What do you see Pax? Is it a squirrel? There’s a squirrel in the tree.) Yeah, so that’s kinda all I have going on right now, just planning things to do online to share with people.
If you haven’t watched it yet, I last week, no at the beginning of this week, I did a livestream on my youtube channel about ecosexuality so if you’ve been curious about what that is, if you scroll back through my posts, I posted that video, it’s over an hour long, I just talked about ecosexuality because I have so much to say! So if you’re curious about what ecosexuality is and how I embody that, you can scroll back a bit to watch that video. (CLICK HERE TO WATCH)
Today is Thursday so I have our members only live video gathering coming up tonight, which I’m excited about. I have some ideas for some other videos I want to make, but right now I’m gonna just be winging it for the youtube livestreams. I have more of a plan for the member live chats, I might have them be similar to each other, the Monday and Thursday ones, I haven’t completely decided. I’m just kinda going with how I feel on that day to be honest. I do have the schedule on bunnyluna.com/schedule with a basic overview of what the topics could be, but those are up for change and based on what everybody’s interested in. The video tonight, Thursday, which will have already happened by the time this posts, I’ll be talking about topics and what yall are interested in doing and talking about for the Thursday video gatherings together. I’m excited about that.
I think that’s most of what I have to say. I’m still figuring out what I want to do and how I want to do it. I appreciate yall being here and going on this journey with me. I want to go more in the metaphysical direction, and the healing direction, and the feelings direction. I don’t want to just focus on photography. I love photography, but I feel like I have a lot more to say than just “hey here are my photos” so I’m excited to share all of that with you. I appreciate yall being here and I love you so much and I look forward to spending all of these Thursday evenings with you! I think that’s all for today! I love you! Thank you for being here with me! I literally could not do this without you, I appreciate you so much! MWAH!
Photo members: click here to view the full photoset of Sura & Shawnna Lee at a nude beach outside of Portland Oregon
Video members: click here to view the BTS video & click here to watch this month’s nude yoga video
First Look members: click here to view the self portrait photoset at the edge of the world in Colorado National Monument & click here to view the 4 short inspirational videos -
FREE ARCHIVED BLOG & PHOTOSET
I originally wrote this for Patreon on January 7th 2017. I no longer use Patreon and have replaced it with my website (here) but thought I would share some of my old blogs with you for FREE to show my appreciation for you visiting my website! <3
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When it snows here in NC everything shuts down. Schools close early in the face of predicted snow, everyone scrambles to get to the grocery store and buy all of the bread and milk (I guess for milk sandwiches?), and we all hunker down for a couple of days while only the bravest of us with the biggest trucks attempt to venture out into the horrifying whiteness that is NC winter weather. We don’t get snow every year, but the past few years we have gotten it once or twice each winter. The worst thing about NC snow is that it’s usually accompanied by ice. There is almost always a layer of ice either below or above the snow, or both, which makes it pretty treacherous to drive or walk in. I’m usually the one complaining when people talk about predicted winter weather. I hate being cold and really don’t enjoy snow and ice. It’s pretty when everything is all white and pristine but when it snows I just want it to disappear in about 8 hours when the magic has worn off so that we can get back to our lives.
It snowed last night (after lots of freezing rain so of course there’s ice), so instead of going to visit my parents like I had planned to I’m stuck in the house for the weekend. I’ll look at it as a good thing though, that means I have a lot of stuff I can get done! I can’t wait to show you the newest self portrait set I just took! I’ll probably have it ready for next week’s post.
Today I’m sharing the photos I’ve taken of NikNak & Marianna Lane. I have photos from a few different sets of each of them in the galleries for you to enjoy!
Marianna Lane:
All members have access to this complete 25 image photoset of NikNak by clicking here.
All members have access to this complete 29 image photoset of Marianna Lane by clicking here.
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Nude Beach Gathering!
