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Tiffany Helms in the Ruins
CAPTION FOR VIDEO ABOVE:
Hi friends! So this week the photos that I’m sharing with you are photos that I took with Tiffany Helms, you saw a photoset I think it was 2 weeks ago that I shared with you of her. We took I think it was 3 or 4 different photosets so this is another photoset from that same day. These are the photos that we took in this ruins place that we hiked to that was really cool. I don’t exactly know what it used to be, but it was this cool place on Bainbridge Island. We parked… so we drove like 5-10 mins from her house on Bainbridge Island and parked at a parking lot for a park and walked around and went to this spot and it was awesome! We took a bunch of photos there and I actually also have some photos to share with you on another date, another time, that Tiffany’s partner Jeff Waters took of me and some of them Tiffany is also in. This is when I had really long hair and Tiffany also has long blonde hair so we looked very similar. We also are around the same size and height and stuff so that was pretty cool, I’ll share those with you later. These photos are photos I took of her in this ruins area. I think they’re super awesome and I love them and there’s this huge cool tree and it was just fun exploring this place so I’m excited to share those with you. There’s some BTS video and stuff too.
I think… I think this week the first look stuff that I’m sharing is a photoset that was taken by Kara Perry of Embodoe (on instagram) with a roll of my images from my trip last summer, double exposures, so I took this roll of landscapes and Kara double exposed over it with her friend Embodoe, I think her name is Emily? But her IG name is Embodoe so that’s the name I’m going to be using especially since I’m going to be tagging her in this so you can go to her page and look at all the things. I think these photos are super awesome. Embodoe was wearing lingerie that was handmade here in NC by WhiskeyDog Wares so if you need some handmade underwear things or lingerie, totally check WhiskeyDog Wares out, her stuff is amazing. There’s also a couple other photosets that Kara took with my landscape film, double exposures that she took of other models wearing WhiskeyDog Wares that I’ll be sharing with you in the future also. They’re super awesome. I love Kara, I love WhiskeyDog Wares, I’m really excited that they were using some of my film for that.
What else do I want to share with you? I’ve had a weird couple of days, the full moon on Monday… I don’t know, has me feeling kinda weird. I’ve felt very stuck this week and like I want to just sit around and not do anything. I’m going to sit down. Yeah I’ve felt stuck this week, I’ve felt like I don’t know what direction I want to go in, I don’t know what my goals are. It’s been great to slow down on the live things online so I can recalibrate and figure out where I want my time to go. Yeah I’m still figuring that out. I don’t know where I want my time to go. I’ve been working on a special secret project with Lior and Roarie this week. I don’t want to talk to much about it in case things… you know… but, enough about that. Conscious Creativity was INCREDIBLE and exceeded my expectations. That was last weekend on Saturday. If you joined us I am so thankful that you did, and I would love to hear from you on how it went for you and what your thoughts are on it, what you liked, what you didn’t like, what you’d like to see more of, anything you’d like to change. I had an incredible time, we planned it for 2 hours and it ended up being 3. I was blown away with all of the vulnerable sharing that everyone did and the discussion that we had and the valuable conversation and empathy that we had with each other. The way that we… everyone was so respectful of each other and valued each other as humans and it was so wonderful and I super loved all of the movement things we did together. I think that was a really fun way to connect online even though we’re not in person, still being in our bodies is great and it’s something that I want to continue doing.