Captions for the video above:
Hey friends! So this week I’m sharing a couple different photosets from the nude beach gathering that I hosted/facilitated last summer outside of Portland Oregon at a nude beach there. There were I think 8 or 9 of us and it was really fun, it was an experience like no other. We all met up at the nude beach and we brought blankets and whatever snacks we wanted, there was a bunch of fruit there, some people brought flowers, so people brought things that we wanted. We hung out and got to know each other for a while. Once everybody got there I started off with a mini meditation and we talked about what part we wanted to play in the photo-making and what we wanted to do and what ideas we had and it was really great. It’s funny because we hung out for so long that it was starting to get to sunset so we were like “okay we should shoot now!” We started off in the big group in the sunset light next to the water and did some group photos together there, then we split off into mini groups, and then at the end we all got back together to do the big cuddle pile. Those photos I’ll be sharing with you in a few weeks because that is going to be a post of it’s own, there’s a bunch of photos from that set and they’re amazing. These are pretty much all of the other photos. I took 1 roll of film. It was kinda overwhelming trying to do all of the things, like facilitating the gathering, being a photographer, being a model… so I ended up just taking 1 roll of film of the group. I’m sharing some photos that other people took, like my friend Ambivalent Ann who I posted photos of her last week, she took a bunch of really awesome photos, and Shawnna Lee took several really cool behind the scenes photos. It was an amazing time, a really wonderful gathering of people. There were only one or two people that I had ever met before that, most of them were new to me, they were friends of friends, or that were recommended to me, or people that I had followed for a while. It was great to meet with a bunch of people that I didn’t really know but we all connected pretty deeply. It was really wonderful getting to know all of these creative people and spending time with them and relaxing on the beach. It was a really beautiful day and I’m so thankful that I was able to do that. It’s times like these in the middle of a pandemic that I super miss those kinds of interactions with people and I am really super thankful that I was able to do all of these kinds of things before this happened. So that’s the photoset that I’m sharing with you this week!
In terms of my life right now… to be honest I’m kinda in this weird place emotionally, I’ve cried basically every day for the last week. I don’t know, I’m still figuring things out. I feel like I’m in transition still and there’s a lot of changes that I know will be coming up but I don’t know what those are. I feel like I’m not as excited about modeling anymore, it’s been like that for a while. I do want to be like… the representative model for non binary people because most models are cis women, and they’re usually skinny and white, and I know I fit into some of that category, but I don’t know, I’m kinda torn between wanting to just not pressure myself at all about modeling because it’s not been something I’ve been excited about, but then also I want to be that representation in the world because there’s not a lot of non binary representation. So I might continue modeling, but only for self portraits. Which, I mean, I haven’t taken any photos since September or November. The last time I was taking photos on a semi regular basis was September, and I did one photoshoot in November, and other than that I haven’t shot anything, and it’s mid April. I haven’t really been creative in months! It kinda feels weird but it’s also kinda relieving because I feel like I’m not pressuring myself to do these things that I’m not super excited about, but it’s something that I worry about because I want to still have content for yall! But I don’t want to force myself because if I do then the content isn’t going to be as good, I want to be inspired and for it to come from my heart and at this point I’m not and it wouldn’t be coming from my heart if I just made myself take photos. It’s easier for me lately to make videos than anything, which is why I’ve just continued to do that and why I’m going in the direction of video instead of just photos here on my website. Life is weird yall, I don’t know if I’m just kinda going into a depressive state during quarantine, or maybe it would’ve been happening anyway, I kinda think that it was, it’s just kinda being highlighted and more obvious during quarantine because I’m just sitting here with my emotions. I don’t want to let yall down, but I also am not going to force myself to make things if I’m not inspired and I’m not excited about it and it’s not something that’s coming from my heart. I’m being gentle with myself, I’m acknowledging that I’m feeling this way, and not pressuring myself to do things that I’m not really wanting to do.
I’m super thankful for all of yall for being here through all of these transitions and changes and fluctuations. I feel like I’m still constantly figuring myself out. I mean, I’m 30 years old and I still don’t know what I want to do with my life. That feels kinda weird, but I mean, I’m not going to force it, because that would be worse. I’m glad that yall are allowing me to figure it out as I go. I really appreciate yalls understanding and patience with me. I know that I will continue to have things to share with you, it just may not always be nude art. And that’s okay, because I can’t force that, I don’t want to force that, it would be disingenuous and the quality wouldn’t be there if I was forcing it. I’ll continue to share all of these things that I’ve been holding onto, especially from last year, I made sooo much on my cross country road trip that I haven’t shared with you yet. I randomly keep finding self portraits that I took years ago that I forgot about. I have a lot of stuff that’s just like sitting on the back burner, ready for me to share with you, so I’ll continue to do that until I have none of it left. I’m continuing to make videos, and you’ll always at least have something new every week. Like I said last week, I have photosets to share with you at least through early to mid June, maybe even longer than that. I still have a bunch of photosets to edit from my cross country road trip that are self portraits.