I’m not sure what’s coming up for the future still, I probably will never know, but I’m glad that I have the time and space now to really feel into what works for me. At this point I don’t know what that is yet, but I have the time and space to figure that out. I’m thankful for yall for being here with me. If you have anything that you’d like to contribute in terms of ideas or recommendations or comments about how I run this website, about how I show up online. I’m definitely really open to that. I value your input and I value your thoughts and preferences and I definitely want to consider that in the things that I do. I really appreciate all of you for being here with me and for continuing to show up every week and for supporting me and for enjoying the work that I put out. I really don’t know what’s next, I really don’t. I definitely want to do more events, more workshops, more group things. Obviously online is accessible and offline in person is a little out of reach at the moment with the state of the world, but I would really like to in the future open it back up to in person events again, because those are so transformative and incredible and I get so much out of those and I know that the people who participate in in person events really get a lot out of them too. So yeah, if you have anything to share with me about your experience here on my website as a member, your experience as a participant in any of the events I’ve put on, I’d love to hear what you have to say. If you have any ideas that you’d love to see from me, let me know. I do plan on doing more video content, I don’t know exactly what that means yet. I think I’d really like to make some mediation and relaxation kindof videos. I have a lot of nature video content that I could use for relaxing ASMR nature meditation chill video things, which is what I’m kinda thinking about recently. Yeah I’d love to have your feedback. I love you, thank you for being on this journey with me, and I’ll talk to you next week. =]
Video members:
click here to view the full photoset of Tiffany Helms at an abandoned location on Bainbridge Island during my cross country road trip last summer
click here to view the BTS video + photosFirst Look members:
click here to view the photoset of Embodoe wearing WhiskeyDog Wares taken by Kara Perry double exposed over images I took of Wyoming and NC waterfalls
click here to view the videos from a walk through the woods -
FREE ARCHIVED BLOG & PHOTOSET
I originally wrote this for Patreon on April 29th 2017. I no longer use Patreon and have replaced it with my website (here) but thought I would share some of my old blogs with you for FREE to show my appreciation for you visiting my website! <3
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This week I just want to share a ton of positive affirmations with you. <3
I awaken each morning with happiness and gratitude.
I find joy in everything that I do.
I love to share laughter with others.
By allowing myself to be happy, I inspire others to be happy as well.
Happiness is my natural state of being.
I am able to be completely myself in my relationship.
I communicate my desires and needs clearly and confidently.
I know exactly what I need to do to achieve success.
I am capable of anything I set my mind to.
I never lose, I either learn or I win.
I easily find solutions to challenges and move past them quickly.
I live in the present and am confident in the future.
I love change and easily adjust myself to new situations.
I always see the good in others.
I attract positive confident people.
I love myself deeply and completely.
I know that I am worthy of the best things in life.
I fill my mind with positive and nourishing thoughts.
I trust myself and know that my inner wisdom is my best guide.
I nourish my body with healthy food.
Every cell in my body vibrates with energy and good health.
Every inhale brings in positive energy, every exhale expels negativity.
I surround myself with peaceful, loving people.
I release past anger and hurt and attract peace, love, and joy.
I am grateful for this moment and find joy in it.
I am here now.
I am fully present in all of my relationships.
I release the past and live fully in the present.
All is well in my world.
I love you, you’re the absolute best. <3 Enjoy these self portraits with my sister Gemini.
All members have access to the complete 51 image photoset by clicking here & the complete 38 image photoset by clicking here.
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FREE ARCHIVED BLOG & PHOTOSET
I originally wrote this for Patreon on April 15th 2017. I no longer use Patreon and have replaced it with my website (here) but thought I would share some of my old blogs with you for FREE to show my appreciation for you visiting my website! <3
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I have been passing this abandoned house for months and months and just drooling over it because I know it’s abandoned and it’s GOT to be awesome inside. The downside is it’s right on a busy road and is very visible all around it, so I’ve been chicken to scout it out because I don’t want to get caught.
Fast forward to a couple weeks ago my friend Colorvibes, a local model & photographer, posted a photo from inside an abandoned house asking who wanted to model in it for her. I of course volunteered and we scheduled a day that weekend to shoot. Guess which abandoned house it was?! THE ONE I’VE BEEN ITCHING TO GET INTO FOR MONTHS! (Law of attraction, man it really freakin works)
She showed me around the house, which was bigger inside than I thought it would be, and we took photos in several of the rooms. Three rooms in particular really stuck out to me, one with a huge set of windows that still had sheer curtains on them, one with pink walls and teal carpet, and a room upstairs that had a bunch of paint cans all over the floor. I also really really love the front porch, ivy is starting to take over and it’s so pretty and green. We had to be pretty careful out there though, the front faces the busy road so we had to make sure nobody was looking. I took a couple of behind the scenes timelapses for you, and colorvibes is awesome and agreed to take some Instax for you too!
All members have access to this complete 44 image photoset by clicking here.
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Art Nuance & Evyenia Karapolous
Video members now have access to:
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vlog with the story behind these photosets with Nuance Artistry and Evyenia Karapolous
- 16 image complete photoset in the studio
- 6 image complete photoset with Evyenia
- 22 image complete photoset at the abandoned Mill
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6 BTS videos
- 20 minute nude yoga video
First Look members now have access to:
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everything above
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15 BTS photos from Roarie Yum‘s shoot with PhotoWyse
- 9 BTS videos from Roarie & PhotoWyse’s shoot
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Art Nuance & Evyenia Karapolous
CAPTION FOR VIDEO ABOVE:
Hello! So… gosh weeks go by so fast now. This week I’m sharing I think it’s 3 photosets actually, that I have modeled for, for my friend Nuance Artistry. One of the sets is in a studio, one of the sets is in an abandoned mill, and the other set is with another model. I always say her name wrong. I can spell it really well, but I don’t know if I’m going to say it right so I’m sorry. Evyenia Karapolous, she goes by a different name in real life, that’s her modeling name so I just call her the name that she goes by in real life but that’s not her modeling name. I think these are really great, these are older sets taken probably… 2 more more years ago now. Which feels weird, because time is really really weird.
I think the stuff that’s going into first look is the last time I saw Roarie Yum in person. They modeled for a photographer friend of mine PhotoWyse and I took some behind the scenes stuff and that’s what I’m sharing in First Look is the behind the scenes stuff that I took of Roarie during their shoot with Terry. I’m also sharing to video people the nude yoga video for this month! So yay.
I dont have a lot to say today, I feel like…. so I think I might switch up my schedule again in terms of what I’m doing during the week. I don’t know. Because after July I don’t have very much planned. On Mondays on youtube I’m doing that ecosexual series, and that’ll be finished in 2 weeks I think. I don’t really have anything planned for after that so I might take a break on that. I’ve really been enjoying the Thursday group hangout member gathering things, the video hangouts, but I also feel like maybe I should have more structure around it or change it up for something else. I haven’t decided. I feel like I’m perpetually switching up what I want to do. So I appreciate that yall want to hang around! I for sure am going to do the members hangout this week, which by the time you get this will have already happened because it’s tonight, Thursday night, not Saturday when this is going to be uploaded. Part of me wants to pause those for a little bit and recalibrate. I started doing them kindof at the beginning of quarantine as a way to stay connected, and they’ve been really fun, but at the same time… it’s just hanging out. And I feel like I want more than that, but I also don’t know exactly what I want that to be. But I also know that I want to have time for expanding things in the future like maybe teaching courses, queer hangouts, trans support group… I don’t know! I might switch stuff up, I might slow down or have more structure to or cancel or change the schedule for the group chats. I just know that something isn’t quite how I want it to be yet and I just don’t know where I want to go yet. I change so much! I’m glad that I’m not stagnant and stuck in the same thing over and over again, but I am noticing the need for change, I’m just not quite in the place where I know what that is yet.