Yeah, I’m in transition, it’s weird, I don’t know what the end goal is. I feel like I’m kinda floating in space. I don’t really know what I’m doing or where I’m going, and I’m just trusting that the process will take me where I’m supposed to be. That’s weird and scary. I keep getting these messages that I just need to trust, and do my process, and let things happen, and that’s the way that they should happen. So even though it’s weird and scary, I’m trusting that. I hope that quarantine and self isolation has been gentler with you than it has with me! I know that we all have things that we’re all struggling with, and this pandemic and self quarantine is bringing out a lot of things and a lot of emotions from all of us.
I really appreciate those of you who joined us, me and my mom, for the Holding Space on Monday and Thursday. I’m actually recording this Thursday morning so I’m just going to assume that some of yall will be joining us this evening, since I know yall won’t be seeing this til Saturday. Monday’s was really good and I’m working on holding space for myself and holding space for the future that I don’t know what it will be like, and just trusting that things will turn out the way they should. Whether or not I will continue to take photos is part of that process. I don’t think that I’ll ever truly stop taking photos altogether, but right now it just doesn’t feel super great to do it for my job I guess, I don’t know, it feels like I’m separating myself from you somehow if I’m just doing photos and sharing them. Which is why I’m focusing on the video aspect of this because I feel like I can connect with you so much better. Yeah, life is weird, I’m just trying to embrace all of the feelings, go with the flow, and follow my heart, and do what I feel is best for me and for you.
Thank you for being here with me. I love you so much! I appreciate you sticking with me through all of these transitions. I know I have a lot to share with you, I just don’t know what all it is right now, and that’s okay, I trust that everything will turn out the way it’s supposed to. I love you. Thank you.
Photos by Ambivalent Ann:
Photos by Shawnna Lee:
Photo members: click here to view the full photoset that I took, click here for the photoset taken by Ambivalent Ann, click here for the BTS photoset taken by Shawnna Lee
Video members: click here to view the BTS video
First Look members: click here to view the self portrait photoset during sunrise on the canyon rim at Colorado National Monument -
FREE ARCHIVED BLOG & PHOTOSET
I originally wrote this for Patreon on January 1st 2017. I no longer use Patreon and have replaced it with my website (here) but thought I would share some of my old blogs with you for FREE to show my appreciation for you visiting my website! <3
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First post of 2017! Thanks for sticking around, it means so much to me!
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about where I would like to go with Patreon and what changes I can make to expand my creativity and my knowledge of the metaphysical and share as much of it as possible with you.
I’m still mulling over some ideas but would love to hear your input! Would you be interested in different kinds of rewards? Postcard sets, sticker sets, ask me anything videos once a month, monthly one on one Skype hangouts? Please let me know your thoughts! I’m all ears. =]
And because I love lists… Intentions for this year:
More traveling
More artistic collaborations
Learning more about everything metaphysical
Go back to aerial silks
Spend more time creating and less time on the computer
Save up as much money as possible and buy a van before the end of the year (to build it into a campervan next year!)What are your intentions for this year?
TODAY (April 7 2020) is a full moon, so here’s a full moon ritual I shared on my patreon back in January 2017!
::Full moon ritual::
On the night of the full moon (or as close to it as you can get), think about what you would like to end, to get rid of, to let go, to release. What no longer serves you? What is weighing you down? What is in excess that you need to shake off in order to be lighter (not only physically lighter, but emotionally & spiritually)? Write down all of those things that you want to end. Make a list, write a letter, stream of consciousness, word vomit on a piece of paper, a napkin, the back of an envelope, whatever you have. Get a lighter or matches or whatever you want to use to create a fire. Take your paper/napkin/envelope and your lighter/matches outside (if there’s no fire ban in your area, please be safe, no forest fires!). Think about all those things you want to end, to let go of, to release. Light your list of all of those things and while it burns, imagine them ending, leaving, drifting away with the tiny pieces of paper that scorch and burn and disappear. Take a deep breath and let it out, all the way out. Feel yourself become lighter as those things that no longer serve you float away into the dark sky to never return.
All members have access to this complete 104 image self portrait photoset by clicking here.