I probably will no longer model for photographers, at least for a while, unless they’re like queer and/or trans people. I haven’t really wanted to model in a while and it just feels like another way for people to consume me in a way that is not really me. Because my naked body most people think (some flying thing just came into my space)… my naked body gets attention from people that I don’t necessarily want attention from, and I definitely don’t want sexual attention from like anybody. I feel like if I’m less naked (AHH what’s with the bugs today! there was a bug that was crawling on my foot!) I feel like if I’m less naked on the internet I’ll get less attention in the ways that I don’t want. I also feel like me being naked on the internet is a good chunk of the reason why people give me money and how I can pay my rent so that’s complicated. I definitely want to switch to a more queer trans ecosexual healing kindof platform, but I don’t know how to do that in a way that I’m still sustaining my self financially. I just know that I have way too many cis straight men who follow me and want to work with me, and that’s not really the like… I mean I love all of you people who are here of course… but in terms of new people finding me I’d much rather them be queer or trans or women or you know… not cis straight men. Sorry. Queer people are my people! Trans people are my people! Ecosexual people are my people! Cis straight men are not really my people. I have some wonderful cis straight men in my life that I super appreciate and love a whole lot, but in terms of the audience that I want to gather around myself and the community I want to create around myself and my business is not going to be catered to cis straight men and they are not the people I want to gather around me in large quantities. Because most of them probably see me as a woman and probably see me as somebody they want to have sex with and I do not want either of those things from them. Maybe that’s me not having enough faith in cis straight men to understand my queerness and to not objectify me and sexualize me, but based on my 30 years of life experience, I don’t have a lot of faith in cis straight men doing those things, unfortunately.
I just don’t know what to do to change things to be more of what I want them to be. I guess I just need to show up in the way that is authentic to myself and that will draw the right people around me because if I’m myself then more people like me will find me. I just feel like, I don’t want my work to be centered around…. okay so I love nudity and I DO want my work to be centered around nudity, but I want it to be centered around nudity in a non-sexual way that is healing and affirming and inclusive and NOT in a sexual or exploitative or objectifying in any way. I don’t know, I just know things need to change and I’m not exactly sure what that is yet or what that means. I just appreciate yall being here along for the ride. I’m always changing so my website is always changing and the things I’m doing are always changing. So I appreciate you being here in whatever capacity you’re here, if you’re a cis straight man I hope I didn’t make you too upset. Maybe go through my youtube and look at all my ecosexual stuff and in my resources here on my website I have a video on gender and sexuality that’s over an hour long. So if some of the queerness things are intriguing to you, I have resources already that I would love for you to check out, that’s more of my face talking to you!
I think it’s kinda interesting that… I was looking at some of the videos that I made last summer during my cross country road trip and I was thinking about how different I am from the person that I was last year and it’s made me a little bit sad because I was so much happier last summer when I was in all the nature. Here now is like, quarantine and stress and isolation and stuckness and a lot of numbness so I don’t quite know how to reconcile that and I realize that the whole entire planet is going through a lot right now with all of the oppression and fear and all the bullshit. It makes sense that I’m not the same happy person that I was last year. I also miss that person! I miss being completely overjoyed by rounding a corner and finding some vast amazing landscape, I miss being able to get in my van and just GO and stop anywhere and hang out and not worry about germs and play naked in a pile with other naked people and hang out and cuddle. I just… you probably feel it too. Everything’s harder this year. Thanks 2020!
I just want to find a way that I can share and affirm and honor queerness and transness and uplift that, and heal through that. I’m not quite sure what that means yet, but I’m working in that direction. Thank you for exploring existence with me. I love you, thank you for being here, I appreciate you so much. Bye!
Video members:
click here to view the full studio photoset with Nuance Artistry
click here for the abandoned mill photoset
click here for the photoset with Evyenia Karapolous
click here to view the BTS videos
click here to view the nude yoga video for JulyFirst Look members:
click here to view the BTS photos & videos from Roarie Yum‘s shoot with PhotoWyse -
FREE ARCHIVED BLOG & PHOTOSET
I originally wrote this for Patreon on April 8th 2017. I no longer use Patreon and have replaced it with my website (here) but thought I would share some of my old blogs with you for FREE to show my appreciation for you visiting my website! <3
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Mercury retrograde starts tomorrow and continues until May 3rd. This might be why I feel like I’ve been in a funk lately! What is Mercury retrograde and why should I care about it? When a planet is in retrograde it appears to be moving backward in its orbit as viewed from Earth. Retrograde comes from the Latin term “retrogradus” which means “backward step.” The planets, moon, sun, and stars all affect things that happen here on Earth, and Mercury (named after the Greek messenger god) governs communication and transportation. When Mercury is in retrograde its positive influence is turned into more of a “negative” one. Since Mercury governs communication, transportation, and everything that goes along with it (contracts, business, documents, shipping, travel…) you will notice that those things tend to fall apart or become chaotic when Mercury is in retrograde. Things might get lost in the mail, a business meeting may go terribly wrong, or your car might break down. Astrologers recommend to not make any important plans or moves during Mercury retrograde because they most likely will not go well. I have a friend who won’t get any work done on his car, make any plans, or make any major purchases during Mercury retrograde. Pay attention to how things go for you now until May 3rd to see how Mercury retrograde affects you.
Venus, Jupiter, and Saturn are currently in retrograde. If you’d like to read more about what these planets affect when they are in retrograde, check out these links for Venus, Jupiter, and Saturn. If you’d like to see where all the planets currently are I like this website.
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The sets I’m sharing today are from our time in San Antonio! My sister Gemini and I took SO MANY self portraits together at the airbnb we stayed at. There are a total of 7 sets, I haven’t even been able to go through all of them yet! I’ll be sharing a couple of sets at a time over the next several weeks. I really love them and I’m excited to show you all of them! We took all but one set in the back yard, there were a couple of interesting barns that made for wonderful backdrops. We were lucky and there was a privacy fence so the nearby neighbors had no idea! There was a guy fixing a roof a few houses away that might have seen us though….
All members have access to the complete 38 image photoset by clicking here, and the complete 50 image photoset by clicking here.
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Singingsiren44 in the Rocky Mountains
CAPTION FOR VIDEO ABOVE:
Hi hello! Earth Day was yesterday, and I spent a lot of my day outside and also looking at and watching videos and photos that I took on my big road trip last summer, so it was nice to connect with different parts of the earth in that way.
This week I’m sharing a photoset that I took of my friend Singingsiren44 (you can find them on instagram). ((In the video I said their pronouns are both her and them, I should have double checked first because they now only use they/them pronouns!))
We had only been following each other online and had never met in person, and when I was announcing where I was going on my trip they offered for me to stay with them so that was super wonderful and generous, and I really enjoyed spending time with them and I spent a few days there. One of the days we drove out to the Rocky Mountains and just found a place to park off the side of the road and ran into the woods and climbed down this hill and found a river and hung out next to it for a while and took photos all around in the woods and the rocks and the river. It was a really great day, and I took a bunch of photos of them doing self care out there. It was a really good time, I really enjoyed it, I made a new friend. We had never met and I thought it was pretty magickal that we got along so well and it was very generous for them to let me stay there, so I really appreciated that.
This week I have felt very slow and quiet and not very motivated to do very much. I think part of that is this new life that we’re living under quarantine, and part of it is probably also because I’m realizing that I need to give myself the space to do nothing. I have felt for a really long time that I have to constantly be doing things in order to be “productive” and “valuable” as a person. And that’s not true, I’m valuable as a person because I exist. So I’m trying to release as much of the internalized capitalism that’s within me as much as I can, and recognize that my value is not based on my productivity and that I don’t have to always be doing things, or know what the next thing is. At this point I’m kinda so in between where I was and where I want to be, and I don’t even know where I want to be yet, so I’m in this liminal space of knowing that I don’t want to stay where I was and moving toward something different, but I don’t know what my goals are, I don’t know where I’m heading toward or what the next step is. So, really the only thing for me to do is sit in it and feel it, and let whatever is supposed to come up, come up. Let my dreams make themselves known to me. That’s kinda hard because I’m a fire sign, I’m as Sagittarius (with a Virgo rising) so I feel like I need to do stuff, and be productive, and go on with my life and have a plan and work towards that goal and plan.
I’m in a place where I don’t have very many goals other than keeping up with my weekly computer stuff for yall and my twice a week live videos. I’m glad that I have those recurring obligations that I’ve created for myself to create something, and I’m just letting that be what I do right now. Since I’m not really sure what direction I want to go in, I feel like moving in any direction right now is kinda fruitless because it’s not with my whole heart, it’s just like I’m doing a thing because I feel like I have to do it. That’s not a heart centered, inspired thing to do. So life is complicated. I feel like I need to figure things out and I know that I can’t necessarily figure them all out at once.
I’m occupying my time with the Explore More Summit that’s going on right now. I’m watching at least one of those videos… almost every day. It’s a 10 day summit with therapists and educators, and so many people that I really value their thoughts and opinions on things. It’s been really nice to see what comes up in me when I watch these videos from other people. Maybe that will spark some inspiration for me. I’m trying to not be too frustrated with myself, allowing myself to get out of bed at noon, read a book, have breakfast, spend some time outside, not be “productive”. It’s hard, but I’m working on it, and I’m still getting my weekly necessary things done, so that’s nice. Balance is kinda hard for me to find, because I feel like, up until this point, and maybe even still, I haven’t really had that much balance, I’ve overworked myself for years and years, and maybe my frustration with slowing down and not being productive is a remnant of my internalized capitalistic bullshit that’s not really mine.
I appreciate yall being here, and spending this time with me every week, and caring about what I have to say, and supporting me through all the changes. I’m really excited for May 1st when I discontinue the photo membership and everybody that’s currently in photo memberships are going to be upgraded for video. Pretty excited about that, I’m excited to make memberships less complicated for everyone involved. Also, photo people are getting an upgrade so that’s cool. Upgrade for free, or the price you already pay for photo. That’s a super great deal and I’m really happy to be able to do that for yall. Especially since yall have been instrumental in me being able to live my life and still have a job during all of this. So I appreciate you so much. I look forward to spending time with you twice a week, Mondays and Thursdays. I don’t have a whole lot to say today, so I just wanted to say I love you!
Photo members: click here to view the full photoset of Singingsiren44 in the Rocky Mountains during my cross country road trip
Video members: click here to view the BTS video
First Look members: click here to view the photoset of Tiffany Helms in abandoned ruins on Bainbridge Island & click here to view the BTS videos -
Singingsiren44 in the Rocky Mountains
Photo members now have access to:
- vlog with the story behind this photoset of Singingsiren44 in the Rocky Mountains during my cross country road trip
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30 image complete photoset
Video members now have access to:
-
everything above
-
19.5 minutes of BTS video
First Look members now have access to:
-
everything above
-
37 image complete photoset of Tiffany Helms in abandoned ruins on Bainbridge Island
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14 minutes of BTS video
- 7 BTS photos
- 5 short BTS videos
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June St Paul in Joshua Tree
CAPTION FOR VIDEO ABOVE:
Hi friends! This week I’m sharing a photoset that I took last summer in Joshua Tree California (technically we were right outside of Joshua Tree) at an airbnb that was super amazing and fancy. It was me and my friend June St Paul and we took photos in and around the pool at the airbnb that is owned by one of her friends. It was a really cool experience, I really enjoyed spending a few days there and it was beautiful and relaxing and the pool was really fancy and they had just opened the pool. If you want to watch a whole bunch of videos from my trip I still have them all on my website for free (in the free section, the free galleries) you can watch all of the videos I made like every day. It was a really cool experience and I hadn’t seen her in a long time and it was enjoyable.I’m feeling low energy today and I have plans for doing an earth connection meditation for all of yall and maybe a free one for people who aren’t members. Maybe clothed for them and nude for yall because I know I’m safe being nude with yall! I just… I don’t know… thats the thing thats been calling to me the most. I dont know, I have these doubts of myself for some reason and I’m kinda reluctant to schedule things on a regular basis because I don’t want to then feel stuck to that and I don’t want to let people down. Right now I’m in a place where I want to plan things and not do them, or I don’t even want to plan stuff. It’s kinda weird. I donno, it might just be the energy of everything that’s going on that’s effecting that for me. I know that I appreciate yall so much because I’m able to buy groceries and stuff because you’re supporting me because this is my full time thing. I appreciate that so much.
I want to continue doing live gatherings with yall online, I’ve just kinda been in a funk lately with everything going on and I feel like I need to center myself and get back into my body and my heart before I can start sharing stuff with the world. I feel like I haven’t truly honestly spent enough time with and for myself in a really long time, and I’m getting better at that, but I still feel off kilter. Which is kinda weird because I’ve been self quarantining here at home for over a week, almost 2, no not 2 weeks yet. But I’ve spent a lot of time with myself and I keep feeling like I’m not doing enough and then at the same time I don’t want to make plans to do things because I don’t know what I’m going to feel like for the things that I have the plans for or if I’ll actually want to do them and it’s a weird thing.
I know that I for sure have photosets and videos that I can continue to share with yall through early June for sure. I haven’t created anything since like… September. It’s been a long time since I’ve had my camera out. I just haven’t been motivated, I haven’t felt like it, it hasn’t been something that’s been exciting to me or something that I’ve wanted to do for a while and I’m trying to be gentle with myself about it, even though it’s kinda stressing me out at the same time. I know that I need some changes and I’m not quite sure what those are. I feel like videos and actual connection with yall and other people around the world is the direction that I’m heading in, but I just haven’t quite gotten there yet, to knowing what that is for me and how that feels and if that’s… I don’t know. So I’m in a weird place and I feel like a lot of us are in a weird place, so I just wanted to say that if you’re in a weird place that you’re not alone and that this isn’t going to last forever. There’s at least one person that loves you and that person is me.
I have like 3 videos on ecosexuality that I’ve slowly started making. They’re all about 15 minutes or longer, because I can weave ecosexuality into basically any topic and it weaves into everything for me. I feel like that’s the direction that I’m going in, is ecosexuality and healing and connection with each other and the earth is really what’s actually calling me lately. It’s also scary at the same time because I know yall have this expectation of nude art from me, and I love that, and I love making nude art, it’s just not something thats been on the forefront of my mind in a while. Or something that’s been that exciting for me lately. So I don’t really know what that means and I’m trying to be gentle with myself. I’m trying to just let myself do the things that I feel good about, and trust that that’s the direction that I should go in.
So thats… what I have to share with you today I guess. I’m going to be spending some time just… with myself, figuring things out, feeling into all of these feelings that I’ve been repressing for over a year still. It’s hard to just wake up and face yourself and your emotions sometimes. It’s really scary because it feels like… what’s after that? There’s a big abyss of unknown of like, what is my life going to be like if I actually allow myself to feel these feelings because I don’t want it to take me over. And what’s on the other side of that? Yeah, life is weird.
I hope yall are doing good. I hope I haven’t brought you down. I do have some uplifting videos that I’ve previously recorded that I’ll probably share at some point. I just… want to make things that younger me needed, and that younger me wished I knew, and I want to be a sense of support and love for other people and I want to affirm other people in their identities, and that’s the thing that I’ve been most interested in recently. Just being someone that understands and someone that cares about everyone and isn’t judgmental and lets everyone be themselves because that’s who we are supposed to be!
Okay, it’s already been 10 minutes, I need to stop making these really long because it takes me a long time to type them up. Thank you for being here, I love you so much. If you have anything to share with me I’m always open, you can always email me or comment on this post. I love you and thank you for being here and I appreciate you and I’ll talk to you next week. <3
To watch the hundreds of videos I took during my cross country road trip that I mentioned in the video, click here.
Photo members: click here to view the full photoset of June St Paul in Joshua Tree California during my cross country road trip last summer
Video members: click here to view the BTS video
First Look members: click here to view the photoset at an abandoned mill by Nuance Artistry & click here to view the studio photoset by Nuance Artistry & click here to view the photoset with Evyenia Karapolous by Nuance Artistry & click here to view the BTS video -
Satya
Click here to view this photoset of Satya at an abandoned pool & amphitheatre.